


Right Where You Belong

by EAB13



Category: The Fosters (TV 2013)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-11
Updated: 2020-06-09
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:07:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 78
Words: 103,765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23595814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EAB13/pseuds/EAB13
Summary: Completely AU from the Fosters. Follow Stef and Lena as they fall in love and start their family together, going through the ups and downs, trial and tribulations, of being married and having a family. Most main characters will be included, but their stories will vary from The Fosters Canon.
Relationships: Lena Adams Foster/Stef Adams Foster
Kudos: 49





	1. Chapter 1

Just the Ticket

“Damn it!” The curly haired woman swears as she catches the sight of red and blue lights flashing behind her. Carefully pulling over her dark silver Subaru Legacy, she pulls out her registration and proof of insurance from the glovebox. She was already late for work on this Monday - and this was not going to help.  
“Good morning,” a dark blue uniformed cop greets at the Subaru’s window.  
“Good morning, officer.” The curly haired woman replies, briefly awestruck by the image before her. She had been expecting a middle-aged, pot-bellied, gray haired man. Instead, she was faced with a young, blonde woman with a sporty pixie cut.  
“Do you know why I pulled you over?” The cop asks, all business.  
“Speeding?” The other woman hazards a guess with a nervous smile.  
“Yes, ma’am.” The cop smiles back.  
“I’m sorry. I’m the vice principal at Anchor Beach Charter School and I am running terribly late today.” Lena apologizes.  
“Can I see your registration and insurance?” The curly haired woman hands the papers over to the blonde cop, who promises to return in a few moments before returning to her squad car.  
“Well, Ms. Lena Adams,” the cop begins. “I’m going to let you off with a warning this time since you have a clean driving record. Just drive safe.” She hands back the papers to the curly haired woman with a gentle smile.  
“Thank you,” Lena replies, taking the papers back and setting them on the empty passenger seat beside her.

The sun was already going down when Lena’s school day was finally over. She loved being the vice principal at Anchor Beach Charter School here in sunny San Diego, but this wasn’t the first day she had spent nearly twelve hours on the school’s campus. And it would not be the last. With a heavy sigh, the tired woman plops her purse down on the passenger seat. The crinkling of paper makes her reach over, remembering now that she never returned her registration and proof of insurance to the glovebox. A string of handwritten numbers and a name catches her eyes and she smiles, thinking about the sexy cop that had let her off easy this morning. Letting out a nervous breath of air,  
the curly haired woman dials the number and places her phone to her ear.

“Hello?” Stef answers her cell phone, cradling it with her shoulder as she pours herself a second glass of red wine.  
“Um, hi, this is Lena,” a chirpy but nervous voice says on the other end. “You, um, pulled me over this morning.”  
“Ah, yes, going forty-five in a thirty in a Subaru,” Stef answers, her heart palpating in her chest. She truly hadn’t expected the woman to call her.  
“Yeah, sorry about that again.” Lena replies awkwardly, not really sure how to go about the rest of this conversation.  
“How can I help you, Ms. Adams?” Stef says, somehow keeping her voice from shaking.  
“You can call me Lena. And I was wondering if we could get a drink sometime?” Lena asks, twirling a strand of her thick, curly hair around her index finger.  
“Oh,” Stef says. “That would - that sounds lovely.”  
“Friday night, at the Laurel?” Lena asks, referring to one of the lesbian bars in San Diego.  
“It’s a date,” Stef agrees, her mouth suddenly going dry.  
“It’s a date.” Lena confirms. “I’ll see you on Friday. Goodbye.” After Lena hangs up, Stef stands in her kitchen, glass of red wine in one hand and her cell phone in the other, a look of disbelief on her face. Never, in a million years, did she think that the little risk she took of writing her personal cell phone number on Lena Adam’s warning notice this morning would result in her first date with another woman.  
For most of her twenty-six years, Stef had been trying to convince her father, the Catholic church, and herself that she was straight. After being caught cuddling with her best friend on the couch at sixteen, her father had sent her to a youth pastor to, essentially, straighten her out. Ever since then, Stef had been pushing her real feelings deeper and deeper down, never letting herself ever truly be herself.  
Until recently. Six months ago, Stef had started going to therapy following being shot in the leg on the job with the San Diego Police Department. While going over the shooting, the therapist had begun digging into Stef’s past and her repressed homosexuality had reared its head. So, for the last few months, Stef had been learning how to deal with her own internalized homophobia and the homophobia she was surrounded by growing up.  
Today had been the biggest step Stef had ever taken - actually asking another woman out on a date. Well, rather, Lena had actually done the asking, but Stef didn’t think that semantics would matter that much when she discussed this at her therapy session this week. Regardless, Stef had a date with a gorgeous woman this Friday and her heart was pounding out of her chest. She didn’t know the first thing about going on a date with a woman. She’d been able to fumble her way through the few dates with men she’d been on - men were easy and predictable. As long as they got laid at the end of the night, they didn’t care much about the date itself.  
And that was another thing Stef was terrified about - having sex with another woman. The few times she’d done it with men, she had mostly just laid there and waited for it to be over. But with another woman, she would be expected to be more participatory - and she hoped that she would want to be more participatory. Because if not, then was she even really a lesbian? And if she wasn’t a lesbian, then what was she? Stef had been searching all her life for a place where she belonged, where she would be accepted, where she would be loved. Thinking back to Lena’s curly brown hair and chocolate brown eyes, Stef couldn’t help but wonder if maybe she had found what she was looking for.


	2. First Date

“Hi,” the curly haired woman says with a kind smile as she walks up to Stef outside of Laurel, her favorite lesbian bar in San Diego. The sun was just beginning to dip below the horizon, casting an orange glow over the city.  
“Hi,” Stef replies nervously, taking in Lena’s appearance, her mouth suddenly dry. The caramel skinned woman was wearing a flowy, black blouse and a dark blue pair of jeans that hugged her hips perfectly. Her gorgeous hair was surrounding her head like a heavenly halo.  
“Shall we?” Lena asks, gesturing towards the door of the club.  
“Oh, yes!” Stef replies, pulled out of her daze. Lena smiles as she leads Stef inside Laurel, her heart fluttering at how cute Stef was acting. She never imagined that the cop that pulled her over Monday morning would be so nervous tonight.  
Inside Laurel, with the music blasting from the dance floor, Lena leads Stef over to the bar, where the two grab some stools and wait for the bartender to get to them. Stef holds her hands nervously in her lap, eyes staring absently at the bar in front of them.  
Lena studies the blonde woman for a moment. She was in dark blue jeans and a gray button down blouse. It was completely different from the police officer uniform Lena had seen her in on Monday - not that she had really expected to see Stef in that uniform again tonight. But she’d be lying if she said that she wasn’t hoping to see Stef in that uniform again sometime soon. Her light skin and blonde hair was accentuating her hazel green eyes. Lena could tell that Stef’s body was lean but muscular, no doubt from all the physical activity required to keep the streets of San Diego safe.  
“Do you like being a police officer?” Lena asks Stef as the bartender hands them their drinks.  
“It’s what I’ve wanted to do my whole life.” Stef replies. “My father was a cop, and his father.” It doesn’t get past Lena that Stef didn’t actually answer the question. “What about you? Did you always want to be a vice principal?”  
“When I was in college, I knew I wanted to teach.” Lena tells Stef. “I started at Anchor Beach a few years ago, and then got my Master’s degree in education administration. When the position for vice principal opened up last year, I threw my hat in the ring.”  
“That’s very exciting,” Stef replies, shooting Lena a nervous smile.  
“I’m sure being a vice principal at a charter school is not nearly as exciting as being a police officer.” Lena smiles back at Stef as the blonde woman sips at her vodka martini.  
“I don’t know, we’re both trying to keep delinquents in line.” Stef jokes.  
“That’s very true,” Lena agrees. An awkward silence settles over the two women as their eyes meet. Lena can tell that Stef wants to say something, but the blonde woman seems unsure of herself.  
“Lena, can I-” Stef stammers, looking away from Lena’s gaze. “I need to tell you something.”  
“Okay.” Lena says, her heart rate increasing as she continues to study the other woman.  
“This is kind of my first date with another woman,” Stef admits, still avoiding Lena’s chocolate brown eyes.  
“Oh,” Lena replies.  
“You are so out of my league.” Stef begins, standing up from her barstool. “I should have never-”  
“Stef,” Lena places a hand on the blonde’s arm, urging her to sit back down. “First of all, I am not out of your league.” Lena says once Stef sits down. “And second of all, we all have to start somewhere.”  
“I just recently . . . accepted my sexuality.” Stef tells Lena. “You’re the first woman I’ve ever asked out.” It was hard still for Stef to admit sometimes. She was so terrified of not being accepted.  
“Technically,” Lena smirks. “I asked you out.” A smile pulls at the corners of Stef’s lips.  
“I just wanted to be up front with you from the beginning.” Stef says. “In case you don’t want to. . .”  
“Date a first time lesbian?” Lena supplies as Stef trails off.  
“Yeah,” Stef agrees, biting her bottom lip nervously. The sight sends goosebumps across Lena’s caramel skin. Here was this tough woman, being so vulnerable in front of her. Without thinking, the curly haired woman leans into Stef, closing the gap between them, and presses her full lips to Stef’s.  
Stef’s heart goes still in her chest. The world around her goes still. The music fades away. Nothing else matters except for Lena’s lips on hers.  
“Wow,” Stef breathes as Lena pulls away - much too soon as far as Stef was concerned.  
“Stephanie Foster, I don’t care that you’ve never dated a woman before. That doesn’t matter to me. What matters to me is what’s in your heart.” Lena tells the blonde woman before her - her own heart thudding beneath her ribcage, already missing the feeling of Stef’s lips against her own. “And from what I can already tell, you have a wonderful heart.”  
“Does that mean you want to do this again sometime?” Stef asks hesitantly, hazel green eyes trained on Lena’s chocolate ones.  
“Who said this date was over?” Lena asks with a cock of her head. “We haven’t even danced yet.” Mouth slightly agape, Stef let’s the slim, darker skinned woman drag her by the hand onto the dance floor.  
Lena begins moving to the music that surrounds them, and any doubt that Stef had about being a lesbian goes right out the window. The way Lena moves to the beat of the music makes her heart leap into her throat. The slightly taller woman skims her fingertips along Stef’s arms, beckoning the shy woman to dance with her.  
With a nervous smile, Stef lets herself move in synchrony with Lena, gently resting her hands on Lena’s swaying hips. Lena rests her forehead against Stef’s and smiles. Already, she feels so comfortable in this woman’s embrace, this woman whom she’s only just met. Lena wraps her arms around Stef’s shoulders, noting the strong muscles she feels beneath her blouse. The two women continue to move to the music, lost in their own little world, together.


	3. On My Mind

Stef’s Sunday morning shift was dragging by. She could barely focus on the road in front of her. Her mind had been completely occupied with thoughts of Lena since their first date on Friday night. And now, knowing that she would see the gorgeous curly haired woman again tonight, Stef was practically giddy.   
“What has gotten into you?” Stef’s partner, Mike, asks from the passenger seat, the San Diego sun glinting off his sunglasses.  
“What do you mean?” Stef replies with a secretive smirk. Stef wasn’t huge about sharing personal life details at work, but she and Mike had been partners on the force for almost five years now. Shortly after being partnered up, Mike had asked her out. He was clearly smitten with her and Stef was sure he still secretly was - but she had tried to let him down easy. She hadn’t told him the truth back then, and she wasn’t sure she was ready to yet.   
“Whoever he is,” Mike says, “I hope he treats you right.” Stef chews on her lower lip. She wouldn’t be the first out and gay cop on the San Diego police force, that milestone had been crossed years ago. But everyone at the San Diego police department either knew her father personally or knew of him - and if there was one thing Frank Cooper wasn’t shy about, it was his religion. Stef had been raised in the same religion, being taught that loving someone of the same sex was wrong - and it had taken her nearly twenty-six years to finally consider that maybe what she had been taught was wrong.   
Stef, while beginning to accept herself, hadn’t yet begun the process of coming out to those around her. She knew she should start with her closest friends and family and that was her biggest hang up. She knew her mother would be nothing but happy for her, especially about her finding a potential partner. Mike wouldn’t care, and would make sure that the other guys on the force didn’t give her a hard time over it. But her father - her father would never be able to accept this part of her.   
“Calling all units. 10-57 at the corner of Madison and Hamilton. Suspect at large.” The radio comes to life, pulling Stef from her tidal wave of thoughts.   
“Unit 47 responding.” Stef speaks into the radio, flipping the sirens on and speeding down the busy street. 

The sound of sirens outside her apartment window pulls Lena’s attention from the stack of files in front of her. The sun hadn’t even reached the center of the sky yet and already Lena had been working for hours. Usually Lena didn’t mind the administrative duties that took up most of her time. She had always enjoyed teaching, but she knew that administration was where she would be able to make the biggest changes to the education system.   
But Lena had never been so unable to focus on one thing in her life before. Her mind was constantly going back to Stef. Stef. The feeling of her strong shoulders beneath her arms. The way their bodies swayed together on the dance floor. The taste of her lips against her own. Lena could still feel Stef’s lips on hers whenever she closed her eyes.   
Tonight, the two would go on their second date. Lena was beyond ecstatic - butterflies thumping their wings beneath her ribcage whenever she thought about it. Stef had insisted on picking Lena up tonight and making her choice of restaurant a surprise. Lena didn’t normally like surprises, but there was something about Stef that made her easy to trust.   
Giving up on the paperwork before her, Lena exits her spare bedroom that doubles as an office and heads to her walk-in closet. The only bad part about tonight’s surprise was that the curly haired beauty had no idea what to wear. She didn’t know if she should aim for casual or fancy. Stef had given away no hints when the two spoke on the phone last night.  
Lena flips through the dresses in her closet, trying to figure out what Stef would like her best in. It doesn’t scare Lena that Stef is a newfound member of the lesbian club. She remembers being in college, just learning that she herself was attracted to women. It had been terrifying - learning to accept that new part of herself. It had taken her almost a year to come out to her parents. She had been lucky enough to have fully accepting parents. She just hoped Stef would have a similar experience. 

“Shit,” Stef swears as she takes the stairs up to her apartment two at a time. Her shift had gone long when an armed robbery had turned into the suspect opening fire in a gas station. Thankfully, nobody had actually been injured and the suspect was taken into custody. But now she was seriously late to pick up Lena for their date.   
After washing up and changing quickly, Stef darts back down the stairs and out to her car. She had been planning on picking up a bouquet of flowers, but that plan was officially out the window. It was already fifteen minutes past the time Stef had promised to pick Lena up. She just hoped that the reservation she had made the day before would be honored.   
“I am so sorry I’m late,” Stef says as Lena opens the door to her apartment, the fact that she just ran up the stairs evident in her heavy breaths.   
“It’s okay.” Lena tells her, gracing Stef with a gorgeous smile. “You didn’t have to rush.”  
“I hate to be late. But there was a call right before my shift was over. Armed robbery gone wrong.” Stef continues to babble.  
“Stef, it’s okay, really.” Lena assures the blonde, taking Stef’s hand and giving it a quick squeeze. “I’m excited to see what you have planned.” With a smile, Stef leads Lena back down the stairs and to her car, fingers still intertwined together. 

“This is gorgeous,” Lena breathes as the two are seated at the restaurant. The seafood restaurant is situated right along the coast, the spray from the sea gently kissing the skin of those seated out on the patio this evening.  
“I hope seafood is okay. I should have asked if you have any allergies. I’m sorry.” Stef babbles. Lena knows the blonde woman is nervous, and that that’s why she keeps apologizing, but she doesn’t want her to be so stressed out.  
“It’s perfect,” Lena tells her, reaching across the table for Stef’s hand. Lena wanted to hold onto her hand and never have to let go.   
The two women chat over their meal, oblivious to everyone else around them. Stef’s eyes can’t help but study Lena, in her olive green knee length dress. She could hardly believe that such a gorgeous woman had agreed to, not only one, but two dates with her. Despite her best efforts, Stef was sure that she had already begun falling for the curly haired woman across from her, her heart making the descent without her brain’s permission.   
Fingers intertwined with Stef’s, Lena examines the gorgeous blonde woman across from her. Her purple plaid shirt mixed well with her light skin tone, and the black tank top beneath it showed the perfect amount of cleavage so that Lena could appreciate her perky breasts beneath it. Already, Lena wanted Stef; wanted to kiss every inch of her skin, wanted to be pressed up against her, wanted to be as close together as two humans could possibly be. But she knew that it would be a while before Stef was ready. All of this was still brand new to the gorgeous blonde sitting across the table from her. Lena already knew that she would wait for Stef to be ready for as long as she had to.


	4. Steam

With pink plump lips pressed against her neck, Stef tangles her fingers in Lena’s thick, curly hair. The willowy woman has her body pressed against Stef’s, hovering over the blonde woman as their lips explore each other’s bodies. Lena’s nimble fingers trailing across her skin sets Stef’s body aflame; scorching heat following everywhere that her fingers explore.   
“Lena,” Stef breathes as the darker skinned woman moves her lips to the blonde’s collarbone, pressing soft kisses to the freckles on her chest. With her police officer agility, Stef takes Lena in her arms and reverses their rolls so that she is now hovering over the other woman.   
“You are so beautiful,” Stef says as she gazes intensely into Lena’s chocolate brown eyes, stroking her cheek gently with the pad of her thumb. Stef dips her head down and passionately presses her lips against Lena’s. The blonde’s breath hitches as she feels Lena’s fingers brush over her left breast.   
“Is this okay?” Lena asks, stroking the same breast with her thumb. While she was crazy about Stef and would love to take their month-long relationship to the next level, she also knew that Stef was still incredibly unsure.   
“Yeah,” Stef breathes, kissing down Lena’s caramel colored neck - gently nibbling on the sensitive skin. Lena’s hand gently cups Stef’s breast through her clothes, simply resting it there for the time being. Stef’s lips moving along her neck and chest is driving her crazy; sending goosebumps across her arms, stealing the breath from her lungs, building heat between her legs.   
“Oh, Stef,” Lena moans as she runs her long fingers through Stef’s short, blonde hair. The sound sends shockwaves through Stef, boosting her confidence through the roof. Lena shifts her hand from Stef’s breast to the hem of her shirt, fidgeting with the soft fabric as Stef suckles on the pulse point beneath her chin. Lena strokes the warm skin beneath Stef’s shirt, daring to let her hand venture further north. With their lips pressed together, Stef lets out a barely audible moan as Lena palms her breast. Emboldened, Lena grazes over the blonde’s nipple with her thumb.   
“Lena,” Stef pants. “Wait.” The cop pulls herself from Lena’s embrace, face flushed and chest heaving. Her heart was pounding in her throat, her breaths quick and shallow.   
“Stef, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to push you too far.” Lena tells Stef, soothingly stroking her thigh. She didn’t want to cause the gorgeous woman in front of her any anxiety, or make her feel pressured in any way to take a step she wasn’t ready for.   
“It’s okay.” Stef says, her breathing and color returning to normal. “I just don’t think I’m ready yet.” The blonde woman looks away, embarrassed.   
“Hey, hey, it’s okay.” Lena sits up to reassure the anxious woman before her, gently cupping her cheek with one hand. “We won’t do anything until you’re sure you’re ready.”  
“I don’t deserve you,” Stef tells Lena, leaning into the willowy woman and resting her forehead on her shoulder.   
“You deserve the world,” Lena tells her, wrapping her arms around Stef in a tight embrace. 

“I just don’t understand why I don’t feel ready yet,” Stef tells the woman seated across from her. “Lena cares for me, and I feel safe with her. But whenever we get close to - well you know - I get, I get so anxious.”  
“When was the last time you had sex?” Dr. Fullman asks her, scribbling into her notebook as she sits in her chair with her legs crossed.   
“Um, it’s been, gosh, a few years.” Stef replies awkwardly. She was embarrassed that the last time she had slept with anyone had been so long ago.   
“And that was with a man?” Dr. Fullman continues, barely looking up from her notebook.  
“Yes,” Stef says.  
“Did having sex with men result in the same kind of anxiety?” Dr. Fullman asks, finally looking up at Stef from her notebook. That question threw Stef for a loop. She had never recalled having such anxiety during her several sexual encounters with men. She hadn’t ever enjoyed those encounters, but she had never dealt with such levels of anxiety.   
“I don’t think so,” Stef admits.   
“What about following the intercourse?” Stef flinches at the use of the word “intercourse”.   
“Well, I was usually drunk when I had sex with men.” Stef admits to her therapist.  
“Would you say you had to get drunk in order to have sex with men?” Dr. Fullman continues her interrogation.  
“I would say that’s correct.” Stef agrees with her therapist, beginning to feel more broken than ever.   
“What I think is happening, when you’re getting close to being intimate with Lena, is your brain is sending alarm signals through your body. Your brain isn’t used to you engaging in such intimate activity without the mood alteration provided by alcohol.” Dr. Fullman tells Stef.   
“So what do I do?” Stef asks.   
“I think the best solution is to continue to take things slowly.” Dr. Fullman gives Stef the answer she was expecting but didn’t want to hear. She was so afraid that Lena would get bored or be dissatisfied if Stef didn’t cross this bridge in their relationship soon.   
“That’s what I was worried you would say,” Stef sighs, running a hand through her short blonde hair.   
“Stef, if Lena really cares for you, she’ll be willing to wait.” Dr. Fullman tries to assure her patient. 

“How was your therapy session?” Lena asks as she unwraps the burrito Stef had brought her for lunch today. They had been spending their lunch breaks during the school weeks together, camped out in Lena’s office at Anchor Beach Charter.   
“It was fine,” Stef tells the curly haired woman, taking a sip of her orange soda. Orange soda was the one soda Stef and Lena were able to agree on. Stef wasn’t a big fan of it, but she loved sharing anything and everything with Lena.   
Lena smiles as she watches Stef for a minute. Stef was a much more private person than Lena, and sometimes it was hard for Lena not to push for Stef to be more open with her. She knew that Stef was going through a lot, accepting her sexuality and working up the courage to come out to her family and friends.   
“My mom is in town this weekend.” Stef tells Lena, wiping her mouth with a fast food napkin.   
“Oh?” Lena replies.  
“I want you to meet her.” Stef says, looking into Lena’s chocolate brown eyes.   
“Are you sure you’re ready?” Lena asks, trying to hide the hum of excitement that had begun in her stomach.  
“Yes.” Stef assures her. “I want her to know that I’ve found someone I might be in love with.”


	5. Love

“I am so glad it’s Friday,” Lena sighs as she brings her glass of wine to her mouth.   
“Cheers to the weekend!” Stef agrees, raising her own wine glass.  
“When does your mom’s flight get in tomorrow?” Lena asks as the waiter delivers their food.   
“Should be here around nine,” Stef informs her, plucking a bite of her steak off of her fork. “She’s excited to meet you, by the way.”  
“I am so nervous,” Lena tells the blonde. “It’s been awhile since I’ve met anyone’s mom outside of Anchor beach.”  
“Well, my mother is crazy.” Stef warns. “But I think she’s going to love you.”  
“Have you thought about how you’re going to. . . come out?” Lena probes.  
“I was really just planning on her figuring it out when we show up together.” Stef says nonchalantly.  
“Stef, you can’t be serious.” Lena says. She knew that coming out was hard, but how could Stef take such a cavalier attitude towards this monumental step.  
“I am,” Stef replies defiantly.   
“Don’t you think you should actually say the words to your mother, for yourself.” Lena continues.  
“You’re starting to sound like my therapist.” Stef scoffs.   
“Let me guess, she told you the same thing.” Lena replies.   
“She did.” Stef admits. “But I don’t think it’s necessary. She’s going to figure it out pretty easily.” The tone is Stef’s voice makes Lena flinch internally.  
“Okay.” Lena balks. “It’s your decision.”

“Stephanie!” Stef's mother, Sharon, exclaims as she weaves her way through the tables of the restaurant. Under the table, Stef gives Lena’s hand a tight squeeze before letting go.   
“How was your flight, mom?” Stef asks, standing up to give her mother a quick hug.   
“Oh, it was fine.” Sharon says. “And who is this?” She asks, smiling in Lena’s direction.   
“Mom, this is Lena.” Stef introduces. “Lena, this is my mother, Sharon.”  
“It’s so nice to meet you,” Lena says, shaking hands with Sharon. Stef can hear the nerves in the caramel skinned woman’s voice.   
“How do you two know each other?” Sharon asks once the three of them are settled again at their table, mimosas on the way.   
“Stef actually pulled me over for speeding.” Lena tells Sharon.   
“Oh really? Were you going two miles over the speed limit?” Sharon chuckles. “My Stephanie is such a stickler for the rules. It was no surprise when she became a cop.”  
“Thank you, mother.” Stef says, rolling her eyes. Beneath the table, she feels Lena take hold of her hand again and squeeze - encouraging her to rip the bandaid off.  
“Um, mom.” Stef begins. “Um, Lena and I, we’re, well, we are more than friends.” The blonde woman finally stammers out.  
“Oh?” Sharon looks between the two women, studying them carefully. Stef can feel her heart thumping in her throat, threatening to cut off the air supply to her brain. Lena’s hand in hers is the only thing keeping her grounded.   
“Mom, I’m gay, I’m a lesbian.” Stef stutters, looking away from her mother’s gaze.  
“And?” Sharon asks nonchalantly. Stef looks back up at her mother, trying to gauge her opinion on all this.   
“And?” Stef repeats, unsure on how to proceed.  
“Stephanie, I have known you were a lesbian for ten years!” Sharon admits to her daughter. “And I have never had any problem with it.”  
“Ten years, mom? I didn’t even know I was a lesbian back then.” Stef replies.   
“A mother always knows,” Sharon tells her daughter. “But I must say, it’s finally nice to hear you say it! I thought maybe you would stay in the closet forever.”  
“Well, I found someone worth leaving the closet for.” Stef smiles at Lena, squeezing her hand tighter. 

“You were so brave today,” Lena tells Stef, planting a kiss on the slightly shorter woman’s lips.   
“You make me want to be brave,” Stef confesses to Lena, wrapping her arms around the slender woman. Lena moves her kisses to Stef’s neck, her lips traveling over the sensitive, fair skin.   
“Lena,” Stef breathes, tangling her hands into the other woman’s thick, curly hair.   
“You’re so beautiful,” Lena tells Stef as the two collapse onto the couch in Lena’s apartment. Instantly, Lena’s lips continue their exploration of Stef’s skin, kissing across the freckles on her chest..   
“Lena,” Stef breathes again, taking Lena’s face in her hands and bringing her lips to her own. While their tongues fight for dominance, Stef’s hand gingerly cups Lena’s breast through her colorful top. Stef can feel Lena smile into their kiss as she strokes her thumb over the flesh of the darker woman’s breast.   
“Lena, I think I’m ready,” Stef gasps, breaking their kiss.   
“Are you sure?” Lena pants, looking deeply into Stef’s hazel green eyes.   
“Yes,” Stef assures the woman before her. With a smile, Lena takes Stef’s hand in hers and leads the blonde woman to her bedroom.   
Quickly flipping on the bedside lamp, Lena pulls Stef into her arms and passionately kisses her, their tongues exploring each other’s mouths. Gently, Lena lays the blonde woman onto the bed, never breaking their kiss. The curly haired woman moves her kisses to Stef’s neck - nibbling and sucking at the sensitive skin - and cups her breast, massaging the delicate flesh.   
Stef pulls at the hem of Lena’s top, ready to feel more of Lena’s skin against her own. Lena briefly detaches her lips from Stef’s skin, and pulls her top off. Stef’s hazel green eyes go wide at the sight of Lena in her black lace bra and the perky breasts beneath. Stef has never before seen a woman as gorgeous as the caramel skinned beauty before her.   
“How are you real?” Stef breathes, holding onto Lena at the waist as the curly haired woman makes quick work of the buttons on her shirt. Lena pulls Stef into a sitting position, and pushes her red flannel shirt off her shoulders.   
“Are you sure about this?” Lena asks, resting her forehead against Stef’s.   
“Yes,” Stef tells her, her fingers playing with the lace of Lena’s bra. With a brilliant smile, Lena reaches behind Stef and expertly unhooks her bra, letting the article of clothing fall to the floor. Stef returns the favor, fumbling only a little with the familiar yet foreign piece of clothing.   
“You are breathtaking,” Lena tells Stef, circling her arms around the blonde woman, their breasts pressing together. The caramel skinned woman kisses Stef fiercely on the mouth, stroking her pale breasts with her thumbs. Lena moves her lips down to Stef’s chest, lightly peppering her breasts with kisses, teasing her light pink nipples.   
“Lena,” Stef moans, body on fire with the feeling of Lena’s lips all over her skin and still moving south. At the waistband of Stef’s jeans, Lena stops and glances up at the blonde woman, a question in her eyes. Stef answers by unzipping her jeans and shimmying out of them and her underwear. Lena takes in the scent of the woman before her before pressing kisses to her inner thighs. Lena moves her lips to Stef’s core, running her tongue over her center and kissing the sensitive nub.   
“Oh god,” Lena hears Stef panting as she feels the blonde’s fingers tightly grip her curly hair. Lena slowly kisses her way back up Stef’s body, replacing her lips at her center with her fingers.   
“If you want to stop just-” Lena begins, nuzzling Stef’s neck with her nose.  
“No, Lena, don’t stop.” Stef pants, pressing her lips against Lena’s as the caramel skinned woman gently pushes two fingers inside Stef’s core. Stef forgets how to breathe as pleasure overtakes her entire body. Never in her entire life has she felt so much pleasure or felt so close to another human being.   
“Oh, Lena!” Stef cries as her body shakes orgasmically in Lena’s arms. Not wanting to overstimulate or hurt the more inexperienced woman, Lena removes her fingers and just holds Stef close to her as her breathing returns to normal.  
“That was. . . that was the best thing I’ve ever felt.” Stef says, snuggling into Lena’s embrace.   
“I hope I didn’t hurt you or anything,” Lena worries, stroking Stef’s bare arms with her hands.   
“No, it was perfect.” Stef assures her, pressing her lips against Lena’s. “I just hope I can make you feel as good as you made me feel.”  
“Just trust your instincts,” Lena tells Stef as she kisses down her caramel skinned neck. Lena slides off her jeans and underwear, removing the final barrier between the two women. With her body pressed against Lena’s, Stef uses her hands to explore every inch of the gorgeous body beneath her.   
“Oh,” Lena gasps quietly as Stef’s fingers graze over her sensitive nub. Feeling that Lena is ready for her, Stef carefully inserts a finger inside her. Another gasp from Lena, and the feeling of her manicured nails scraping down Stef’s back, urges the blonde to add a second finger.   
“Oh, Stef, don’t stop.” Lena pants as Stef continues her ministrations. “Yes, right there. Don’t stop.” Stef increases the speed of her fingers, pressing her lips to Lena’s breasts at the same time.   
“Stef, yes, oh!” Lena exclaims as her orgasm overtakes her, her body spasming from the pleasure Stef has just bestowed upon her.   
“That was okay?” Stef asks timidly, pressing kisses to Lena’s cheeks as she lays down beside her.   
“That was fantastic.” Lena tells her, looking deeply into Stef’s eyes. “Stef, I love you.” Lena says quietly. She knew it was too soon to be saying such a thing. They had been dating for just over a month. But Lena’s heart was so full of love in this moment that she could not bear to keep it to herself any longer.   
“I. . .” Stef hesitates. She had just had the best sexual experience of her life with the woman of her dreams. “I love you, too, Lena.”


	6. All My Exes

The feeling of lips against her cheek causes Stef’s eyes to flutter open. Yellow sunlight is streaming through the curtains of Lena’s bedroom. The curly haired woman is snuggled up against Stef, the tip of her nose nuzzling the blonde’s cheek. With her arms wrapped around the slender woman, Stef is sure she has never been happier in her life.   
“Good morning,” Stef whispers, turning her head slightly to press a light kiss to Lena’s forehead.   
“Hmm, good morning,” Lena smiles, kissing Stef on the lips despite their morning breath.   
“This is the best morning of my life,” Stef tells the caramel skinned beauty in her arms.   
“I’m so glad you’re here,” Lena says, tracing circles along Stef’s hipbone with her thumb beneath the covers.   
“Should we make breakfast?” Stef offers.  
“I’m not ready to leave this bed yet,” Lena tells the blonde woman, trailing her fingers from Stef’s hip and up her back. Stef shivers beneath her touch, hazel green eyes studying Lena’s face as the caramel colored woman continues to explore her skin. Lena’s hands on Stef’s back are quickly joined by her plump lips on her front.   
“Lena,” Stef groans as the curly haired woman rolls her onto her back, mouth still exploring her skin. Lena’s kisses move south, sending goosebumps across Stef’s stomach and down her legs. Stef tangles her fingers into Lena’s thick, curly hair as she uses her tongue and lips to give the blonde woman pleasure.   
“The things you do to me,” Stef gasps as Lena kisses her way back up the fair skin of her body.   
“I love you,” Lena breathes against the blonde woman’s lips.   
“I love you, too.” Stef tells Lena before flipping the willowy woman over with one quick motion. Without any hesitation, Stef kisses down Lena’s neck and massages her breasts, thumbs grazing over her dark nipples.   
“You are such a quick learner,” Lena pants as Stef’s fingers explore her wet center.   
“I had a really good teacher,” Stef whispers sultrily into Lena’s ear, running circles over the sensitive bundle of nerves with her thumb.   
“Don’t stop,” Lena demands, holding onto Stef’s short, blonde hair for dear life. Stef takes the caramel skinned woman’s order and pushes her over the edge, leaving her writhing beneath the covers.   
“Now,” Stef says, pressing a tender kiss to Lena’s lips. “I think it is well past time for breakfast.”  
“Are you sure we have to get out of bed?” Lena whines as Stef leaves the warm bed. Her chocolate brown eyes follow all of Stef’s movements as the blonde woman pulls on a cotton t-shirt and pajama pants.   
“Because I can hear your stomach growling,” Stef says, taking Lena by the hand and half dragging her out of the bed.   
Out in Lena’s small kitchen, Stef pulls bowls and plates from their familiar cabinets and begins mixing pancake batter. Stef knows that Lena loves pancakes but alway felt that they took too much effort to make. She often settled for a simple cup of coffee and a piece of fruit. But Stef knew that that wouldn’t be enough for today, considering how many calories they had most likely just burned in the bedroom.   
“Smells great, babe.” Lena tells Stef, stopping behind the slightly shorter woman to kiss the back of her neck, and placing a cup of coffee on the counter. Removing the last few pancakes from the pan, Stef brings the plate to the table where she sits across from Lena.   
“You spoil me, Office Foster.” Lena smiles, taking a bite of her syrup smothered pancakes.   
“Do you have anything planned for the day?” Stef asks Lena as the two women enjoy their breakfast together. Stef was off this weekend after working almost sixty hours this past week, and she really just wanted to spend a lazy day with her favorite person.   
“Tonight I’m getting together with some friends at the Laurel.” Hearing Lena mention the bar that they had their first date at makes Stef’s heart skip a beat. “Do you want to come? They’ve been begging me to show off my new girlfriend.”  
“Oh really?” Stef asks, raising her eyebrows in surprise.   
“It’s been awhile since I’ve had a girlfriend.” Lena tells Stef, lacing their fingers together across the table. “So they’re very excited about your existence.”  
“It sounds like fun,” Stef says.   
“Does that mean you’ll come?” Lena asks, her eyes lighting up like a kid in a candy shop.  
“I would love to,” Stef smiles, bringing Lena’s slender fingers up to her mouth and pressing a gentle kiss to them. 

Several hours later, the San Diego sun having just dipped below the horizon, Lena and Stef walk through the Laurel, heading straight for the bar. Lena was nervous about introducing Stef to her friends, but it was Stef she was worried about.   
The sound of female squealing makes Stef flinch. At the bar, three women nearly tackle Lena to the ground. Stef watches as the three friends hug and giggle. She had stopped having close female friendships like that after being sent to a youth minister by her father after she had been caught cuddling with her high school best friend.   
“This must be your new girlfriend!” One of the women, feisty looking brunette, says as she looks at Stef.   
“Yes,” Lena laughs at her friend’s antics. “Jenna, this is Stef. Stef, this is Jenna.”  
“We were all so surprised to hear that Lena had a girlfriend. It’s been, what, almost two years since you and Gretchen broke up, right Gretch?” Jenna asks the other brunette.  
“Something like that,” Gretchen agrees. Stef’s heart thunders in her chest. She had not expected to meet one of Lena’s exes tonight.   
“Let me guess,” Jenna cackles, catching sight of Stef’s face. “Lena didn’t tell you that two of her exes would be here tonight, huh?” Stef could tell that the woman was drunk, but that didn’t take the sting out of the words.  
“Lena and I dated so long ago,” the last woman, a kind redhead, says. “I’m Kelly.”  
“It’s nice to meet you all,” Stef says, forcing a smile onto her face.   
“You’d be hard pressed to find a lesbian in San Diego that hasn’t dated almost every other lesbian in the city limits.” Kelly offers kindly.   
“I’m sorry,” Lena offers, pulling Stef to the side. “I should have given you a heads up.”  
“It’s okay.” Stef replies. The stiffness in the blonde’s voice makes Lena doubt her statement. “Let’s just have fun.”  
Stef watches from her spot at the bar as the four women down glass after glass of red wine. Jealousy flashes through her every time Gretchen makes Lena laugh or touches her bare arms. But she couldn’t tell if she was jealous of their past relationship or their current friendship.   
“Come on,” Lena says as she takes Stef’s hands in her own, trying to pull the stone faced blonde onto the dance floor.   
“No, I don’t want to ruin your fun with your friends.” Stef tells Lena, trying to pull her hands back.   
“You won’t ruin anything.” Lena says, dropping Stef’s hand and wrapping the clearly insecure woman in her arms. “I love you.”  
“I love you too,” Stef replies, resting her forehead on Lena’s shoulder.  
“Will you please come dance with me?” Lena requests, giving Stef those pouty lips she knows she can’t resist. With a loving smile, Stef allows the curly haired beauty to lead her out onto the dance floor - the same dance floor where they fell in love almost six weeks ago.


	7. Out of the Closet

The cool San Diego breeze blows through the open windows of the cop car as Stef drives through the city’s streets. It was a slow day for crime in San Diego apparently. Which only made Stef more nervous as she ran out of excuses not to do what she had been putting off doing for weeks now. She had discussed this with both her therapist and Lena, and had decided that she was ready to start the process of coming out to the world.  
Since Mike was her partner on the force, and the closest thing Stef had to a friend these days, she had decided that coming out to him would be the best place to start. She also had absolute confidence in the fact that he wouldn’t let anyone else on the force give her any crap about it. Now, it was a matter of finding the right words and the right time.  
“Turkey on wheat,” Mike says as he climbs back into the cop car and hands Stef her sub sandwich. The two cops were spending their lunch hour parked outside a sub shop.  
“Thank you,” Stef tells him, crinkling the wrapper with her fingers.  
“Are you okay?” Mike asks, through a mouthful of roast beef.  
“Actually, there’s something I need to tell you.” Stef says, biting her bottom lip.  
“Well, spit it out.” Mike says, turning in the passenger seat to face Stef, sensing the seriousness of the situation.  
“I’m a lesbian,” Stef blurts out before she can chicken out.  
“Huh?’ Mike asks, brows furrowed in confusion.  
“I’m a lesbian, Mike. I like women. I’m attracted to women. I’m dating a woman.” Stef rambles.  
“I. . . that. . . okay.” Mike stammers, not quite sure how to react to such a statement. He and Stef had been partners on the force for over five years. Stef was never one to bring up personal matters at work - or at all. For her to be telling him this, it was a huge demonstration of her trust in him.  
“That’s all you have to say?” Stef asks, tension in her voice. Clearly his partner had been anxious to tell him about this part of her.  
“I’m glad you’ve found someone.” Mike says. “I definitely have noticed that you’ve been in a much better mood lately.”  
“Thank you,” Stef says, the anxiety in her chest beginning to dissolve.  
“The fact that you’re getting laid now definitely makes the last few weeks make sense. I mean, your mood has been like a total one-eighty.” Mike chuckles. 

Emboldened by coming out to Mike earlier today, Stef heads right over to her father’s apartment after work - not even bothering to change out of her uniform first. She knows that if she doesn’t do it today, right now, that she’ll never do it.  
“This is quite the surprise,” Stef’s father, Frank Cooper, says as he answers the door and gestures for Stef to come in.  
“I was on my way home from work and thought I would stop by,” Stef tells him. “There’s something I want to tell you.” Stef knows that there is no point beating around the bush; if she does, she may chicken out. The two take a seat in the two easy chairs positioned beside each other.  
“Okay,” Her father says with a leery tone. The blonde woman’s heart is thundering against her ribs. She had never been so terrified in her entire life; not when her parents had divorced, not when she entered the police academy, and not even when she had been shot last year. She takes a deep breath, trying to calm her nerves.  
“Dad, I’m gay.” Stef blurts, letting out the deep breath she had just taken.  
“What?” Frank asks curtly.  
“I’ve met a woman that I love. She’s helped me realize that there’s nothing wrong with who I am.” Stef tries to explain.  
“Of course it’s wrong!” Frank bellows, shooting up from his chair. “Two women can’t be together like that. It’s a sin!”  
“Dad-”  
“I thought we had fixed this. I thought I had gotten you straightened out.” Stef’s father doesn’t even try to hide the disappointment in his voice.  
“I don’t need fixing,” Stef’s own voice is small. She’s not even sure she believes the words she’s just said.  
“No daughter of mine will live in sin,” Frank barks. Stef feels her heart shatter in her chest. Never in a million years did Stef expect this reaction from her father. Yes, she knew how religious he was. But she had always secretly hoped that he would be able to accept her - his own daughter.  
“Then I guess you don’t have a daughter,” Stef surprises herself with the words she speaks. Without a second thought, Stef storms out the front door. 

“Shhh, you’re okay, baby.” Lena whispers soothingly into Stef’s ear as she lovingly strokes her shoulder. The two women were laying in Stef’s bed. The cop had been sobbing into her pillow since returning home from her father’s apartment. When Lena arrived an hour later, her heart had cracked at the sight of her girlfriend so upset. It had taken another hour for Lena to coax the story of what had happened out of the tearful woman. Lena had her arms wrapped around the shorter woman, spooning on the bed, trying her best to provide comfort.  
Lena couldn’t believe the way that Stef’s father had reacted. How could someone reject their own child in such a way just for who they love? And to hear that Frank had tried to “fix” or “straighten out” Stef when she was younger - it filled Lena with white hot anger. Stef had been working so hard in the last year to accept herself and grow her confidence. Lena knew that this encounter would set her back; how far, she didn’t know yet.  
“I just-” Stef sobs, “didn’t expect that reaction.” Stef’s breath comes in gasps as tears stream down her face.  
“I know.” Lena agrees. “I’m so sorry, baby.”  
“Why am I broken?” Stef asks through her sobs.  
“Love,” Lena begins before taking a moment to get Stef to roll over and face her on the bed. “You are not broken. Do you understand me? You are brave and kind and loving and caring.” Lena tells her girlfriend, wiping away the tears on the blonde’s cheek with her thumbs.  
“I don’t deserve you,” Stef breathes, burying her face into Lena’s neck.  
“You deserve more than you will ever know.” Lena tells her love, holding her tightly and soothingly stroking her back.


	8. Leaps and Bounds

“Oh, sorry honey.” Lena apologizes as she bumps into Stef for the third time in her apartment’s tiny bathroom as the two women attempt to get ready for their day. For the last couple of weeks, the two women had been spending every single night together at one of their apartments. Stef had even cleared out a drawer and some space in her closet for Lena’s clothes.   
“Crap!” Stef hears Lena curse from the kitchen.   
“What’s wrong?” Stef mumbles around the toothbrush in her mouth, standing in the doorway of the bathroom.   
“I left the paperwork I need for my meeting today at my apartment.” Lena tells her girlfriend. “I’m going to have to stop by and get it before I go into work. I do not have the time for that this morning.”  
“I’m sorry, babe.” Stef says, knowing that Lena hates running late.   
“It’s okay, but I’m going to need leave right now if I have any hope of making it to work before the final bell rings.” Lena tells Stef as she gathers her things for the day. “I love you. Have a good day.” Lena pecks Stef quickly on the lips before heading out the door and off to work.   
Stef watches Lena exit the apartment with a smile on her face. Their lives had been quite blissful these last few weeks. Stef was out and accepted by her mother, her work partner, and the other members of the San Diego Police Department. Stef had also been welcomed into Lena’s group of friends with open arms. The five of them often went out for drinks or dancing on the weekends. Stef was no longer jealous of Lena’s exes. How could she be? Lena had chosen to be with her. 

The curly haired woman rushes through the doors of Anchor Beach Community Charter, knowing that the budget meeting with the parent board starts in five minutes. Lena dumps her purse and the big stack of files in her arms onto her desk with a heavy sigh.  
“Let me guess,” a familiar male voice laced with a light British accent says from the doorway of Lena’s office. “You spent the night at Stef’s again?”   
“How could you tell, Timothy?” Lena asks with a chuckle.  
“You always run late when you stay at her place,” Timothy smirks. Timothy was Lena’s closest friend here at Anchor Beach. The Rhodes Scholar English teacher was always there for her with a joke or advice whenever she needed it. He was the only person at the school that knew Lena was in a new and quite serious relationship.   
“I better not be late for this meeting,” Lena tells him as she rushes back out of her office and down the hall.   
The budget meeting seems to drag on and on and, no matter how hard she tried, Lena seemed completely unable to focus. Of course the budget for the charter was incredibly important, but Lena’s mind seemed unable to think of anything other than the feeling of Stef’s arms around her naked body this morning. Lena loved waking up next to her girlfriend each morning, but she truly wished that things could move a little smoother in the mornings. Stef’s schedule was always changing so there were days when Lena could get ready on her own in the bathroom without any problem. But on the days when they both had to be into work before 8 A.M. - those days were rough. 

“Hey babe,” Stef greets Lena as the blonde woman enters her apartment. “It smells so good in here.” Lena was at the stove, preparing dinner for the two of them - a spatula in one hand and a glass of red wine in the other.   
“How was work, honey?” Lena asks as the blonde woman wraps her arms around her from behind. The curly haired woman couldn’t help the naughty thoughts that crept into her mind at the sight of her girlfriend in her uniform.   
“It was fine,” Stef says, pressing kisses to Lena’s neck. “I’m glad to be home though.” Lena sets the table with plates and utensils while Stef goes into her bedroom to change. She knew she needed to shower but the heavenly smell of food coming from outside the bedroom made her mouth water and her stomach growl. The shower would still be there after dinner.   
“This is delicious,” Stef says after a few bites of the chicken and vegetable stir fry that Lena had prepared. Before Lena, Stef mostly lived off of frozen dinners and pasta. Having Lena around would definitely be good for her blood pressure and cholesterol levels. The two women eat in silence for a few minutes before Stef speaks again.  
“So I was thinking about this morning,” Stef begins, taking a sip of her red wine.   
“What about this morning?” Lena asks curiously.  
“About how stressed out you were about having to go back to your apartment.” Stef continues. “I was thinking how much easier it would be if neither of us had to worry about not having all our stuff in one place.”  
“I’m not sure I follow,” Lena tells Stef, her well maintained eyebrows knit together in confusion.   
“Do you think it’s too soon for us to move in together?” Stef asks blatantly. They had been dating for a little over eight weeks, and had been practically living together for the last two. Stef had never had a relationship that had lasted this long before - and certainly not with another woman. Was moving in together after just two months insane?   
“Oh,” Lena chimes in surprise. Stef takes this as a bad sign.  
“It is too soon, isn’t it? I’m sorry. Just forget I asked.” Stef babbles apologetically, refusing to meet Lena’s gaze out of embarrassment.   
“No, Stef, honey, you just took me by surprise is all.” Lena tells the blonde woman, reaching across the table to lay her hand across that of her girlfriend. “We have been spending every night together for the last couple of weeks.”  
“That’s why I thought maybe it would make more sense.” Stef says, nervously biting her bottom lip.   
“Where would we live?” Lena asks. She’s not sure how she feels about moving in with Stef so soon. She doesn’t want to push the other woman too far too fast. But she also couldn’t refute Stef’s logic.   
“Well, your place is bigger with the second bedroom. And my lease is up next month.” Stef informs her girlfriend. “Plus your place is way nicer than mine.”  
“Your place is nice,” Lena rebuttals.   
“Your place is closer to Anchor Beach,” Stef counters.  
“Which means it's farther from the station,” Lena mentions.   
“That’s not a big deal. At least not to me.” Stef tells her girlfriend.   
“Are you sure about this? I don’t want to push you too fast.” Lena says. The worry is clear in her voice and the way that her thumb runs circles over the back of Stef’s hand.   
“Would I have brought it up if I wasn’t sure?” Stef questions her. Lena knows that Stef only does things at her own pace.   
“No, you wouldn’t have.” Lena admits. “So, when will you be moving in?”   
“My lease is up the first of the month. I can probably get Mike to help me start moving some boxes next weekend.” Stef says, happiness bubbling in her chest at the thought of moving in with Lena.


	9. Moving Day

“I seriously can’t believe how much stuff you have,” Mike huffs as he places yet another box of Stef’s stuff into the bed of his silver pick up truck.   
“I literally got rid of half my possessions last week,” Stef tells him as she places a box in the truck bed. Today was the day Stef had been preparing for all week. She had taken off work and spent the last five days packing, donating, and cleaning. It was hard, grueling work but Stef was giddy with excitement at the thought of sleeping next to Lena tonight and for all the nights in the foreseeable future.   
Mike had been gracious enough to help Stef with moving the heavy items. Since coming out to him, Stef and Mike’s friendship had grown quite a bit. The moments spent in their patrol vehicle that used to be filled with awkward silence were now filled with conversations about sports and women.   
“Thank you so much, Mike.” Stef says appreciatively as Mike brings the last box through the door to Lena’s - now their - apartment. Lena was in the master bedroom, hanging some of Stef’s clothes in the space in the closet that she had cleared out earlier this week. Stef knew they had a lot of work ahead of themselves - melding two separate lives into one joint one.   
“Do you want to stay for a beer?” Stef offers Mike, gesturing to the fridge.   
“Nah,” Mike declines. “I’ve gotta get home and clean up. I’ve got a hot date tonight.”  
“Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do,” Stef jokes as Mike heads out of the apartment. With Mike gone and Lena busy in the bedroom, Stef takes to putting together the two new bookshelves she and Lena had purchased the other day. Both she and Lena had quite a few books between them, so getting these shelves built was instrumental in their unpacking process.  
“How’s it going out here, babe?” Lena calls as she comes into the living room.   
“Pretty good I think,” Stef says, sitting back to observe the two shelves that she had been slowly filling up with books for the last hour.   
“Do you think we should call it a night and order some dinner?” Lena asks as she plops onto the floor beside her girlfriend.   
“That sounds like a great idea,” Stef agrees, wrapping her arms around Lena and pulling the taller woman into her. The curly haired woman leans up and brushes her lips against Stef’s. With a naughty smirk, Stef flips Lena gently onto the carpeted floor beneath them.   
“What are you doing?” Lena asks between gasps as Stef’s lips kiss down her slender neck.   
“Your skin tastes so good,” Stef says as she continues to nibble and suck on the sensitive skin of Lena’s neck. The curly haired woman groans as Stef massages her breast over her shirt, grazing her thumb over her already hardened nipple. Breaking their kiss momentarily, the blonde woman pulls the curly haired woman’s shirt off and tosses it to the side.   
“Oh, Stef,” Lena grunts as her girlfriend’s mouth attaches to her breast, licking and sucking on her hardened nipple, sending shockwaves of pleasure straight down to Lena’s pussy. While her tongue continues pleasuring one nipple, Stef rolls the other nipple between her thumb and forefinger. Lena’s hips buck against Stef, begging for friction against her most sensitive area. Stef abandons Lena’s breasts and kisses down her taut stomach, nipping at the delicate flesh around her belly button. With a quick glance up to her lover’s face, Stef unzips Lena’s pants and pushes them, along with her panties, down her legs. The blonde woman’s nostrils are instantly filled with the scent of her girlfriend’s pleasure. Stef’s mouth waters in response, desperate to taste her.   
“Oh, fuck,” Lena curses as Stef presses light kisses to her clitoris. She can feel the blonde woman smile at her reaction against her pussy, her tongue dipping lightly into her wetness. Lena grips Stef’s short, blonde hair - pulling as Stef’s tongue continues its exploration of her most sensitive area. The light pain in her scalp urges Stef on as she moves her tongue back to Lena’s clit, running circles around the swelling nub.   
“You taste so good,” Stef whispers, hazel green eyes flicking up to meet Lena’s chocolate brown ones. Lena’s eyes are half closed in pleasure, her lips pressed tightly together. With her tongue still dancing around Lena’s clit, Stef gently slips two fingers into her soaked pussy. Lena groans as her pussy tightens around Stef’s fingers, pleasure building in her abdomen.   
“Fuck, Stef,” Lena pants, rocking against Stef, urging her fingers to go deeper inside of her. Stef thrusts her fingers deeper inside of Lena, sucking her clitoris between her lips. “Oh, shit.” Lena curses as her body rocks against Stef and stars explode behind her closed eyes.   
“You okay, baby?” Stef quietly asks her girlfriend, laying beside her on the carpeted floor.   
“Better than okay,” Lena sighs, nuzzling Stef’s cheek with her nose. “That was amazing.”  
“You’re amazing,” Stef whispers into Lena’s ear, her hot breath sending shivers down the other woman’s caramel skin.   
“No, that’s you.” Lena argues, moving so that her lips are hovering barely an inch above the blonde woman’s. Lena presses her lips against Stef’s tenderly at first but, as passion ignites between them, their lips become increasingly hungry. Unable to move slowly anymore tonight, Lena pulls Stef’s shirt off and tosses it into oblivion. The curly haired woman runs her tongue over each of Stef’s pink nipples, nibbling at them carefully with her teeth.   
“Are you wet for me, baby?” Lena asks huskily, nibbling at Stef’s earlobe as her nimble fingers pull and tease her nipples.  
“Why don’t you find out for yourself,” Stef tells Lena, her voice thick with desire. With a low growl, Lena trails her fingers down beneath Stef’s jeans and panties, groaning at the wetness that coats her fingers. Stef quickly shimmies out of the clothes covering her bottom half, wanting to allow Lena full access to her entire body. A groan exits the blonde’s mouth as two of Lena’s long, slender fingers enter her throbbing pussy.   
“Oh, god,” Stef gasps as Lena presses her thumb against her clit, her fingers still pumping in and out of her. With her fingers working their magic on Stef’s nether regions, Lena captures her lips in a passionate kiss, their tongues dancing together. Stef’s legs begin to tremble as her pleasure builds; Lena’s thumb circling around her clit, her fingers stretching her pussy.   
“I’m gonna-” Stef can’t even finish her thought as pleasure explodes from her pussy, engulfing her entirety as she clings to Lena for dear life.   
“You’re so hot, baby.” Lena whispers into Stef’s ear as her fingers slip out of her soaking wet pussy.   
“My whole body has gone numb,” Stef chuckles as Lena wraps her arms around her. “How do you do these things to me?”  
“Because I love you,” Lena tells her, gently stroking her lover's cheek.  
“I love you, too.” Stef nuzzles into her embrace.


	10. Fresno

“You don’t have to be so nervous,” Lena tells her girlfriend, who is clearly anxious as she clutches the steering wheel in a white knuckled grip. They had been on the road for four and a half hours - burning rubber between San Diego and Fresno. As the miles had ticked down, Stef had grown increasingly anxious.   
“I have never met a significant other’s parents before.” Stef admits to her girlfriend. “I guess I’ve never really had someone as. . . significant as you in my life.”  
“I think that’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever said to me,” Lena chuckles, reaching for Stef’s hand. She knew that the cop was more anxious about meeting her parents than barging into a crack house in the middle of the night.   
“I just hope they like me,” Stef worries aloud.   
“There is nothing about you that isn’t likeable.” Lena tells her.  
“That’s not necessarily true.” Stef replies. “A lot of people have issues with cops.”  
“My parents don’t,” Lena argues. “I’ve told them you’re a cop. They don’t care. They’re just happy that I’m happy. And you make me so happy, Stephanie Foster.”  
“Are you always so sappy around the holidays?” Stef asks her girlfriend. Lena had practically cried as the couple ate their first, small Thanksgiving meal together. Unfortunately, Stef had had to work all day so they’d been unable to visit their family for the holiday. And, since December had rolled around, Lena was often watching sappy, Lifetime christmas movies when Stef came home from a late shift.   
“I just really enjoy the holidays. And I am enjoying them extra this year with you.” Lena replies, taking Stef’s hand in hers as they continue the drive towards her parents’ house.   
After another hour of driving, Stef pulls her black Ford Explorer into the driveway of a light blue, ranch style house. The house is adorned with multi-colored twinkle lights and the front lawn is full of inflatable creatures from the North Pole. Stef’s heart thunders in her chest as she swings their duffle bag over her shoulder, following behind Lena as she heads to the front door.   
“Hello!” Lena calls, letting herself into the house. The ranch house opens right up to an open concept living/dining room and kitchen.   
“Baby girl!” Lena’s father exclaims, rushing over to the two women from behind the kitchen with his apron on.   
“Hi, daddy!” Lena says as her father wraps her in a tight hug. “Dad, this is Stef, my girlfriend. Stef, this is my dad, Stewart.”  
“It’s so nice to meet you, Stewart.” Stef greets her girlfriend’s father, holding her hand out for a handshake.   
“I hope you don’t mind, Stef, but I’m a hugger.” Stewart tells Stef, embracing the blonde woman who had made his daughter so happy these last few months.   
“I don’t mind at all,” Stef says with a smile.   
“Your mother is just finishing her hair,” Stewart informs them both. “She’s very excited to meet you, Stef. Lena has told us so much about you.” A deep pink blush crosses Stef’s face.   
“All good things,” Lena promises, giving Stef a peck on her light pink cheek.   
“My darling daughter!” Dana, Lena’s mother, chimes as she comes down the hallway, her hair freshly straightened. “And you must be Stef.” Dana embraces the blonde woman and then her daughter. “I’m so glad you both could make it up here for Christmas.”  
“We are too, mom.” Lena replies. “Can we help you with anything, daddy?” Stewart is standing behind the island again, chopping up various vegetables.   
“I’ve got it handled for now.” Stewart replies. “Do you two ladies want to go and freshen up? I know how it feels to be cooped up in the car all day.”  
“You definitely make a point about that,” Stef agrees. The two women excuse themselves and Lena leads them to her childhood bedroom.   
The room now was much different than it had been when Lena was a child. Lena had been obsessed with the color purple for much of her childhood. When she had left for college, her mother had re-painted her room but she had left one of the walls the same lilac color that Lena had begged for for years. The queen sized bed was in the center of the room - instead of crammed in the corner - and the desk she had spent countless hours studying at had been replaced with a bookshelf that held a small flatscreen TV.   
“Coming home is always weird,” Lena says wistfully as Stef begins unpacking their shared duffle bag. “I always expect it to look the same way it did when I left for college, but it never does.”  
“With posters of half naked supermodels on the walls?” Stef asks jokingly, putting her hands on her girlfriend’s hips and pulling Lena close to her.   
“I was more into flipping through the underwear catalogs.” Lena rolls her eyes, playing with the hem of Stef’s t-shirt, slipping her fingers beneath the soft fabric.   
“What are you doing?” Stef questions. “We’re supposed to be freshening up for dinner.”   
“We could freshen up. . . together.” Lena suggests, leaning into Stef and pressing her lips beneath the blonde woman’s ear.   
“Do you think you can be quiet enough for that?” Stef asks, eyes fluttering at the sensation of Lena’s lips against her skin.   
“I am not the one we have to worry about,” Lena nibbles at her girlfriend’s earlobe.   
“Oh really?” Stef challenges.   
The two women scurry into the bathroom attached to Lena’s old bedroom, quickly stripping off their clothes. Under the hot water, steam collecting around them, the two women press their naked bodies together. Lena’s hands explore Stef’s body, toying with her wet nipples. Stef leans against the wall of the shower as her girlfriend’s fingers travel down her body and gently caressing the outer lips of her pussy.   
“You’re already wet for me,” Lena growls into Stef’s ear, spreading the slick wetness around her pussy and circling her clit.   
“You drive me crazy,” Stef groans at the feeling of Lena’s slender fingers exploring her sex. Stef’s breath hitches in her throat as the caramel skinned woman thrusts two fingers into her pussy. Unsure if she’ll be able to control her volume, Stef busies her mouth by kissing Lena passionately as her fingers move to her clitoris - circling around the swollen bundle of nerves. Stef’s moans of pleasure are swallowed in their kiss as her orgasm overtakes her.   
Slowly, Stef comes down from her pleasure high in Lena’s arms, the hot water cascading around them. The blonde woman carefully kneels on the cool shower floor, her face lining up perfectly with Lena’s delicious pussy. With her hands gripping the darker skinned woman’s ass cheeks tightly, Stef brings her mouth to her pussy, flicking her tongue over her sensitive nub.   
“Oh, fuck, Stef,” Lena groans as Stef continues exploring her pussy with her mouth. Not stopping with her tongue, Stef inserts two fingers into Lena’s dripping wet pussy. “Oh shit, Stef, I’m gonna come.” Lena pants as pleasure continues to build inside her.   
“Come for me, baby.” Stef tells Lena, looking deeply into her eyes as she pumps her fingers in and out of her. Lena’s eyes roll into the back of her head as her muscles contract and her orgasm rocks through her body.   
The water having grown cold, the two women exit the shower and towel off - stopping every few minutes to kiss each other's lips and necks and chests. It was their first Christmas eve together and their emotions were running high. Lena just wanted to hold Stef as close as possible. Stef simply wanted to make sure that Lena felt happy and safe with her. A sudden knock at the door startles both women out of their make out session.   
“As soon as you two are finished in there,” Dana calls through the closed door, “dinner is ready.”


	11. Merry Christmas

“Oh my god,” Stef groans, her face turning the color of a ripe tomato. Lena’s mother had to know what they had just been doing. How could she have let her girlfriend seduce her in her parents’ home?  
“Hey, it’s all good,” Lena chuckles at Stef’s embarrassment. Lena knew that this was the most serious relationship that Stef had ever been in; and that, by repressing herself for most of her life thus far, she hadn’t experienced the typical teenage embarrassments that come with young dating.   
“Lena, your mother knows we were just in the shower having sex,” Stef whisper yells.   
“We’re adults, Stef. And they know we’re in a lesbian relationship. Everything is okay.” Lena tries to calm down her girlfriend. “Let’s just get dressed and have dinner with my parents.”

“Everything is delicious, dad.” Lena tells her father as the four of them sit around the dining room table.   
“Only the best for my daughter,” Stewart replies. From what Lena had told her, Stef knew that her girlfriend had always had a closer relationship with her father than her mother. She wondered what it would feel like to have a completely supportive and loving father.   
“So, Stef, Lena tells us that you’re an officer at the San Diego Police Department. That must be a very challenging job.” Dana makes a statement rather than asking a question.   
“It definitely can be,” Stef answers. “Thankfully, each officer always has the whole department supporting them. We’re a very close knit group.” Knowing that the police and their actions can be a touchy subject for some people, Stef doesn’t want to stir the pot on Christmas eve. “What do you two do?”  
“I teach English at the Fresno campus of California State University,” Dana says. “Mostly British literature courses.”   
“I do financial planning for a big accounting firm.” Stewart answers. “We couldn’t have any more different careers, huh?” He chuckles.   
“You both seem to compliment each other perfectly,” Stef tells her girlfriend’s parents. She can tell that they are clearly in love with each other. Considering her parents had divorced when she was fourteen, it had been a long time since Stef had been privy to the workings of a functional relationship. She only hoped that she and Lena wouldn’t follow down her parents’ disastrous path.   
After finishing dinner and everyone cleaning up, the two couples retire to the living room where Stewart insists on playing Lena’s childhood favorite Christmas movies. With her girlfriend’s parents sitting in recliners ten feet away, Stef sits on the couch beside Lena but with a few inches of respectful space between them. Much to Stef’s awkward dismay, Lena closes the gap between them by laying her head into Stef’s lap. With her fingers playing in her girlfriend’s hair, Stef’s nerves begin to settle as the movies continue to play.   
“Baby,” Stef whispers, stroking Lena’s peacefully sleeping cheek. Dana and Stewart had gone to bed almost an hour ago, in the middle of Frosty the Snowman. “Let’s go to bed.” the blonde says when Lena scrunches her eyes closed tighter. Her heart melting at her blissfully sleeping girlfriend, Stef carefully slips her head from her lap and stands up from the couch. Stef slips her arms beneath Lena’s sleeping body and gently lifts the sleeping woman from the couch, cradling her in her strong arms as she walks back to Lena’s old bedroom.   
“I love you,” Lena mumbles against Stef’s chest as the blonde pulls her close to her body beneath the covers.   
“I love you, too.” Stef whispers, pressing a tender kiss to Lena’s forehead. 

Lena’s eyes flutter open the following morning, her head tucked under Stef’s chin, feeling the steady rise and fall of her chest. She has a fuzzy memory of the strong blonde carrying her to bed last night, and thinking about it makes her swoon. None of the other women she has ever dated had ever treated her as well as Stef does. Stef was constantly surprising Lena with bouquets of flowers after her shift at work or bringing her lunch at ABCC when her schedule allowed.   
Lena untucks her head from beneath Stef’s chin and rests it on the pillow, taking in her girlfriend’s completely peaceful features. Stef was usually under so much stress when she was awake - whether it was stress from work or her own anxiety getting the better of her. But in sleep, all of her worries washed away. Lena was glad that Stef was continuing her therapy sessions with Dr. Fullman - she knew that there were certain things that her wonderful girlfriend had a hard time talking about with her, but she knew that they needed to be addressed.   
Stef hadn’t even mentioned her father since coming out to him. The two hadn’t had any contact since that fateful afternoon. Lena knew it was hard for Stef; the young cop had looked up to her father her entire life and had chosen to follow in his footsteps. Lena knew that she would just die if her relationship with her own father just disappeared one day.   
“What are you staring at?” Stef asks sleepily, her hazel green eyes open the tiniest amount.   
“The most beautiful woman in the world,” Lena tells her with a smile.  
“Is there someone else in bed with us?” Stef jokes with a chuckle. Lena just playfully swats the blonde’s cheek before pressing a light kiss to her lips.   
“Merry Christmas,” The curly haired woman tells her girlfriend. Her heart feels so full of love in this moment; she was waking up on Christmas morning next to the woman she loved.   
“Merry Christmas,” Stef repeats, her fingers playing in Lena’s gorgeous, crazy hair.   
The two women head out to the kitchen, where Stewart has already prepared coffee and a full Christmas breakfast. Beneath the tree, there are way more presents than there had been the previous night - despite both Lena and Stef trying to insist that they didn’t need anything.   
Over the next few hours, Stef enjoys more family time than she has in a long time. After breakfast, Dana and Stewart insist that it’s time to open presents. Stef had never before seen so many presents for two people who were over the age of ten. Since she had turned eighteen, her   
parents had started just giving her money. Stef didn’t really care; presents weren’t the point of Christmas. But she had to admit that it felt nice to be given something that had thought put into it.   
After a simple lunch of cold cut sandwiches, Stef and Lena repack their duffle bag and, after many hugs and kisses goodbye, are on the road headed back to San Diego. For the five and half hour drive, Lena’s fingers are laced with Stef’s. Stealing the occasional glance at her beautiful girlfriend as the black SUV speeds down CA-99, Stef begins to realize what the rest of her life could be like.


	12. Cupid's Arrow

“Things have been going really well lately.” Stef tells Dr. Fullman. “Living together is actually a lot easier than I thought it would be.” It had been a month since Stef’s last counseling appointment. She felt good. She felt like everything was going her way.   
“And you met her parents over Christmas, yes?” Dr. Fullman asks.   
“Yeah,” Stef replies. “They welcomed me with open arms. There was no homophobia or awkwardness.”  
“Does that make you envious?” Dr. Fullman turns the conversation sharply in a different direction.  
“Why would I be envious?” Stef counters. “Just because my father hasn’t talked to me in three months. . .”  
“Since you came out to him,” Dr. Fullman says, scribbling notes into her secret notebook.   
“He made his decision,” Stef says bitterly. “He said his daughter couldn’t be gay. But I’m gay. So I guess I’m not his daughter anymore.” Tears sting the back of the blonde woman’s eyes. She usually tried to actively not think about her father. Maybe, years from now, she’d be able to think about him and his rejection of her and not feel so upset. But for now, it still felt like a hot knife to her chest.   
“Stef, you don’t always have to be so strong. You know that, right?” Dr. Fullman says with a more gentle voice than usual, looking up from the notebook in her lap.  
“Lena says the same thing,” Stef avoids the question.   
“Do you believe it when she says it?” Dr. Fullman continues.   
“I guess,” Stef shrugs, staring at her crossed legs.   
“We’re out of time for today. But Stef, before our next appointment, I want you to work on letting yourself be more vulnerable with people that you trust. Holding everything in all the time isn’t healthy. You have people that love and care about you. Let them help you.” 

Sweat trickled down the blonde’s neck as she stands at the stove, trying to stir three different pots all at once. It was Stef and Lena’s first Valentine’s day as a couple. It was also Stef’s first Valentine’s day with a significant significant other - and she was terrified of screwing it up. It had worked out that Stef was off today so she could prepare a luxurious meal for Lena who wouldn’t be home until six tonight due to a PTA meeting.   
Stef was trying to make pasta primavera - one of Lena’s favorite dishes. But the sauce wasn’t thickening the way the recipe said it would. And Stef was on her second pot of pasta - having overcooked the first batch into a mushy mess. The only thing she hadn’t managed to screw up were the vegetables - but that was only because all she had done so far with them was chop them up. Lena was by far the better cook in the relationship. Stef so desperately wanted to make her girlfriend a nice meal and provide her with a relaxing evening. But nothing was going as planned - and six p.m. was getting closer and closer.   
“Honey, I’m home!” Lena calls as she walks through the door of their apartment. Their apartment. Lena would never get over that. She loved waking up next to Stef each morning and going to sleep next to her every night. “It smells good in here!” The curly haired woman compliments as she catches the scent of garlic and fresh vegetables. “Do you need any help?”   
“Absolutely not,” Stef tells the darker skinned woman. “I want you to go into the bedroom and relax until I call you for dinner.”  
“Are you sure?” Lena asks wearily, kissing Stef’s cheek. She knew that Stef was not a very confident cook, and didn’t want her to be too stressed out.   
“One hundred percent.” Stef replies adamantly. “Now go.” Lena concedes, shutting herself in their master bedroom and changing out of her vice principal clothes. Once in jeans and an olive colored tank top, Lena settles herself on the bed and pulls out a book from her nightstand drawer.   
Almost an hour later, Lena is beginning to get worried about Stef. Putting down her book and listening closely, she hears the banging of pots and pans through the bedroom door. The shrill screaming of the smoke detector and a muffled “dammit” forces Lena off the bed and into the kitchen. Smoke is pouring from one of the pans on the stove. The floor is adorned with a pan and splotches of sauce. Through the annoying beeping of the smoke detector, Lena can hear Stef’s sobs.   
The curly haired woman quickly removes the battery from the smoke detector to cease its beeping before rushing into the kitchen. There, she finds Stef, in the far corner of the kitchen, face in her hands, sobs racking through her body. Lena’s heart breaks in her chest. She removes the smoking pan from the stove and turns off the burners before sitting herself next to Stef, wrapping her arms around the shaking woman.  
“Hey, everything is okay.” Lena whispers into Stef’s ear.   
“I. . .” sob “. . .just . . .” sob “. . . wanted. . .” Stef’s breath begins sawing in and out of her chest. The blonde woman feels like she can’t catch her breath. Her heart is racing in her chest. Her pale skin is flushed deep pink.   
“Stef, you’re okay.” Lena continues trying to soothe her girlfriend. She isn’t sure if Stef has ever had an anxiety attack before, but she thinks that this might be one. “I’m right here. Everything is okay. I’ve got you.”  
“Lena,” Stef whispers through her sobs, hot tears streaming down her face. Slowly, her breathing begins to normalize. “I just wanted it to be perfect.” The anxious woman buries her face into her girlfriend’s shoulder.  
“Shhhh,” Lena strokes Stef’s hair. “You’re here. I’m here. It’s already perfect.”  
“I just wanted to make you a nice dinner and give you a relaxing evening.” Stef continues.   
“Listen to me,” Lena tells her girlfriend. “We’re going to order pizza and have a wonderful evening together on the couch. Does that sound okay?” Stef mulls over Lena’s suggestion in her head for a few minutes before nodding. It wasn’t the most romantic plan in the world, but she trusted what Lena told her.   
Half an hour later, their pizza arrives at the front door of the apartment. Lena places the pie on the dining room table while Stef pours them two glasses of Prosecco. That was the one part of the evening she had managed to not screw up. The beverage was perfectly chilled and bubbly.   
“Happy Valentine’s day,” Lena tells her girlfriend, raising her glass.   
“Happy Valentine’s day,” Stef smiles, clinking her glass with Lena’s. Stef watches as a devilish look glints in Lena’s chocolate brown eyes. “What?” Stef asks suspiciously. Lena doesn’t answer her, at least not with words.   
The curly haired beauty stands up and sits herself on Stef’s lap, straddling her and capturing the blonde’s lips into a passionate kiss. Stef moans into Lena’s kiss, allowing her girlfriend’s tongue entrance into her mouth. While their tongues duel for dominance, Lena’s hands explore Stef’s breasts through her clothing, grazing her thumbs over her hardening nipples. The blonde wraps her arms around her girlfriend, raking her nails down her slender back through her colorful top.   
Lena’s lips move to Stef’s neck, sucking at the pulse point beneath her chin. Stef groans at the sensation, moving her hands to cup Lena’s firm ass. Lena’s nimble fingers go to the button’s of Stef’s gray plaid shirt, undoing them and exposing Stef’s perfect breasts beneath. Carefully, she undoes the front clasp of Stef’s bra. The willowy woman slides out of Stef’s grasp, kneeling on the floor, her lips toying and teasing her newly freed nipples with her tongue.   
“Oh, Lena,” Stef groans, her fingers tangling into Lena’s thick, curly hair. She can feel Lena smile against her breast, her lips sucking on her sensitive nipples. “Lena, fuck me, please.” Stef begs, the heat inside her becoming too much to bear. In a flash, Stef’s pants and underwear are pulled from her body and thrown to the side, completely forgotten.   
Lena takes in the site of her gorgeous girlfriend, wet and ready for her, eyes ablaze with hunger. With a devilish smirk, the caramel skinned beauty buries her face into Stef’s pussy, teasing her sensitive lips with her tongue and teeth. Stef’s eyes roll into the back of her skull as Lena laps at her wetness, using it to lubricate her swollen clit. Stef’s legs tremble at the pleasure Lena is giving her, she holds onto her curly hair for dear life.   
“Lena, I’m so close.” Stef pants, rocking her body against her girlfriend’s face. Lena continues her attack on Stef’s clit, running her tongue over it in alternating circles. With a loud grunt of warning, Stef’s body quakes beneath Lena’s touch.   
“Oh my god,” Stef gasps as she comes down from her orgasm. Lena kisses her way up to Stef’s face.   
“You are so sexy,” Lena whispers against Stef’s pink lips. With a low growl, Stef takes Lena into her arms and carries her to the countertop, where she quickly strips her girlfriend of all her clothing. The blonde woman pinches Lena’s already hardened nipples, eliciting cries of pleasure from the gorgeous, curly haired woman. While her fingers continue on Lena’s nipples, Stef presses searing hot kisses along her neck and chest. Lena can feel her wetness drip onto the counter below her.   
“Stef,” she moans. “I want you inside me.” The caramel skinned woman begs, raking her nails down Stef’s pale back. Grazing the skin of Lena’s neck with her teeth, Stef positions two fingers at her girlfriend’s soaking wet entrance. The heat there surprises even Stef.   
“Please,” Lena whimpers, trying to wiggle herself closer to Stef’s poised fingers. Pressing her lips against Lena’s passionately, Stef thrusts her fingers into her aching and waiting pussy. Stef pumps her fingers in and out of Lena with abandon, the heel of her palm slapping against her swollen clit.   
“Oh, shit. Fuck, Stef, right there. Fuck me.” Lena curses, which turns Stef on even further. Lena was typically so prim and proper. To hear her say something so dirty - well, it fueled something inside Stef she didn’t even know was there. Stef dips her head to Lena’s chest again, running her tongue over the stiff peaks of her lover’s nipples. Lena wraps her legs around Stef’s waist, holding the blonde woman as close to her as possible but still allowing her complete access to her body. Stef adjusts her hand so that, while her middle and index fingers are still pumping into Lena’s pussy, her thumb can trace fast circles over her clitoris.   
“Fuck,” Lena swears as electricty shoots through her entire body, muscles spasming beneath Stef’s touch. Stef pulls her hand from Lena’s pussy and uses the countertop to hold herself up. Both women’s chests are heaving up and down as they rest their foreheads against each others’.   
“Best. Valentine’s. Day. Ever.” Lena pants.


	13. Shots in the Dark

Lena was sitting at a high top table at The Laurel with Jenna and Kelly, music pulsing around them. Jenna and Kelly, who had recently gotten engaged, were out on the dance floor with the rest of the lesbians in San Diego. They had tried to pull Lena out onto the dance floor with them, but the curly haired woman was in a mood.   
Stef had promised to meet them here after her shift. Her shift that had supposedly ended an hour ago. This wasn’t how Lena had wanted to spend her birthday night - sulking into her glass of white wine while her in love friends were lost in each other. Stef knew how excited Lena had been for tonight. The new semester was starting soon and the charter school vice principal was stressed out to the max.   
Lena understood that Stef’s job as a police officer was very important. And she had even gotten used to the idea of Stef’s gun being in the house - always locked up in the combination safe of course. But that didn’t mean that Lena wasn’t annoyed at how often Stef would get stuck late at work, whether by a late arrest or pesky paper work.   
Tonight, Lena was beyond annoyed. She was pissed. She felt unimportant and disappointed. She loved her friends and hanging out at the Laurel, but she had really wanted to spend this birthday with Stef. The two had been together for nine months now and Lena was beginning to think that she was ready for more commitment than the cop was.   
“She’ll be here as soon as she can,” Kelly has to practically yell over the music for Lena to hear her. The shorter redhead was moving her body to the music and holding her hand out to Lena. Her ex-girlfriend could still read Lena’s emotions and body language. She knew that the curly haired woman was fronting her disappointment with anger.   
Just as Lena is about to cave and join her friends on the dance floor, her phone vibrates on the table in front of her. Knowing she won’t be able to hear anybody talking right in here, Lena grabs her phone and weaves her way through the crowd of lesbians and out into the warm San Diego night.   
“Hello?” Lena answers the unknown number.   
“Uh, is this Lena Adams?” An unfamiliar voice asks.   
“Yes,” Lena replies cautiously.  
“Lena, this is Mike, Stef’s partner on the force.” The man continues. “Something’s happened.” Lena’s mind is spinning and she barely absorbs the information being relayed to her over the phone.   
“Hey, is everything okay?” Kelly asks, having followed her friend out of the bar. She could tell from Lena’s face that everything, in fact, was not okay.   
“I-I have to-to go.” Lena stammers, her mind reeling and tears burning the back of her eyes. “It’s Stef.”

“Excuse me, I-I’m looking for Stephanie Foster.” Lena’s voice shakes as she addresses the seated woman at the registration desk of the ER. “Officer Stephanie Foster.”  
“Are you family?” The woman asks, her voice tired and void of any emotion.   
“I’m her girlfriend.” Lena informs the woman.  
“I’m sorry but-”  
“I need to see her.” Lena demands, not going to take any bullshit from anyone. The woman nods in response and goes to find a nurse.  
“Her injuries are very severe. She has a collapsed lung. She’s going to need a blood transfusion.” The nurse informs Lena as she leads her down a maze of halls. “I must inform you, she has a tube down her throat to help her breathe. So you may want to prepare yourself.” The nurse leads her into a separate room.   
In the center of the room, amidst all kinds of machines and medical tools, with blood soaked towels strewn across the floor, Stef is laying, unmoving, on a gurney. Shaking like an autumn leaf in a gusty wind, Lena sits on the stool beside the gurney. She longs to take hold of Stef’s hand, to stroke her too pale cheek - but she’s also terrified.   
“You can hold her hand,” The nurse tells her, as if she can read Lena’s mind. “She’s unconscious right now, but you can talk to her.”  
“I’m here, baby.” Lena tells her girlfriend, gently grasping Stef’s hand. “I’m here.” Tears begin rolling down her cheeks. Lena knows that all the blood soaked into the towels laying on the floor belongs to Stef. She’s lost too much blood. And who knows what kind of internal damage has been done. She already can’t breathe on her own. Was this it? Was she going to lose the love of her life tonight? And after she had been so irrationally angry with Stef. While Lena had been pouting at the Laurel, Stef had been shot.   
“Excuse me, Mrs. Foster?” A man in a white coat asks, pulling Lena from her stampede of thoughts.   
“Uh, Ms. Adams.” Lena corrects. “We aren’t married. She’s. . . she’s my girlfriend.” Lena gently strokes Stef’s pale cheek.   
“Well, you are listed as Officer Foster’s emergency contact and power of attorney.” The doctor says. Lena just nods. Stef had insisted on changing her legal paperwork after her fall out with her father. Since her mother was too far away in Florida, Lena had been Stef’s first choice.   
“According to the imaging, the bullet has caused a lot of internal damage. Officer Foster needs emergency surgery right away.” The doctor informs Lena. Lena just nods silently, unable to look away from Stef’s face.   
When the transport workers come to take Stef up for surgery, the nice nurse shows Lena to the waiting room. Mike is seated in there already, with several other officers and Captain Roberts from the San Diego Police Department.   
“We called both her father and her mother,” Captain Roberts informs Lena. “I didn’t think you’d have the heart.”  
“Thank you,” Lena tells the police captain. This kind of event might be more commonplace for them, but Lena could tell that all the officers here were torn up over Stef being shot.   
“Lena,” Mike says, standing up from his chair. The two had met briefly a few times. “I’m so sorry-”  
“What happened?” Lena asks him. She was trying so hard not to blame him for this. She knew it wasn’t his fault that Stef had been shot. She had been doing her job. But she couldn’t help but wonder - why couldn’t it have been him instead?   
“We were in a crack house. She was sweeping one of the bedrooms. We had no idea-” Mike tries to explain.  
“Aren’t you supposed to be prepared for anything?” Lena snaps at him.   
“Lena,” Kelly’s voice surprises Lena.  
“What are you guys doing here?” Lena asks Jenna and Kelly, both still in their clubbing outfits from earlier.  
“You didn’t think we were going to let you go through this by yourself did you?” Jenna asks, pulling Lena in for a tight hug.  
“We love you and Stef,” Kelly adds. The three women sit, a few rows of chairs away from Mike.   
As the minutes tick by, each one feeling like one hundred years, Lena’s heart continues to pound in her chest. She desperately wanted to know what was happening with Stef. Why wasn’t anyone updating her? What if she was already dead and the surgeon was just trying to figure out how to tell her? As Lena begins to tremble again, Kelly and Jenna both wrap their arms around her slender shoulders.   
“She’s going to be okay.” Kelly whispers into Lena’s ear.  
“How do you know?” Lena asks, her voice quaking as tears spill from her eyes.   
“Because she’s the toughest person I know.” Jenna answers. “I’ve never met a tougher, butcher lesbian than her.”   
Across the room, Lena watches as an older, gray-haired gentleman converses with the lady working at the desk of the waiting room. She recognizes the man from old pictures. He’s older now, but there’s no mistaking that it was Frank Cooper, Stef’s father. Lena removes herself from her friends’ embrace and stands up.   
“Hello,” She says, walking up to the man. “I’m Lena. Your daughter’s girlfriend.”


	14. Wounds

Frank stares at Lena, dumbfounded. The gray haired man and the curly haired woman study one another. This was the man that had nearly launched Stef into a major depression, derailing all the work she had accomplished in her months of therapy. And Lena was sure that Frank was seeing a woman who had corrupted his only daughter, leading her down a path of sin and destruction.   
“How is she?” Frank asks curtly. Lena can see the concern in the older man’s eyes.   
“She was shot in the side. She had a collapsed lung and internal bleeding. She’s in surgery now.” Lena tells him. Frank nods somberly and goes to take a seat.   
Unable to sit again for who knows how long, Lena decides to step outside. Outside, in the cool San Diego night, Lena finally breaks down as she plops onto a nearby bench. Tears stream down the caramel skinned woman’s face as sobs rack through her body. Resting her face in her hands, Lena lets the tears flow freely. What was she going to do without Stef?   
“Oh, honey.” Lena looks up to find Sharon, Stef’s mother, standing before her.   
“Sharon? How?” Lena asks, sniffling back tears and wiping her cheeks.  
“When I got the call, I jumped on the next flight.” Sharon tells her, sitting beside the curly haired woman. “How is she?”  
“It’s not good,” Lena chokes out, tears brimming in her eyes again. “She was shot in the side. She has a collapsed lung and internal breathing. She’s in surgery now but I haven’t heard from the surgeon yet.” Sharon wraps her arm around Lena’s shoulders. “I don’t know if she’s going to be okay. I don’t know what I’m going to do if. . . if she. . .” Lena can’t even say the words aloud.   
“Let’s not go there right now, sweetheart.” Sharon says, resting her head on Lena’s shoulder. The two women head back inside to wait for more news. After a short conversation with Frank, Sharon sits next to Lena and takes the darker skinned woman’s hand in hers.   
“Excuse me, Ms. Adams.” The surgeon says gently as he approaches Lena. Lena shoots up from her chair, heart thumping wildly in her chest. Was it good news? Or bad?   
“How is she?” Lena asks, still clutching Sharon’s hand. She knows that Mike and Frank and everyone else in the room is listening but she doesn’t care.   
“She’s out of surgery.” The man in light blue scrubs begins. “We were able to remove all the bullet fragments and repair the damage to her internal organs. She’s still intubated and unconscious in the surgical intensive care unit right now. But if you would like to go see her, you can.” Tears of relief roll down Lena’s cheeks as she nods. With one last squeeze of Sharon’s hand, Lena lets the surgeon lead her into the surgical intensive care unit and to Stef’s room.   
Stef still has the tube down her throat, which is helping her breathe. Other tubes are also attached to the fragile looking woman lying in the hospital bed. Lena takes a seat in a chair beside the bed and gingerly takes her girlfriend’s hand. Lena has never seen Stef look so fragile before. Her face is still gravely pale. But the beeping of the heart monitor reassures Lena that, right now, Stef is okay.   
“When will she wake up?” Lena asks, her voice small in the dimly lit room.  
“That’s the waiting game.” The surgeon tells her. “She lost a lot of blood. And her heart stopped twice during the surgery.”   
“What?” Lena gasps, her hand covering her mouth. She feels sick to her stomach.   
“We were able to resuscitate her. But her brain was still without oxygen for a period of time. We won’t know how that will affect her until she wakes up. If she wakes up.”  
“If?” Lena asks, fear seizing her heart.   
“There is a chance that she won’t wake up.” The surgeon tells her gravely. “Only time will tell. I’ll leave you for now. But if you need anything, the nurses’ station is right down the hall.” With that, the surgeon exits the small room, leaving Lena alone with the whirring of the ventilator and the steady beeping of the heart monitor. 

Out in the waiting room, Sharon strolls over to where Frank is sitting and takes a seat next to him. The two had been married for fifteen years, divorced for almost twelve now. There were things that Sharon could say to him that no one else ever could. And she might even get through to the old, stone faced cop.   
“Frank,” Sharon begins. “I know you haven’t spoken to Stephanie in almost a year.” Stef had called Sharon on the phone the same day she had come out to her father, sobbing. It had broken her heart but she wasn’t all that surprised to hear how Frank had reacted. “And today we almost lost her. We could still lose her. Do you really want what you said to her to be the last words you ever get to say to her? I know you love her, and that this religious homophobia is some kind of messed up way of you showing that love. But you need to find a better way to show that love before you really do lose her forever.” With that, Sharon pats the older man’s leg and goes in search of some coffee. 

“Stef,” Lena whispers to her unconcious girlfriend. “I’m here. I’m here and I love you so much.” She tastes the saltiness of her own tears on her lips. “I’m not ready to lose you. There is so much that I still want to do with you.” Lena strokes Stef’s blonde hair softly. “I want to get married and have babies and grow old together. I know we haven’t talked about any of that. And we haven’t been together that long. But you’re it for me. You’re everything I’ve been waiting for my entire life. I’ll never be able to love someone the way that I love you.” Her voice cracks, words catching in her throat. The curly haired woman lays her head onto the hospital bed, still clutching Stef’s hand. “Please don’t go. Not yet. I’m not ready. I need you. I love you so much. Please.”


	15. Healing

Early the next morning, Stef is moved from the surgical intensive care unit to the regular surgical recovery wing. According to the doctors, because Stef’s blood pressure was stable on its own, that meant that she was getting closer to being out of the woods. Lena still wanted the damn tube out of her throat. And she desperately wanted to see those gorgeous hazel green eyes that she had fallen in love with almost a year ago.   
Being in the regular surgical recovery wing meant that Stef could have more visitors. Sharon was the first person to barge her way through the nurses to her daughter’s side. Frank followed behind Sharon, standing in the doorway of the room and observing. Lena could see the resemblance between the retired cop and the young cop. They were both so stoic most of the time, but with hot tempers that would flare at a moment’s notice.   
“Oh my baby,” Sharon tells Stef as she kisses her daughter’s cheek. “You better wake up soon so I can yell at you for scaring me half to death. I had to fly out here so fast I didn’t have time to do my hair. I look like a mess with all these cute doctors running around.” Sharon’s familiar jabbering brings comfort to Lena. With the morning sunlight streaming through the blinds of the hospital window, Lena is beginning to feel that maybe things will turn out okay. If Stef would just open her damn eyes. 

“Are you sure you don’t want to go home and get some sleep?” Sharon asks Lena as late morning turns to early afternoon.   
“I’m sure.” Lena says. “I don’t want to leave her. I can’t.”   
“Okay,” Sharon replies. “I’m going to get a few hours of sleep at my hotel. I will be back.” The older woman kisses Lena on the cheek and strokes her daughter’s blonde hair once more before leaving the hospital room. Frank had left hours ago after barely visiting his daughter. Lena understood that this was hard for him, but it was hard for her too. And she was here, by Stef’s side, hoping and praying that she will wake up soon. Lena is so lost in her thoughts that she almost doesn’t hear the soft knock at the hospital room door.   
“Come in,” She calls softly, not taking her gaze off of her unconcious girlfriend.  
“Hey Lena,” Lena recognizes her co-worker Timothy’s voice. “How is she?” He asks, resting his hand gently on Lena’s shoulder. In his other hand is a vase of bright yellow tulips.   
“They took the bullet out and repaired all the internal damage yesterday. But she hasn’t woken up yet.” Lena informs Anchor Beach’s high school English teacher.   
“She’s strong,” Timothy says. “She’s going to wake up.”  
“Everyone keeps telling me that.” Lena scoffs, fresh tears stinging the back of her eyes. “But I just don’t know if I believe it anymore. I’m just so scared; scared that she’ll never hear me tell her I love her again.” Lena strokes Stef’s blonde hair, remembering the anger she felt towards the cop the night of her birthday, before she knew what had happened.   
“She knows you love her, Lena. Anyone with eyes can see it when you two are together.” Timothy tries to reassure her.   
“I was so angry with her. She was supposed to meet us at the Laurel for my birthday. I just thought she was late. I was so pissed off. But I had no idea that-” Lena can’t finish her sentence as a sob racks through her chest. Timothy wraps Lena into a tight hug, her face resting on his chest as tears stream down her cheeks.   
“You had no way of knowing what had happened.” Timothy tries to reassure her.   
“I should have felt it somehow,” Lena tries to argue.  
“That’s preposterous and you know it,” Timothy disagrees.   
“I know. I just. . . I just want her to wake up so much.” Lena says, wiping the tears from her cheeks.   
“She will,” Timothy tells her without any doubt in his voice. The two sit in silence together for a while, with only the sounds of the whirring ventilator and the beeping heart monitor filling the hospital room. Lena had thought that she could do this alone, but she had to admit that it was a relief off of her shoulders to have someone here to share her burden with.  
Over the next few hours, Timothy fills Lena in on what she’s missed at Anchor Beach over the last couple of days. Nurses come and go, checking Stef’s vitals and changing IV fluids. Sharon returns from her hotel and chats with Timothy, making sure that the Indian man knows she thinks he’s cute. Leave it to Sharon to flirt while her daughter is lying unconscious in a hospital bed in the same room. Lena doesn’t mind though; it’s a nice piece of normalcy.   
“I really think you should go get some sleep,” Sharon once again pesters Lena. It was clear to anyone that looked at the curly haired woman that she was exhausted.   
“No, Sharon, I can’t.” Lena refuses. “I can’t leave her.”   
“Well, I’ll keep you company tonight.” Sharon says, making herself comfortable in the chair on the other side of Stef’s hospital bed. Well, as comfortable as anyone could get in hospital chairs. 

As the midnight moon gives away to early morning sunlight, Lena’s long, slender fingers are still wrapped around Stef’s motionless hand. The curly haired woman finally passed out from exhaustion just over an hour ago - her body at such an angle that would definitely result in muscle pain upon her waking. In the dimness of the hospital room, pale fingers twitch against the darker ones holding them. Lena startles awake; her eyes flashing to where her hand is clutching Stef’s. Trying not to get her hopes up - and failing miserably - Lena squeezes Stef’s hand tighter. The curly haired woman’s heart almost beats out of her chest when she receives a weak squeeze in response.  
“Stef,” Lena whispers, not wanting to wake Sharon but also filled with excitement. “Stef, baby, I’m here. Can you squeeze my hand again?” Another weak squeeze to Lena’s hand makes her gasp.   
“That’s really great, baby.” Lena says, stroking Stef’s pale cheek. “Can you open your eyes?” Lena clutches Stef’s hand firmly, staring expectantly at her girlfriend’s closed eyes. Stef’s eyelids flutter - once, twice, three times - before opening the tiniest bit.   
“Hi, sweetheart.” Lena says gently as she takes in Stef’s hazel green orbs for the first time in over two days. Groggily, Stef’s eyes try to take in her surroundings. Lena watches as panic seizes those gorgeous eyes. “You’re okay, babe. There’s a tube down your throat so you can’t talk right now. You’re in the hospital, but you’re okay.” Lena tries to calmly explain to her girlfriend.   
“What’s going on?” Sharon asks, waking up in the chair on the other side of Stef.   
“She’s awake,” Lena says, lovingly stroking Stef’s face. “Can you go get a nurse?”  
“Of course,” Sharon replies, shooting up from her chair and rushing out of the room.   
“You’re okay.” Lena repeats to Stef. “You’re okay.” A nurse and a doctor hurry into the room, Sharon hot on their heels. Lena quickly moves out of the way as the doctor begins checking Stef’s pupils and other neurological parameters.   
“Okay, so I’m going to remove this tube from your throat, Officer Foster.” The doctor tells Stef. “Lena, why don’t you take her hand. Stef, I want you to take a deep breath. And, when I say so, I want you to blow out as I pull the tube out. Okay, deep breath in,” the doctor takes hold of the breathing tube in his gloved hands. “And blow.” Stef sputters and coughs as the doctor removes the tube from her throat, her hand clutching tightly to Lena’s. The doctor gives Stef a quick exam and the nurse changes her IV fluids and the bandage on her side before leaving the hospital room.   
“I’ll give you two a few minutes,” Sharon says before ducking out of the hospital room as well. Lena barely registers what she says though. Her focus is completely on Stef; her heart thundering against her ribcage.   
“Stef,” Lena says quietly, resting her forehead against the blonde’s, cupping her still pale cheeks.  
“You’re crying,” Stef says, her voice still hoarse from being intubated.   
“Tears of happiness,” Lena reassures her. “I didn’t think I’d ever see your beautiful eyes again. Or hear your sweet voice.”  
“I’m sorry,” Stef croaks. “I missed your birthday.”  
“Oh Stef, that’s the farthest thing from my mind. I could have lost you.” Lena says, pressing a soft kiss to her girlfriend’s lips.   
“I didn’t mean to scare you,” Stef apologizes, tears welling in her own eyes.   
“You didn’t do it on purpose.” Lena replies. “I know that. But you need to get some rest.” The curly haired woman pulls the thin hospital blanket up to Stef’s chest.  
“I love you, Lena.” Stef tells her curly haired beauty, stilling her hand with her own.   
“I love you so much,” Lena tells Stef, pressing another kiss to her pink lips.   
“Don’t leave,” Stef’s voice is small, her hand clutching at the hem of Lena’s shirt.   
“I’m not going anywhere,” Lena assures her, sitting down beside the hospital bed and intertwining her fingers with Stef’s.


	16. Still Healing

“What are you doing?” Lena shouts at her girlfriend as she loads their plates from breakfast into the dishwasher. She had left for half an hour to pick up some groceries and Stef had already managed to disobey her doctor’s orders.   
“Am I loading the dishwasher wrong again?” Stef jokes, thinking back to one of their very first “fights” as a couple that lives together. Apparently, there is an incorrect way to load a dishwasher after all.   
“You aren’t supposed to be up or bending!” Lena declares, taking dishes from Stef’s hands.   
“It’s been three weeks, Lena. I can help out.” Stef argues.   
“You can help out by sitting on the couch and looking pretty.” Lena rebuttals.   
“I have been sitting on that couch for three weeks. I am starting to go insane.” The blonde woman rolls her eyes exasperatedly. “Thank god I’m going back to work on Monday.”  
“What?” Lena asks. “When was this decided?” There’s a certain venom in her tone that Stef has never heard before.  
“My doctor said last week that I could go back if I was feeling up to it.” Stef defends herself.   
“You were shot, Stef! It hasn’t even been a month! And you want to go back to work already!” Lena yells, not understanding why Stef can’t comprehend the craziness of this situation.  
“I’m going stir crazy in this apartment, Lena. And it’s not like we can afford for me to be off work for much longer.” Stef responds, her voice increasing in volume as well.   
“You didn’t even discuss it with me. You just decided on your own. Like we aren’t even in a relationship. Like you don’t have anyone else to consider when making decisions like this.” Lena fumes, her chest a jumble of anger and disappointment and insignificance.  
“It’s my job, Lena.” Stef counters, not sure why Lena is blowing all of this so far out of proportion.   
“I’m sorry if I thought that being in a relationship together meant that we would consider each other’s feelings when making big decisions.” Lena argues, turning away from Stef and grabbing her purse.   
“Where are you going?” Stef asks incredulously, watching Lena strut towards the front door of their apartment.  
“I thought we weren’t telling each other the important stuff any more?” Lena replies rhetorically before strutting out of the apartment, letting the door slam behind her. 

Lena drives around in her dark gray Subaru Legacy, the San Diego sky turning from a bright blue to a hazy purple as the sun begins its descent for the evening, her mind a jumble of thoughts and emotions. Stef could be so headstrong sometimes. Why didn’t she understand that the decisions she made didn’t just affect her anymore? They had been together for a year now. They lived together. For all intents and purposes, they had merged two lives into one.   
After driving around aimlessly, Lena finds herself pulling her car into a parking space in front of her favorite patch of beach in all of southern California. Her father used to take her down here to Windansea Beach for a weekend getaway when she was a little girl. That was when she fell in love with the San Diego area; the salty water lapping at her toes buried in the sand, the sound of seagulls calling to one another in the air above, the hot summer sun against her skin.   
Now, with her toes buried in the soft sand, all Lena could feel was a sickening pressure around her heart. The sun was kissing the horizon, winking between fluffy purple clouds. While the feeling in Lena’s chest was nothing compared to what she felt watching Stef lay unconscious in the hospital, it still made her sick to her stomach. She and Stef had never had an argument like tonight’s before. Sure, they had little spats; like the best way to load the dishwasher or whether they should get pizza or Chinese on a Friday night. But Stef making such a huge decision without even consulting her - how could she overlook something like that?

Stef was in a frenzy. She had no idea where Lena had gone. Driving around in her black SUV, Stef was driving around in circles looking for Lena. Lena had never walked out of their apartment like that. Never. Stef hadn’t thought that going back to work next week would upset her so much. Right now, all Stef wanted to do was find her, talk to her, get her to come home. But she had no idea where the stubborn, curly haired woman would have possibly gone.   
“Kelly,” Stef says into her cell phone. “It’s Stef. Have you heard from Lena at all today?”  
“No, I haven’t.” Kelly’s reply comes through the phone. “Is everything okay?”  
“We had a big fight.” Stef tells her friend. “She stormed out of the apartment. She left her cellphone behind. And I don’t-I don’t know where she is.”  
“Well, sometimes she goes to Windansea Beach to think.” Kelly informs her. “She used to do that all the time back when we were dating.”  
“Do you think she’d go there at this time of night?” Stef questions, wondering how safe that really was.   
“It’s where she feels calmest when things get crazy around her.” Kelly tells her, in her wise and all-knowing kind of way. Well, things right now certainly qualified as crazy.   
“Thank you,” Stef says, hanging up the phone and turning around towards the direction of Windansea Beach.   
Relief floods over the blonde haired woman as she pulls her black SUV up next to Lena’s dark gray Subaru Legacy. Barely stopping to turn the engine of the car off, Stef jumps from behind the steering wheel and takes off at a run down the sandy beach. A quarter of a mile down the beach, sitting just where the tide was brushing gently against her sand covered toes, is Lena.   
“Lena!” Stef calls, her breath sawing in and out, her side screaming in agony at the sudden moment after almost a month of being on sick leave.   
“Stef, what are you doing here?” Stef can hear the anger still in the curly haired woman’s voice as she stands up.   
“I-I’m sorry,” Stef gasps, trying to catch her breath. “I’m sorry I didn’t talk to you about going back to work. I should have. I should have talked to you because. . . because we’re a team - you and I. I’m sorry. I love you.”  
“I love you, too.” Lena replies softly, slowly absorbing the words Stef just said. Stef takes two big steps, closing the gap between them.   
“You know, in the hospital, I could hear everything you said to me.” Stef tells Lena, taking her girlfriend’s hands in hers. “I heard you say that you wanted to get married and grow old. And I didn’t realize, until tonight, how desperately I wanted that too. I love you, Lena. I’m sorry that I let you walk out today. I shouldn’t have. It has taken me twenty-six years to finally learn to accept who I am; and I never would have been able to do that without you - not fully. You complete me. The love I feel for you consumes my entire being.” Still holding Lena’s hand in hers, Stef drops to one knee in the damp sand. “Lena Elizabeth Adams, will you marry me?”


	17. Putting the Wheels in Motion

In the early morning sunlight, Lena gazes at the diamond ring on her left ring finger. Since Stef’s proposal had been rather spontaneous, Lena had the opportunity to help pick out her engagement ring. She had tried to convince Stef that a diamond wasn’t necessary, but the blonde woman had been impossibly insistent. Lena didn’t mind in the end; she could often be caught admiring the ring like she was in this moment. Looking at it always seemed to bring her back to the moment two months ago when Stef had proposed.

_“You know, in the hospital, I could hear everything you said to me.” Stef tells Lena, taking her girlfriend’s hands in hers. “I heard you say that you wanted to get married and grow old. And I didn’t realize, until tonight, how desperately I wanted that too. I love you, Lena. I’m sorry that I let you walk out today. I shouldn’t have. It has taken me twenty-six years to finally learn to accept who I am; and I never would have been able to do that without you - not fully. You complete me. The love I feel for you consumes my entire being.” Still holding Lena’s hand in hers, Stef drops to one knee in the damp sand. “Lena Elizabeth Adams, will you marry me?”_   
_“Oh my god,” Lena breathes, her free hand moving to cover her mouth in surprise. Was this really happening? “Oh my god.” The curly haired woman repeats._   
_“Is that a yes?” Stef asks, the corner of mouth quirking nervously._   
_“Yes! Yes!” Lena practically shouts, tears of happiness flooding her eyes. With a brilliant smile, Stef jumps to her feet and wraps Lena into a tight hug._   
_“I love you so much,” Stef says, pressing her pink lips against Lena’s._   
_“I love you, too.” Lena says, her slender fingers playing with Stef’s short blonde hair at the back of her neck. Heart thumping in her chest, Stef once again captures Lena’s lips with hers - this time with more passion and fire than before. Her hands go to Lena’s waist, pulling the willowy woman’s body against hers as their kiss intensifies. Lena’s hands go to the zipper of Stef’s sweatshirt, pushing it off her shoulders and running her hands along Stef’s bare arms. The curly haired woman’s thumb grazes over one of Stef’s nipples through her t-shirt - leaving her intentions crystal clear._   
_“Here? Are you sure?” Stef questions, breaking their kiss._   
_“Yes,” Lena moans, unable to wait to remind Stef of her love for her. Passion igniting in her chest, Stef quickly lays her sweatshirt out on a patch of sand and gently lays Lena down. Kissing her long neck, Stef tangles her fingers into Lena’s gorgeous curly hair. Lena’s hands run up and down Stef’s body, leaving a trail of burning fire behind them._   
_Not wanting to wait any longer - and certainly not wanting to get caught - Stef hikes up Lena’s long, flowing skirt and strokes her pussy through her lace panties. Lena moans into their kiss, relishing in the feeling of Stef touching her most sensitive spot for the first time in almost a month. She knew that Stef had needed to heal, but it had been so hard not to be physically intimate during this time. Spurred on by the wetness soaking into Lena’s panties, Stef pushes them to the side and swiftly inserts two fingers into Lena’s pussy._   
_“Oh, Stef!” Lena gasps as the sudden sensation as Stef pumps her fingers in and out of her slippery pussy. Stef presses her thumb against Lena’s swollen clit, knowing exactly what to do to make her girlfriend - now, fiance - orgasm in no time. Massaging Lena’s breast with her free hand, Stef breaks their kiss to focus on the movement of her hand below the curly haired woman’s skirt._   
_“Stef, right there, fuck!” Lena gasps, her eyes rolling into the back of her head as her whole body spasms in pleasure. While Lena comes down from her high, Stef brings her fingers to her mouth and sucks them clean._   
_“Oh, baby, that is so hot.” Lena growls, slipping her hand beneath the waistband of Stef’s jeans. “And you are already so wet.” Lena says, playing with the wetness between Stef’s thighs._   
_“Oh,” Stef moans softly, resting her head on Lena’s shoulder. Lena, with her skillful and slender fingers, knew exactly how to undo her. Gathering wetness from Stef’s center, Lena runs circles around her swollen clit with her middle and index finger. Lena holds Stef closely as the blonde woman pants in pleasure._   
_“Don’t stop,” Stef’s breath hitches as Lena’s pace increases. “Oh!” Stef grunts, her whole body stiffening and then quaking against Lena as the curly haired woman holds her tightly._   
_“I love you, Stephanie Marie Foster.” Lena says as she presses a gentle kiss to Stef’s forehead._   
_“I love you too, soon-to-be Mrs. Adams Foster,” Stef smiles as she snuggles into Lena’s embrace._

“What do you think about teal? Or maybe lavender?” Lena asks her fiance as they enjoy a cup of coffee together at their kitchen table.  
“For?” Stef asks, scanning the newspaper in front of her.  
“For our wedding, silly!” Lena chuckles, taking the paper from Stef’s hands. “There’s so much to plan!”  
“Hmmm,” Stef thinks aloud as she clicks through a few sites that Lena has open on her laptop. “I like the teal.” She says finally, giving her wife-to-be a peck on the cheek.  
“Well, that’s one thing settled.” Lena says as she checks off one item of her very long wedding planning list.  
“What’s next, my love?” Stef asks, getting up to refill their coffee cups. It was a rare leisurely Saturday morning for the couple, and Stef didn’t want to waste any of it.  
“I guess we really need to decide on a date before we can find a venue.” Lena says.  
“Did you have something in mind?” Stef questions. “I’m sure you’ve been planning your wedding since you were in middle school.” The blonde jokes, placing the newly filled cups of coffee onto the small kitchen table.  
“And you didn’t?” Lena asks her fiance.  
“Not really.” Stef admits. “It never really crossed my mind. I guess I never thought I would meet the right person.”  
“How do you feel about June?” Lena asks, pulling the shorter blonde woman onto her lap and gently kissing her neck.  
“June would be nice,” Stef says, checking her phone for the dates of the Saturdays in June of next year. “What about June thirteenth?”  
“June thirteenth,” Lena repeats, testing the sound of the date. “I like it.” She smiles, nuzzling Stef’s strong shoulder.  
“It’s a date,” Stef winks.  
“I cannot wait to be married to you.” Lena says, stroking Stef’s cheek with her thumb.  
“I feel the same way, beautiful.” Stef replies, leaning in to kiss the curly haired beauty. “But first we have to survive our engagement party tonight.”


	18. Engagement Party

“I can’t believe we let Jenna talk us into throwing an engagement party,” Stef chuckles as the two women walk up to the bar where their engagement party was taking place. Lena was dressed in a colorful and flowy dress, the reds and oranges accentuating her bronze skin. Stef was in dark blue jeans and a white button up beneath a maroon, women’s blazer.   
“Oh come on, everyone is so excited for us.” Lena replies, dragging her fiance into the bar. Inside the bar, the large crowd of their friends and family greets the newly engaged couple with a loud cheer. The two women giggle as they get sucked into the crowd, receiving hugs and congratulations as they make their way to the bar.   
“There’s the happy couple!” Dana exclaims, pulling both women in for a tight hug.   
“It’s about time!” Sharon chuckles. “I was starting to think that this one would never get around to popping the question.” Sharon says as she wraps Stef in her arms.   
“How heteronormative of you, mother.” Stef rolls her eyes, shooting Lena a flirtatious smile.   
Stef and Lena make the rounds, thanking their friends and family for coming. A few of the officers from the station that Stef was close with were here, animatedly chatting with Lena’s lesbian friends from college and doing a good job of avoiding Sharon’s inappropriate comments. Lena was enjoying the music and watching all of their friends and family celebrate their engagement.Even Stef had to admit that Jenna had done a fantastic job throwing this engagement party together. The hors d'oeuvres being passed around were delicious, if not a little on the fancy side. The open bar was definitely a gigantic hit with everyone.   
Jenna had even managed to set up karaoke in one corner of the bar. So far, Stef had watched her mother, Mike, and Gretchen embarrass themselves on the stage. It was a little mind baffling to her that so many people had come out tonight to celebrate her and Lena’s relationship. It was beginning to look like the guest list for their wedding was going to be longer than she had anticipated at first. But Stef didn’t mind, as long as Lena had everything she needed to be happy.   
“This is such a great party,” Sam, the newest recruit of the San Diego Police Department, tells Stef, sipping on an IPA. “And I’m so happy for you and Lena.”  
“Thank you,” Stef replies. Sam was the newest rookie on the force, having recently graduated from the police academy earlier this year. The young brunette woman was full of spunk, practically chomping at the bit to get onto the streets of San Diego. She had taken a quick liking to Stef after finding out that the blonde cop was also a lesbian. Sam wouldn’t admit it to anyone if she was asked, but she idolized Stef for her strength both on and off the police force.   
“Are you having fun?” Lena asks her wife-to-be, sipping on her third martini of the night, as the blonde woman approaches the bar.   
“Yes I am,” Stef tells the curly haired beauty, tasting the alcohol on her lover’s sweet lips.  
“It’s a really great party,” Lena says, pressing kisses to Stef’s neck.   
“Yes it is,” Stef agrees, nuzzling Lena’s slender neck.   
“Will you dance with me?” Lena asks, batting her long eyelashes, knowing that Stef could never resist her when she does that.  
“You’re drunk,” Stef states, nodding towards the now empty martini glass.   
“It’s a party, baby. Dance with me.” Lena insists, taking Stef’s hands in her and pulling the blonde woman onto the dance floor. Stef succumbs to her fate and allows herself to be led onto the dance floor. Lena holds her close, swaying her hips to the beat of the music. Lena knows that it drives Stef crazy, the feeling of her hips moving against her body.   
“You drive me crazy,” Stef growls, gently nipping at Lena’s earlobe.   
“I know,” Lena sultrily replies, feeling Stef’s muscular shoulders beneath her maroon, women’s blazer.   
“Are you going to do anything about it?” Stef asks suggestively.   
“Maybe tonight, if you’re good.” Lena winks, still moving her willowy body to the music.   
“Do you mind if I cut in?” Stewart asks as the music turns to a slow song, clearly oblivious to the conversation his daughter and future daughter-in-law were just having.  
“Of course,” Stef says, releasing Lena from her arms. “Be good,” She winks at her wife as she heads back to the bar.   
At the bar, a gin and tonic in hand, Stef watches her beautiful fiance and her father dance to the soft song. The two were chatting and laughing, and the sight makes Stef’s heart ache. It had been over a year since Stef had spoken to her own father. He had apparently come to visit her while she was in the hospital after her shooting, but he didn’t even wait for her to wake up. While the cop had never really planned or envisioned her wedding day growing up, she had always thought that her father would be there - to walk her down the aisle, to dance with her, to be happy for her. But now it seemed that none of that was going to happen.   
“Hey, this is quite the party,” Mike says, pulling Stef from the thoughts in her head.   
“Yes, it is.” Stef agrees once again. “Thank you for coming.”  
“I wouldn’t have missed it for the world.” Mike replies. “I am going to your best man, right?” He asks and the two laugh. It feels good to laugh with Mike. Since Stef’s return to work, things had been so busy that the two of them hadn’t had a chance to just enjoy each others’ company.   
“Only if you promise to wear a dress,” Stef jokes.   
“You planning on wearing a dress, Foster?” Mike chuckles.   
“I don’t know,” Stef replies. “Whatever Lena wants. She’s so excited. She’s already started planning.”   
“Oh yeah? What’ve you two decided on already?” Mike inquires.  
“We picked a date - June thirteenth - and a color scheme - white and teal.” Stef tells her partner.   
“It’s going to be a great day,” Mike says. “You two are perfect for each other.”  
“Thanks, Mike. That means a lot to me.” Stef says, truly moved at how accepting Mike had been of her whole relationship with Lena.   
“You both deserve the happiness, craziness, and troubles that come with being married.” Mike continues. “If anyone can make it fifty years or more, it’s the two of you.”


	19. Planning

“There are so many venues to choose from,” Lena sighs exasperatedly as she scrolls through pictures of dozens of wedding venues on her laptop.   
“Well what kind of place do you want to get married?” Kelly asks, sipping her herbal tea. Anyone else might think that their fiance’s ex-girlfriend helping plan their wedding would be weird, but Stef knows that Lena’s stress is starting to get to her and that she needs all the help she can get. Unfortunately, Stef apparently wasn’t as much help as she thought she would be. So far, Lena had vetoed all the ideas that she had brought up. Currently, Stef and Jenna were hanging out on the couch while Lena and Kelly poured over wedding planning books like crazy people.  
“Well, I was kind of thinking about a beach wedding, since we got engaged on the beach.” Lena says, smiling as she thinks back to the night that Stef proposed.   
“Oh, that would be a lot of fun!” Jenna exclaims.  
“Very romantic,” Kelly agrees.   
“Stef, what do you think?” Lena asks, looking expectantly to her wife-to-be.   
“I think that a beach wedding would be fantastic,” Stef says, her heart fluttering seeing Lena get so excited about their wedding. Lena shoots her a wink from across the room and her knees nearly buckle. How had she gotten so lucky to find a wonderful woman like Lena that wanted to spend the rest of her life with her crazy cop self?  
A few hours and two bottles of wine later, Lena had a list of half a dozen venues she wanted to call during the week, to see if any of them still had an opening for June thirteenth. Lena had also decided that she wanted to use fake roses instead of real ones, both cutting down on expenses and in hopes of keeping them forever to remember the day by. Stef was glad that Kelly and Lena had been able to get so much done today, but she was even gladder to be lounging on the couch with Lena’s head in her lap, her fingers playing with her fiance’s gorgeous curls.   
“I love you,” Stef says, staring at Lena’s face instead of the movie playing on the TV in front of them.   
“I love you, too.” Lena replies, turning her head to look into Stef’s hazel green eyes.   
“I cannot wait to marry you,” Stef strokes Lena’s cheek with her finger tips.   
“The feeling is mutual, baby.” Lena smiles back at the blonde woman. 

The next several months go by in a flurry of wedding planning mixed in with holiday celebrations. Both Lena and Stef were feeling the pressure and stress of everything. Which is why, when they both came down with a ferocious cold, it was a huge inconvenience. Stuffy noses and scratchy throats didn’t make their thousands of phone calls any easier. It was difficult to decide on a cake flavor when your taste buds had decided not to work. And trying to choose music for their playlist while both their heads were filled with so much sinus pressure was damn near impossible.   
“I think I’m dying,” Stef complains, face planting onto the couch after her shift.   
“Do you think we should take a couple of days off?” Lena asks as she ladles them each a bowl of piping hot chicken noodle soup.   
“Oh god, that sounds like the best idea I’ve ever heard,” Stef agrees, moving to sit at the kitchen table with Lena. The two women certainly looked like a pair; bags under their eyes, their noses red from blowing them too much, and their faces pale.   
“After dinner I’ll text Sanchez and you text Mike. We’ll spend the whole day in bed together.” Lena says, bringing a spoonful of soup up to her mouth and blowing on it gently. Stef smiles at her gorgeous fiance, surprised at the happiness she felt at the prospect of spending the day sick in bed with her.   
After their soup, Lena pulls Stef into the steaming hot shower with her. Showering together was one of their favorite pastimes. Tonight, however, there was nothing sexual about their activity. The two women just wanted to feel close to one another, with nothing between them, as the hot water pours down around them. Once the water has grown lukewarm, the engaged couple dries one another off and retires to their bed, the hum of the humidifier filling up the small room. With the help of a healthy dose of NyQuil, Stef and Lena are passed out in no time at all. The humming of the humidifier is joined by their loud snores.   
With a groan of both annoyance and pain, Stef wakes up to the sunlight streaming through the curtains and a pounding in her head. Thankful that she doesn’t have to work today, the blonde woman swallows a few ibuprofen and turns around to spoon a still sleeping Lena. Lena snuggles into her embrace, a small smile playing on her sleeping lips. The gentle rise and fall of Lena’s chest, along with the tiny wheeze that comes with her breath, lulls the blonde woman to sleep once more.   
When Lena wakes up a few hours later, the sun is almost to the center of the sky. Stef is still snuggled up to her back, one arm thrown over her chest. The curly haired woman grimaces at the pressure behind her eyes from her sinuses. She gently shifts to her back, trying not to wake Stef. Closing her eyes again, Lena tries to relax as the throbbing in her head continues.   
“Lena?” Stef says quietly, stroking Lena’s cheek with her fingertips.   
“Good morning,” Lena says through the pain in her head.   
“Are you okay, baby?” Stef asks with concern in her voice.  
“I’m fine.” Lena lies. “My head just hurts a little.”  
“Here,” Stef says, grabbing the ibuprofen from her bedside table. The rattling of the pills sends spikes of pain through Lena’s skull. “Take these.” Lena takes the pills and the bottle of water from Stef. The two women rest in bed for a while longer, until Lena finally feels like her head won’t explode if she opens her eyes.  
“So, what’s on our agenda for today, future Mrs. Adams Foster?” Stef asks, nuzzling Lena’s neck with the tip of her stuffed up nose.   
“More wedding planning,” Lena chuckles, pressing a kiss to Stef’s temple.


	20. Best Dressed

Excitement bubbles in Lena’s chest as her mother pulls the car up in front of one of the many bridal shops in San Diego. This was the first of most likely many shops they would be visiting today, but Lena was determined to find a dress today. She knew that today would be stressful with her mother, but she wasn’t going to let the stress or her mother ruin one of the most exciting days of her life.   
Inside the bridal shop, Lena suddenly feels overwhelmed by the number of dresses in such a small store. Row after row of white and ivory dresses; made of lace, chiffon, satin, and more. There were short dresses, long dresses, floor length dresses. Some dresses had long sleeves, short sleeves, or no sleeves at all. How was she going to decide between these dozens of gorgeous wedding dresses?

“Stephanie, won’t you please reconsider?” Sharon begs her daughter for the millionth time this morning.   
“Mom, I made my decision.” Stef tells her mother - also for the millionth time.   
“But you would look gorgeous in a white wedding dress.” Sharon whines.   
“Mom, I am wearing a suit.” Stef argues. She and Lena had many long discussions about what Stef would feel most comfortable wearing. Stef had never been a very girly girl growing up. She was a strong and confident police officer - and she wanted to feel that kind of strong and confident while she was marrying the love of her life, instead of feeling awkward in a very feminine wedding dress.   
“Can’t we just go look at some dresses,” Sharon asks.   
“No, mom.” Stef says sternly. “There’s no point in looking at dresses because I won’t be wearing one.”  
“Are you trying to break my heart, Stephanie?” Sharon asks, making a pouty face. Stef knew that her mom wasn’t completely serious, but still the words reminded her of her father.   
“You’re welcome not to attend,” Stef says, her voice tired from the discussion.   
“Over my dead body!” Sharon exclaims. “You could stand at the altar butt naked and I would still be at your wedding.”

Lena was exhausted. She had been wedding dress shopping with her mother for almost six hours now. They had been through five bridal shops and, every time Lena found something she thought she looked gorgeous in, her mother always had something negative to say. This was nothing new to Lena; she’d been dealing with her mother’s criticism for all of her twenty-six years.   
Today that criticism was grinding her and pulling her down. She was supposed to be finding a dress that made her feel beautiful as she married the love of her life. But right now, as she tried on her twelfth wedding dress of the day, all Lena could see were the flaws in herself that she knew her mother was surely going to point out.   
“Are you sure you want to go with the ivory color?” Dana questions her daughter.   
“I like it,” Lena replies, studying her reflection in the three-part mirror in front of her. She liked the way the ivory color complimented her light brown skin, versus the way that the plain white material made her seem washed out.   
“This lace seems too busy,” Dana comments, running her fingers along the floor length material.   
“It’s not busy,” Lena defends. “It’s lace. It’s classic.” Standing tall, looking at herself in the mirrors, Lena feels regal, beautiful, untouchable. “This is the one.” She states, not leaving any room for argument.   
“Are you sure? There are a few other stores we can look at.” Dana says skeptically.   
“No, this is the one, mom.” Lena can see herself walking down the aisle to Stef in this dress, cutting their wedding cake in this dress, enjoying their first dance in this dress - starting their lives together in this dress.   
The seamstress takes a few more measurements before Lena changes out of the dress. The car ride back to her apartment is awkwardly silent with her mom. But Lena couldn’t let her mother talk down to her anymore. Today, she had made a stand for herself on something so important to her and it had felt good. 

Sharon raps her knuckles against the plain white door of the condominium.   
“Sharon,” her ex-husband greets in surprise. Surely, she was the last person he expected to see at his front door this morning.   
“We need to talk,” Sharon tells Frank, stepping past him to let herself in.   
“What’s this about, Sharon?” Frank asks gruffly.  
“Our daughter is getting married, Frank.” Sharon says matter-of-factly  
“To that woman,” Frank rolls his eyes.   
“Lena is a lovely woman. She loves Stef, and Stef loves her.” Sharon replies. “I know how things went down when she came out to you. You crushed our daughter. All her life, she has wanted nothing more than your approval.”  
“I can’t approve of the lifestyle she’s choosing,” Frank argues. “I didn’t raise her to be like that.”  
“You need to let go of whatever expectations or god that is keeping you from letting go of this homophobia you’re harboring.” Sharon tells him. “Your daughter almost died when she got shot. And you barely stayed at the hospital long enough to make sure she made it out of surgery. If you don’t come to this wedding, you risk losing her forever. So you better put on a nice shirt and drag your saggy ass to that wedding.”

“How was dress shopping with your mom?” Stef asks Lena as the curly haired woman plops on the couch beside her, instantly laying her head into Stef’s comforting lap.   
“About as well as you can imagine,” Lena sighs. “She had a problem with every dress I tried on. But I think the biggest problem was that I was the one in them.”  
“I’m sorry, baby.” Stef says, stroking her future wife’s curly hair soothingly. “Did you find a dress?”  
“I did,” Lena says with a smile, thinking about her wedding dress again.   
“I can’t wait to be married to you,” Stef tells Lena, looking deeply into her chocolate brown eyes. The blonde woman could scarcely believe that such a gorgeous woman had agreed to marry her, to spend the rest of her life with her.


	21. Preparations

“I just don’t know if I even want him there.” Stef tells Dr. Fullman. Winter and Spring in San Diego had passed in a blink of an eye and now June was upon them. It was less than two weeks until Stef would be saying “I do” to Lena on their wedding day. “I love Lena with all my heart. I want to marry her. But when I think about our wedding, about my dad being at our wedding, I feel all of this shame.”  
“Shame for what?” Dr. Fullman pushes. After almost two years of being in therapy with Dr. Fullman, Stef was used to her pushiness. She was constantly pushing Stef to dig deeper into her past and the things that plagued her.   
“Shame for being in love with another woman. Shame for having sex with another woman. Shame for living my life with another woman.” Stef explains, tears stinging the back of her eyes.   
“When you feel this shame, is it your voice?” Dr. Fullman asks.  
“I don’t understand.” Stef replies, her eyebrows furrowed in confusion.  
“Who’s voice do you hear when you feel that shame? Is it yours? Or is it your father’s?” Dr. Fullman repeats. When Stef remains silent, she continues. “I think you need to do a lot of introspection before your wedding. You need to look inside yourself and listen to that shameful voice in your head. Determine whose voice it is and address it.”

Five days later, Stef is sitting in her car, outside her father’s condo, her heart pounding like a hammer inside her chest. She knew what she needed to do. It was the only way that she was going to be able to actually enjoy her wedding day. And she so desperately wanted to be able to enjoy her wedding day. Stef takes a deep breath and knocks on her father’s door.   
“Stef,” Frank says in surprise. She was the last person he expected to see on his doorstep today. He hadn’t seen his daughter since she was lying, unconscious, in the hospital last August.  
“Hey, dad.” Stef says curtly. She didn’t really have the heart for pleasantries today.   
“So, why the drop by?” Frank asks, stepping to the side to let Stef into the apartment.   
“I’ve been really embarrassed,” Stef says. “About my wedding. There’s a voice in my head that keeps telling me that what we’re doing is wrong - two women getting married, promising to love each other forever.” Stef continues, not giving her father a chance to interrupt her. “How messed up is that? I love Lena and the life that we’re creating together. But there’s this voice that keeps reminding me that this wedding is wrong.” Stef’s voice cracks as tears trickle from her eyes and down her cheeks. But she can’t stop now. She needs to get it all out before she loses her nerve. “And I finally realized that the voice in my head, it’s not my voice, it’s your voice, dad. It’s your voice - and, and I’m done listening to it. And I don’t want that voice at my wedding. I don’t want it there, dad, and - I don’t want you there.” Tears stream down the blonde woman’s face. “So, if you can’t get behind this wedding one hundred percent, then I don’t think you should come.” Stef stands in front of her father, wiping the tears from her cheeks. Finally getting the words out makes her feel more confident and sure of herself, like a black veil of shame has been lifted from around her. Without giving her father a chance to reply, Stef turns away and walks out the door. 

“Are you getting nervous?” Kelly asks Lena as the two women sip their champagne. The early summer air of San Diego was warm against Lena’s bare shoulders, a light breeze coming in off the Pacific Ocean.   
“A little.” Lena admits. “But mostly I’m just excited.” Tomorrow, she would be marrying the love of her life. Lena looks across the beach, where Stef is chatting with Mike and her father, and her heart flutters. As if sensing Lena’s eyes on her, Stef looks over and her hazel green eyes meet Lena’s chocolate brown eyes. With a soft smile, Stef excuses herself from her conversation and crosses the sand to Lena.   
“Hey, baby.” Stef says, giving Lena a quick peck on her full lips.   
“Hi,” Lena replies. “Should we get this party started?” The curly haired beauty asks, referring to their rehearsal dinner. Together, Stef and Lena gather their close friends and family beneath the large gazebo on the beach.   
“I can’t believe your father didn’t come,” Sharon says in disgust, shaking her head.   
“Mom, I asked him not to.” Stef admits.   
“Why would you do such a thing?” Sharon inquires.  
“Because I know he doesn’t support mine and Lena’s marriage. And I don’t want anyone here tonight or tomorrow that doesn’t want to be there - that doesn’t want to celebrate our love with us.” Stef tells her mother. It hadn’t been an easy decision. She had always imagined her father would be there at her wedding. But she wouldn’t let the best day of her life be ruined - not by anyone.   
Everyone not actively involved in the wedding takes their seats beneath the gazebo, where dinner will be served after a quick rehearsal. Stef and Lena had decided that they didn’t want anyone to stand up with them at the altar - other than their officiant. For legal purposes, Mike and Kelly would be signing their marriage license as their two witnesses. Stef stands awkwardly at the pretend “altar” dressed in her black slacks and dark blue button down. Down the aisle, Lena and her father are smiling and laughing. It warms Stef’s heart to see the two interact. Lena’s parents were the most supportive people that Stef had ever encountered in her entire life. The love they harbored for their daughter - and by extension, Stef - was complete and entire.   
As “Canon in D” begins playing, Lena links her arm with her father’s and begins her practice journey down the aisle. Stef had tried to get her to choose a less traditional bridal entrance song, but Lena liked the traditional stuff. Traditions had meaning behind them, and Lena loved that. When Lena and Stewart reach the makeshift altar, Stewart kisses his daughter on the cheek and steps to the side. The officiant goes through her speech, highlighting how Stef and Lena met for a funny anecdote, and the wives-to-be practice the vows they will repeat to each other tomorrow.   
“Are we saving the personal vows for tomorrow?” The officiant asks.  
“Yes,” both women answer in unison. They both wanted their personal vows to be a surprise.   
“Well, then this would be when I pronounce you as wife and wife, and you would walk back down the aisle.” The officiant smiles at the two women. “Now go get some food and enjoy your night.”  
As the purple, sunset filled sky turns to navy blue speckled with bright stars, Stef and Lena eat and drink and enjoy the company of their closest friends and family. Jenna kept trying to convince Mike and Stef to go out to a strip club after the rehearsal dinner. Stef thought that the brunette woman had lost her mind - since her own wife, Kelly, was standing right beside her. Jenna and Kelly had tied the knot six months ago, opting for a quicker courthouse ceremony than the big, extravagant wedding that Lena had practically begged Stef for. How could Stef say no to the curly haired beauty? The air growing chilly and their guests beginning to disperse, Stef and Lena decide to head home. With their fingers intertwined with each other’s, the two women walk across the sand of the beach, knowing they would be returning tomorrow to profess their love for each other and join their two separate lives as one.


	22. Wedding Day

Lena’s eyes flutter open as she feels a pair of soft lips against the bare skin of her shoulder. Smiling, the curly haired woman rolls over in Stef’s arms, trailing her fingers down the blonde woman’s cheek.   
“Good morning,” Stef smiles, pressing kisses to Lena’s slender fingers.   
“Good morning,” Lena beams. Today was their wedding day! She could hardly contain the excitement bubbling up inside her.   
“I love you so much,” Stef breathes, studying every part of Lena’s gorgeous face. How had she managed to convince this breathtaking woman to marry her? Somedays, Lena still felt so unreal to Stef.   
“I love you too,” Lena says, wrapping her arms around the blonde woman and pressing their bodies together. With their breasts pressed together, Lena brushes her lips against Stef’s, savoring her taste. Passion ignites inside Stef as Lena's fingers play with her short hair. The shorter woman tangles her fingers into Lena’s dark, curly hair, increasing the intensity of her lips.   
“Stef,” Lena says, barely breaking their kiss. She knows where this will lead if she doesn’t stop it soon. “We don’t have time for this.” They both needed to get some breakfast and head off to get ready for the day. Lena hears Stef groan as the blonde woman trails her fingers from her curly hair to the small of her back.   
“We have to go get ready.” Lena tells her. “For our wedding.”  
“Hmmm, that’s right, our wedding.” Stef smiles.   
“Our wedding,” Lena repeats.

“How are you feeling, darling?” Dana asks, sitting beside her daughter in the hair salon. Dana was in the middle of having her hard to tame hair straightened, while makeup was applied to her daughter’s face.   
“A little nauseous,” Lena admits with a chuckle. After breakfast this morning, she and Stef had split up to get themselves ready for the day. While the curly haired woman was excited to see Stef’s face when she saw her in her dress for the first time, she wished that her bride-to-be was there to help calm her nerves.   
“That’s completely normal.” Dana tells her daughter with a smile. “The day I married your father, I was a complete wreck. And I wouldn’t change any of it for the world.”  
“Thank you for being here with me,” Lena says to her mother, reaching through the gap between their chairs to take her mother’s hand in hers.   
“Oh darling, there is nowhere else in the universe that I would rather be.” Dana replies, squeezing her daughter’s hand tightly. 

Stef studies herself in the full body mirror of the hotel room. She is dressed in her personally tailored white slacks, white blazer, and white button up shirt. Her light blonde hair is mildly styled with a cream pomade; not too much, but just enough that her hair won’t misbehave during the wedding and the photography stint after. In less than an hour, she would be standing on the beach altar, waiting to marry the love of her life.   
“Are you decent?” Sharon calls after a couple of soft knocks.   
“Hey mom,” Stef says with a smile. Her mother is dressed in a knee length floral print dress, her hair freshly dyed an orangey-red.   
“Are you all ready?” Sharon asks, taking in her daughter’s appearance. She still wished that she had changed her mind and worn a dress, but today was not a day to rehash that argument.   
“I think so,” Stef replies, nerves building in her stomach as she turns away from the mirror.   
“You look beautiful, Stephanie.” Sharon says, embracing her daughter. 

Stef stands anxiously at the altar, shifting her weight from foot to foot as she stands on the white sand of Seagrove Park at L’Auberge Del Mar Resort. Friends and family are seated in white, wooden chairs, creating an aisle between them that Lena would soon be walking down. The altar was formed by a flower covered arch standing ten feet in front of the chairs. It was a cooler June day in San Diego, a gentle breeze coming in off of the nearby ocean.   
As “Canon in D” begins playing, the murmuring crowd hushes and necks turn to see Lena appearing with her father at the far end of the aisle. Stef’s heart stills in her chest, the breath in her lungs dissipates, her mouth goes suddenly dry; she has never seen a sight as beautiful as Lena in her wedding dress. The floor length, lace material hugs her body perfectly. Her curly, brown hair is tied up atop her head. All Stef can focus on is the ethereal angel steadily gliding across the sand towards her.   
Lena and Stewart reach the altar. Stewart whispers something into his only daughter’s ear that makes her smile before taking his seat beside Dana in the front row of seats. Standing on the opposite side of the altar, facing Stef, tears spring to Lena’s eyes already. Stef looks more dazzling than she had even imagined in her specially tailored white suit.   
“Welcome, friends and family.” The officiant begins. “We are gathered here today to celebrate the union of Stephanie Marie Foster and Lena Elizabeth Adams. We are here to support their commitment of love and share in their joy as they choose to spend the rest of their lives together.” Stef thinks back to her decision to be her most authentic self, which led her to this impossibly happy moment. “Stef, Lena, your marriage will be a lifelong promise to love, respect, trust, and honor each other through the good, the bad, and the unexpected.” Lena thinks back to nine months ago when the most unexpected thing had happened - Stef’s shooting. It had been the most difficult part of their relationship thus far, but it had only made them stronger. “This union represents your commitment to support one another as individual beings but share your joys, sorrows, and dreams as one. A strong bond works in unison not only to nurture the best parts of your personalities, but to understand each other’s differences and flaws. You are committing to learn how to grow alongside one another while remembering to keep an open mind throughout your journey.” Both women knew that there would be things they would butt heads over during the course of their hopefully many years of marriage. “Today, you gain an equal partner that will be your confidant, your defender and your motivator through all of your aspirations and goals. You will celebrate each accomplishment, provide peace through every setback and most importantly, give love in life’s both big and little moments.” There were so many things the two wanted to experience together. “You are creating a new home where love, trust and loyalty are the foundation. No matter what the future throws your way, rely on those foundations and you shall only see your bond grow stronger and your souls grow wiser.” The officiant pauses and smiles reassuringly at Stef and Lena. “The couple would now like to exchange their personal vows. Lena.” The officiant nods to the curly haired woman.   
“Stephanie Marie Foster, you’re a piece of work but you’re my piece of work, I accept you. Every single thing that makes you who you are, from now until the end of time, I love you.” Lena vows to the love of her life, tears forming in her chocolate brown eyes as she clutches Stef’s hands. The blonde woman wipes her cheeks quickly before reciting her own vows.   
“Lena, you’re the person I’ve been waiting for my whole life and I am so proud to be standing up here, in front of our friends and family, to make sure they know just how lucky I feel to have found you and just how much I love you.” Lena knows how momentous this is, for Stef to admit to everyone important in their lives just how much she loved her. Lena would never cease to be amazed at the blonde woman’s strength and courage, overcoming the adversary of homophobia in her own home growing up. The officiant produces two simple, white gold wedding bands from her pocket.   
“Stephanie Marie Foster, with this ring, I promise to love and cherish you forever, until death do us part.” Lena recites, slipping the white gold band onto Stef’s left ring finger as tears of happiness trickle down her cheeks.   
“Lena Elizabeth Adams, with this ring, I promise to love and cherish you forever, until death do us part.” Stef repeats, sniffling back her tears.   
“I now pronounce you Mrs. and Mrs. Adams Foster.” The officiant exclaims. “You may now kiss the bride.”   
Their faces breaking into matching smiles, Stef and Lena bring their lips together in a gentle kiss as the crowd of family and friends in front of them cheers exuberantly. Breaking their kiss, the two women walk hand in hand back down the aisle, as wife and wife.


	23. Wedding Reception

An hour later, Stef’s cheeks are aching from all the smiling she’s been doing - both for the wedding pictures and out of pure joy. Today, she had married the love of her life and her best friend. She couldn’t be happier as she and the curly haired beauty trek across the white sand towards their wedding reception. With Lena’s hand in hers, there was nothing she couldn’t accomplish.  
As they cross under the giant gazebo that had been erected this morning for their wedding, their friends and family erupt into another round of cheering. Laughing, the two women bring their lips together as their guests tap their forks against their water glasses. Knowing her mother, Stef knew that would be happening a lot tonight. But she didn’t mind. Kissing Lena was her favorite activity in the entire world.  
The newlyweds take a seat at their sweetheart table beneath the gazebo. Each table is adorned with a white tablecloth and a centerpiece made up of teal and white roses, along with some baby’s breath, in a simple glass vase. Above their heads, the gazebo is decorated with strands of glittering fairy lights. It was a simple yet elegant look that both Lena and Stef enjoyed.  
Once the rest of their guests have taken their seats, the waiters from the resort begin bringing out plates of food. Tonight, their guests had an option of grilled salmon, grilled ribeye, or grilled chicken breast accompanied by a fresh garden salad, a steamed vegetable medley, and oven roasted potatoes. Stef would never tell her new wife this, but the food was more delicious than what even Lena cooked on a regular basis.  
After finishing their own dinner, Stef and Lena begin making the rounds, thanking their guests for coming to celebrate their wedding with them.  
“It was a lovely ceremony,” Timothy tells them with a smile. Lena had been hesitant to invite anyone from Anchor Beach to their wedding, but Timothy was her closest work friend and had been there for her after Stef had been shot.  
“Thank you so much for coming,” Lena says, giving the English teacher a quick hug.  
“You two are gorgeous,” Captain Roberts says as Stef and Lena approach her table, where Mike and a few others from the Fifth Precinct are seated. “Such a wonderful wedding too.”  
“Thank you, Captain.” Stef says with a bright smile. It had taken a long time, but Stef was finally comfortable letting those in her professional life see her personal life. She was so proud to show Lena, her wife, off to the world.  
“I can’t wait to get you two out on the dance floor!” Jenna chuckles and snorts, sipping her glass of champagne.  
“You’ll have to excuse her. She’s definitely taking advantage of the free champagne.” Kelly tells the newlyweds, thoroughly embarrassed by her own wife.  
“It is very good champagne,” Gretchen chimes in, sipping from her own glass.  
“Thank you all so much for coming,” Stef says as the women all exchange hugs. There was a time when Stef would have been weary about inviting two of Lena’s ex-girlfriend to their wedding. But Stef was confident in her relationship with Lena and Lena’s love for her. Jenna, Kelly, and Gretchen had proven to be valuable friends.  
After dinner is finished, the photographer comes out again as Stef and Lena cut their wedding cake together. Feeling a little silly and devilish, Stef smears a bit of frosting across her new wife’s plump lips. In an act of revenge, Lena pulls Stef close to her body and presses sweet, frosting-filled kisses to the blonde’s cheek. Lost in each other as they laugh together, neither woman cares about the photographer or the crowd watching them. As slices of vanilla wedding cake with white, American buttercream are passed out to the guests, the DJ begins setting up for the second half of the reception.  
“Ladies and gentleman, I’d like to reintroduce you to Mrs. and Mrs. Adams Foster,” the DJ announces, gearing up the music for their first dance. Together, Stef and Lena take the center of the dance floor. Stef’s heart is beating hard with nerves, but Lena’s steady hands on her shoulders makes the blonde woman feel like she could take on the world. As the music starts, the two women begin moving slowly in time with the beat.

  
_Maybe it's intuition_   
_But some things you just don't question_   
_Like in your eyes, I see my future in an instant_   
_And there it goes_   
_I think I found my best friend_   
_I know that it might sound_   
_More than a little crazy but I believe_   
_I knew I loved you before I met you_   
_I think I dreamed you into life_   
_I knew I loved you before I met you_   
_I have been waiting all my life_

Lena knew in her heart that she and Stef had made for each other - by some supreme being that had created the universe and everything in it.

_There's just no rhyme or reason_   
_Only the sense of completion_   
_And in your eyes_   
_I see the missing pieces I'm searching for_   
_I think I've found my way home_

  
Stef had never imagined she’d find someone like Lena - someone who made her feel strong and vulnerable at the same time, someone she couldn’t live without. She hadn’t even really been looking, but somehow this gorgeous, curly haired queen had found her way into Stef’s life and through her tough exterior.

_I know that it might sound_   
_More than a little crazy but I believe_   
_I knew I loved you before I met you_   
_I think I dreamed you into life_   
_I knew I loved you before I met you_   
_I have been waiting all my life_

  
Resting their foreheads against each others’, Stef and Lena are lost in each other’s eyes, their hearts bursting with the love they feel for one another. In this moment, there is only the two of them in the entire universe.

  
_A thousand angels dance around you_   
_I am complete now that I've found you_   
_I knew I loved you before I met you_   
_I think I dreamed you into life_   
_I knew I loved you before I met you_   
_I have been waiting all my life_   
_I knew I loved you before I met you_   
_I think I dreamed you into life_   
_I knew I loved you before I met you_   
_I have been waiting all my life_   
_I knew I loved you before I met you_   
_I knew I loved you_   
_I knew I loved you before I met you_   
_I knew I loved you_   
_I knew I loved you before I met you_   
_I knew I loved you before I met you_   
_I knew I loved you_

“Once again, I present to you Mrs. and Mrs. Adams Foster!” The DJ exclaims again as the song comes to an end. Their friends and family cheer again, breaking Stef and Lena out of their moment. Stef and Lena remain on the dance floor as a flood of guests join them, some popular pop music playing through the speakers.  
“I love you, Mrs. Adams Foster.” Stef tells her new wife, gazing lovingly into her chocolate brown eyes.  
“I love you, too, Mrs. Adams Foster.” Lena replies, pressing her plump lips against Stef’s as the music continues around them.


	24. Travels

Feet aching from her strappy, three inch, wedge heels, Lena sits on the edge of the king sized bed and massages her ankles. After freeing her feet from their torture devices, Lena sets herself to removing the dozens of bobby pins from her thick, curly hair. Despite how tired her mind and body were, Lena couldn’t stop smiling. Stef, her wife, was in the bathroom of their resort suite, showering after their long day. A devilish idea entering her mind, Lena makes quick work of undoing the rest of her hair and then slips out of her lace wedding dress, carefully hanging it up before slipping into the bathroom.   
Lena takes a moment to ogle her incredibly sexy wife, her lean body dripping wet and covered in soap. Standing stark naked in the bathroom, watching her oblivious wife in the shower, Lena can feel wetness collecting between her own thighs. Just the sight or thought of Stef made Lena aroused.   
“Hey, baby.” Lena says seductively as she slips into the shower.  
“Hi,” Stef smiles as Lena wraps her arms around her wet body, her plump lips trailing down her sensitive neck.   
“You’re so sexy,” Lena breathes into Stef’s ear, nibbling at her earlobe. Stef leans into Lena’s embrace, her own arousal building between her legs. The hot water raining around them, Lena teases Stef’s nipples, pulling and rolling them with her long, deft fingers while her lips continue their assault of the blonde woman’s neck.   
“Lena,” Stef moans, craving more of Lena’s touch. Lena’s hands travel down from Stef’s supple breasts, down her taut stomach, and finally to the golden curls between her legs. Gently stroking the slick outer lips of Stef’s pussy, Lena pushes her wife against the cool, tiled wall of the shower. Stef gasps at the sensation, the cool tile against her nipples sending shockwaves of pleasure through her body.   
“Lena,” Stef moans again, begging for Lena to give her the pleasure she so desperately is craving. Lena grazes her teeth along the skin of Stef’s sexy back as the fingers of her right hand gently circle over her swollen clitoris. With her other hand, Lena continues to pleasure Stef’s pink nipples; alternating from one hardened, rose-colored peak to the other.   
“Lena, please.” Stef begs, her breath hitching in her throat. Deciding not to torture her new wife too much more, Lena gently inserts two fingers into Stef’s soaking wet pussy. Stef’s eyes roll into the back of her head as Lena’s fingers continue to fuck her, sending pleasure every nerve in her body.   
“Oh, Lena, yes.” Stef gasps, clawing at the wet tile of the shower. Lena quickly pulls her fingers from Stef’s pussy, eliciting a frustrated groan from the blonde woman. Lena lowers herself to the wet floor of the shower, positioning her head between Stef’s legs, drawn in by the strong scent of her aching pussy. Holding onto the back of Stef’s strong thighs, Lena runs her tongue up and down the blonde woman’s wet slit. Stef’s taste explodes against Lena’s tongue, driving the curly haired woman to explore further. Lena flicks her tongue over Stef’s clit, causing the blonde woman’s legs to buckle. Smiling against her wife’s pussy, Lena pulls Stef’s swollen clitoris between her lips and suckles.   
“Shit, Lena!” Stef calls out, her thighs tightening around Lena’s head. Stef’s juices flood Lena’s mouth as her body begins to tremble. “I’m gonna cum.” She pants, rocking her pussy gently against Lena’s skilled mouth. Stef screams in ecstasy as her orgasm overtakes her, her muscles shaking uncontrollably.   
“I love when you come in my mouth like that.” Lena whispers into Stef’s ear after pulling herself up from the floor of the shower. Stef mumbles inaudibly in response, still coming down from her orgasm. The water having grown cold, Lena takes Stef by the arm and leads the blonde woman to their king-sized hotel bed.   
“I love you.” Stef murmurs, her bear skin pressed against Lena’s.   
“I love you, too.” Lena replies, stroking Stef’s short blonde hair. Stef nuzzles into Lena’s neck, her fingers trailing up and down the smooth skin of her stomach. Her touch as light as a feather, Stef brings her fingers up to Lena’s breast, circling one nipple with the tip of her index finger. Lena’s breathing increases, goosebumps spreading across her light brown skin. Stef rolls herself on top of Lena and brings their mouths together in a passionate kiss. With their tongues fighting for dominance, Stef massages Lena’s perky breasts with her strong but soft hands.   
Stef moves her lips down Lena’s slender neck, grazing the sensitive skin with her teeth. Lena moans, trying desperately to grind herself against Stef, futilely trying to produce some kind of friction against her core. Stef’s hands are replaced by her mouth on Lena’s breasts, covering her dark nipples with her mouth, tongue gently circling around the sensitive buds. Lena tangles her fingers in Stef’s short blonde, tugging gently as her wife bites down gently on her nipples.   
“Stef.” Lena moans, feeling her own wetness drip onto the sheets beneath her. Lips upturned in a smile around Lena’s nipple, Stef uses her fingers to explore Lena’s wet center. Thrusting two fingers into her wife’s pulsating pussy, Stef uses the muscles of her strong biceps to increase her pleasure.   
“Oh, god, Stef, don’t stop.” Lena pants as Stef presses her thumb against her clitoris, sending shockwaves of pleasure through her body. Stef abandons Lena’s nipple, focusing completely on the movements of her hand that is providing pleasure to her wife.   
“Oh,” Lena gasps, her eyes rolling into the back of her skull as pleasure shoots through her body like electricity through a loose power cord. Stef slows her fingers as Lena’s body stills, gently pulling out as she wraps her new wife into her arms. With their naked bodies pressed together, the newly wed women fall asleep to the rhythmic crashing of the waves against the white sand shore. 

Stef places her hand over Lena’s on the armrest. They were both bleary-eyed and tired on this early Sunday morning. Despite their late night activities, they’d been required to wake up early to board their flight that was bound for Turks and Caicos. In just over ten hours, they would be in their very own tropical paradise, enjoying their honeymoon together.


	25. Sandy Beaches

“Welcome to Beaches Resort here in Turks and Caicos!” Stef and Lena are greeted by the concierge of Beaches Resort as soon as they exit the shuttle from the airport. Both women are completely awestruck by the island and the resort in front of them. Neither of them have ever been anywhere so beautiful before.   
After checking in at the front desk, Stef and Lena head over to the Caribbean Village. Inside their luxury honeymoon suite, there is a mahogany four-poster king-sized bed, a separate sitting area with a couch and flat screen tv that also leads out to small outdoor balcony, and a large en suite bathroom with a whirlpool tub and large shower.   
“This place is gorgeous,” Lena breathes, taking in the view from their balcony.   
“Almost as gorgeous as you.” Stef smirks, wrapping her arms around her curly haired wife and kissing her long neck.   
“You’re such a flirt.” Lena rolls her eyes. Somehow, after their insanely long day of airline travel, her wife still had sex on the brain.   
“I can’t help myself when I’m around you.” Stef whispers sultrily in Lena’s ear, nibbling on the shell.   
“Well, you’re going to have to find some way to contain yourself because I am dying to lie on that beach.” Lena tells her horny wife, leaving the balcony for rummage through their suitcase that was sitting on the king-sized bed before heading into the large bathroom.   
When Lena exits the bathroom, Stef’s jaw hits the floor. It’s not that they’ve never been to the beach together before. And Stef has seen Lena in everything from a little black dress, to a bikini, to sexy lingerie, to nothing. But the way that Lena’s new, white bikini shows off her body makes Stef’s brain malfunction. The white fabric of the bikini top holds Lena’s perky breasts perfectly. And the matching fabric of her bikini bottoms shows off just enough of Lena’s delicious booty to leave a little bit to the imagination.   
“Do you see something you like?” Lena asks, her inner seductress peaking out. The blonde woman just nods, unable to speak. “Go change.” Lena instructs her tongue-tied wife with a giggle.   
Fifteen minutes later, the newlyweds are lounging on two towels on one of the many the white sand beaches of Turks and Caicos. It was late afternoon in the Caribbean June, so the sun was hot and the sand even hotter. Lena was loving the feeling of the sun on her light brown skin, the scent of her coconut sunscreen filling her nostrils.   
“I’m going to go take a dip.” Stef informs her wife, giving her a quick peck on the lips before crossing the scorching sand to the cool waves of the Caribbean Sea. To beat the shock of the temperature change, Stef dunks her entire body into the cool, refreshing saltwater. Standing up and shaking excess seawater from her hair, Stef has no idea that Lena is watching her from up on the beach. Stef’s royal blue bikini compliments her pale skin and luscious, short blonde hair. Lena’s eyes are magnetically attracted to her wife’s fuller breasts, barely being contained by her bikini top.   
Unable to resist the space between them, Lena quickly crosses the white sand and pulls her sexy wife in for a searing kiss. With her lips still pressed to her wife’s, Stef wraps her arms around Lena and dunks her entire body into the salty ocean. Laughing and sputtering sea water, Lena exacts her revenge by splashing Stef. The newlyweds enter a truce when both of them are doubled over in laughter.   
“I love you.” Stef tells Lena, floating in the ocean as the Caribbean sun warms her pale skin. .   
“I love you, too.” Lena replies, brushing her plump lips against Stef’s pink ones. 

“This is the most delicious tuna I have ever had.” Lena says, practically moaning as she consumes her dinner. The two women were seated practically right on the beach at Schooner’s Seafood Grill. Lena was gushing over her teriyaki marinated tuna steak while Stef enjoyed her shrimp alfredo. Lena was wearing a green and tan sundress over her white bikini, and Stef had pulled on a pair of bermuda shorts and a tank top over her own swimsuit.   
“We will have to try to replicate it when we get back home,” Stef replies, sipping at her glass of Merlot.   
“Do we have to go home?” Lena jokes. They hadn’t even been on the island of Turks and Caicos for a full day yet but Lena was already in love with it all.   
After finishing their entrees, the two women decide to split some mango sorbet. Stef’s buddies on the police force would always harp on her about her love of tropical fruit flavors - mango, pineapple, dragonfruit. It was nice to have someone willing to share mango sorbet with her as the sun set behind them on their tropical honeymoon. Lena looked incredibly stunning in the orangey pink glow from the setting sun as she enjoyed another spoonful of the delicious, yellow sorbet.   
“What are you thinking about, honey?” Lena asks her wife, reaching across the table to intertwine their fingers.   
“That I can’t wait to get you back to our room.” Stef practically growls, her voice low with desire.   
“Is that right, Mrs. Adams Foster?” Lena replies with a sly grin.   
“Yes, ma’am.” Stef tells her wife, her hazel green eyes trained on Lena’s chocolate brown ones. Without a second thought, Lena stands up and drags her wife back to their resort suite.   
Once they are safely behind the locked door of their suite, Lena’s hands instantly go to the button and zipper of Stef’s tan bermuda shorts before pulling her in for a searing, passionate kiss. While their tongues are fighting for dominance, Lena pushes Stef onto the four poster king-sized bed, falling on top of the slightly shorter woman. Pressing her thigh against Stef’s core, the curly haired woman smiles as her wife moans in response to the friction.   
Stef flips them over so that Lena is beneath her and she is straddling her wife. The blonde woman pulls her tank top over her head and tosses it to the side. Watching her wife with hungry eyes, Lena’s fingers ghost over the skin of her taut stomach and abs. Stef yanks the sundress from Lena’s body and begins pressing kisses against her smooth, salty skin.   
“I have wanted to tear this bathing suit off of you since you put it on.” Stef breathes huskily into Lena’s ear, playing with the edge of the white material just beneath her wife’s breasts.   
“Then why is it still on?” Lena asks, her voice laced with desire.   
“Because I don’t want to ruin it.” Stef replies, kissing down Lena’s neck, her hands reaching behind her wife to untie the tiny string holding the annoying, but sexy piece of fabric to her wife’s chest.   
Letting the white material fall to the floor, Stef replaces it with her mouth on Lena’s breasts, kissing the soft brown flesh gently. Lena wraps her arms around Stef’s back, pulling her royal blue bikini top off and letting it join her own on the floor. Stef kisses back up Lena’s neck, biting gently at her pulse point.   
“Oh, Stef.” Lena moans, her fingers tangled in her wife’s short blonde hair.   
“I have a surprise for you.” Stef whispers into Lena’s ear, nibbling at her earlobe.   
“Oh?” Lena asks, her curiosity piqued. Stef detaches her lips from Lena’s body and starts rummaging through their suitcase.   
“I-um, bought this online. I thought it would, maybe, be fun to try out.” Stef says nervously, sliding back into bed with Lena. In Stef’s pale hands is a seven inch, bright purple dildo in a strap-on harness. “They had, um, skin tones but I guess I didn’t know what, um, color you would, um, prefer.” Stef rambles. Her own face a deep shade of pink, Stef studies Lena’s reaction. Lena’s eyes are trained on the bright purple phallus, holding her lower lip between her teeth. “Oh god, you hate it. What was I thinking? Of course you hate it. We’re lesbians for Christ’s sake. We don’t have to use it. I’ll just go put it back.” Lena stills Stef’s body as she tries to leave the king-sized bed again. In her hazel green eyes, she can see the cop’s fear and embarrassment.   
“I don’t hate it.” She tells Stef gently, cupping the blonde woman’s face in her hand. “I had no idea that you would be interested in anything like that.”  
“I find the idea. . . intriguing.” Stef admits nervously. During the duration of their relationship, things in the bedroom had remained rather vanilla between them. Stef wasn’t necessarily into anything kinky per se, but she was definitely open to exploring new things in the bedroom.   
“Then I think you better put that harness on.” Lena tells Stef seductively, her eyes darkening with desire. With her heart racing, Stef rushes to the bathroom to slip off her bikini bottoms and figure out how to put the harness on.   
Stef exits the bathroom and stands in the middle of the room, the bright purple phallus jutting out from below her waist. Lena watches her as she crosses the room, eyes trained on the dildo between her wife’s legs. She can feel the warm wetness between her own legs begin to grow.   
“Hi.” Stef says nervously, stopping to stand beside the bed. This had seemed like such a good idea five minutes ago, but now Stef’s anxiety levels were skyrocketing. She literally had no idea how to use a penis. What if she wasn’t good at it? What if Lena didn’t like it?   
“Hey.” Lena smiles. “Come here.” She says as she reaches her arm out to her clearly nervous wife. Stef climbs onto the king-sized bed and lays beside her wife. Lena cups her face and brings their lips together, her fingertips ghosting across Stef’s skin as their lips move against each other’s. Despite her nervousness, Stef can’t help but bring her hands to Lena’s perky breasts, running her thumbs over their hardening nipples. Lena moans into Stef’s mouth, her hand reaching down between, gripping the soft silicon of the dildo, pressing its base against Stef’s pussy.   
“Oh!” Stef gasps as the unexpected sensation. She had bought this particular toy with Lena’s pleasure in mind, but she’d be remiss if she didn’t enjoy the pleasure her wife was aiming to give her.   
“Stef, I want you to fuck me.” Lena whispers huskily, her breath hot on Stef’s ear.   
“There’s some lube in the suitcase. Let me go-”   
“You won’t need that.” Lena tells her, leading Stef’s fingers to the wetness between her legs.   
“You’re so wet, baby.” Stef says, running a fingertip up and down Lena’s wet slit.   
“All for you.” Lena growls as Stef runs circles around her clit. Deciding not to torture her new wife any further, Stef rolls on top of her and positions the dildo at her entrance. Bringing her lips to Lena’s, she presses a fierce kiss to her wife’s plump lips as she gently pushes her cock into her pussy.   
“Oh, god, Stef!” Lena exclaims as Stef stretches her pussy. Stef presses kisses to Lena’s neck as she continues to thrust into Lena. “Oh, Stef, it feels so good.” Lena pants, raking her nails down Stef’s back. Detaching her lips from Lena’s neck, Stef leans back a little to focus her energy on her thrusts, making them more forceful and deeper. Her jaw nearly drops to the floor when Lena reaches her hand down between them and begins rubbing her own clitoris.   
“Don’t stop!” Lena begs, furiously circling her clit with her fingers, eyes shut tightly in pleasure. Stef continues her thrusts, making sure to angle herself just right to hit Lena’s g-spot. “Oh, shit!” Lena exclaims, her muscles quaking in pleasure beneath Stef.   
“Oh my god.” Lena sighs after Stef pulls out of her and tosses the strap-on and harness to the floor with their clothes. “That was insane.”  
“I hope that means it was good.” Stef teases, pulling Lena to rest on her chest.   
“So good.” She says, nuzzling into her wife’s embrace.


	26. Turquoise Waters

Stef and Lena gaze at the miles of turquoise ocean in front of them, the paddles of their kayaks slicing through the crystal clear water. The newlyweds were spending this gorgeous, tropical morning exploring the outskirts of the island via sea kayak. So far, they had been able to see some coral reefs with dozens of different kinds of colorful fish and other sea life. Lena was dying to see some sea turtles or maybe even a few dolphins.  
For now, she was settling for watching Stef’s strong and sexy back as the blonde woman paddles her kayak a few yards ahead of Lena. Her wife was wearing that royal blue bikini again, which was driving Lena absolutely insane. Her mind was still preoccupied with thoughts of last night; thoughts of Stef fucking her hard and fast with the strap-on. Just the idea makes heat gather between Lena’s legs in her white bikini bottoms.   
“Check it out, babe!” Stef calls, pointing out towards the horizon, breaking Lena out of her naughty thoughts. A few hundred yards away, a couple of dolphins are jumping and playing in the blue waves of the sea. Lena’s heart leaps at the sight of the majestic and social creatures.   
After a few hours of paddling around the island, the two women are in the Beaches Resort Spa. After working their back muscles in a new and unusual way, both women were thoroughly enjoying their couple’s massage. They had already gotten their pedicures and facials. Lena was truly feeling like a queen today, and Stef was glad. She would give her queen anything and everything in the world. 

Back in their suite, the two women strip off their clothes before Stef pulls Lena onto the four poster king sized bed. Her entire body felt so relaxed after their spa treatments and massage. All she wanted to do was feel Lena against her body. Lena tucks her head under Stef’s chin, tracing her fingertips along her collarbone.   
“I wish we could stay here forever.” Stef murmurs, her lips pressed against Lena’s forehead. Her eyelids were feeling heavy.   
“Hmmm, me too, baby.” Lena agrees, the steady rise and fall of Stef’s chest beginning to lull her to sleep.   
Lena’s eyelids flutter open several hours later. The sun is beginning it’s descent in the sky. She and Stef hadn’t planned on sleeping this long, but they both clearly had needed it after their adventures today. Carefully untangling herself from Stef’s arms, Lena crosses the room and rummages through their suitcase - looking for her cocoa butter moisturizer. Instead, she finds a sleek, three inch, black vibrator. Pulling her lower lip between her teeth, Lena runs her fingers over the device. Clearly, Stef had done a little more online shopping than she had originally said.   
With a devilish smirk, Lena takes the small device and returns to the king-sized bed. The steady rise and fall of Stef’s chest tells the curly haired woman that her wife is still fast asleep. Lena turns the vibrator onto the lowest setting, listening to its soft hum for a moment before pressing it lightly to Stef’s clit over her panties. Stef’s eyes flutter at the new sensation. Lena bites her lower lip as a quiet moan escapes Stef’s mouth subconsciously.   
“Ohhh,” Stef moans as Lena turns up the vibrations of the device. “What’s happening?” The blonde woman asks, her hazel green eyes meeting Lena’ chocolate brown ones.   
“I found the other toy you bought for us online.” Lena tells her wife, circling the vibrator around her clitoris for emphasis.   
“I was going to surprise you with it later.” Stef grins, gasping in pleasure.   
“I guess the tables have turned, Mrs. Adams Foster.” Lena smirks, pulling her wife’s panties down and pressing the vibrator directly on her already swelling clitoris.   
“Oh, Lena!” Stef moans at the more intense sensation. She loved Lena’s fingers on her but this was a whole new level of pleasure.   
“Do you like it, baby?” Lena asks, her breath hot against her wife’s ear.   
“Yes.” Stef groans, her hips bucking up against the vibrator -- begging for more. Lena moves the vibrator from Stef’s clit and presses it inside her. “Oh, god!” Stef gasps at the feeling of the vibrations inside her wet pussy.   
“You are so sexy.” Lena nibbles at Stef’s earlobe, lightly thrusting the vibrator in and out of her wife’s pussy. Stef’s hands were tightly gripping the sheets beneath her, eyes shut, and her mouth hanging open in pleasure. Lena moves the vibrator back to her clit, one hundred percent focused on making her wife cum.   
“Oh, Lena, don’t stop! Please don’t stop!” Stef begs, her body tightening in preparation for her orgasm. “Lena!” Stef exclaims, her body shaking uncontrollably in pleasure. Lena switches the vibrator off and places it on the bedside table before pulling Stef’s body onto her chest.   
“That was fantastic.” Stef murmurs against Lena’s chest, still coming down from her high.   
“I’m glad you enjoyed it, baby.” Lena smiles, running her fingers through Stef’s short, blonde hair.   
“But I had bought that to use on you.” Stef tells her wife, looking up at her wife with a flirtatious grin. With their eyes locked on each others’, Stef reaches for the vibrator. Turning it onto its lowest setting, Stef first touches its tip to one of Lena’s already hardened nipples. Lena’s eyes roll into the back of her skull in pleasure as Stef switches nipples. This use for the vibrator had never even crossed her mind. She wouldn’t be forgetting it anytime soon, as wetness floods her cotton panties. Stef gently trails the vibrator down the valley between Lena’s breasts and across her flat stomach. The curly haired woman shivers in response, goosebumps rising across her caramel skin.   
Stef shoves Lena’s drenched panties down her long legs and rubs the vibrator up and down her wet slit. Pressing kisses to Lena’s neck, Stef gently runs over Lena’s swollen clit causing the younger woman to gasp in surprise. She spreads her legs, giving Stef complete and total access to her most intimate area. She trusted Stef entirely with all of her - her heart, soul, and body.   
“Stef.” Lena moans, her head thrown back in pleasure.   
“Yes, baby?” Stef asks, leaning her forehead against her wife’s cheek.   
“More.” Lena requests, her breathing heavy. Stef smiles as she turns up the setting of the vibrator by a few notches. Stef kisses her way down Lena’s gorgeous body, being sure to keep the vibrator in its place. After kissing and nibbling on her wife’s thighs, Stef runs her tongue over the outer lips of Lena’s sensitive pussy.   
“Mmhmm, yes.” Lena moans. “Feels so good.” Her legs were beginning to tremble. Stef knew that this was a telltale sign that her wife was close to her orgasm. Stef presses the vibrator harder against Lena’s clit, running fast, small circles around the sensitive nub while using her tongue to pleasure her entrance.   
“Shit! Stef!” Lena curses, trapping Stef’s head between her legs as her orgasm overtakes her. Keeping the vibrator on Lena’s clit, Stef greedily laps at the wetness between her wife’s legs. “Ah, ah, too much.” Lena pants, squirming away from the vibrator. Stef turns off the toy and tosses it aside, kissing her way back up her wife’s body.   
“We definitely need to use that more often.” Stef smirks, pressing her lips against Lena’s.


	27. Fifty Shades

On the morning of their last full day in Turks and Caicos, the two women order room service and enjoy breakfast in bed together. Between sips of fresh squeezed orange juice and bites of sweet brioche french toast, they can barely keep their lips off each other. Stef hasn’t told her wife this yet, but she wasn’t planning on letting either of them leave this resort suite at all today. She many other activities planned for the two of them.   
“What should we do for our last day in paradise?” Lena asks her wife, who is currently distracted by the curly haired woman’s partially open robe. “Earth to Stef.” Lena chuckles, pulling her robe tightly closed.   
“Uh, sorry, honey.” Stef replies, blinking her eyes a few times. “What did you say?”  
“I asked you what we should do for our last day in paradise?” Lena repeats, straddling the blonde woman.  
“Well, I had a little something in mind.” Stef purrs seductively, untying Lena’s robe.   
“Oh yeah?” Lena’s eyes grow dark with desire as Stef grips her hips. Stef pushes the robe off her wife’s shoulders and nearly groans at the sexy sight of her perky breasts with their dark brown nipples and her flat stomach. Lena’s hands move to the belt of Stef’s robe, pulling it loose and pushing the annoying garment to the floor. With no more barriers between them, they can feel each others’ arousal between their legs.   
Still straddling her wife, Lena adjusts their positioning so that their pussies are hovering over each other. With her lower lip pulled between her teeth, the curly haired woman grinds towards Stef’s in a downward motion. The blonde woman hisses as Lena’s wet clit rubs against her own. This was a maneuver that Stef had seen in porn videos and read about in magazines, but never had she imagined it would feel this good. The movements had always seemed awkward. But there was nothing awkward about the way that Lena was grinding against her, their juices mixing as their skin rubbed together.   
“Shit, Lena.” Stef pants. “You always manage to surprise me.”  
“You haven’t seen anything yet.” Lena growls into her wife’s ear as she presses her pussy harder onto Stef’s. Stef feels like her pussy is on fire as Lena begins moving her hips in circular motions. And clearly her wife is feeling the same way - with her head thrown back and her eyes closed tightly in pleasure. Seizing the opportunity of Lena’s exposes and swinging breasts, Stef’s hands go to her wife’s nipples - pinching and rolling them.   
“Yes!” Lena exclaims at the feeling of the new sensation. She can feel herself getting closer to the edge, but she wanted to take Stef over that edge with her. Leaning back on her hands, with Stef still pleasing her nipples, Lena grinds her pussy more intensely against Stef’s - their clits swirling around each other and setting off fireworks between them.   
“Lena, I’m so close.” Stef pants.   
“Me, too, baby.” Lena replies. “Come with me.” Together, both women topple over the cliff of their orgasm, their bodies quaking against each other, their sexual juices flowing and mixing between them.   
“Shit, that was good.” Stef says as Lena collapses on top of her.   
“It sure was.” Lena murmurs, her head resting on Stef’s chest.   
“I hope you’re ready for more.” Stef smirks, flipping them over so that she is hovering over her curly haired queen. The sexy grin on Lena’s face tells Stef that her wife is game for anything and everything that Stef has planned. After placing a quick peck on Lena’s plump lips, Stef gets up from the king-sized bed and goes to their suitcases. From the front, zippered pocket, Stef produces a set of soft, handcuff-like restraints.   
“What do you have there?” Lena asks as Stef saunters back over to the bed. “Is it about to get all Fifty Shades of Grey in here?”  
“Lay back.” Stef tells her wife. Lena can sense the quick change in the blonde woman’s tone and body language. Intrigued by where this may lead, Lena obeys and lays back onto the king-sized bed. Stef starts by securing Lena’s ankles to the lower posts of the four-poster bed. Lena watches her wife intently. A part of Stef that Lena has never seen before seems to be emerging - and it was definitely turning her on.   
With Lena’s ankles secured, Stef moves to her wrists. After securing her left wrist, Stef takes Lena’s face in her hands and brings their lips together for a searing kiss. Through her wife’s lips, Stef can feel the love and trust that Lena has for her. Stef breaks the kiss and secures Lena’s right wrist.   
“I love you.” Stef tells Lena, hovering over her bound body.   
“I love you, too.” Lena says, biting her lower lip. She was nervous but ready to see what Stef had in store.   
“If you want me to stop, just say so.” Stef instructs her wife.   
“I promise.” Lena agrees. Pressing another kiss to Lena’s lips, Stef goes back to the suitcase and slips the strap-on harness onto her hips. Lena watches each of Stef’s movements, her eyes dilating in anticipation. She can feel herself becoming wet again at just the thought of Stef fucking her pussy.   
The blonde woman grabs the small vibrator from the bedside table and, turning it on its lowest setting, trails its tip along Lena’s skin. Starting at her wife’s collarbone, Stef trails the vibrator across her chest - circling each of her brown nipples, watching them harden as Lena’s mewls fill the air around them. Stef is straddling one of Lena’s thighs and can feel as the curly haired woman tries to rub her leg against Stef’s center. With a devilish smile, Stef places the vibrator on one of Lena’s hard nipples and takes the other into her hot mouth. As Stef flicks her tongue over the sensitive nub, Lena tries futilely to reach for the blonde woman. She knew bondage would be exciting, but she had no idea it would be so damn frustrating. All Lena wanted was to rake her nails down Stef’s back or tangle her fingers into her luscious blonde hair. With a not-so-silent huff, Lena gives up and lays her head back against the pillows.   
“Sounds like someone is a little . . . frustrated.” Stef grins, releasing Lena’s sensitive nipple from her hot mouth.   
“I didn’t realize how much I would want to touch you.” Lena tells her.   
“Right now, just enjoy being touched.” Stef instructs her wife, trailing kisses down her chest and across her flat stomach, stopping just above the coarse curls she knew and loved so much. Stef takes a deep breath through her nose, relishing in the scent of Lena’s arousal.   
“You taste so good.” Stef says, after running the flat of her tongue up her wife’s slit. Stef could eat Lena out from now until the end of her days.   
Lena grunts as Stef circles her clit with the tip of her tongue, trying to grind down and increase the friction. Stef had no idea that teasing her wife would be so much fun. Being able to touch, kiss, and lick her body as she squirmed mercilessly filled Stef with such a sense of power and confidence. And the fact that Lena trusted her enough to allow her to do this - it made her heart soar.   
“Shit, Stef!” Lena curses as Stef grazes her teeth along her clit, sending shockwaves through her body.   
“You’re so fucking wet.” Stef says, lapping at Lena’s juices as her arousal increases.   
Deciding not to tease her wife too much more, Stef positions the bright, purple dildo at her entrance. As Stef runs the tip up and down the wetness of her slit, Lena moans - begging Stef to fill her up, to stretch her pussy. With one long thrust, Lena is filled by Stef.  
“Fuck!” Lena exclaims, feeling Stef stretch her pussy over and over again as she thrusts into her. Her pussy is so wet that Stef slides in and out with easy, grazing her g-spot each time.   
“Harder.” Lena requests, clenching her pussy around Stef’s cock. Stef grabs hold of the headboard and fucks her wife with abandon, sweat dripping down her muscular back.   
“Oh, god, baby, I’m so close.” Lena moans. Her head is thrown back in pleasure, her curly hair creating a crazy halo. Stef grabs the vibrator again and presses it to Lena’s throbbing, swollen clit. The muscles of Lena’s pussy clench around Stef’s cock as fireworks explode within her. As Stef continues to thrust into her, Lena lets out the loudest exclamation of pleasure that either of them have heard.   
“Oh, shit.” Lena sighs as Stef pulls out of her. The blonde woman quickly undoes the restraints around Lena’s wrists and ankles. “That was amazing.” The curly haired woman murmurs as Stef pulls her to her chest.   
“You’re amazing,” Stef replies, pressing tender kisses to her wife’s forehead.   
“You flatter me, woman.” Lena chuckles.   
“Oh, you know it turns me on when you call me ‘woman’.” Stef whispers into Lena’s ear.   
“Good thing it’s your turn.” Lena purrs seductively, pressing kisses to her wife’s neck.


	28. Baby on the Brain

“Do we have to go?” Stef whines as Lena drags her towards the park pavilion, a big gift bag in her free hand. It was a cool, September day in San Diego and Stef would rather be anywhere but here today.   
“They’re our closest friends.” Lena tells her wife of almost six months. Life had been rather uneventful for the couple since returning from their honeymoon in Turks and Caicos in June. Stef still worked forty-plus hours a week. Lena still brought paperwork home to their apartment each night. And some weekends they didn’t even bother leaving their bed.   
“I still don’t know why they went and got themselves pregnant.” Stef rolls her eyes.   
“Because they wanted to start their family.” Lena rebuttals. Jenna and Kelly had, unbeknownst to Stef and Lena, been trying to get pregnant for most of the time leading up to their wedding. Today, Stef and Lena were headed to their baby shower since their friends’ due date was quickly approaching.   
The park pavilion is decorated with light blue balloons and streamers, a tribute to the gender of their unborn child. Stef thought it was a little archaic -- assigning your baby a color based solely on its still-forming genitals. But what did she know? She had barely given any thought to having kids someday. It wasn’t something that was on her life’s radar.   
“Congratulations!” Lena says to Jenna and Kelly, giving the very pregnant latter woman a gentle hug. “How much longer until your due date?”  
“About two months.” Kelly says, stroking her already very pregnant stomach. “Do you want to feel him kick?” Kelly asks, taking Lena’s hand and placing it on her stomach just beneath her breasts. Beside Lena, Stef shifts her weight from foot to foot uncomfortably. She’d never been very comfortable around pregnant women before. The last thing the blonde cop wanted to do was feel the alien-like movements of an unborn fetus.   
“That’s so amazing!” Lena gushes, her face lighting up with a smile. Stef excuses herself and heads over to the refreshment table. It wasn’t that Stef had something against babies in general. They were fine -- for screaming, crying, pooping goblins. But Stef had yet to meet a baby that she actually liked. Whenever she was around the tiny, helpless humans, she felt completely awkward. How was she supposed to hold them? What did they want when they cried? She had no idea.   
“Morning sickness, weight gain, mood swings.” Jenna lists as she walks over to join Stef at the refreshment table.   
“What are you doing?” Stef asks pointedly, sipping the blue kool-aid from her blue paper cup.   
“Just listing all the things you’re going to have to experience in just the first trimester.” The kooky brunette cackles.   
“What are you talking about?” Stef asks incredulously.  
“Look at her over there.” Jenna says, pointing over to Lena. The curly haired woman was sitting at a picnic table with another baby shower guest, chatting. In Stef’s wife’s arms, there is an infant - maybe a year old? Why was Lena holding a baby? The curly haired woman was holding the baby, cooing and playing peek-a-boo with it. Lena’s face is alight with joy as the tiny baby wraps it’s tiny fingers around one of her own.   
“If that isn’t the face of a woman with baby fever, I don’t know what is.” Jenna comments before heading off to go find Kelly. Left on her own at the pastel blue refreshment table, Stef continues to watch Lena interact with the tiny human being. Jenna definitely has a point. Lena seems to really be enjoying playing with the baby. She looked so natural with the baby.   
Sweat begins to trickle down the back of the blonde woman’s neck. Did Lena want kids? Somehow, the topic of kids had never come up between them. How had they not had that conversation? Especially before getting married. Stef wasn’t sure she had what it would take to be a mother. 

That evening, back at their apartment, Lena can feel the tension radiating off of Stef. During the baby shower and since it ended, Stef had been acting oddly. But Lena couldn’t figure out why. Nothing out of the ordinary had happened at the shower - there had been a random assortment of blue-dyed food, silly baby shower games, and gift opening. So why was Stef avoiding eye contact and barely speaking to her?  
“Okay, what’s going on with you?” Lena finally asks her blonde haired wife, who is setting the table for dinner.  
“What do you mean?” Stef asks, cocking an eyebrow at her wife.   
“Ever since we got back from the baby shower, you’ve been acting weird. You’ve been ignoring me.” Lena elaborates, her hand on her hip.   
“I have not!” Stef shoots back defensively. Anger flares between the two women. Never before have they been in such a stalemate of an argument. Lena knows she won’t get very far like this with Stef. Lena could never match Stef’s quick temper, so she opts for a different approach.   
“Stef, just tell me what’s going on?” Lena asks again, this time trying to soften her voice despite the angry emotions still inside her. Lena watches the flames behind Stef’s hazel green eyes dim just a tiny bit. The blonde haired woman looks down, studying her feet for several heartbeats before speaking again.   
“Do you want kids?” Stef finally asks, looking back up at her wife.   
“What?” Lena is completely taken aback by the question. Did she hear Stef right?  
“Do you want kids?” Stef repeats her question more slowly, emphasizing each word.   
“I, uh, um.” Lena stutters. What had brought this about?   
“I saw you holding a baby at the shower this afternoon.” Stef states. “You were so happy. Your face was just lit up like a Christmas tree.”   
“Yeah, I want kids.” Lena finally answers the question. Stef’s stomach drops. So, Lena did want kids after all. Of course she would. Lena would make a fantastic mother. She was raised by two loving and supportive parents that are going on thirty years of marriage. But how could she, the daughter of a homophobic divorcee, how could she manage to raise kids without fucking them up severely? No, kids weren’t something Stef could handle.   
“Stef.” Lena says tentatively after a few minutes of silence from her wife. She could see the flash of various emotions in Stef’s hazel green eyes.   
“I can’t-” Stef begins. “I don’t think I can do this.” She whispers, her voice cracking in her throat as she grabs her wallet and keys from the counter. She needed to get out of here.   
“Stef, where are you going?” Lena asks, her voice desperate. What did Stef mean? What was she doing?  
“I’m sorry, Lena. I just can’t.” Stef chokes, pulling their apartment door open and disappearing down the hallway with one final look at her wife’s stunned face.


	29. Mind Tricks

Stef sips at her beer in the dimly lit bar. It was just after seven p.m. on a Sunday night. The blonde cop was one of the very few patrons in the bar tonight. This was her third beer but she still couldn’t get the look on Lena’s face as she turned to leave the apartment out of her brain. What had she done?  
Stef knew what she had done. She had just walked out on her wife of six months. How could she have done something so stupid? Stef brings the glass bottle back to her mouth, sending its contents down her throat before signalling the bartender for another one. There was no way that the rotten feeling in Stef’s gut was going away on its own tonight.   
Just as Stef is taking her first sip of her fifth beer, a man takes a seat next to her. He motions to the bartender - ordering the same thing Stef is drinking - and then turns to face the blonde cop.   
“Hey, Stef.” Mike says, studying his partner. “You look like hell.”  
“What do you want, Mike?” Stef asks him bitterly, taking another swig of her beer.   
“Lena called me.” He says plainly. When Stef doesn’t respond, he continues. “She’s worried about you. She sounded upset.” Stef’s silence remains. “Are you going to tell me what happened between you two lovebirds?”  
“It’s none of your business, Mike.” Stef tells him, ringing her hands around the beer bottle in front of her.   
“Stef, Lena sounded really upset. What happened?” Mike persists.   
“She wants kids.” Stef replies simply with a shrug of her shoulders.   
“What’s wrong with kids?” Mike asks. That’s what all this was about?  
“I can’t do it, Mike.” Stef sighs.   
“Can’t do what?” Her partner asks.   
“I can’t, I can’t raise kids.” Stef finally admits, shaking her head.   
“I don’t understand. What do you mean ‘you can’t raise kids’?” Mike pushes, trying to understand what’s going through Stef’s mind.   
“I just can’t do it.” Stef repeats. “I won’t be good at it.”  
“That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard.” Mike chuckles.   
“Is it, Mike?” Stef’s voice drips with self-contempt. “My parents divorced. I was raised by a homophobic Republican. It took me twenty-six years to figure out that I was gay. No kid deserves to go through that.”  
“You’re right, Stef.” Mike agrees. “It sucks that you had to go through that as a kid. It really does. But that just means you’ll make extra sure that your kids wouldn’t feel the way that you did growing up.” Stef stares straight ahead, avoiding her partner. “Stef, we’ve been working together for five years. I trust you with my life. So believe me when I say that you would be an awesome mother. You are so protective and caring. I’ve seen the way you take care of victims of a car crash while we’re waiting for the paramedics. I’ve seen you console parents after telling them their child has died. Stef, you need to give yourself a break. You aren’t your father.” Mike stops to place his hand over Stef’s. “You and Lena love each other more than any other two people in this world. I’m sure of that. And at the end of the day, love is what kids really need.”  
“I still don’t know if I can do it.” Stef sighs.   
“Then you need to talk to Lena - your wife.” Mike insists.   
“I hate you a little.” Stef tells Mike with a shake of her head.  
“Why?” Mike asks tentatively.   
“Because you’re right.” The blonde cop chuckles. 

Trying to be as quiet as possible, Stef unlocks the door of her and Lena’s apartment and sets her keys and wallet on the counter. It was well past midnight. Surely Lena was already asleep. Stef herself was feeling exhausted - but five beers in just a few hours will do that to you. She was thankful for Mike tonight - both for his words and the ride home that he gave her. She would have to go and get her car from the bar during the light of day.   
The apartment is dark. Stef crosses from the kitchen - where the remnants of their uneaten dinner are still sitting - to the living room. A quick glance down the hall tells Stef that Lena must be asleep - for the light was off in their bedroom as well. With a quiet sigh, Stef makes her way down the hallway. She hoped she’d be able to slip into bed without waking Lena. Just outside the bedroom door, Stef stops to listen. She hears a soft sound coming from beyond the door. Quietly, Stef pushes the unlatched bedroom door open.  
In their bed, in the darkness, Lena is crying softly into her pillow. Stef feels her heart crack in her chest. Without a second thought, the blonde woman crosses into the room. Kneeling down beside Lena’s side of the bed, Stef runs her fingers through her wife’s curly hair.   
“Shh, baby, shh.” She murmurs. “I’m sorry, baby.” Stef can feel that her wife’s pillowcase is soaked with her tears. How long has she been crying like this?  
“Stef?” Lena chokes out through her tears, blinking and looking up at Stef with her big, brown eyes.   
“Oh, baby, I’m so sorry.” Stef murmurs, wiping away her wife’s tears with her thumbs.   
“I didn’t know if you were going to come back.” Lena says, her voice cracking and more tears rolling down her cheeks.   
“Oh, baby, shh.” Stef says, wrapping Lena into her arms as she slips into the bed with her. “I would never not come back.” The blonde continues, gently stroking her wife’s hair.   
“I didn’t know.” Lena whispers quietly against Stef’s chest.   
“I’m so sorry, baby.” Stef repeats. How could she have done this? While she had been nursing her frustrations away with alcohol, her wife had been here thinking she wasn’t coming back and sobbing.   
“Why were you so upset?” Lena asks, looking up into Stef’s hazel green eyes.   
“Because I don’t know if I can be a mother.” Stef admits to her wife. “And I don’t know if I even want to be one.” Lena is silent for a moment as she considers her response.   
“Then we don’t have to.” Lena says.   
“But you-” Stef’s response is interrupted.  
“I would rather have you.” Lena says definitively. “I love you, Stephanie Marie Adams Foster.”  
“I love you, Lena Elizabeth Adams Foster.” Stef replies, tipping Lena’s face up so that she can brush their lips together. Still holding Lena’s face in her hands, Stef presses more passionate kisses to her lips.   
“What are you doing?” Lena asks as Stef pushes her back onto the bed and hovers over her.   
“Apologizing.” Stef answers, trailing her lips down the caramel skinned woman’s slender neck. Stef’s lips ghost over her wife’s throat and collarbone before pulling off her pajama top. Her lips attack Lena’s perky breasts, tongue flicking over the nipples and teeth grazing them.   
“Stef.” Lena moans, tangling her fingers into her short, blonde hair. She could feel a deep need that was emanating from inside Stef; a need to remind Lena of her love for her, to remind her that she would never leave again. The fire inside of the blonde woman blazes as Stef’s lips move down Lena’s stomach, nipping at the sensitive skin around her belly button, before pausing briefly at the hem of her wife’s panties. Grabbing the panties with her teeth, Stef drags them down her wife’s legs and tosses them to the floor.   
“I love you so much.” Stef tells Lena as she lays beside the curly haired woman, her fingers stroking the dark and wet curls between her legs.   
“I love you.” Lena breathes, her eyes hooded with desire. It was only minutes ago that she wasn’t sure her wife would be walking back into their apartment. And now, she was here, about to make love to her. Lena’s arms wrap around the blonde woman, holding her close as she gently slips two fingers into her slick pussy. Lena moans into Stef’s mouth as their tongues swirl around each other, doing their familiar dance.   
“I love you, I love you, I love you.” Stef chants like a prayer as she moves her fingers inside her wife, using her lips to press tender kisses to any caramel skin she can reach. She needed Lena to know - to know that she was sorry, to know that she still loved her, to know that she would never leave her again. Lena’s pussy is so wet that Stef’s fingers slip in and out easily, curling to rub against her g-spot with each thrust. The curly haired woman lets out appreciative grunts and moans as Stef continues her movements.   
“Oh, Stef!” Lena gasps as the blonde woman presses her thumb to her sensitive clit. Stef runs circles around the sensitive bundle of nerves as her fingers thrust in and out of Lena’s pussy - all while still murmuring her confessions of love for her wife against her smooth and salty skin. “Oh, god, Stef!” Lena’s entire body shakes in pleasure as she rakes her fingernails down Stef’s strong back.   
“I love you, I love you, I love you.” Stef whispers against Lena’s skin, gently pulling her fingers from her pussy. “I’m so sorry I hurt you.”  
“Shh, shh, shh.” Lena hushes her wife. “I forgive you.” Lena says definitively. “We’re going to have disagreements and argue. Just promise me you won’t walk out again.”  
“Never.” Stef promises.


	30. Home Sweet Home

“Where are you taking me?” Stef asks from the passenger seat of Lena’s dark silver Subaru Legacy.   
“It’s a surprise.” Lena says, as if that was a satisfactory answer to Stef’s question.   
“Are we in Mission Bay?” Stef inquires, looking out her window. “Why are we in Mission Bay?”  
“Don’t you trust me?” Lena chuckles at her wife’s actions. Lena was honestly surprised that Stef even let her drive. When it came to heteronormative traditions, Stef was self-professed the “man” in their relationship.   
“Of course I trust you.” Stef says as Lena pulls the car over to the side of the road in a quaint Mission Bay neighborhood in front of a large craftsman style house with an “Open House” sign out front.   
“Don’t be mad, but I saw this house for sale in the paper and it’s so beautiful.” Lena tells her wife, twisting in the driver’s seat to face her wife.   
“A house?” Stef says, confused.  
“I know we haven’t talked about it but do we really want to be in that apartment forever?” Lena continues.   
“Don’t you think it’s a little big?” Stef asks, craning her neck to get a better look at the suburban home.   
“Just four bedrooms.” Lena says. “We’d be able to have all our family over at once. Wouldn’t that be nice?”   
“If you say so.” Stef chuckles, picturing Lena’s parents and her own mother staying under the same roof.   
Deciding to humor her wife’s crazy idea, Stef follows Lena into the craftsman style house. The first thing Stef notices is the immaculate wood work that starts in the front entryway and continues throughout the entire house. Lena drags the blonde woman into the kitchen, babbling about the antique stove and the view of the backyard from the apron style sink. On the kitchen counter, there are flyers with information about the house. Stef takes one and her heart drops.   
“Lena, honey, there’s no way we’ll be able to afford this house.” Stef gently tells her wife.  
“We can swing it. We’ve been saving so much money by staying in the apartment.” Lena appeals.   
“We haven’t saved up this much money. And what about the mortgage? I just don’t think we’ll be able to do it.” It pains Stef to be the bearer of bad news. And even more so when her bubbly wife visually deflates in front of her.   
“I’m sorry, love.” Stef says, pulling Lena in for a hug. “We can look at other places if you still want to buy a house.” She offers.

A few days later, Lena walks through the door of their apartment, having just hung up with her parents on the phone. Stef was standing in their tiny, windowless kitchen - making dinner with dishes they would have to wash by hand tonight. Ever since seeing the craftsman house in Mission Bay, everything about their apartment reminded her how much nicer that house is.   
“Hey, baby.” Stef greets her wife as the curly haired woman comes up behind her at the stove.   
“Hi.” Lena says, presses a tender kiss to Stef’s cheek as she wraps her arms around the shorter woman’s waist. “So I talked to my parents.” She says tentatively. She hopes that Stef won’t be angry with her. Maybe she should have talked to her wife before asking her parents. But she just wants this beautiful craftsman house so much.   
“About?” Stef asks, stirring a pot on the stove.   
“About the house we looked at over the weekend.” Lena says, biting her lower lip nervously.  
“Oh?” Stef replies, her eyebrows showing her surprise, as she turns to face Lena.  
“They offered to give me my inheritance early.” Lena tells her. “For the down payment.”  
“Oh, love, that doesn’t change the mortgage.” Stef says gently.   
“We can swing it. I know we can.” Lena tells her, her voice taking on more joy than Stef has heard since they looked at the house. “Please, please, please, please, please.” Lena begs, closing the space between them so that their lips are almost touching. Stef studies her wife’s pleading eyes. Lena has never begged her for anything like this before.   
“Okay.” Stef reluctantly agrees. She isn’t completely convinced that this is the best idea. But how could she deny her gorgeous queen something she so desperately wants.   
“Really?” Lena practically squeals. “Thank you, thank you, thank you!” She pulls Stef in for a hug, jumping up and down in excitement. 

“How do I keep letting you talk me into helping you move?” Mike asks Stef as he places yet another box in the kitchen of the beautiful, craftsman style house.   
“Because I bribe you with beer!” Stef tells him with a chuckle.   
“Oh, yeah, that!” Mike laughs, heading back out to the moving truck for more boxes. Lena had wanted to hire professional movers, but Stef insisted that she and Mike - and a few other rookies from the station - would be able to handle it all themselves.   
While Stef puts Lena to work unpacking the kitchen boxes, the blonde cop and her coworkers begin bringing in the big furniture. They didn’t have much as far as big furniture - their bed and dressers, a couch and a coffee table, and a small kitchen table. Lena had already begun looking around at furnishings for the rest of the house.   
“Thank you guys so much.” Stef says gratefully to her coworkers, pulling beers from the fridge as Lena placed slices of pizza onto paper plates. Pizza and beer was the least the two women could give their helpers for saving them a load of money on professional movers.   
“This is such a nice house.” Sam Morgan, the rookie cop who idolized Stef, says as she sips at her beer. Sam was the only other out lesbian at the fifth precinct, along with Stef. The young cop had taken an instant liking to Stef once she learned that the blonde was also a lesbian. Most of the time, Stef found the excitable rookie annoying but she had to admit that she felt flattered by the extra attention.   
“I am exhausted.” Stef says as she collapses onto their couch in their new living room. The blonde woman had to admit that, despite her reservations, it felt nice to own their own home. The many windows throughout the house brought in natural light that their small apartment had definitely lacked. And despite the many boxes still strewn throughout the house, it felt more homey than their apartment had.   
“Too exhausted to christen the house?” Lena asks seductively as she straddles her wife on the couch.   
“Mmm, I could never be too exhausted for that.” Stef smiles, her hands instantly going to rest on Lena’s slender hips. Lena brings her lips down to meet Stef’s in a fiery, passionate kiss - her hands beginning to undo the buttons of her green, plaid shirt. The curly haired woman pushes the green shirt off of Stef’s shoulders as the blonde woman’s fingers ghost beneath her own flowy top. Stef’s fingers light her skin afire as they trail from her bellybutton to the small of her back.   
Stef moans into their kiss as Lena’s fingers release the clasp of her bra, freeing her full breasts. The caramel skinned woman runs her thumbs over Stef’s rose colored nipples, the sensitive buds hardening beneath her lover’s touch. Stef trails her fingers up to the clasp of Lena’s bra, undoing it and tossing the garment to the floor of their new living room. As Lena’s lips move down her neck, Stef massages her wife’s breasts - pulling and tugging on her dark brown nipples.   
“Stef.” Lena gasps, her breath hot in the blonde woman’s ear. She can feel Lena moving her hips, trying to find some kind of friction between the two of them. Stef’s hands leave Lena’s perky breasts and go to the button of her jeans. Lena’s breath hisses in as Stef’s index finger makes contact with her swollen clit, making her legs tremble at the surprising pleasure. Stef runs her finger down Lena’s slit, gathers some wetness from her core, and brings her finger back up to circle her sensitive clit.   
“I want to touch you, too.” Lena says, her breathing quick with pleasure, as she undoes the button and zipper of Stef’s jeans.   
“Shit, Lena.” Stef gasps as the curly haired woman rolls her clitoris between her thumb and index finger. The maneuver sends electrical shocks of pleasure and pain through the blonde woman’s body. Spurred on by Lena’s fingers in her own pants, Stef presses her finger harder against her wife’s clit. The two women rub each other’s most sensitive spots, their moans of pleasure filling their new home, until their bodies are quaking against each other as they reach their climaxes together.   
“Holy shit, babe. You wore me out.” Stef gasps, her breathing hard and her pale skin slick with sweat.   
“Well, you better get ready. We still have quite a few rooms to christen tonight.” Lena whispers huskily into her wife’s ear, nibbling gently.   
“Yes, ma’am.” Stef complies.


	31. A Change in Perspective

Lena is in her office at Anchor Beach Community Charter, preparing the budget report to discuss with the Parent Board at their next meeting that would be mid-February, when her phone begins ringing. Seeing Stef’s name and picture flash across the screen, Lena’s face breaks into a smile. There was nothing better than hearing her wife’s voice to help her get through a never-ending Monday.   
“Hey, babe.” Lena answers the phone and brings it to her ear. “What’s up?”  
“I just got a call from Jenna.” Stef begins.   
“Does that mean what I think it means?” Lena asks excitedly.  
“Kelly had the baby an hour ago.” Stef replies, chuckling at her wife’s excitability. “Garrett Jonathan Paul. He’s six pounds and seven ounces and 21 inches long. Everyone is healthy.” The cop gives her wife all the information she was given by their mutual friend.   
“Oh, I cannot wait to go and meet him!” Lena exclaims.   
“Well, Jenna said we can stop by this evening after work if you want to.” Stef offers.   
“I would love to! If that’s okay with you?” Lena replies.   
“I will go straight home after work, change, and then come pick you up. Does that sound okay?” Stef suggests.   
“That sounds perfect!” Lena says excitedly. 

Later that evening, Stef and Lena walk through the sliding automatic doors of the University of California-San Diego hospital -- a bundle of blue balloons and a small, blue teddy bear in tow. The two women stroll through the maze that is the hospital, taking the elevator to the third floor before finally finding room three-twenty-four. Knocking softly on the closed hospital room door, the two women wait -- Lena practically vibrating with excitement.   
“Hey, guys.” Jenna says with a smile as she opens the hospital room door. “Come on in.” Stef and Lena follow Jenna into the room. Kelly is sitting up in the hospital bed, cradling the newborn baby in her arms. Stef notices how natural Kelly looks, holding the tiny baby.   
“Hi.” Kelly greets them, looking up from the sleeping newborn.   
“Congratulations! How are you feeling?” Lena asks, walking over to stand by Kelly’s side, keeping her voice low as to not disturb the slumbering infant.   
“Good.” Kelly says with a smile. “A little sore but still good.”  
“That was quite the experience, I’ll tell you that.” Jenna adds with a quiet chuckle, sitting on the bed beside her wife and resting her hand on her knee.   
“And you were so supportive.” Kelly says, leaning up to brush a soft kiss to Jenna’s lips. Stef, standing at the foot of the hospital bed, watches the two new mothers carefully. They were embarking on a lifelong journey. From this day forward, their lives would be completely different. All of their focus and energy would go into their new son.   
“He’s so beautiful.” Lena says, carefully peering at the bundle in her friend’s arms.   
“Would you like to hold him?” Kelly offers with a smile.   
“Can I?” Lena replies in disbelief.   
“Of course.” Kelly confirms. Carefully, the new mother places the sleeping baby into Lena's arms. Gingerly, Lena sits down in the chair behind her, cradling the still asleep baby close to her chest. Stef watches as joy fills her wife’s features.   
Once again, Stef notices how happy Lena looks with a baby in her arms. As the tiny baby begins to whimper, Lena gently strokes his little cheek -- effectively calming him down for the moment. Of course her wife knew exactly what to do to keep a helpless baby content. As Stef watches her wife with this tiny infant, something stirs in her chest -- a feeling that she’s never felt before.   
“Do you want to hold him, Stef?” Kelly asks.   
“Oh, um, I don’t have to.” Stef says, shaking her head.   
“Oh, come on.” Lena pushes. “He’s so cute and warm.” Stef sighs in defeat and sits down, preparing herself. Lena smiles brightly as she places the tiny baby into Stef’s arms. Being careful not to move, Stef holds the baby in her stiff arms. As far newborns go, Stef supposes that the baby is cute. And he certainly was producing a lot of body heat for such a tiny human being. Still terrified to drop him, Stef tentatively looks up at Lena. Her curly haired wife is staring back at her, the same joy on her face as before.   
Suddenly, the baby begins to wail -- a strange, resounding noise that startles Stef. Stef looks to Lena and then Jenna and finally Kelly, her eyes as wide as a deer caught in the headlights of a semi truck. Jenna rushes over and takes the baby, delivering him back to Kelly.   
“The only time he’s really cried so far has been because he’s hungry.” Jenna tells Stef and Lena.   
“I think I’m going to wait outside.” Stef says, jumping up and crossing to the door as Kelly begins to open the front of her hospital gown in order to breastfeed her son.   
“I think we’ll just leave you two for the evening.” Lena adds, noticing her wife’s very clear embarrassment. “Congratulations again.”

Back at their house, Lena goes to the kitchen and begins prepping dinner. Stef sits at their new table in the center of the kitchen, watching Lena as her thoughts tumble around in her mind. She still has that unfamiliar feeling in her chest -- the feeling that had been stirred up as she watched Lena with Garrett, their friends’ newborn baby. Placing a pot on the stovetop to come to a boil, Lena joins Stef at the table, noticing Stef’s odd behavior.   
“What are you thinking about?” Lena asks her wife with a gentle smile.  
“What if I changed my mind?” Stef replies to Lena’s question with a question of her own.  
“Changed your mind? About what?” Lena inquires for clarification.   
“About having kids.” Stef says, bringing her lower lip between her teeth and gnawing on anxiously.   
“I don’t. . . understand.” Lena replies with a shake of her head.   
“What would you say if I changed my mind about having kids?” Stef asks more directly this time.   
“I would. . . I would ask you if you were sure.” Lena answers tentatively. “And what changed your mind.”  
“I saw you with Garrett -- really saw you with him. You were so happy. And when he started to get upset -- you knew exactly what to do to calm him down. I never realized. . . I never realized how natural of a mother you would be.” Stef says. “And who am I to take the chance of motherhood away from you.”  
“I thought you didn’t want kids.” Lena replies simply.   
“I’m still not sure I’ll be any good at it. . .” Stef sighs.  
“That’s ridiculous, Stef.” Lena argues before letting Stef continue.   
“But I think, with you by my side, that I could probably figure it out.” Stef says, looking into Lena’s chocolate brown eyes.   
“Are you sure?” Lena asks, her eyes shining with unshed tears of happiness.   
“Yes.” Stef tells her affirmatively.  
“Then I think we should go upstairs and practice.” Lena whispers, turning the burner off on the stove.   
“Practice for what?” Stef chuckles at the incredulous thought her wife is suggesting.   
“Our baby making. With that toy you bought for our honeymoon.” Lena breathes suggestively into Stef’s ear.  
“Oh, you can definitely count me in.” Stef smirks.   
“Last one to bed has to be the top!” Lena calls as she rushes up the stairs towards their bedroom.


	32. Baby Steps

Stef sits nervously in the uncomfortable waiting room chair, her leg bouncing with anxiety. She and Lena had done a lot of talking in the last few weeks -- about babies and how they wanted to start their family. They both agreed that they wanted their baby to resemble them both. So that left them with a few different choices -- at home insemination, intrauterine insemination, or in vitro fertilization.   
Lena places her hand gently onto Stef’s bouncing knee, trying to calm her wife’s nerves. Lena was leaning towards doing at home insemination -- making their baby together in the comfort of their own home. Stef wasn’t quite sure. She was still trying to get used to the idea that the two of them were going to actually make a baby.   
During their many late night discussions, Stef and Lena talked about who would carry their first child. They both knew they didn’t want their child to grow up without at least one sibling -- like they both had. Stef knew that Lena desperately wanted to carry a baby but -- much to the blonde woman’s surprise -- her wife also admitted a desire to see Stef pregnant. And so, because Stef was a few years older than Lena and her biological clock would undoubtedly run out first, the couple decided that Stef would carry their first baby.   
“Stephanie Adams Foster.” A nurse calls, and Stef and Lena follow her to an exam room. After checking Stef’s blood pressure and other vital signs, the nurses dismisses herself, assuring the couple that the doctor would be in soon.   
“Everything is okay.” Lena tells her increasingly anxious wife, gently rubbing the small of the blonde woman’s back. Lena knew that Stef still had her reservations about her ability to be a good mother.   
“Mrs. Adams Foster.” The doctor says, entering the exam room after a soft warning knock. “And Mrs. Adams Foster. I’m Dr. Hilcroft.”   
“So nice to meet you,” Lena says, shaking the doctor’s hand. With a nervous smile, Stef also shakes the doctor’s hand.   
“So I understand that you two are interested in having a baby.” Dr. Hilcroft says with a smile.   
“Yes.” Lena answers excitedly.   
“And Stephanie is going to carry.” Dr. Hilcroft notes, looking down at Stef’s chart.   
“You can call me Stef.” Stef says. “And, yes. I would like to carry our baby.”   
“Okay. Well, then I’d like to give you a full exam. Just to make sure everything looks good. And then we can talk about your options for getting pregnant as a same sex couple.”   
Stef hops onto the exam table and lets Dr. Hilcroft conduct her physical exam. After listening to her heart and peering into her eyes, ears, nose, and mouth, Dr. Hilcroft hands her a paper gown and promises to be back in a few minutes.   
“I feel so awkward.” Stef says as she begins to unbutton her light blue blouse. “I never felt this awkward about a physical when I was pretending to be straight.”  
“Everything will be fine, babe.” Lena assures her wife as the blonde woman folds her clothing and pulls the paper gown onto her body.   
Dr Hilcroft re-enters the exam room after another soft knock. Stef lays back onto the exam table, allowing Dr. Hilcroft to palpate her abdomen and perform a breast exam, checking for any abnormalities. Stef squeezes Lena’s hand tightly, trying not to think about the awkwardness of the situation. Next, Dr. Hilcroft pulls the stirrups out and Stef swallows nervously as she positions her legs for the most awkward part of the exam. Squeezing Lena’s hand tighter for moral support, Stef closes her eyes as Dr. Hilcroft examines her ovaries, uterus, and cervix internally. She knows that this is necessary to make sure she is healthy enough for pregnancy. She also knows that, during pregnancy, she will be undergoing similarly, if not more invasive, exams. After finishing the exam, Dr. Hilcroft gives Stef a few minutes to re-dress before coming back in to discuss their conception options.   
“So, everything looks good. All your blood work that you had done last week came back normal. Your hormone levels are good. You shouldn’t have any problem conceiving.” Dr. Hilcroft tells Stef and Lena.   
“Do you think we would have success with at home insemination?” Lena asks, the excitement clear in her voice.   
“Because you’re young and healthy, I would say yes. All you really need is a needleless syringe and your donor sperm. I can give you a pamphlet from the California Cryobank.” Dr. Hilcroft informs the couple.   
“That would be wonderful. Thank you so much.” Lena says, nodding eagerly.   
“So, I would say that you two are good to go.” Dr. Hilcroft says with a smile. “I look forward to seeing you back for your first OB appointment in the future.”

That evening, Stef is brushing her teeth in their en suite bathroom when she notices Lena pull out her laptop and recline onto their bed. After rinsing her mouth and wiping down the double sink, Stef crosses into the bedroom and crawls into bed beside Lena.   
“Whatcha doing?” The blonde woman asks, resting her head on her wife’s darker skinned shoulder.   
“Looking at sperm donors.” Lena answers matter-of-factly, eyes never leaving the computer screen.   
“See any that you like?” Stef asks, snuggling closer to her wife to get a better look. On the screen, she sees men’s baby photos alongside short descriptions of themselves.   
“There’s quite a few biracial donors.” Lena tells her wife. “I just want our baby to look as closely like a combination of us as possible.”  
“I know, baby.” Stef says.   
“What do you think about this one? He’s a Yale graduate and works in finance now. It says he’s six foot four, plays lacrosse and the bassoon.” Lena clicks on the man’s baby photo, bringing up his donor profile.   
“It says here that he was nine pounds when he was born -- ouch!” Stef notes.   
“Oh, that doesn’t sound like fun, does it?” Lena chuckles, cutely wrinkling her nose.   
“I don’t think my vagina would ever be the same.” Stef laughs. “What about this one? His baby picture is cute. He’s five foot, eleven inches tall, and has a master’s level in education.”   
“His baby picture is very cute.” Lena notes, clicking on and studying his donor profile page. “And it looks like he was a regular sized baby.”  
“Oh thank god.” Stef giggles.   
The prospect of becoming a mother was becoming more and more real for Stef. Yes, she’s still terrified but isn’t that normal for most women becoming mothers? But Stef knows that, with Lena by her side, she can do anything.


	33. Baby Making

Stef and Lena wait anxiously, sitting on the edge of their bed. In Lena’s hand, there is an at home ovulation test -- that Stef had peed on less than a minute ago. They are waiting anxiously for the next four minutes to pass by to find out if Stef is ovulating and if they should attempt at home insemination tonight.   
Over the last two weeks, Stef has been taking prenatal vitamins and Lena has been making sure she eats a well balanced, healthy diet. Lena had even insisted that Stef give up any alcohol and start taking daily walks. Thankfully, Lena was supporting Stef in those last two by doing them with her.   
The timer on Lena’s phone goes off and Stef's heart jumps into her throat. She waits anxiously, watching as Lena inspects the test. They both studied the box -- two dark lines means she’s ovulating, one light line and one dark line means she’s not. Stef watches as a smile spreads across Lena’s face.   
“It looks like all systems are a go for tonight’s baby making!” The curly haired woman exclaims, pulling Stef in for a loving kiss.   
“We’re gonna make a baby.” Stef whispers in awe, holding her wife in her arms.   
“We’re gonna make a baby!” Lena repeats in excitement. 

“You seem a little off today.” Mike states from the passenger seat of their SDPD squad car. “Is everything okay?”   
Mike was definitely right. Stef was beyond distracted today. All she could think about was the fact that there was a possibility that she could be pregnant by the time she went to bed tonight. Stef was becoming increasingly worried that they would run into some kind of trouble with her ability to conceive. Dr. Hilcroft had told her everything looked great, but Stef still wasn’t completely convinced. She would hate herself if she was the reason that she and Lena couldn’t start their family together.   
“Um, Lena and I, we’re going to try and get pregnant.” Stef tells her partner in a rare show of openness.  
“Hey, that’s really great!” Mike exclaims. “Lena would look great pregnant.”  
“Actually,” Stef says, biting her bottom lip. “I’m going to carry the baby.” She knew that everyone that looked at her immediately thought butch.   
“Hey, that’s great, too!” Mike says with just as much enthusiasm. “You guys are going to make great parents.” Hearing Mike, someone who knew her so well, actually made Stef start to believe it. 

“Honey, I’m home!” Stef calls as she walks through the front door. Since moving into their house, Stef loved coming home and calling that out to her wife. Hearing Lena in the kitchen, the blonde cop goes to see what she’s up to.  
“Hey, baby!” Lena greets her wife, crossing the kitchen to plant a sweet but sexy kiss on her wife’s lips. Stef notes that Lena has already prepared dinner and set the table.  
“Are you trying to get laid?” She jokes, holding Lena’s hips tightly.   
“Just trying to get into your pants, Officer.” Lena whispers sultrily into Stef’s ear. She knows that her wife is nervous about performing their at home insemination. They had both read and re-read the directions for the kit Dr. Hilcroft had given them. Lena had also done her own research on the side. She had learned that the best way to lubricate the vagina for inserting the needleless syringe was to get Stef thoroughly aroused. She had also read that an orgasm before and after injecting the sperm into Stef’s vagina would increase their chances of conceiving.   
The two women sit down to dinner after carefully removing their donor sperm sample from the liquid nitrogen tank that the California Cryobank had shipped it in. Stef’s appetite was a little diminished because of her nerves and the idea of semen thawing a mere few feet from their kitchen table.   
“Are you ready?” Lena asks tentatively half an hour later. With the donor sperm thawed, they didn’t have too much time to waste. Nervously, Stef nods and allows her wife to lead her to their bedroom.   
“I can’t believe I used to swallow this stuff.” Stef grimaces as she places the container of donor sperm onto the bedside table, thinking back to the years she spent giving men blowjobs in an effort to convince herself she was straight. Ignoring her wife’s comment, Lena pulls the blonde cop in for a feverish kiss. She was determined to make this whole experience as stress-free and pleasurable for her wife -- her wife that was going to bring their baby into the world.   
Stef kisses Lena back, trying to release all her anxieties and fears as her wife’s hands make quick work of her clothing, dropping the garments to the floor. Lena backs Stef up to their bed and gently lays her down --and places a pillow beneath her butt to keep her hips elevated. Lena kisses down Stef’s neck and then runs her tongue over her rose colored nipples.   
“Uh, Lena.” Stef moans as the curly haired woman pushes her knee against her throbbing core. Who knew that baby making sex would feel as good as regular old sex?  
“You’re so beautiful.” Lena breathes, pressing scorching kisses across Stef’s chest and stomach. The love Lena feels for her wife in this moment is more than she ever thought possible. Tonight, they were going to make their baby. Stef was going to carry and bring into the world their beautiful baby.   
Tentatively, Lena reaches her fingers down between their bodies. Ghosting passed the golden curls between Stef’s legs, Lena dips two fingers into her wife’s wetness. As Lena’s arousal covered fingers circle her clit, Stef throws her head back and moans. Lena always knew right how to touch her to turn her to a bowl of jelly.   
“Lena.” Stef whispers in pleasure as Lena’s fingers rub circles around her sensitive nub, her lips kissing up and down her neck, her free arm wrapped around the blonde woman. Hooded hazel green eyes meet loving, focused chocolate brown ones. The combinations of Lena’s fingers moving against her and her eyes piercing her soul sends Stef toppling over the edge, her body quaking against Lena’s in pleasure.   
As Stef’s body ceases its pleasure-shaking, Lena presses a tender kiss to the blonde’s temple before springing up from the bed. Usually, Lena would prefer to hold Stef in her arms as her wife came down from her high. But tonight, there was something equally important to do. Lena plucks their now thawed container of donor sperm from the nightstand and draws the liquid up into the needleless syringe. Laying on her stomach between her wife’s still spread legs, the curly haired woman presses tender kisses to Stef’s inner thighs before inserting the syringe inside her and pressing the plunger down. Stef does her best not to squirm as she feels the still chilly liquid enter her.   
“I love you.” Lena whispers as she curls up beside her wife on the bed, the sperm container and syringe forgotten for now.   
“I love you.” Stef replies, turning only her head to face Lena. The blonde woman knows she needs to keep her hips elevated and still for half an hour.   
“Once your half hour is up, I’m going to rock your world again.” Lena tells her wife, kissing the sensitive spot beneath her ear.   
“Is that so?” Stef chuckles.  
“Yes, ma’am.” Lena says. “All my research said that an orgasm before or after increases your chances of conceiving. So I figured, why not do both?”  
“You are a force to be reckoned with, Lena Adams Foster.”


	34. Jelly Bean

Stef sits nervously at the kitchen table, waiting for the five minutes to tick by. Two weeks ago, Stef and Lena had attempted at home insemination for the third month in a row. The first two months hadn’t been successful, much to the two women’s heartbreak. But, today, Stef noticed that she was two days late for her period. She hoped that that could only mean one thing. Still, she hadn’t mentioned anything to Lena this morning as the curly haired woman took off for work -- leaving Stef in the house alone for her day off.   
Stef nearly jumps off her stool at the sound of her phone’s timer going off. Letting out the breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding, Stef anxiously looks at the test stick.   
“Oh my god.” She breathes, taking in the picture of the two lines on the test in front of her. 

Sitting in her office, trying to look over budget reports and standardized test scores, Lena can’t seem to get her mind to focus. Her brain keeps wandering back to Stef and their already multiple attempts at conceiving a baby at home. While she knows that it often takes even heterosexual couples months to conciece, Lena can’t help but worry that there is some cosmic force in the universe that didn’t want to give them a baby.   
“Lena, the budget meeting is about to start.” Lena’s boss, Principal Karina Sanchez, pops her head into her office to tell her.   
“I’ll be right there.” Lena says, collecting the stacks of budget files from her desk. As she leaves her office, she doesn’t notice her phone beginning and Stef’s picture flashing on the screen. 

Trying not to panic when Lena doesn’t answer the phone for the fifth time, Stef tries to figure out how to tell her wife this life changing news. She feels like she should do something special to tell Lena. As the blonde woman begins rummaging through the pantry and refrigerator, intent on making her wife a romantic meal, a plan begins to form in her mind. Needing a few items from the store, Stef grabs her wallet and keys and heads to her car -- gently placing the palm of her hand against her stomach with a gentle smile. 

Three hours later, Anchor Beach Community Charter school’s parent board budget meeting for the following academic year is finally over. And now Lena has a massive headache. All she wants to do is go home, have a glass of red wine, and take a long relaxing bath. Grabbing her purse and phone, Lena’s heart goes into overdrive when she sees five missed calls from her wife. Frantically pressing buttons, Lena brings the phone to her ear and listens to it ring.   
“Hi, you’ve reached Stef. I’m either working or avoiding your calls, so good luck.” Lena curses as she hears Stef’s familiar voicemail message, already rushing out of her office and towards her car. 

“Stef!” Lena calls as soon as she walks through the door of the craftsman house, her heels clicking on the hardwood floors as she rushes to the kitchen.   
“Hey, baby.” Stef greets her wife nonchalantly, standing over the stove.  
“Is everything okay?” Lena asks, pulling Stef into her arms and looking the blonde woman over for any signs of distress.   
“Everything is great.” Stef smiles, pecking her wife on her plump lips.  
“I had three missed calls from you.” Lena tells her wife. “I was in a budget meeting. I’m sorry.”   
“It's okay.” Stef assures her with a gentle smile. “Take a seat. Dinner is almost ready.”  
“So what were you calling about?” Lena inquires as she sits at their kitchen table.   
“I just wanted to hear your voice. That’s all.” Stef fibs. Now that she had a plan, she didn’t want to ruin the surprise that was in store for her wife.   
“Wow, I’m surprised that you cooked.” Lena says as Stef takes out a rack of ribs from the oven.   
“I felt like doing something special for you.” Stef says, placing the ribs on the table alongside the steamed carrots and roasted potatoes.   
“This all looks so delicious, babe.” Lena says in awe. Between the two of them, Lena was definitely the better cook -- but Stef could follow a recipe with the best of them.   
“There’s actually a theme to tonight's dinner.” Stef says nervously as she sits across from her wife.  
“What is it?” Lena asks with a sly smile.   
“Why don’t you try and guess.” Stef urges. Lena takes a moment to survey the food before her. Stef had prepared barbeque ribs, steamed carrots, and roasted potatoes. For the life of her, Lena couldn’t find the common denominator.   
“I’m sorry, I don’t get it.” Lena tells her wife, biting her lower lip nervously.   
“Well, tonight your menu consists of barbeque baby back ribs, steamed baby carrots, and oven roasted baby red potatoes.” Stef announces, watching Lena’s face, waiting for a reaction. Slowly, Stef watches as the wheels begin to turn behind her wife’s gorgeous chocolate brown eyes.   
“Baby back ribs, baby carrots, baby potatoes.” Lena lists, her voice barely above a whisper. “Does that mean?” Lena asks, a hand flying to her mouth as surprise and joy overtakes her. Stef just nods enthusiastically as Lena jumps up and wraps her arms around the blonde woman’s body.   
“We made a baby.” Lena whispers, resting her forehead against Stef’s as her fingertips trail along her wife’s still flat stomach.   
“We made a baby.” Stef beams, safely wrapped in her wife’s embrace. 

A month later, Stef lays nervously on the exam table, Lena’s hand tightly clutching her own. Today was their first appointment with Dr. Hilcroft since their baby’s conception. Stef had already had her blood work drawn and her vitals taken by the nurse. Now they were waiting anxiously for Dr. Hilcroft to come in -- to perform Stef’s exam and to conduct their first ultrasound.   
“Good afternoon, Stef, Lena.” Dr. Hilcroft greets the two nervous women. “I guess congratulations are in order.” She says as she pulls on a pair of blue gloves.   
“Thank you.” Stef replies with a small smile. Lena reaches up and runs her fingers through Stef’s short, blonde hair soothingly. Dr. Hilcroft listens to Stef’s heart and lungs with her stethoscope, and gives the blonde woman a quick exam.   
“Now for the moment we’ve all been waiting for.” Dr. Hilcroft jokes lightly, wheeling the ultrasound machine beside the exam table. “This may be a little cool.” Dr. Hilcroft warns Stef as she squirts the clear gel onto Stef’s abdomen. The blonde woman shivers -- from the gel and from excitement. “The first heartbeat you’ll hear is your own. And then you’ll hear the baby’s.” Dr. Hilcroft explains, moving the ultrasound wand over Stef’s abdomen.   
Stef and Lena watch the ultrasound screen expectantly as the sound of Stef’s steady heartbeat fills the room. And then, another sound falls upon their ears. A sound neither Stef nor Lena have ever heard before.   
“It’s like. . .” Stef trails, her voice trailing off.   
“Like horses stampeding through the mud.” Lena finishes, squeezing Stef’s hand even tighter as tears of happiness fall from her chocolate brown eyes.   
“And that is your baby.” Dr. Hilcroft happily informs them, pointing to a small, white figure in the center of the screen.   
“It looks like a jelly bean.” Stef chuckles, tears beginning to trail down her own cheeks.   
“Our little jelly bean.” Lena whispers lovingly into Stef’s ear as she kisses her cheek.


	35. Unexpected

“Do you like the circus theme or the jungle theme better?” Lena asks as she and her now pregnant wife amble through a baby store in a local San Diego mall.   
“Do we have to do a theme at all?” Stef inquires, stopping to look through a shelf of baby books.   
“We don’t have to. Thankfully, we still have seven months to decide.” Lena replies, wrapping her arms around Stef’s waist and resting her hands gently on her still flat stomach.  
“I’m going to end up fat like this.” Stef groans, picking up a copy of What To Expect When You’re Expecting and gesturing to the pregnant woman on the cover.   
“You’re going to look beautiful as always.” Lena insists, pressing tender kisses to her wife’s neck. “Maybe even more beautiful.” The curly haired woman teases. Ever since Stef told her she was pregnant, Lena had barely been able to keep her hands off of the blonde woman. It didn’t seem to matter if they were at home or here in public at the mall. Lena felt so much love for her wife that was carrying their child that she couldn’t seem to control her hands or her lips.   
“Oh, god, I’ll be right back!” Stef exclaims, pressing her hand over her mouth and rushing for the restroom. The cop had been experiencing random bouts of morning sickness since before their first ultrasound appointment. On more than one occasion, she’d been forced to pull the squad car over and spill her cuts into the side of the road while Mike watched on helplessly. She would have to tell him about her pregnancy eventually -- or risk him thinking she needed some kind of exorcism.   
It had been a month since their first ultrasound appointment, and they had had another opportunity to see their little jelly bean of a baby just last week. Lena would never grow tired of hearing her wife’s heart beat alongside their baby’s. Stef was now just over ten weeks pregnant, plagued by both morning sickness and lower back pain already. Lena had been doing her best to ease both her wife’s discomforts, using peppermint tea and back rubs.   
While waiting for her wife to return, Lena meanders through the aisle of cribs. There were white ones and grey ones and black ones, light wood tones and dark wood tones. How would they decide between all these different kinds? And of course they would need a matching changing table. And a rocking chair, to help their little babe get to sleep. Lena had been effervescent thinking about preparing the nursery and everything else for the baby’s arrival.   
Lena was a tiny bit jealous of her wife, getting to experience pregnancy and childbirth first. But those thoughts were rare and fleeting. She couldn’t be happier that Stef was carrying their baby. And she knew her time would come in a few years when they decided to add another member to their family. Everything was coming together for them and their future family perfectly. 

Stabbing pain jolts Stef awake, shattering the glass of the peaceful May night. Her heart racing, Stef curls tightly into a ball as another stab of pain shoots through her abdomen.   
“Lena.” Stef whispers. She wanted -- no, needed -- Lena, but didn’t want to scare her. “Lena!” Stef repeats, louder and more urgently this time, reaching to shake her wife awake. “Lena!”  
“What? What’s going on?” Lena asks, pushing the fog of sleep from her mind as she takes in her wife’s appearance.   
“I don’t know. My. . . abdomen. . . or maybe my stomach. I don’t know.” Stef tries to explain as the pain continues.   
“Should we go to the hospital?” Lena asks, gently rubbing Stef’s back.  
“I don’t know.” Stef says, shaking her head. “But I think I need to pee.” As Stef throws the covers off of herself and stands up, Lena gasps. Where Stef was laying, there is a small pool of blood soaked into the bedsheets. Stef’ pajama bottoms are also covered in blood.   
“What?” Stef asks, turning to face Lena. Her eyes catch the blood and a feeling of dread creeps into her stomach.   
“We need to go to the hospital.” Lena tells her wife, jumping out of bed. Quickly, Lena helps her petrified wife change into fresh underwear and pajama bottoms before they rush to the emergency room.   
Two hours later, Stef is lying on a hospital gurney behind a thin curtain in the emergency room. The two women had spent over an hour in the waiting room, Lena holding Stef close to her and trying to comfort the blonde woman. She couldn’t let Stef see that she too was terrified about what was happening. But she needed to be strong for Stef right now.   
The bleeding and the cramps hadn’t stopped since they woke Stef up around midnight. The blonde cop looked paler than usual. Even though they had been waiting behind this curtain for almost an hour, so far they had only seen a nurse. She had kindly taken Stef’s vitals and made notes about her symptoms. They were now waiting for the doctor -- Lena growing more impatient by each passing second.   
“I’ll be right back.” Lena tells Stef, pressing a tender kiss to her wife’s forehead. Lena wanders through the emergency room until she finds a nurse.  
“Excuse me, but my wife needs to be seen by a doctor.” She says firmly to the blue scrub clad woman.  
“Ma’am, patients are seen in the order they arrive and the order of severity.” The nurse tells her. “A doctor will be with you-”  
“She needs to be seen now.” Lena practically growls at the nurse.   
“Very well.” The nurse replies curtly before walking off, presumably to find a doctor.   
“The doctor is gonna be here soon.” Lena tells Stef, taking the blonde woman’s hand and squeezing as thousands of thoughts race through her mind. The curly haired woman was almost certain she knew what Stef’s cramping and bleeding meant, but she couldn’t bear to entertain the thought -- not until the doctor eliminated every other option.   
“Hi, Mrs. and Mrs. Adams Foster, I’m Dr. Greene.” A tall, balding man in blue scrubs and a long white coat introduces himself as he pulls the curtain back and comes up beside the gurney Stef is lying on. “I hear that you’ve been experiencing some bleeding and cramping tonight. And that you’re pregnant.” Stef remains silent, staring ahead at the white curtain in front of her.   
“Ten weeks,” Lena tells the doctor when Stef doesn’t answer.   
“Okay. I’m going to do an ultrasound to check on your baby.” Dr. Green tells the two women calmly, wheeling the ultrasound machine next to the gurney. Stef lifts up her shirt and watches solemnly as the doctor applies the gel and begins the ultrasound.   
Clutching Stef’s hand, Lena watches the ultrasound screen -- praying to every god in the universe for a miracle. Afraid to face her fears, Stef buries her face into Lena’s shoulder. As Dr. Green moves the ultrasound wand over Stef’s stomach, Lena notices that the sound is different this time. There are no horses stampeding through the mud. There is only the solitary sound of Stef’s heart beat, filling up the space between the three of them behind the curtain.   
“There is no more heartbeat.” Dr. Green says solemnly, looking into Lena’s eyes that are welling up with tears. “Stef’s suffered a miscarriage. I’m sorry. Your baby has died.”


	36. Darkness

As Lena brushes her teeth in the en suite bathroom, she studies Stef’s still sleeping figure beneath the comforter of their bed. It had been three weeks since their miscarriage and Stef had barely gotten out of bed. Lena had scarcely been able to get her wife to eat during the last few weeks. She was becoming seriously concerned, but was afraid to push her wife too much.   
For the first week following their visit to the emergency room, Stef continued to experience cramping and bleeding. The emergency room physician had warned them that Stef’s body would be ridding the uterus of the dead tissue -- and that the experience would be uncomfortable to say the least. But during all the physical pain, Stef had refused Lena’s comfort -- choosing instead to curl into a tight ball on her side of the bed and ignore the world.   
Lena knew the tell tale signs of depression. She knew that her sweet and loving wife was slipping farther and farther away from her. What she didn’t know was how to stop it. She didn’t know how to make her wife stop hurting. Stef didn’t seem to want the hurt to stop, but rather to let it consume her entirely.   
“I’m leaving for work.” Lena tells Stef gently, stroking her short blonde hair. Stef makes no response, the same as every other day. With a soft but sad smile, Lena presses a tender kiss to Stef’s forehead before heading to work. 

Hours later, Lena returns home to find Stef in the same position she was in when she left this morning. Having brought a few files of paperwork home with her, Lena sits cross legged on the bed and makes herself comfortable. She didn’t want to leave Stef alone any longer than she needed to. Not that her wife really seemed to know she was there.   
“I’m gonna go make us something to eat.” Lena tells Stef softly before heading downstairs. Stef hadn’t eaten anything more subtantial than a sandwich since slipping into her depression. So, Lena made her wife yet another ham and cheese sandwich. But before going back up to their bedroom, the curly haired woman pulls out her cell phone and presses a few buttons before placing it to her ear.   
“Hello?” Sharon says as she answers the phone.  
“Hi, Sharon. It’s Lena.” Lena replies.   
“Lena! Darling, how are you?” Sharon asks.   
“Um, well, not too good actually.” Lena answers truthfully, her voice cracking. She hadn’t expected to be so overcome with emotion talking to Stef’s mother. But here she was, on the verge of tears.   
“What’s going on?” Sharon inquires.   
“Um, well, Stef and I, we were trying to have a baby.” Lena begins to explain. “We, ah, we found out we were pregnant almost two months ago.” Tears are now flowing slowly down Lena’s caramel colored cheeks. “But she miscarried.”  
“Oh, no. I’m so sorry.” Sharon tells Lena, her own heart breaking for her daughter and daughter-in-law.  
“Stef, she’s been. . . she’s been depressed since it happened. It’s been three weeks and she still won’t get out of bed. I don’t know what else to do. I didn’t know who else to call.” Lena explains, wiping at her tear-streaked cheeks.   
“I’ll be on the next flight out.” Sharon tells Lena, leaving no room for discussion on the matter. 

“Thank you so much for coming so quickly.” Lena tells Sharon as she greets her wife’s mother at the front door of the craftsman house.   
“I would do anything for my daughter.” Sharon says. Her face is stricken with worry, and Lena can tell that the older woman most likely hasn’t slept at all recently. “How are you holding up, dear?” She asks Lena gently.   
“I’m okay. I’m more worried about Stef than anything else. But it. . . it still hurts when I think about. . .” Lena trails off, the pain of losing their baby almost too much for her to bear.   
“Of course it hurts. You lost a baby, too.” Sharon pulls Lena into a tight hug. Lena has to admit that it feels nice to have her grief recognized by someone. She’d been so laser focused on Stef and her depression that she hadn’t really had time to grieve their loss on her own.   
“Stef is upstairs, in our room.” Lena informs Sharon once the older woman releases her from her grasp. 

“Stephanie.” Sharon says softly as she knocks on the closed master bedroom door. Not really expecting an answer, Sharon lets herself in and crosses the space to the queen sized bed. Sharon lays down beside her daughter, who is curled up into a tight ball, and wraps an arm around her.   
“Mom.” Stef croaks, her voice hoarse from lack of use over the past three weeks.   
“Stephanie, Lena told me what happened.” Sharon begins, stroking her daughter’s hair gently. “I am so, so sorry, honey.” The blonde woman rolls over and into her mother’s loving embrace.   
“I don’t. . . know what . . . I did. . . wrong.” Stef says between the sobs racking through her body.   
“Oh, honey, you didn’t do anything wrong.” Sharon tries to soothe her daughter, rubbing her back.   
“Then why?” Stef asks through her sobs, breaking her mother’s heart.   
“Sometimes these things just happen. It’s terrible and awful. But there’s nothing to be done.” Sharon says, listening as Stef’ sobbing ceases and her breathing begins to return to normal.   
“What do I do now?” Stef asks, her voice small like she’s a child again.   
“Well, downstairs you have a lovely wife that is worried sick about you.” Sharon begins. “You’ve scared her half to death these last few weeks. That’s why she called me. She didn’t know what else to do, how else to help you.”  
“Oh, Lena.” Stef whispers, guilt dripping into her voice. While she had been letting herself get dragged deeper and deeper into her depression, Lena had been facing the loss of their baby all by herself.   
“Do you want me to send her up?” Sharon inquires, seeing the look on her daughter’s face. Stef nods silently and Sharon heads back downstairs. 

A few minutes later, Lena appears in the doorway. She nearly cries from happiness when she sees Stef sitting up in their bed.   
“Hi.” Stef smiles weakly.   
“Hi.” Lena repeats, crossing the bedroom and taking a seat on their bed. “How are you feeling?”  
“Pretty shitty.” Stef chuckles with a shake of her head. “I’m so sorry that I left you to deal with this on your own. I don’t . . . I don’t really know what came over me.”  
“You’re depressed. I understand, baby.” Lena says, pulling Stef into her arms.   
“We lost our baby.” Stef says softly, her head resting against Lena’s chest.  
“I know.” Lena replies, tears welling in her eyes.   
“I’m sorry.” Stef whispers against Lena’s chest.  
“You have nothing to be sorry for.” Lena tries to assure her wife.   
“I don’t know if I want to try again.” Stef admits, filling with guilt at the idea of disappointing her wife.  
“That’s okay.” Lena says. “We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.”


	37. The First of Many

Placing soft kisses to her wife’s sweet skin, Stef’s fingers trail from Lena’s stomach and up to her breast, cupping the supple flesh gently. Lena smiles, her eyes still closed, and presses her back into Stef’s loving lips. As Stef’s lips ghost over the back of Lena’s neck, her fingers deftly circle around her wife’s dark nipple.   
“Mmm, good morning.” Lena hums appreciatively, arousal pooling between her legs as Stef’s fingers continue their ministrations.   
“Great morning.” Stef counters, her breath hot against Lena’s ear. Lena squirms beneath Stef’s touch. It had been a month since Sharon’s visit and Stef had been slowly returning her normal self -- with help from a few visits with Dr. Fullman, her therapist.   
“Is it?” Lena asks coyly, curious how far Stef was planning to go this morning. The curly haired woman hisses in pleasure as her wife nibbles on her earlobe.   
“Well, it is our first anniversary.” Stef says, her fingers trailing back down Lena’s flat stomach and settling in the curly patch of hair between her legs. Thank god I didn’t wear underwear, Lena thinks to herself.   
“Happy anniversary, baby.” Lena breathes huskily, reaching her arm around to grip Stef’s firm ass.   
“Happy anniversary.” Stef agrees, dipping her fingers into Lena’s wetness. The blonde cop hitches Lena’s leg over her own -- opening her up for ultimate access -- as she lips two fingers inside her.   
“Uh, Stef!” Lena moans loudly, arching her back against Stef.   
“Damn, baby, you feel so good.” Stef pants, the scent of Lena’s shampoo making her dizzy with lust.   
“Don’t stop!” Lena gasps. Stef can feel her pussy tightening around her fingers. Lena isn’t far off now. Stef obeys her wife’s order, thrusting her fingers harder into her throbbing pussy and pressing her thumb to her aching clit.   
“Fuck!” Lena exclaims, her body pulsating as pleasure shoots through her like lightning.   
“You are so fucking sexy.” Stef breathes against Lena’s bear shoulder.   
“You’re turn.” Lena states, turning over in Stef’s arms and then pinning the blonde woman beneath her. Before Stef can say anything, Lena’s lips are pressed against her own, their tongues tangling together. Lena’s slender fingers knead one of Stef’s breasts, grazing her thumb over the hardening pink peak.   
“I love you.” Stef breathes as Lena’s mouth moves to her other breast.   
“I love you, too.” Lena murmurs against the flesh of Stef’s breast.   
“Lena. . .” Stef groans as Lena’s teeth bite gently down on her nipple.   
“Yes, baby?” Lena asks, her chocolate brown eyes dark with seduction.   
“Fuck me.” Stef begs, her hips bucking up against Lena in demonstration of her need.   
“Yes, ma’am.” Lena smirks, thrusting two fingers into her wife’s pussy. Stef lets out a string of curses as pleasure overtakes her body. After months of being sad, it felt incredible to be lost in pleasure with her wife.   
“Shit, Lena!” Stef exclaims as her wife’s long, slender fingers massage her g-spot. “Right there!” Lena continues to fuck Stef’s pussy, her lips latched around a hard, pink nipple. “I’m so close. Don’t stop!” Determined to feel her wife come on her hand, Lena thrusts harder and faster into her. The curly haired woman suckles Stef’s nipple into her mouth and gently bites down again. Fireworks shoot through Stef’s body as her orgasm overtakes her.   
“Happy anniversary.” Lena says again as Stef’s body continues to tremble against her. “The first of many.”

“So are you and Lena doing anything special tonight for your anniversary?” Mike asks Stef as the two cops patrol the streets of San Diego in their squad car.   
“Just dinner out and then we might stop by the Laurel after -- get our groove on.” Stef chuckles as the mental image of Lena doing the hustle enters her brain.   
Stef was finally beginning to feel like herself again after suffering a miscarriage almost two months ago. She was thankful that they’d kept their pregnancy on the down low. Only she and Lena knew when it happened. Of course, her mother had found out when Lena called her to help Stef through her depression.   
While Lena had been doing an amazing job giving Stef her space and time to heal, the blonde cop knew that her wife desperately wanted to try again for another baby. And Stef did too. After committing to the idea of having children, she couldn’t imagine their life without them. But she just wasn’t sure if she was ready yet. She wasn’t sure she could handle it if something should go wrong again. 

“Hey, Lena.” Timothy says, popping his head into Lena’s office.  
“Hey, Timothy. Is everything okay?” The vice principal asks. While she and Timothy were friends, they usually found themselves too busy during the school day to socialize.   
“I just wanted to swing by and wish you a happy anniversary.” The dark skinned man tells her with a crooked smile.   
“That’s so sweet. Thank you.” Lena gushes. She wasn’t used to anybody being so thoughtful. Even Stef could sometimes be like a man when it came to remembering birthdays and anniversaries.   
“Do you guys have anything special planned tonight?” The English teacher inquires.   
“Just dinner. And maybe we’ll go to the Laurel. I don’t know. It depends on how Stef is feeling.” Lena replies.  
“Is Stef okay?” Timothy asks with a tip of his head.   
“It’s just been a really. . . stressful few weeks.” Lena says. She can feel tears stinging the back of her eyes. She tried not to think about Stef’s miscarriage at work. She still had a hard time controlling her emotions over it, even after all this time.  
“Lena.” Timothy says softly, crossing the small office to kneel beside Lena’s desk. “What is it?” He asks, placing his hand gently on her knee.   
“Well, we weren’t really going to tell anybody. But since I’m here practically blubbering in your arms, I guess I can tell you.” Lena chuckles, trying to blink back her tears. “Stef and I, we were trying to get pregnant. And we did, get pregnant, I mean. But we lost the baby.” The curly haired woman explains.   
“Oh, Lena, I’m so sorry.” Timothy sighs, his heart breaking for his boss and friend.   
“It was two months ago but I still get these. . . these waves of emotion sometimes.” Lena continues.   
“Grief is like that.” Timothy says simply. “Do you think you’ll try again?”  
“I would like to, but I’m not so sure about Stef.” Lena admits. 

That evening, Stef and Lena are sitting on the outdoor patio of the same seafood restaurant that Stef brought them for their second date. Stef can’t help but marvel at Lena, who is dressed in knee-length, brown and white printed cotton dress. How had she gotten so lucky to call this gorgeous woman her wife?  
“You’re staring.” Lena giggles, breaking Stef out of her hypnotized gaze.   
“Sorry, you’re just so beautiful.” Stef replies, an embarrassed blush creeping across her cheeks.   
“You are full of flattery, Mrs. Adams Foster.” Lena smirks at her wife as she pops another garlic butter sauteed shrimp into her mouth.   
“You deserve every ounce of my flattery, Mrs. Adams Foster.” Stef replies with a wink.   
The two women enjoy the rest of their dinner before heading over to the Laurel, where they had their first date almost a full two years previously. Stef sometimes forgot that there was a time in their lives when they didn’t know each other. Lena’s presence in her life felt eternal. Especially right now, as Lena’s body is moving against her own, her hips grinding against Stef’s.   
“I love you.” Stef whispers into Lena’s ear, her hands gripping her wife’s waist.  
“I love you, too.” Lena replies, turning herself around in Stef’s arm so they’re facing each other. “More than anything else in this world.” She adds, running her fingers through her wife’s short, blonde hair before linking her arms behind Stef’s neck.   
Here, wrapped in her wife’s loving embrace, Stef begins to remember why they decided to have a baby together. They harbored so much love for one another that they desperately wanted to share it with another human being -- a human being that was part of them. Lena, with her never ending patients and love and support, would make the world's best mother. Stef still wasn’t so sure about herself, but Lena made her think she might just be able to swing being a mother.   
“Lena.” Stef says as the two women sway to the music, their foreheads pressed together.   
“Yes, my love?” Lena asks, her fingers playing with the blonde hair at the nape of her wife’s neck.   
“I want to try again.” Stef tells her wife, her voice barely audible over the music surrounding them.  
“You want to try again?” Lena’s eyebrows furrow in confusion.   
“I want to try for another baby.”


	38. Broken Ankles and Other Surprises

“Don’t you dare tell my wife.” Stef tells Mike from the gurney in the back of a speeding ambulance. Stef was trying to ignore the pain radiating from her ankle and the cut on her shoulder.   
“You’re kidding right?” Mike chuckles. “She’ll kill me if she finds out I didn’t call her right away.”  
“She’s gonna kill me.” Stef groans. Her wife despised the fact that she was a patrol officer. And everytime Stef got injured on the job, they inevitably had a huge fight.   
“Good afternoon, officer.” A white coat clad doctor greets as the paramedics wheel Stef into the emergency room. “I’m Dr. Barnett. How are you feeling?”  
“Just great.” Stef rolls her eyes. She can tell by the spiky hair and punk rock band t-shirt beneath the white coat that this doctor is some kind of musician playboy.   
“Officer Stef Foster with a possible broken left ankle and a laceration to the upper right arm from some kind of knife.” The paramedic informs the doctor.  
“And how did you get yourself into this mess, Officer?” the doctor asks Stef as she scoots from the paramedic’s gurney to a hospital bed.  
“Just doing my job -- chasing bad guys.” Stef answers.   
“Over two chainlink fences and down a ravine.” Mike adds from the corner of the room.   
“How exciting.” Dr. Barnett says. “The cut on your arm will need a few stitches and an antibiotic ointment. Now let's take a look at that ankle.” The doctor tries carefully to remove Stef’s left shoe, but the blonde cop still winces at the manipulation of her injured ankle. The swell is already clear beneath her black sock and, beneath the sock, the skin is red and angry.   
“I don’t think it’s broken.” Dr. Barnett says, palpating and rotating the joint as gently as possible. Stef bites the inside of her cheek as pain shoots up her leg. “But we’re definitely going to need to get an x-ray to make sure. But first I’m going to stitch up this cut.”  
“Okay.” Stef agrees as Dr. Barnett pulls out a suture kit and takes a seat to get to work.  
“I’m gonna go call Lena.” Mike says before leaving the room.   
“Whose Lena?” the doctor asks, trying to distract Stef from the needle of lidocaine he’s injecting into the skin around her wound.   
“She’s my wife.” Stef answers through gritted teeth. She’d been through this process several times before, but the lidocaine always stung as it went into her skin.   
“Let me guess, she’s not a big fan of your job, huh?” Dr. Barnett says with a knowing smirk, beginning to suture the wound closed after the lidocaine takes effect.   
“You probably hear that a lot from cops.” Stef replies.   
“Cops, fire fighters, and the like.” Dr. Barnett lists. “You are all stitched up. A nurse will stop by to take you to x-ray. I take it there’s no reason to run a pregnancy test?” Stef’s heart jumps into her throat.  
“A pregnancy test?” She asks carefully. She and Lena had tried at home insemination twice since their miscarriage. As far as they knew, neither attempt had worked. But what if?  
“To make sure we don’t expose a developing fetus to the radiation waves of an x-ray.” Dr. Barnett explains. “Should we run one?” He asks, carefully observing Stef’s response.   
“Just to be safe.” Stef tells him. “We’ve been trying to get pregnant and I don’t think I am, but just in case.”  
“Okay.” Dr. Barnett says. He turns around and rummages through a supply cart before turning back to Stef, a sterile urine cup in hand. “We’ll run the test before the x-ray.”  
When the nurse wheels Stef back to her hospital bed from the bathroom, Lena is waiting in the room. As her eyes fall on Stef, the curly haired woman jumps up from the chair she was sitting in and rushes to her wife’s side.   
“Baby, are you okay?” Lena’s voice is filled with worry as she looks Stef up and down.  
“I’m alright.” Stef tells her. “I needed a few stitches and they’re going to do an x-ray on my ankle to make sure it isn’t broken.”  
“Every time I get a call, I. . .I. . .” Lena says, shaking her head. Stef knows she’s thinking back to the time Stef was shot and almost died a few months into their relationship.  
“I know, honey. But I’m okay.” Stef tries to console her wife as she wraps her arms around the taller woman despite the awkward angle.   
“I love you.” Lena says, wrapping her arms around Stef with no intention of ever letting go.   
“I love you, too.” Stef replies, stroking her wife’s back.   
“I hate to interrupt.” Dr. Barnett’s voice startles the two women apart.  
“Sorry.” Lena blushes, sitting back down in the chair beside Stef’s hospital bed.   
“Well, Officer Foster-” Dr. Barnett begins before being interrupted.  
“Officer Adams Foster.” Stef corrects, tangling her fingers with Lena’s.  
“Right. Adams Foster. Sorry.” Dr. Barnett apologizes. “Anyway, Officer Adams Foster, it looks like running the test just in case was a good idea. Because it came back positive.”  
“What test?” Lena asks, looking between the doctor and her stunned wife.   
“Pregnancy test.” Stef answers, just above a whisper, her mouth hanging slightly agape. 

“I can’t believe it.” Lena whispers, her head resting on Stef’s still flat stomach as Stef lies back in their bed. After the results of the pregnancy test came back, the radiology tech was able to give Stef’s abdomen an extra layer of protection during her ankle x-ray. The joint thankfully wasn’t broken but Stef was still sporting an immobilization boot for the next several weeks -- which meant she was blessed with the joy of riding a desk. Lena would never say anything, but she was thankful that Stef would be off the beat for even a brief time period.   
“Me either.” Stef says, her fingers playing in Lena’s wild and curly hair. Lena could tell that Stef was trying not to get her hopes up too high. Lena was already completely gone -- already fully in love with the still developing baby inside her wife’s uterus.   
“Everything is going to be okay.” Lena promises, her fingers tracing absentminded patterns across her wife’s pale stomach. She couldn’t wait to watch Stef’s body change as their baby grew.   
“I hope so.” Stef replies. She wanted desperately to be as happy and excited as Lena was right now. She wanted to be able to enjoy this sweet moment with her wife. But she couldn’t help but recall the pain she felt, both physical and emotional, just a few months ago. She was terrified that the same thing would happen this time -- that she would lose her baby and not be able to do a damn thing about it.


	39. Heartbeats and Morning Sickness

“Are you sure there isn’t anything I can do for you?” Lena asks through the door of their en suite bathroom. Stef had been throwing up since she woke up this morning, launching herself out of bed and reaching the toilet with just enough time to hurl the contents of her stomach into the porcelain bowl.   
“No, I’m fine.” Stef croaks before more bile rises into her throat and mouth. Lena felt horrible that there was nothing she could do to ease her wife’s discomfort. Stef had barely been able to keep any food of substance down over the last two weeks. Lena was hoping that, during their visit today with Dr. Hilcroft, they could get some tips to help Stef with her morning sickness. How would her wife be able to gain weight and nourish their baby if she couldn’t even keep down dry toast?   
“Hey.” Lena says cheerfully as Stef steps out of their bathroom. The blonde woman looked pale and weak -- and Lena was worried about her. “How are you feeling?”  
“Like shit.” Stef groans as she lays back down onto the bed, resting her head in Lena’s lap.   
“I’m sorry, baby. We can talk to Dr. Hilcroft at our appointment.” Lena strokes her wife’s short blonde hair soothingly.   
“I’m nervous.” Stef admits quietly.  
“Everything will be okay.” Lena tells her, her fingers massaging her wife’s scalp. 

Later that afternoon, Stef and Lena are nervously waiting for Dr. Hilcroft in the exam room. Stef is practically vibrating on the exam table. Lena takes her wife’s hand and runs her thumb soothingly over the back of her hand.   
“Stef, Lena, nice to see you two again.” Dr. Hilcroft greets as she enters the room after a soft knock. “I was so sorry to hear about your miscarriage.” She says sympathetically.   
“Thank you.” Lena replies. “We’re excited to be back -- for this baby.”   
“Well then let’s get to it.” Dr. Hilcroft says. “According to your blood work, Stef you’re actually already eight weeks along.”  
“Oh wow.” Stef says. Eight weeks? Already?  
“That lines up to when we last inseminated.” Lena adds with a nod.   
“And Stef, how have you been feeling?” Dr. Hilcroft inquires. She can tell that the pregnant cop isn’t feeling one hundred percent.   
“I’ve been having a lot of nausea.” Stef admits. “I’ve barely been able to keep anything down.”  
“She’s lost a little weight over the last two weeks.” Lena adds. “Is there anything she can take to ease the nausea?”  
“I can send in an anti-nausea medication that’s safe to take during pregnancy. You can take it up to four times a day. It should decrease the nausea so that you can keep food down but it might not eliminate it completely.” Dr. Hilcroft explains.   
“Thank you.” Stef says. She couldn’t wait to be able to actually eat something again without seeing it in the toilet bowl ten minutes later.   
“Are you two ready to see your baby?” Dr. Hilcroft asks tentatively after finishing Stef’s physical exam. She knew that the first ultrasound after a miscarriage could be extremely emotional. Her heart truly ached for Stef and Lena, and the loss they had suffered. Stef and Lena make eye contact, both silently asking one another if they were ready. Stef gives Lena a small smile and nod.   
“This’ll be a little cool.” Dr. Hilcroft warns, just like when Stef had her first ultrasound. Dr. Hilcroft presses the ultrasound wand to Stef’s abdomen, finding the right spot to get a good visual on the baby. Tears spring to Lena’s eyes as the familiar sound of two heartbeats fill the room -- Lena’s two favorite heartbeats in the world.   
“Looks a little bit less like a jelly bean.” Dr. Hilcroft says with a smile. “More like a big kidney bean.”  
“He’s beautiful.” Stef gasps, tears in her own eyes. She hadn’t been sure if she’d feel as much love for their baby this time around as the first -- but she had just been proven wrong. Her heart was bursting with love for the baby inside her.   
“He?” Lena chuckles. “You think it’s a boy?”  
“Just a guess.” Stef shrugs as her wife gives her a quick peck on the lips.   
“Everything looks perfect.” Dr. Hilcroft assures the mothers-to-be. “I know you’re both worried so if you have any questions or concerns, you can call or text me at any time. I’m here for you.”  
“Thank you so much, Dr. Hilcroft. It means a lot to us.” Lena says appreciatively. 

“Is the anti-nausea medication helping?” Lena asks her wife, who is resting on the couch in their living room. It was a warm and breezy day in San Diego so all the windows in the house were open, filling each room with fresh air.   
“A little.” Stef says, nibbling lightly on a saltine cracker. She was afraid to try too much at once.   
“Scootch over.” Lena says. Stef bends her knees and Lena sits where her wife’s feet were previously.   
“What are you doing?” Stef asks as her wife pulls out her laptop.  
“Just looking at baby stuff.” Lena says nonchalantly.   
“Don’t you think it’s a little soon?” Stef asks, worry creeping into her voice. She wasn’t entirely convinced yet that everything was going to be okay. She desperately wanted it to be, but there was a part in her that wasn’t ready to let her guard down.   
“We only have eight months to get ready for this little guy.” Lena says, smiling as she rests her hand on Stef’s still flat stomach.   
“So you agree with me that it’s gonna be a boy?” Stef teases, resting her hand atop Lena’s on her stomach.  
“As long as it’s healthy, I don’t care.” Lena says. And she meant it. Boy, girl, transgender, straight, gay, Democrat, Republican -- none of it mattered. Lena would love their child with all of her heart no matter what.   
“We don’t know the first thing about boys.” Stef chuckles.   
“I think we can figure it out. Plus, there’s always my dad and Mike and Timothy.” Lena replies, listing the most present men in their lives. “Together, you and I can do anything, baby.


	40. Yellow like the Sunshine

Resting her head on the mattress beside her wife, Lena watches the steady rise and fall of Stef’s chest. It was early on this Thursday morning -- the first rays of watery sunlight streaming into their bedroom. Lena was curled up, quietly marveling at her wife’s tiny baby bump. To anyone who saw her wife during the day, the tiny bump was invisible. But Lena had the privilege of seeing every part of her wife. Stef’s lack of clothing also helped Lena see the barely there bump.   
Stef had noticed the bump three days ago. She had groaned and complained about already gaining pregnancy weight. Lena was glad that her wife was finally able to eat properly to sustain herself and their child. But Lena also knew that Stef was secretly as excited as she was. To them, this tiny little baby bump was a symbol of hope.   
“What are you doing down there?” Stef’s sleep laced voice pulls Lena from her trance, her fingers going to her curly hair.   
“Just enjoying the view.” Lena answers like she has so many times before. Only this time, she isn’t referring to her wife’s spectacular boobs. Which, by the way, had only become even more spectacular during the first trimester of Stef’s pregnancy.   
“Get up here and kiss me.” Stef demands. With a smile, Lena slides herself back up the mattress until her face is even with her wife’s.   
“You are so beautiful.” Lena whispers as she takes Stef’s pale face into her hands and presses her plump lips to her wife’s.   
“You’re just horny.” Stef chuckles. Lena couldn’t deny the statement. Stef hadn’t been much up for making love the last few weeks with her severe nausea. But the nausea was subsiding and Lena hoped that the increase in sex drive that she’d read about was more than just a myth.   
“Did you know that our baby is the size of a lime?” Lena asks as she trails her fingertips over Stef’s bare stomach.   
“A lime? Huh, that’s interesting.” Stef replies, snuggled into Lena’s embrace. The curly haired woman had downloaded a myriad of apps onto her phone that had countless sources of information on pregnancy, fetal development, and child rearing. One app compared the size of their baby each week to some kind of fruit or vegetable.   
“And the baby’s digestive system is beginning to work. Isn’t that cool?” Lena continues to gush about their unborn baby.   
“Super cool.” Stef agrees, pressing a tender kiss to the top of Lena’s head.   
“So, after our appointment this morning, you’ll drop me off at work and then pick me up after your shift?” Lena asks, clarifying their plan for the day.   
“Yes, ma’am.” Stef answers with a mock salute.   
“I love you.” Lena tells her wife, nuzzling into her warm embrace.  
“I love you, too.” Stef says, feeling at peace in this moment. 

“So Stef, how have you been feeling since our last appointment?” Dr. Hilcroft inquires as she finishes listening to Stef’s heart and lungs.   
“Much better with the anti-nausea meds.” Stef answers. It was nice to be able to enjoy food again after weeks of puking her guts up.   
“I was happy to see that you gained a few pounds. That’s very good.” Dr. Hilcroft smiles. “The nausea should subside now as you enter the second trimester.”  
“And the risk of miscarriage drops, right?” Stef asks nervously. Despite the fact that everything was going so well, Stef couldn’t let go of the fear she still harbored that they would lose this baby too.   
“Yes, the chance of miscarriage drops to five percent in the second trimester.” Dr. Hilcroft answers. “And now, the moment we’ve all been waiting for.” Their doctor smiles as she prepares the ultrasound machine.   
“I will never get sick of hearing that sound.” Lena breathes in awe as both Stef and their baby’s heartbeats fill the exam room.   
“Me either.” Stef smiles, clutching her wife’s hand tightly and blinking tears from her eyes. This baby was turning the stone faced cop into a softy.   
“Your little one is about two inches long, which is normal. The heart rate is good. Everything looks great.” Dr. Hilcroft informs them with a smile.   
Hand in hand, the two women exit the clinic. Lena couldn’t keep the smile off her face -- her wife and baby were healthy! What could be better?   
“I’ve got to get you to Anchor Beach and then get myself to the precinct in time to change.” Stef tells her wife, dragging her by the arm to the car.   
“Are you sure you can’t keep riding the desk until you deliver?” Lena whines. When Stef had been on desk duty following her twisted ankle, Lena had never slept better since she began dating the cop.   
“Do you want me to go insane?” Stef rebuttals with an eyebrow raised. 

“So what did your mom have to say?” Lena asks, rolling her third test patch of paint color onto one of the walls of the extra bedroom they decided to make the nursery.   
“After she stopped screaming?” Stef chuckles. At fourteen weeks, she and Lena had decided it was safe to tell their parents. Lena’s parents had come down last week to spend the weekend and that’s when the couple gave them the exciting news. Stef was pretty sure she’d never received such a crazy group hug in her entire life.   
The cop had just hung up the phone with her own mother, who was over the moon to hear the news. It felt good to Stef to tell her mother -- especially after her mother had flown all the way to San Diego from southern Florida to help Stef through her depression following her miscarriage. Stef was finally starting to feel like she could release some of the fear she was carrying around.   
“Which one do you like best?” Lena asks, stepping back from the wall to get a better look at the test paint splotches she had spent this Sunday morning working on. Stef moves to stand beside her wife and studies the pastel green, yellow, and orange colors on the wall.   
“I like the yellow.” Stef says. “Like the sunshine.”


	41. Sixteen Weeks

“Good morning, beautiful.” Lena says, squatting down to press a kiss to Stef’s already bigger baby bump.   
“I remember when you used to say that to me.” Stef complains jokingly as she sips her peppermint tea at their kitchen table.   
“Good morning, beautiful.” Lena repeats with a soft smile, pressing a kiss to Stef’s lips.   
“Good morning.” Stef replies, wrapping her arms around Lena’s waist and holding her close.   
“I picked up some more of that guacamole you like.” Lena tells her wife. For the last two weeks, Stef had been craving her favorite guacamole -- and Lena had been making trips twice a week to pick it up.   
“You do love me.” Stef says as her face lights up.  
“Did you know that our baby is the size of an avocado now?” Lena informs their wife.   
“Please don’t ruin my guacamole for me.” Stef shakes her head.  
“Sorry.” Lena chuckles. “What time do we have to leave for our appointment?” The curly haired woman asks, releasing herself from Stef’s grasp to prepare her wife’s breakfast.   
“We have about an hour.” Stef tells Lena, watching as she cracks eggs into a bowl. Ever since Stef had been able to keep food down, Lena had been spoiling the blonde woman at every chance she got. Between doing almost all the cooking and cleaning -- Lena was paranoid that Stef would somehow strain herself by loading the dishwasher -- Lena had also been painting the nursery the pastel yellow color they had decided on the week previously. Of course Stef wasn’t allowed to help with that either because of the paint fumes. The cop wasn’t used to having everything done for her and being taken care of this way. Some days she felt like she was going insane as she sat on the couch and read yet another chapter of What to Expect When You’re Expecting while Lena mopped the floors and cooked her dinner. But anytime the blonde woman tried to complain and help, Lena simply shushed her with a kiss and pushed her back onto the couch. 

“Good morning.” Dr. Hilcroft greets Stef and Lena later that morning in the familiar exam room.   
“Good morning.” Stef beams, excited to see their baby and hear its heartbeat again. Dr. Hilcroft pulls out her stethoscope and listens to both Stef’s heart and lungs before conducting a quick physical exam.   
“Looks like you won’t be able to hide this pregnancy for much longer.” Dr. Hilcroft comments with a smile, nodding towards Stef’s baby bump.  
“We already told our parents.” Lena says, giving Stef’s hand a gentle squeeze.  
“Well, let’s get to the fun part.” Dr. Hilcroft says as she readies the ultrasound machine. Stef smiles brightly at her wife as Dr. Hilcroft moves the wand over her abdomen. Lena watches the ultrasound screen expectantly. She catches a slight furrow in Dr. Hilcroft’s brow and a surge of panic shoots through her.   
“Is everything okay?” She asks, trying to keep the panic from her voice. Dr. Hilcroft keeps her focus on the screen, moving the wand over Stef’s abdomen, searching. “What’s wrong?” Lena asks again, this time her voice more insistent. Stef is looking between her and the doctor, searching their faces for an answer. The minutes trinkle by but they feel like hours as Dr. Hilcroft continues to study the ultrasound screen.   
“Lena, take Stef’s hand.” Dr. Hilcroft instructs Lena solemnly as she turns to the couple. Lena takes tight hold of Stef’s hand. She can feel her wife shaking like a leaf. “Stef, Lena, I’ve been looking for over five minutes and there is no heartbeat. I’m so sorry, but the baby has died.” The words hit Lena like a suckerpunch to the chest, pushing all the air from her lungs.   
“I don’t understand.” Lena finally squeaks out. “Everything was fine.”  
“By the size of the baby, it seems to have stopped developing at fourteen weeks.” Dr. Hilcroft tries to explain.   
“But I. . . I didn’t have any bleeding or cramping or anything.” Stef shakes her head, trying to make sense of it all.   
“It’s called a missed miscarriage. The body still thinks you’re pregnant and doesn’t expel the fetus.” Dr. Hilcroft tells them.   
“What does that mean?” Lena asks, fearing for her wife’s health and safety.   
“Stef is going to need a procedure to remove the fetus and the placenta since the body isn’t expelling it naturally.” Dr. Hilcroft explains.   
“When?” Lena asks. Beside her, Stef has stopped shaking and is staring stone faced ahead.   
“I’m at the hospital tomorrow and have an opening in my morning schedule. Stef will need to be there most of the day. She’ll get an epidural for the procedure and won’t be able to go home until it wears off.” Dr. Hilcroft says. 

“Do you need anything?” Lena asks Stef after tucking the practically catatonic woman into their bed. Stef hadn’t uttered a single word since their doctor’s appointment this morning. Lena knew that her wife must be feeling broken. She knew that because that’s exactly what she was feeling right now. When Stef doesn’t answer her, Lena leaves the bedroom and closes the door quietly behind her.   
This time was supposed to be different. Everything had been going perfectly. Stef had a baby bump. The nursery was painted. They had told their parents. Oh god -- what were they supposed to tell their parents? Lost in her tornado of thoughts, Lena finds herself wandering into their baby’s nursery -- a nursery the baby would never use. Sitting down in the wooden rocking chair that her mother had bought them, Lena buries her face in her hands and finally lets the sobs rack through her. 

The next morning, Stef and Lena are quietly waiting in a pre-op room. Stef had changed into a hospital gown and was sitting on the hospital bed, covered by a thin blanket. Lena was sitting in a chair beside Stef, resisting the urge to hold her wife’s hand or wrap her into her arms. Stef still hadn’t spoken since yesterday and had been avoiding Lena’s touch. Lena was trying not to take it personally -- she knew that Stef too was grieving their loss.   
The next several hours go by in a blur. The anesthesiologist comes in and gives Stef the epidural. Lena couldn’t help but wince as the giant needle was plunged into her wife’s spine. The epidural took only minutes to become effective and soon Stef was numb from the waist down. Just like the rest of me, the blonde woman scoffs in her head.   
Lena stays with Stef as she’s wheeled into the procedure room. Dressed in a pale green gown, Lena sits beside Stef and finally reaches for her wife’s hand. Lena tries to rub soothing circles on the back of Stef’s hand as the nurses place her feet in the stirrups. The whole procedure takes less then and hour and Stef is wheeled to recovery -- the baby no longer with her.   
“Do you want some water or anything?” Lena asks her wife. “Do you need another pillow?” Lena didn’t know how else to help her wife through this. But Lena’s constant fussing was driving Stef insane.   
“Get out.” She says, turning away from Lena.   
“What?” Lena asks, surprised to hear Stef say something for the first time since yesterday morning.   
“Get. Out.” Stef repeats, venom creeping into her voice. Lower lip trembling, Lena obeys her wife’s wishes.   
Out in the waiting room, Lena falls into a chair and buries her face into her hands. As tears roll down her cheeks, she hears her phone begin to ring. One look at the screen shows her mother’s picture. Of course her mother would call at this moment. Knowing that her mother was calling to inquire about their sonogram appointment from yesterday, Lena takes a deep breath before answering.   
“Hi, mom.” She says, trying to keep grief from slipping into her voice.   
“What’s wrong?” Dana asks immediately. Lena should have known that she couldn’t get anything passed her mother.   
“I don’t really want to talk about it right now, mom.” Lena says.   
“Lena Elizabeth Adams.” Dana replies, a warning tone in her voice. Pinching the bridge of her nose, Lena decides to rip the bandaid off.  
“Stef had a miscarriage.” Lena informs her mother.  
“Oh, no, darling. I am so so sorry.” Lena’s mother says, wishing she could be there to comfort her daughter and daughter-in-law in person.   
“She had to have a procedure to remove. . .” Lena couldn’t even bring herself to say the word fetus or baby. “And she won’t even talk to me. She kicked me out of the recovery room. I don’t know what to do.” Tears begin streaming down Lena’s cheeks as she blubbers to her mother over the phone in the hospital waiting room.   
“Oh honey, she’s just grieving. She just needs some time to heal.” Dana tries to soothe her daughter’s pain from over a hundred miles away.   
“She’s pulling away from me and I don’t know what to do.” Lena says, wiping her cheeks. “What if this breaks up apart?”


	42. Tested

Stef sits quietly in Dr. Hilcroft’s exam room. It had been two months since her second miscarriage. Today, she had undergone a battery of tests -- blood tests, ultrasounds, and scans. Stef knew that there had to be a reason she had lost two babies in a row.   
She was here alone today because Lena was at work. Not like she really wanted Lena here right now anyway. Stef knew there was something wrong with and that she was the reason that she and Lena hadn’t yet been able to start their family. Stef hadn’t been able to face Lena since finding out about the loss of their second baby.   
After receiving the cold shoulder from Stef, Lean had taken to sleeping in one of their spare bedrooms. Stef could tell that Lena desperately wanted to talk about the situation and move towards reconciling -- but Stef still felt this guilt weighing her down, pulling her farther and farther away from her wife.   
“Stef.” Dr. Hilcroft says softly as she enters the exam room.  
“Did you figure out what’s wrong with me?” Stef asks, not really in the mood to beat around the bush.   
“First of all, there’s nothing wrong with you.” Dr. Hilcroft begins.   
“You know what I mean.” Stef rolls her eyes. She had been poked and prodded and scanned all day. She just wanted to know.   
“Well, all of your blood tests came back normal. All your hormones are in normal ranges for your age. The genetic testing we did on the fetus,” Stef winces at the word fetus, “didn’t show any abnormalities that would result in fatality.”   
“So why can’t I. . . why do I keep . . .” Stef closes her eyes, unable to get the words out.   
“The CT scan we took of your abdomen showed extensive scar tissue in your uterus.” Dr. Hilcroft replies.  
“Scar tissue?” Stef asks in confusion.   
“You were shot almost two years ago right?” Dr. Hilcroft asks -- to which Stef nods in affirmation. “My guess is that when they repaired the internal damage, that scar tissue formed in your uterus. You can conceive a baby but, because of the amount of scar tissue inside your uterus, the baby doesn’t have enough healthy uterine tissue to develop fully.”  
“Oh my god.” Stef breathes, resting her face in her hands. Of course, she thinks to herself, Of course this is all my fault.   
“Stef, this just solidifies that you did nothing wrong. Your miscarriages were not your fault.” Dr. Hilcroft tries to soothe her patient.   
“I’ll never be able to carry a baby to term, will I?” Stef asks.  
“I’m sorry, Stef. I truly am.” Dr. Hilcroft replies. 

Later that evening, Stef comes through the front door and is greeted by the scent of her wife’s famous chili. Deciding that maybe it was time to start mending the bridge she broke, Stef heads into the kitchen.   
“Hey.” She says, silently studying her wife.  
“Hey.” Lena replies quietly as she stirs the chili. Stef can see the bags under her eyes. She can also see that the usual twinkle in her eye seems to have vanished. What have I done? She thinks to herself.   
“It smells good.” Stef adds to their strained conversation.   
“Thanks.” Lena replies tightly, turning her back to Stef to toss the salad.   
“I had an appointment today.” Stef tells Lena’s back. “With Dr. Hilcroft.”  
“Oh?” Lena says, genuine interest in her voice.   
“She did a bunch of blood tests and scans.” Stef explains. “I have scar tissue. In my uterus. There isn’t enough healthy tissue for a fetus to fully develop. I’ll. . . I’ll never be able to have a baby.” Stef’s breath hitches at the last sentence. Yes, she had heard and understood when Dr. Hilcroft gave her the news -- but she hadn’t truly felt the implication of what those words meant.   
Lena turns around to see her wife tearing up. Without a second thought, and despite the space that had been growing between them, Lena rushes to her wife and wraps Stef in her arms. Feeling Lena’s arms around her, the wall Stef has spent the last two months building to hide her emotions comes tumbling down. Tears stream down her cheeks as Stef buries her face into Lena’s chest.   
“Shh, shh, it’s okay, honey. You’re okay.” Lena whispers soothingly, rubbing Stef’s back gently.   
“It’s my fault that we lost our babies.” Stef sobs into Lena’s chest.  
“That’s not true, Stef. It wasn’t your fault.” Lena carefully leads Stef to sit down at the kitchen table.   
“I’m sorry.” Stef says, wiping tears from her cheeks. “If you had married somebody else, you’d probably-”  
“I married you.” Lena tells Stef, looking intensely into her eyes. “I love you, Stef, with all of my heart. And that love for you isn’t diminished by this. Nothing -- and I mean nothing -- will ever change how I feel about you.”  
“I’ve been a pretty shitty wife lately, huh?” Stef chuckles through her tears.  
“We’ve both been grieving.” Lena replies. She doesn’t care about the way Stef has been acting -- she just wants her wife back.   
As Stef goes up to change out of her uniform, Lena pulls out her cellphone. Stirring her famous chili, she listens to the phone ring a few times.   
“Dr. Hilcroft.” Their OB answers after the third ring.  
“Dr. Hilcroft, this is Lena Adams Foster.” Lena says.  
“Lena, how can I help you?” Dr. Hilcroft asks.  
“Well, Stef told me about the testing she had done today and the scar tissue in her uterus. And I was wondering. . . well, would it be possible to impregnate me with Stef’s baby?” Lena replies, biting her bottom lip nervously.  
“Oh, well, yes it is possible. It’s called reciprocal in vitro fertilization. We would harvest Stef’s eggs, fertilize them with your donor sperm, and then implant them into your uterus.” Dr. Hilcroft answers. “Is this something that you and Stef are interested in?”  
“I don’t know yet.” Lena answers, hearing Stef coming back down the stairs. “I will call your office if we decide we want to try it.” Lena quickly hangs up the phone.   
That night, Stef and Lena are spooning in their bed -- Stef happy to have her arms wrapped around Lena and Lena content to be back in bed with her wife. With Stef’s nose nuzzled against the back of her neck, Lena is trying to figure out how to bring up the idea of reciprocal IVF to her wife. She doesn’t want to bring back feelings of anger and hurt between them but, at the same time, she wants to do this for her wife -- if Stef wants it, too.   
“Babe?” Lena says tentatively, turning around in Stef’s arms so that they are facing each other.  
“What’s up, baby?” Stef asks with a soft smile.  
“I called Dr. Hilcroft this afternoon, when you went to change out of your uniform.” Lena begins. Stef watches Lena silently, waiting for her to continue. “I asked her if there was a way that we could take your eggs and fertilize them and then put them inside of me.” Lena continues nervously. She doesn’t want to upset her wife. “It’s called reciprocal IVF. And Dr. Hilcroft made it sound like something she can do. If. . . if we’re interested.” Lena finishes. She watches Stef’s face, trying to gauge her reaction. Suddenly, Stef’s lips are on hers, love and passion pouring between them.   
“Um, is that a yes?” Lena asks, catching her breath when Stef finally releases her lips.  
“I can’t believe that you would be willing to do that for me.” Stef is tearing up just at the thought.   
“I would do anything for you.” Lena vows. “I would feel honored to carry your baby -- our baby -- inside me.”

Two weeks later, Stef is bent over the side of their bed with no pants on.  
“Just get it over with.” She grimaces, waiting for the stab of pain that had become her morning ritual for the last week -- and would continue for at least another week until her eggs were ready to be harvested.   
“Just think of our little baby.” Lena says, trying to ease the pain, as she jabs the needle into Stef’s upper thigh and pushes down on the plunger.   
“This baby better be cute.”


	43. Third Time's the Charm

“Good morning.” Dr. Hilcroft greets the two women that have become some of her favorite patients. She truly wanted to help this loving couple add to their family.  
“Good morning.” Lena replies from her position on the procedure table. Stef’s eggs had been harvested and fertilized three days ago and today they were going to be implanted into Lena’s uterus.   
“So, today we’re going to implant Stef’s fertilized eggs.” Dr. Hilcroft begins explaining. “We’re going to implant three embryos to increase the chance of achieving a successful pregnancy.” Stef and Lena nod. They had discussed the number of eggs to implant with Dr. Hilcroft extensively. They chose three because, if all three implanted and began to grow, the pregnancy would not be as high risk to Lena compared to if they implanted four or five embryos. The rest of Stef’s fertilized eggs would be frozen and stored for their future use.   
“After today, Lena, you’ll come back in three days for a blood test. We will test your beta-HCG levels, which is the best way to determine pregnancy at its earliest. If you’re pregnant, you’ll have an ultrasound at four weeks and then every four weeks after that until you deliver.” Dr. Hilcroft finishes. Stef and Lena nod; they had studied the pamphlet that described the reciprocal IVF process extensively.   
Lena lays back, her feet in the stirrups, as Dr. Hilcroft gets to work. The nervous energy radiating off of both Stef and Lena is palpable. If this didn’t work, they weren’t sure what they were going to do. Unbeknownst to Stef, Lena had been praying to whichever god rules the universe for the last several weeks.   
An hour later, Stef pulls the black SUV into their driveway. Before Lena can let herself out of the SUV, Stef rushes around and opens the passenger door for her -- taking her hand and helping her out of the car.   
“Stef, I can walk myself to the house.” Lena chuckles at her wife.  
“I know. I just. . . want to make sure that you take it easy.” Stef tells her wife. “Be prepared to be pampered every second of every day until you give birth.”  
“Stef. . .” Lena doesn’t want her wife to get her hopes up too far -- just in case things didn’t work out in their favor.  
“I know.” Stef says. “I’m just trying to be optimistic.”

Three days later, Lena is waiting anxiously in her office at Anchor Beach Community Charter, her cellphone in hand. She had gone this morning to the clinic to have her blood drawn and was supposed to get the results this afternoon. She could barely focus on the work she had splayed across her desk. It was December 23rd and campus would be closed for six weeks starting tomorrow. And Lena did not want to bring any work home over the holiday break.   
The sound of her phone ringing startles Lena, causing her to drop her cellphone. Scrambling to pick her phone up off the floor, she tries to take a few deep breaths before answering the call and placing the phone to her ear.  
“Hello?” Lena answers, her heart pounding in her chest.   
“Lena, it’s Dr. Hilcroft.” The OB replies.   
“Do you have my test results?” Lena asks excitedly.  
“I do.” Dr. Hilcroft replies, trying to suppress a chuckle. “According to your beta-HCG level, you are pregnant.”  
“Oh my god. Thank you!” Lena exclaims.  
“I will see you in four weeks for your first ultrasound. But you can call me anytime if you have any questions or concerns.” Dr. Hilcroft reminds before disconnecting the call.   
“Oh my god.” Lena repeats, dialing Stef’s number to tell her the fantastic news.

“I can’t believe it!” Stef exclaims as she wraps her arms around Lena in their kitchen. She was still dressed in her police officer uniform, having just returned home from work. But the blonde woman couldn’t wait another second to hold her now pregnant wife in her arms.  
“Me either.” Lena smiles. “Talk about the best Christmas present ever, huh?”  
“Oh, this so beats the blender I got you.” Stef chuckles, pressing kisses to her wife’s lips. “I’m gonna go change and then I will make you some dinner.” Stef says, untangling herself from Lena’s arms.   
“I can make dinner, babe.” Lena replies, going to pull some food from the fridge.  
“Ah, ah, ah.” Stef chastises her wife. “I told you I was going to pamper you throughout this pregnancy.”  
“So I don’t get to do anything?” Lena asks with a raised eyebrow.  
“Not if I can help it.” Stef tells her, pecking her on her plump lips before heading upstairs. 

Eight weeks later, Stef and Lena are anxiously waiting in Dr. Hilcroft’s exam room. They had already had one ultrasound four weeks ago, but during that ultrasound they had only been able to see the gestational sac -- there hadn’t been a heartbeat yet. Today, if they were lucky, they would be able to hear their baby’s heartbeat and possibly find out how many of the three embryos had actually implanted into Lena’s uterus.  
“Good morning.” Dr. Hilcroft greets. “How are you feeling, Lena?”  
“I’m feeling really great. I’ve only had a little bit of morning sickness, but not too much.” Lena replies.   
“Jealous.” Stef chuckles, thinking back to the crazy amount of morning sickness she experienced when pregnant.  
“Alright, well, it’s time to see how many babies we can expect to meet in a few months.” Dr. Hilcroft smiles, wheeling the ultrasound machine over. “This will feel a little cool.” She tells Lena as she squirts the clear gel onto the pregnant woman’s exposed abdomen. Dr. Hilcroft moves the ultrasound wand over Lena’s abdomen before the fuzzy white image appears on the screen.   
“Why does it look different than last time?” Stef asks, squinting at the ultrasound screen, her hand holding onto Lena’s tightly.   
“It looks different because there’s two babies in there.” Dr. Hilcroft smiles, tracing over each fetus with her finger to show the future parents their two babies.   
“Oh my god.” Lena breathes in disbelief.  
“Twins?” Stef asks, her eyes growing to the size of saucers.  
“Looks like it.” Dr. Hilcroft smiles. “And it looks like they’re fraternal twins, because there’s two separate placentas and amniotic sacs.”  
“Oh my god.” Lena repeats, unable to move her eyes from the ultrasound screen.   
“Now let’s hear those heartbeats, shall we?” Dr. Hilcroft smiles, turning the volume up on the machine. The sound of three distinct heartbeats fills the exam room. Tears of happiness roll down Lena’s cheeks as Stef presses kisses to her cheek.   
“We made two beautiful babies.” Lena gasps, holding Stef close to her.


	44. Double the Trouble

“How many times do I have to tell you that I can make dinner?” Lena complains as Stef swoops into the kitchen, still in her police officer uniform, to finish the meatloaf that Lena was preparing.   
“I know you can do it, but I want to help. I don’t want you under any other unnecessary stress.” Stef tells her wife.   
“Speaking of unnecessary stress.” Lena begins. “Do you think that maybe you could take your need to help me out so much down a notch?”  
“Am I smothering you?” Stef asks with a groan.   
“Just a little.” Lena admits as she pulls her wife in for a hug.   
“I’m sorry, babe. I just worry.” Stef says, placing her hand on Lena’s stomach. She was now eighteen weeks pregnant and had a considerable baby bump.  
“I know.” Lena replies, kissing the blonde woman’s cheek. “Why don’t you go upstairs and change? I’ll finish putting dinner in the oven and then come join you.”  
“I like the sound of that.” Stef grins.   
“I thought you might.” Lena smirks victoriously. “Now go. I’ll be up in a little bit.”

Ten minutes later, Stef is standing beneath the warm stream of water when she feels Lena slip into the shower behind her. The blonde woman turns around to face her pregnant wife. Lena occasionally complained about her weight gain and how she had recently needed to make the transition to maternity clothes. But Stef found her wife’s expanding belly and fuller breasts extremely arousing. She couldn’t seem to keep her lips off of her wife’s delicious skin.   
“Stef, we only have half an hour before the meatloaf is done.” Lena groans as Stef presses kisses to her shoulder, her collarbone, between her breasts.   
“That’s more than enough time.” Stef smirks, trailing kisses down Lena’s stomach. The caramel skinned woman tangles her fingers into short blonde hair as Stef presses tender kisses to Lena’s inner thighs. Stef uses her tongue to run circles around Lena’s already swollen clitoris. One thing that Stef had noticed when Lena entered her second trimester was that her wife’s sex drive had seemed to skyrocket almost overnight. Stef kneels in front of her wife, nuzzling her wife’s slick skin.   
“Right there. Oh, shit. Stef, yes!” Lena moans as Stef’s tongue continues to explore her wet pussy, probing her sensitive entrance and tracing figure eights over her clit. Stef gently presses her wife against the shower wall, placing her hands on each of Lena’s hips in preparation for her quickly approaching orgasm.   
“Don’t stop. Don’t stop.” Lena pants, her legs trembling as Stef’s expert tongue flicks over her clit repeatedly. Looking up to watch her wife’s gorgeous face, Stef takes Lena’s clit between her lips and suckles.   
“Shit!” Lena curses as pleasure explodes throughout her body, roughly yanking on her wife’s hair. Stef keeps her hold on Lena’s lips, knowing her wife’s legs sometimes went weak after an orgasm. “That was amazing.” Lena breathes, relaxing her grip on Stef’s hair. Stef carefully returns to her feet, pressing a gentle kiss to her wife’s plump lips.   
“Should we dry off and see if dinner is ready?” Stef suggests.   
“I’m still horny.” Lena whines. Stef chuckles at her wife’s pouty face.   
“We can come back upstairs after dinner.” Stef offers.   
“Will you use our special toy?” Lena asks, referring to their seven inch bright purple strap-on.   
“I don’t know if that’s a great idea.” Stef says. Ever since finding out Lena was pregnant, Stef had been leery to use the strap-on. She didn’t want to be too rough with Lena and cause any of the three of them harm. At Stef’s answer, Lena’s pout grows and she exits the shower with a disgruntled huff. 

“Will you be able to tell the sexes of the babies?” Lena asks anxiously from her position on the exam table in Dr. Hilcroft’s exam room. Today, Lena was twenty weeks pregnant -- they were officially halfway there! Stef and Lena were practically buzzing with excitement.   
“If they’re cooperating, yes.” Dr. Hilcroft smiles, squirting the ultrasound gel onto Lena’s stomach and moving the wand until the two babies come into view. Lena was always awestruck at the sight of her babies. There were two tiny human beings growing inside of her -- and they were her and Stef’s children.   
“Both Baby A and Baby B look good. They’re similar in size -- about the length of a banana each.” Dr. Hilcroft says. “And, it looks like they’re both in a good position to find out the sexes. If you guys are sure you want to know?”   
“Yes!” Stef and Lena both reply in unison. They were both dying to start narrowing their list of potential names and finish their baby registry. Next month, Sharon was flying in to host their baby shower and she was also pestering them about what color decorations she needed to buy.   
“Alright, let’s see here.” Dr. Hilcroft says, focusing her attention to one of the babies. “It looks like Baby A is a boy.” Lena squeezes Stef’s hand in excitement. They were going to have a little boy. A quick feeling of fear shoots through Stef; did they even know the first thing about raising a boy? Dr. Hilcroft moves her focus over to Baby B, zooming in on the ultrasound screen. “And, Baby B is a little girl.” Dr. Hilcroft smiles.   
“A boy and a girl!” Lena exclaims, wiping at her eyes. She often found herself becoming more emotional than she used to before her pregnancy. “I can’t wait to meet them!”  
“Do you guys have any other questions for me today?” Dr. Hilcroft inquiries. She was happy to see Stef and Lena so excited for their coming babies, especially after all the tragedy they suffered to get here.   
“Can we have penetrative sex?” Lena asks bluntly. Stef feels her face burn a deep shade of crimson. Of course her wife would bring that up at their appointment today. She had been practically begging Stef to use their bright purple strap-on in their bedroom play lately, but Stef was too anxious about hurting her wife or her unborn children to follow through.   
“Yes. You don’t have any health conditions so I feel confident that penetrative sex is completely safe.” Dr. Hilcroft answers, trying hard to keep herself from smiling at Stef’s clear embarrassment. “Any other questions?”  
“Nope, that takes care of everything.” Lena replies with a smile. She was ready to see Stef try and deny her what she wanted so badly now that they had the go ahead from the doctor.


	45. Baby Moon

“Do you think she went a little overboard on the pink and blue?” Stef asks as she helps Lena out of the SUV. Upon entering her twenty-fourth week of pregnancy, Lena was beginning to suffer from back aches and swollen feet. Stef wished she could take her wife’s pain and discomfort away.  
“She’s just excited.” Lena defends her mother-in-law. Sharon was the only person that knew about both of their miscarriages and she was completely over the moon about the twins that were growing inside Lena’s uterus.  
“There’s our mama to be!” Sharon exclaims, rushing over to Lena. “And our mommy to be.” The kooky woman adds, hugging both her daughter and daughter-in-law.  
“Hey, mom.” Stef greets, helping Lena get settled at a picnic table beneath the park pavilion. Sharon had chosen one of San Diego’s many parks to host their baby shower at. Jenna, Kelly, and their son Garrett are sitting at the other picnic table under the pavilion. Other than them and Stef and Lena’s parents, there were only a few other guests in attendance. Stef had insisted that the baby shower be small and quiet to keep the potential stress down for Lena.  
“How are you feeling, my dear?” Dana asks, coming to sit beside her daughter.  
“Ugh, well, my feet are swollen, my back is killing me, and I am exhausted.” Lena complains.  
“Only a few more months to go, and you’ll be able to hold and cuddle the fruits of your labor.” Dana smiles, resting her hand on Lena’s swollen belly. “Have you felt them move yet?”  
“I have.” Lena says with a smile. “It’s magical. I wish that Stef could feel it too.”  
“I will soon.” Stef says, sitting beside her wife and rubbing her belly. “They’re working on growing their little bodies. There will be plenty of time to kick for me later.”  
“But for now, there are presents to open.” Sharon exclaims, placing several large gift bags in front of Stef and Lena.  
Stef and Lena begin opening the presents from their friends and family. Jenna and Kelly gifted them a few items they found most helpful when they had Garrett -- a diaper genie, a nosefrida, and a baby wipe warmer. Gretchen gifted them many cute onesies and baby outfits ranging from newborn all the way to twelve months. Despite Lena telling them it was too much, Dana and Stewart ignored her and gifted them two matching cribs and a changing table. Lena felt like it was too extravagant of a gift, but she knew there was no arguing with her mother.  
“What’s this?” Stef asks, pulling some kind of brochure from the card from her mother.  
“It’s a brochure for a retreat I booked for you two!” Sharon exclaims. “Think of it as a baby-moon!”  
“A baby-moon?” Stef repeats, scrunching her eyebrows.  
“It sounds like fun.” Lena says. “We could use a weekend away to relax.”

“Are you sure it’s a great idea for us to take this trip?” Stef asks as she loads their suitcase into the back of the SUV. “Is it even safe for you to be traveling?”  
“Dr. Hilcroft says I’m healthy and there’s no reason I can’t travel.” Lena counters. All week, Stef had been trying to come up with some reason or another not to take this trip. All Lena wanted to do was relax and forget about all the things they still needed to do in preparation for their babies for a few days.  
“The weather is supposed to be chilly.” Stef says.  
“If you don’t want to go, we don’t have to.” Lena sighs. She was tired of listening to Stef and her complaints.  
“No, no, we’re gonna go. The suitcase is already packed. We’re already in the car. We’re going.” Stef replies, sliding in behind the steering wheel.  
The next couple of hours are glaringly tense as Stef drives them to the resort. Lena kept adjusting her seat, trying to find a comfortable position for her back. Stef was grinding her teeth. How was she supposed to relax when there was still so much to do at home? They were never going to be ready in time.  
“Do you want to rest for a while?” Stef asks Lena after they’ve checked into the resort and settled into their room -- which was complete with a king sized bed, a large balcony, and a bathtub big enough for five people.  
“I was thinking of going down to the pool actually.” Lena says.  
“The pool? Are you sure?” Stef grimaces.  
“You don’t have to come.” Lena replies nonchalantly, changing into a flowy sundress and grabbing the latest novel she’d been reading.  
“Okay.” Stef says. “I’ll just stay here then.” 

When Lena returns to the hotel room a couple of hours later, Stef is laying in the bed and scrolling on her phone.  
“How was the pool?” Stef asks, sitting up.  
“It was fine.” Lena replies.  
“Did you remember to use sunscreen?” Stef badgers.  
“Of course I did. I’m not a child. And I would prefer if you stopped treating me like one.” Lena snaps. Why couldn’t Stef just relax and enjoy herself?  
“I’m sorry.” Stef flinches at her wife’s harsh tone. Even in some of their worst fights, Lena had never spoken to her so harshly. Seeing her wife’s shocked face, Lena sits beside her on the bed and sighs.  
“I’m sorry.” She sniffles, a few tears leaking from her eyes. “I just wanted us to have a nice weekend.”  
“Hey, hey, don’t cry. I’m sorry, baby.” Stef tries to console her wife, wrapping her up in her arms. “I didn’t mean to ruin the trip.”  
“You didn’t ruin it.” Lena says, wiping the tears from her cheeks.  
“You know, I did bring something that might cheer you up.” Stef informs her wife.  
“You did?” Lena asks. “What is it?” Stef gets up from the bed and goes to their suitcase. When she returns to Lena, she’s holding their bright purple strap on. Lena’s eyes go wide at the sight of the toy. She had practically been begging Stef to use it for weeks now.  
“Are you sure?” She asks, biting her bottom lip.  
“I just want to make you happy. And make you feel good.” Stef replies. “Maybe we could try out that huge tub.”  
“That sounds like fun.” Lena smiles. Stef leads her wife to the fancy bathroom.  
While Lena fills the tub, Stef undresses and wiggles into the harness of the strap on. Just the sight of her wife sporting their toy turns Lena on. She quickly strips off her own clothes before beckoning her wife forward.  
“You look so hot with this on.” Lena purrs seductively into Stef’s ear, gently stroking the purple phallus and pressing it into Stef’s pussy.  
“How should we do this?” Stef asks, quickly becoming distracted by Lena’s movements.  
“Why don’t you get in first?” Lena suggests. “And then I’ll straddle you.”  
“Okay.” Stef agrees, climbing into the tub filled with warm water. Lena carefully follows suit, placing her legs on either side of Stef’s. She can feel the dildo pressing against her. She just wants it inside her desperately. But Stef doesn’t like to do anything halfway. The blonde woman brings one of Lena’s swollen breasts to her mouth, teasing the nipple gently with her tongue. She knows that Lena’s nipples and breasts have been extra sensitive; so she’s careful not to overstimulate or hurt her wife.. Lena moans in pleasure as Stef’s tongue continues to swirl around her hardening nipples.  
“Steeeef.” Lena moans, arching her back, gripping the edge of the tub, splashing water onto the floor. Stef slides her hand between their bodies, finding the heat of Lena’s arousal. “Oh, shit!” Lena exclaims as Stef’s fingers caress her inner lips and clitoris. Stef continues pleasuring her wife with her tongue and one hand while her free hand tangles into her wild, curly hair.  
“Stef.” Lena moans. “I want you inside me.” Not wanting to disappoint her wife, Stef lines the dildo up with her entrance and let’s Lena sink onto it. Lena’s eyes practically roll into the back of her skull as she let’s the dildo fill her up. Stef watches in amazement as Lena rides her. She could think of no other sight as glorious as her wife’s naked body writhing in pleasure above her. The pressure Lena was providing against her own clit felt incredible.  
“You’re beautiful.” Stef gasps in awe.  
“You feel incredible.” Lena pants. Wanting to help her wife reach her orgasm, Stef reaches between their bodies and strokes Lena’s clit. Lena continues to ride Stef with increasing tempo, lost in the pleasure that her wife is giving her.  
“Don’t stop.” Lena pants. “I’m so close.” Stef continues to watch her wife in awe, running circles around her clit. “Yes, Stef!” Lena exclaims, pleasure shooting through her entire body as her muscles shake uncontrollably.  
“I love you.” Stef whispers as Lena rests her head on her chest, the dildo still inside her.  
“I love you, too.” Lena replies, a content smile on her face.


	46. Here We Go

Lena makes her way carefully up the stairs, having just returned home from work. Today was Stef’s day off at the precinct and the pregnant woman knew that her wife planned on finishing setting up the nursery today. Lena was anxious to see it. They only had six weeks left until their babies would be arriving.   
Upstairs, in the yellow painted nursery, Stef is sitting on the floor -- swearing to herself as she works on putting the changing table together. From the look of it, Stef has been pretty busy; both cribs are set up, complete with their fitted sheets and mobiles hanging above.   
“Shit!” Stef swears as she bangs her head on the underside of the changing table. Lena tries but is unable to keep her laughter to herself. Stef turns around at the sound, smiling sheepishly when she sees her wife standing in the doorway. Stef knows that Lena doesn’t like it when she swears.   
“You’ve been busy today.” Lena says with a smile as Stef gets to her feet.   
“I was hoping to get more done. I still need to finish the changing table -- obviously -- and the gliding chair.” Stef shrugs. “These little ones could arrive any day. We need to be ready.” Stef rests both her hands on Lena’s very pregnant belly, kneeling down to place kisses over her wife’s stretchy maternity sweater. Stef’s face breaks into a huge smile as she feels both babies kick, one after another.   
“They like your voice.” Lena smiles. The babies definitely moved and kicked a lot more when Stef was around.   
“I hope they still like my voice when they’re teenagers and I have to ground them.” Stef chuckles, standing up to brush a soft kiss against Lena’s plump lips.   
“I’m sure they will.” Lena replies. “Come lay down with me. My back and legs are killing me.”  
“Only six more weeks.” Stef promises, knowing that pregnancy was quickly losing its appeal in Lena’s opinion.   
“Only six more weeks.” Lena repeats. 

“I bet you’re starting to get pretty nervous, huh?” Mike asks as he drives the patrol car through the streets of San Diego.   
“We’ve got two more weeks.” Stef replies. “I finished putting the furniture together last week. All that’s really left to do is to stock the changing table.”   
“Wow, you sound pretty calm.” Mike notes. He was a little surprised that his partner wasn’t freaking out more. Stef was always a little on the high strung side. Mike’s thoughts are interrupted by the ringing of Stef’s cell phone.  
“Hello?” Stef answers.   
“Hey, babe.” Lena says.   
“Is everything okay?” Stef asks. It was unusual for Lena to call Stef during the day, but she usually did so around lunch time. Currently, it was two in the afternoon -- a slightly unusual time for Lena to call.   
“Well, um, my water may have broken. . .” Lena trails off. She knew that Stef was going to freak out, so she was trying to break the news as gently as possible.  
“What? When?” Stef asks, her voice raising.  
“Is everything okay?” Mike asks from the driver’s seat of the patrol car.   
“About ten minues ago.” Lena answers her wife.  
“Are you having any contractions?” Stef inquires. Her heart was starting to beat out of her chest. Lena was in labor. Today was the day. But it was two weeks early. We’re they ready?  
“Contractions?” Mike asks, his blood pressure rising in parallel with Stef’s.   
“I’ve only had one since my water broke.” Lena replies. “I’m fine, but I think maybe you should come pick me up and take me to the hospital.”  
“I’ll be there as soon as I can.” Stef tells her wife before hanging up.

After Mike drops Stef back at the police station, the blonde cop rushes home to get Lena’s hospital bag -- that’s been packed for almost a month -- and rushing to Anchor Beach Community Charter. Fast walking through the halls of the school, Stef quickly reaches her wife’s office.   
“Hey, baby. I’m here.” Stef says as she enters the vice principal’s officer. “I’m sorry it took me so long. I went home for your bag.”  
“Hey.” Lena grimaces. She’s in the middle of a contraction -- her third one since her water broke almost an hour ago.   
“I’m here.” Stef says, rubbing soothing circles on her wife’s back. “As soon as you’re ready, we’ll head to the hospital.” Stef was trying to remain calm, but her anxiety was starting to get the better of her.   
“I’m ready.” Lena says as soon as the contraction passes.   
“Okay, baby. Let’s go.” Stef replies, taking Lena’s hand and leading her back to the SUV.   
In less than twenty minutes, Stef and Lena are walking through the doors of the University of California-San Diego hospital. They check in on the OB floor and Lena is soon reclining in her very own hospital bed in her very own hospital room -- hooked up to all kinds of monitors.   
“Is this your first baby?” Lena’s OB nurse, Ashley, asks as she starts Lena’s IV.   
“Yeah.” Lena answers, hissing as the needle slips into her vein. “We’re having twins.”  
“How exciting! I’ll be here for you if you need anything at all. This button calls me at the nurses station. Don’t hesitate to call me for any reason.” Ashley says as she shows Lena the call button and the TV remote. “Dr. Hilcroft is on her way in. She should be here soon.”  
“How are you feeling?” Stef asks as soon as the nurse leaves the room.   
“I’m okay.” Lena replies, running her hand over her stomach.   
“Do you need anything?” Stef continues to badger.  
“I’m okay.” Lena repeats. “How are you holding up?” She asks her wife with a gentle smile. She knows that Stef had been counting on their extra two weeks to get ready for their babies.   
“Honestly, I’m starting to freak out a bit.” Stef admits, sitting beside her wife in her hospital bed.   
“Everything is going to be okay.” Lena assures her. Just as she finishes her sentence, another contraction hits. Lena grabs Stef’s hand and squeezes, her face contorted in pain.  
“Another contraction?” Stef asks, looking between her wife and the monitors. Lena can only nod in response, waiting for the pain to stop. “I’m here, baby. I’ve got you. Just breathe.” Stef says.   
“I love you.” Lena breathes as her contraction finally passes.   
“I love you, too.” Stef replies. “I’ve got you. I’m right here.” Tonight was going to be a long night.


	47. New Additions

“Alright, Lena, it looks like you’re fully dilated.” Dr. Hilcroft tells the two expectant mothers. “We’re going to get a few things set up and then it will be time to push.”  
Lena had been laboring now for eight hours. And Lena was sure that they were the toughest eight hours she’d ever experienced. She would much rather have spent the last eight hours in a budget meeting or talking to angry parents. She was exhausted and covered in sweat. She wanted these babies out.   
“You’re doing great, baby.” Stef murmurs, pressing a kiss to Lena’s sweaty cheek.   
“I’m so tired.” Lena admits, leaning into her wife.   
“I know. But you can do this. It’s almost over. Our babies are almost here.” Stef says, rubbing soothing circles on her wife’s back. Stef could tell how tired she was, and it had her a little worried.  
“Lena, do you think you’re ready to push?” Ashley, Lena’s OB nurse, asks as she pulls on a pair of nonlatex gloves.   
“I guess so.” Lena replies. Another nurse comes into the delivery room and both nurses take hold of Lena’s legs -- keeping them in the right position for the delivery.   
“Alright, Lena, when you feel your next contraction, I want you to push.” Dr. Hilcroft instructs. Feeling the familiar pain of another contraction, Lena grabs Stef’s hand and squeezes it tightly as she begins to push.   
“You’re doing great!” Ashley encourages.   
“You got this, baby.” Stef tells her wife, in awe of the strength that Lena has.   
“Okay, Lena, take a breath.” Dr. Hilcroft says as Lena’s contraction tapers off.   
“You’re so beautiful.” Stef whispers into Lena’s ear. “You’re so amazing.”  
Over the next hour, Lena continues to push. The process is long and grueling. Lena’s exhaustion continues to grow.   
“Okay, Lena, another push.” Dr. Hilcroft instructs. “I can see the head. Keep going just like that, Lena.” Dr. Hilcroft says. There’s a vibration of excitement in the room. The moment they were all waiting for was approaching.   
“I can see our baby.” Stef tells Lena after hazarding a glance. “You’re doing great.” All Lena can feel is a burning sensation -- as if her vagina was on fire. She takes a deep breath and, as another contraction hits, bears down. A few minutes later, a piercing cry fills the delivery room.   
“Time of birth 11:42 p.m.” Dr. Hilcroft announces as she places the newly born baby onto Lena’s chest. Tears of happiness stream down Lena’s cheeks as the nurses quickly wipe down the newborn baby boy.   
“Stef, would you like to cut the cord?” Dr. Hilcroft asks, offering Stef a pair of stainless steel medical scissors. Wiping tears from her own eyes, Stef takes the scissors and carefully cuts the baby’s umbilical cord.  
“We have a son.” Stef breathes, pressing kisses to Lena’s cheek.   
“He’s beautiful.” Lena says, wiping her own tears away.   
“Look at all his dark hair.” Stef chuckles at the mop of black hair atop their newborn son’s head.   
“Hi, baby boy.” Lena coos, stroking the baby’s tiny cheek. “I’m your mama. And this is your mommy.”  
After a few more minutes of bonding, the baby boy is taken to be cleaned up and looked over by the pediatric nurses. Dr. Hilcroft helps Lena deliver the placenta before the second baby is ready to join her brother in the world. Lena notices that pushing this time is much easier than the first time. In what feels like no time at all, Dr. Hilcroft is placing a squalling baby girl into Lena’s arms.   
“You did so good, baby.” Stef tells Lena.   
“Look at her.” Lena grins. “She’s so beautiful.”  
“Just like her mama.” Stef adds, pressing a kiss to Lena’s plump lips.  
“We have our babies.” Lena breathes, the amazingness of the situation finally dawning on her.   
The pediatric nurses take their baby girl to get cleaned up and looked over before bringing both babies back to their mothers. Cradling her newborn daughter in her arms sitting beside Lena who is holding their newborn son, Stef is astonished by the amount of love bursting from her heart.   
“They’re going to need names.” Stef mentions, realizing that they hadn’t had a chance to settle on names before their babies’ arrival.   
“I like Callie.” Lena says, stroking the cheek of the baby girl in Stef’s arms.   
“Callie Quinn Adams Foster.” Stef suggests, listening to how the name sounds.   
“It’s perfect.” Lena agrees. “And for this little boy?” She asks, smoothing out their son’s soft baby hair.   
“Brandon Michael?” Stef asks, suggesting two of the names they had been batting around for a while for their son.   
“Brandon Michael Adams Foster.” Lena says. “I love it.”

The next morning, Lena is just finishing her first appointment with the lactation consultant when Stef receives a text from Lena’s mother.  
“Well, apparently, your parents and my mom ran into each other in the lobby. They’re on their way up here now.” Stef informs her wife, taking Brandon from her arms and placing him in the hospital provided bassinet beside his sister. Brandon and Callie seemed to sleep better when they were beside each other. It made sense, since the two had shared a womb for the last nine months.   
“Are you two ready to meet your crazy grandparents?” Stef asks the newborns in her newly adopted baby voice.   
“Come in.” Lena calls when she hears a soft knock on the hospital room door.   
“Hi, my darling.” Dana says, trying to keep her voice down for the snoozing babies.   
“Hi, mom.” Lena smiles.   
“Look at these little cuties!” Sharon exclaims, studying the sleeping babies. “They’re perfect.”  
“How are you feeling?” Stewart asks, giving his daughter a gentle hug.   
“I’m a little sore but, other than that, I feel great.” Lena replies.   
“She was a rockstar.” Stef announces, carefully picking up a sleeping Callie and handing her to Sharon. Sharon falls in love instantly as she gently rocks the little baby.   
“What are their names?” Dana asks, gratefully taking Brandon from Stef’s arms.   
“Callie Quinn Adams Foster.” Stef says, pressing a kiss to Callie’s tiny cheek. “And Brandon Michael Adams Foster.” She adds, kissing her son’s tiny cheek as well.   
“Oh, Stef, before I forget, there’s someone else out in the waiting room.” Sharon mentions.  
“Who?” Stef asks. She doesn't get an answer though -- her mom is too busy bonding with her new granddaughter. Stef gives Lena a quick kiss before heading out to the waiting room. 

In the waiting room, Stef is startled by who is waiting for her.   
“Dad?” Stef says tentatively, walking up to her father.  
“Hey, Stef.” Frank says nervously.  
“What are you doing here?” Stef asks.  
“Your mother called me from the airport. Something about a couple of new grandbabies being born.” He responds.   
For a few minutes, Stef and her father stand in an awkward silence. It had been over two years since the two had seen each other -- ever since Stef came out to her father. Frank knew he needed to make amends for the things he had said, but he didn’t know how to do that and reconcile his faith.   
“Listen, Stef, I’m sorry for the things I said.” Frank begins. “You’re still my daughter, no matter who you marry.” The words weren’t easy for the retired police officer to say. But he decided that he had missed enough. He had missed his only daughter’s wedding. He wasn’t about to miss out on being around for his grandkids.   
Stef knows this isn’t for her father. She knows the conundrum he is facing internally. She faced it herself, three years ago when she chose to be with Lena. Stef also knows that her father isn’t denouncing his religion. He may never reach that point. But he’s here now, and he’s trying. So she figures she should also try.   
“You wanna come meet your grandkids, grandpa?” Stef asks, smiling at her father.


	48. Adjusting

Adjusting  
The sound of a baby’s cries pull Stef from her brief sleep. Beside her, in their queen bed that is covered in yet-to-be folded baby clothes, Lena is fast asleep, her thick brown curls strewn across the pillows. A quick glance at the clock on the bedside table tells Stef that she was only asleep for maybe fifteen minutes. With a quiet sigh, Stef pulls herself from the comfortable bed and heads into the nursery where the two week old twins are.   
A quick glance into the crib that the newborn babies have been sharing since coming home tells Stef that the culprit is their daughter, Callie. Beside Callie, Brandon is fast asleep, oblivious to his twin sister’s unhappiness. Stef carefully scoops Callie’s tiny body into her arms and checks to see if her diaper is dirty. Slightly disappointed about the lack of a quick fix, Stef takes her still crying daughter downstairs to see if hunger was the cause of her upsetness.   
“Come on, Callie.” Stef whispers to the unhappy baby, holding the bottle to her mouth. “Take the bottle for mommy.” Stef and Lena had quickly learned that both babies preferred to breastfeed directly from the source rather than take a bottle. After almost two weeks of Lena getting up every thirty to sixty minutes to feed one or both of the twins, exhaustion won out. In the last few days, Lena had started pumping and freezing extra breast milk so that Stef could feed the babies, allowing Lena to catch up on some much needed sleep.   
After ten minutes of trying to get Callie to take the bottle, Stef sets it down with a heavy sigh. Lena never seemed to have any problems calming their newborn children. All she usually had to do was take them into her arms and they quieted down instantly. Stef knew that it was because they had spent almost nine months inside Lena’s body. They were used to her scent and her voice. Stef would be kidding herself if she didn’t admit that she had hoped she would have a similar power over the babies since they were hers biologically.   
“What can mommy do for you, baby girl?” Stef asks, cradling the crying baby in her arms in the dimly lit kitchen of the craftsman style house. As Stef is patting Callie’s back, the sound of someone coming down the stairs causes her to look up.   
“I didn’t mean to wake you.” Stef apologizes, biting her bottom lip.   
“Can I help?” Lena asks gently, rubbing sleep from her eyes.   
“I don’t know what she wants.” Stef admits. “Her diaper is clean. She wouldn’t take the bottle.” Lena walks around the kitchen table and gingerly takes Callie into her arms.   
“Is my sweet baby girl giving her mommy a hard time?” Lena coos as she gently bounces the infant in her arms. Almost instantly, like magic, Callie stops crying. Within minutes, she’s asleep in her mama’s arms.   
“How do you do that?” Stef asks in amazement, shaking her head in disbelief.  
“Instinct, I guess.” Lena shrugs. “Don’t worry, babe. You’ll figure it out, too.” Lena tries to reassure her wife. She knows that Stef feels insecure about parenting and her “natural” mothering skills. “Let's go put this little peanut back into her crib and go back to bed.”

The next morning, Stef wakes up to sunlight streaming through the curtains of their master bedroom. Feeling the space beside her, Stef pouts when she’s met with cold sheets instead of the warmth of her wife’s body. The blonde woman hops out of bed and heads downstairs to find her wife and babies.   
“Why didn’t you wake me up?” Stef asks, planting a kiss on Lena’s cheek as she breastfeeds their son on the couch in the living room.  
“After your late night last night I thought you deserved some extra sleep this morning.” Lena says, stroking Brandon’s mess of dark hair. “But now that you’re up, do you think you could help me switch?” Lena asks, referring to switching Brandon for Callie on her boob. Stef carefully picks Callie up from the pack-and-play they use as a crib on the main floor of their house and brings her to Lena. After carefully switching babies, Callie is happily eating and Stef begins to lightly pat Brandon’s back, encouraging him to burp.   
“I’m starting to feel like a milk factory.” Lena chuckles as Callie continues to eat.   
“If I could do it and give you a break, I would.” Stef says, sitting beside Lena on the couch.   
“I know.” Lena replies. “I just didn’t imagine that my nipples would be this sore.”  
“How is everything else feeling?” Stef asks. She knows that her wife’s body went through something crazy when she gave birth to their twins, and that her body has still been experiencing some changes.   
“I’m not nearly as sore as I was last week.” Lena says. Callie stops feeding and the curly haired woman begins burping the infant. “And I don’t feel as tired. Maybe we could go for a walk around the block later?” Lena asks, wiping spit up from their daughter’s chin.   
“That sounds like it would be really nice. We can go after I get home from the grocery store. We’re almost out of diapers again.” Stef agrees. “Have you had breakfast yet?”  
“I had some orange juice.” Lena replies.   
“I am going to make you some pancakes, mama.” Stef tells her wife with a smile, placing both infants back into the pack-and-play and heading into the kitchen. 

“Hey, babe, I’m home!” Stef calls as she comes through the front door with a few bags of groceries. The blonde woman deposits the fabric, reusable bags onto the kitchen table before heading back out to the SUV to get the two boxes of diapers she had purchased to hopefully get them through the week. Lena excitedly begins rifling through the bags, searching for something specific.   
“Babe, where’s my ice cream?” Lena asks as Stef brings in the diapers.  
“Your ice cream?” Stef asks, furrowing her eyebrows in confusion.   
“The triple caramel chunk ice cream.” Lena clarifies. “I put it on the list.”  
“Oh, yeah, I kind of forgot the list.” Stef admits, starting to put food away in the pantry.   
“You forgot the list?” Lena asks incredulously.   
“Yeah, but it’s not a big deal because I remembered what was on it.” Stef shrugs.  
“Except for my ice cream.” Lena was beginning to become irritated with her wife at this point.   
“What’s the big deal? I got a gallon of vanilla ice cream. Ice cream is ice cream.” Stef shrugs again.   
“You are not seriously comparing vanilla ice cream to Ben and Jerry’s triple caramel chunk?” Lena asks. Stef stares at her wife, the venom from her voice stopping the blonde dead in her tracks.   
“I don’t understand what the big deal is.” Stef replies.   
“The big deal is that I only asked for one thing -- one thing that I have been looking forward to all day.” Lena’s voice begins to raise. At this point, she doesn't even care that there are two sleeping babies upstairs. “And you didn’t even care enough to bring the list with you.”  
“I can go back and get it.” Stef offers gently. She’s never seen Lena get so upset over something so small. Lena was definitely starting to scare her.  
“It doesn’t matter.” Lena spits, turning to go upstairs. “You obviously don’t care about me. I’m just a vessel to carry and feed your children.” Dumbfounded, Stef listens as Lena stomps up the stairs and slams the door to their bedroom. Following the loud slam, the house is filled with two distinct cries. Running a hand through her now shaggy blonde hair, Stef heads upstairs to calm down the infants and try to reason with her wife.   
“Babe?” Stef whispers softly, opening the door to their bedroom. It had taken Stef nearly fifteen minutes to get both infants back to sleep. She has no doubt that Lena could have done the same task in one third of the time. Speaking of Lena, the curly haired woman is currently curled up beneath the comforter in their queen sized bed. Stef can hear the soft sound of her crying. Feeling incredibly guilty and self-centered, Stef slips into bed beside her wife, wrapping her arms around her wife’s still slim torso.   
“I’m sorry.” The blonde woman says, nuzzling the back of Lena’s neck with her nose. “I’m sorry I forgot the list. I’m sorry I didn’t get your ice cream. I really will go back and get it.”  
“No, it’s silly.” Lena says, shaking her head and wiping her face.  
“It’s not silly if it’s important to you.” Stef replies. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”  
“I know. And I know I overreacted.” Lena admits, turning so that she is facing her wife. “I don’t know why it felt so important or why I got so upset with you. Or why I’m here crying over Ben and Jerry’s.”  
“It’s okay, baby.” Stef assures her wife, wiping residual tears from her cheeks.   
“My emotions have just been so haywire lately. I just feel like a giant feedbag.” Lena says.  
“Well, you definitely aren’t giant.” Stef tells her wife.  
“I haven’t even started losing the baby weight.” Lena rolls her eyes.  
“That is so not our main focus right now. You are doing a fantastic job with our babies. It takes me twice as long to do anything with them compared to you. You’re a natural mother.” Stef says. She was constantly in awe of Lena’s natural mothering instincts and was beginning to see that maybe she should tell her wife that more often.   
“You’re too sweet.” Lena smiles.  
“I love you.” Stef tells her wife, planting a gentle kiss to her plump lips.  
“I love you, too.” Lena replies, a bright smile still on her face.   
“Now, I am going to go get your ice cream.” Stef says as she gets out of bed. “What flavor was it again? Chunky monkey?” Stef jokes with a goofy smile on her face. Lena playfully tosses a throw at her wife’s butt as the blonde woman disappears into the hallway. Despite the new stress and crazy emotions in their lives now, Stef and Lena’s love for each other was only going to grow stronger.


	49. Back on the Beat

“It’s only eight hours.” Lena tries to reassure her wife as the blonde woman buttons the shirt of her police uniform begrudgingly.  
“That’s easy for you to say. You don’t have to be away from them for those eight hours.” Stef complains. Today was her first day back to work following the six weeks of leave she had taken to be home with the twins and Lena. The two women had decided that Lena would take the rest of the semester off from Anchor Beach. It was easier than finding childcare for two very young infants and it made Lena’s boss feel better since she had been able to hire a temporary replacement for Lena for the semester right away.   
“I don’t have to leave them for eight hours but I am stuck with them alone for eight hours.” Lena reminds her wife.   
“Are you going to be okay?” Stef asks. So far, Stef and Lena had been double teaming pretty hard to care for both infants -- with their constant eating and pooping and crying. Stef was a little worried that the stress of doing it all on her own would send her wife over the edge.  
“I will be fine.” Lena assures the blonde cop. “You just make sure that you come back to us in one piece.” Lena tells her wife sternly, playfully grabbing the front of her shirt and kissing her pink lips.   
“I promise I will be home by five.” Stef promises. Lena watches nervously as her wife removes her gun from its safe and places it in the holster on her hips. “Hey, you don’t have to worry.” Stef says gently, noticing her wife’s eyes following the guns every move.   
“I will always worry when you go to work.” Lena replies.   
After giving Brandon and Callie each a quick kiss on their heads, Stef heads to the precinct. Being away from her babies instantly fills her with a sense of loneliness. For six weeks the world has only been her and Lena and their babies. Now she was returning to the big bad world of drug dealers, robberies, and assault.   
“Hey, Stef, how’s it going?” Sam, the lesbian rookie that had taken an insant liking to Stef, asks the second that the blonde cop walks into the precinct. “How are Lena and the twins?”  
“Good, they’re good.” Stef smiles, not stopping to chat as she heads for her desk. She wasn’t sure the big travel mug of coffee she had brought along this morning was going to be enough. Already she had a headache from sleep deprivation. Lena had tried to let Stef sleep overnight, getting up with the babies each time they cried, but Stef couldn’t help but wake up a little each time her wife got out of bed.   
“Stef, boy am I glad to see you back.” Mike chuckles, sitting on the edge of her desk. “They stuck me with your biggest fan over there while you were gone. Let me tell you, that kid can talk!”  
“So sorry you had to suffer.” Stef jokes.   
“You ready to hit the streets?” Mike asks.   
“Let’s do it.” Stef replies, unsure if she really was ready. 

Back at the Adams Foster house, Lena is learning how to juggle both babies on her own for a whole day for the first time. So far, the twins had done a round of tummy time -- working on building up the muscles in their little necks. Since the babies have seemed to be enjoying staying in Lena’s line of sight, the new mother liked to sit on the floor while her babies did their tummy time routines. After tummy time, it was time for another round of eating and diaper changes. Lena was kind of impressed with herself about how un-grossed out she was by changing her babies’ diapers. Stef still sometimes got grossed out by it.   
After putting the twins down for a nap in their shared crib upstairs, Lena heads downstairs again to make herself some lunch in the kitchen. It feels weird and lonely as she prepares only one sandwich for herself. She misses Stef terribly and wishes that her wife could have taken more time off from work. But, unfortunately, union leave benefits only paid for six weeks and they needed to keep their income as stable as possible now that they had two more humans to take care of.   
With only a little over four more hours until her wife’s return, Lena takes the baby monitor and decides to take a quick nap of her own. Kelly, one of Stef and Lena’s closest friends that had had a baby a year earlier, had told Lena about the power of naps shortly after Brandon and Callie were born. Lena hadn’t been one for naps before becoming a mother, but she was starting to fall in love with them. The only problem today was that she wished Stef was beside her. 

“We’ve been seeing each other for a few weeks but I don’t know how serious it is.” Mike informs Stef of his new girlfriend as they drive through the busy streets of San Diego.   
“How does she feel about the job?” Stef asks, knowing that a lot of women were either turned on by the uniform or afraid of the job.   
“She didn’t run away screaming when I told her, so I took that as a good sign.” Mike chuckles.   
“Well, when the twins are a little older, we’ll have to go out on a double date.” Stef suggests.   
“How are you doing?” Mike asks. “It’s your first day away from them since they were born.”  
“Well, I would be lying if I said I didn’t miss them like crazy.” Stef replies. “I cannot wait to get home tonight.”  
“I am really surprised. I never did peg you for the whole marriage and kids kinda person. But you look really happy, Stef. It’s nice to see you so happy.” Mike says.   
“Thank you, Mike. That means a lot to me.” Stef replies. Mike was Stef’s closest friend. She didn’t have anybody from high school or the police academy that she had kept in touch with. She had been adopted into Lena’s lesbian friend group, but she wasn’t close to them the way she was close to Mike. Mike had been there when she was shot. They had saved each other’s skin on more than one occasion. That was why she and Lena had decided to give Brandon his name as a middle name. More likely than not, Mike would be one of the biggest male figures in their children’s lives. Stef didn’t think that role models got any better than Mike. 

“Oh, thank god you’re home.” Lena rejoices as Stef comes into the kitchen. Looking around the room, Stef sees that Lena must have moved the pack-and-play into the kitchen so that she could start dinner.  
“Do you need some help, babe?” Stef asks, noticing that her wife looks a little frazzled.   
“If you could just look after the babies after you change, that would be amazing.” Lena replies, giving Stef a quick peck on the lips.  
“I would love to.” Stef smiles. She had been itching to get some time with her babies since she left for work this morning.   
“Hello my babies!” Stef says excitedly, bending over to pick them up, one in each arm. “Mommy missed you both so much today. Did you miss me?” Stef talks to her babies in her nonsensical voice. “Oh, I love you guys so much!”  
“We all missed you.” Lena tells Stef, setting the table for dinner.   
“How did the day go?” Stef asks, placing the babies back into the pack-and-play so she can help her wife.  
“It went alright.” Lena says. “We did all our usual things -- tummy time, a stroll through the neighborhood, our naps and feeding. But I definitely missed you.” Lena adds, pulling Stef into her arms.  
“I missed you, too, beautiful.” Stef replies, holding onto her wife’s hips. Having Lena so close when they weren’t passed out asleep from exhaustion made Stef’s mouth go dry. It had been two months since they’d last had sex. Stef knew that Lena’s postpartum appointment was coming up, and she was excited to be given the go ahead for them to resume sexual activity. She just hoped that they still had the energy to make it happen after a long day of caring for their beautiful babies.


	50. Date Night

“The numbers for the pediatrician and poison control are on the side of the fridge. We’ll both have our cellphones on us in case you need anything. They just ate so you should have a couple hours before they’re hungry again. Umm, let’s see, what else. . .” Lena rambles as she and Stef stand in the foyer of their craftsman style house. Sharon -- having flown in to spend the week leading up to Thanksgiving with her eight week old grandbabies -- and Frank -- helping Sharon babysit for the night -- are standing in front of the two mothers, each holding a baby.   
“Honey, they’ve got this. We’ve got to get going or we’ll be late.” Stef urges.   
“Okay. We won’t be late.” Lena agrees reluctantly. The anxious mother presses gentle kisses to her babies’ heads before taking her wife’s hand and heading out the front door. Tonight was the first time Lena was parting with her babies for more than a nap or a quick shower. The curly haired woman was beyond worried, despite knowing that Callie and Brandon were in their grandparents’ very capable hands.   
“Everything is going to be okay.” Stef tries to reassure her wife as they pull into the parking lot of the Italian restaurant where they were meeting Mike and his new girlfriend for a double date.   
“I didn’t realize it would be so hard to leave them.” Lena admits, trying hard not to let the tears stinging her eyes spill down her cheeks.   
“I know, babe. But let’s try and have a good time tonight, huh?” Stef urges before she hops out of the SUV to open her wife’s car door. It had been a long time since the couple had had a romantic night out, and Stef was taking as much advantage of tonight as possible. 

“Hey, Mike.” Stef greets as she spots Mike and presumably his girlfriend just inside the door of the Italian restaurant.   
“Hey, Stef, Lena.” Mike greets, kissing Lena on the cheek. “You look great.” The cop tells the new mother of two. Over the course of women’s almost four year relationship, Lena and Mike had slowly become closer and closer.   
“Thank you.” Lena smiles. She knew that she hadn’t yet lost all of the baby weight gained during her pregnancy, but it was always nice to hear from anyone that she was still attractive.   
“Stef, Lena, this is Dani -- my girlfriend.” Mike introduces his partner and her wife to a petite woman with shoulder length brown hair.   
“It’s so nice to meet you both. Mike has told me so much about you.” Dani says, shaking each of the lesbians’ hands.   
“All good things, I hope.” Stef chuckles as a waiter leads the foursome to a candlelit table.   
“So how did you two meet?” Stef inquires after the couple have put in their entree orders.   
“Well, it’s kind of a funny story.” Dani begins, looking over at Mike and smiling. From the way that Mike is smiling back at her, Stef starts to understand how smitten her partner is. “I have my own dog walking business and I was walking a few dogs one day when this little one, a chihuahua named Benny, slipped out of his collar and took off. If it hadn’t been for Mike, I don’t think I ever would have caught him.”  
“The little guy just ran right up to me and started barking.” Mike chuckles. “When Dani asked if there was anything she could do to repay me, I asked for her number.”  
“Smooth.” Lena chuckles.   
Over the next couple of hours, the couples continue to talk over their meals and several glasses of wine. Lena is a little bummed that she’ll have to pump and dump her breast milk later, but the red wine tastes so good tonight and helps the anxious mother loosen up a little. After dessert and another glass of wine, the couple bid each other farewell and split up. Sitting in the passenger seat on the way home, Lena is definitely feeling her buzz and is considering the news Dr. Hilcroft had given her at her last postpartum appointment. She was officially cleared for sexual activity. Stef, bless her heart, hadn’t even brought up sex since before the twins were born -- and Lena was thinking about surprising her wife tonight with a little X-rated fun. Lena was suddenly glad that Sharon had opted to stay in a hotel, refusing Lena’s many offers to stay in one of their still free spare bedrooms.   
“How were they?” Stef asks her mom as she and Lena enter the craftsman.   
“They were perfect little angels.” Sharon gushes.   
“Yeah, if angels crapped their pants.” Frank jokes in his usual crude manner. Sharon playfully swats her ex-husband and rolls her eyes.   
“They ate and went down about two hours ago.” Sharon informs the parents. “Hopefully you two can get some decent sleep before they wake up again.” Or something else, Lena thinks to herself smugly. With that, both Sharon and Frank head out. Stef was glad that she and her father were slowly rebuilding their relationship. She knew that they still didn’t see eye to eye on everything, but at least they were both trying.   
“They are both still fast asleep.” Stef tells Lena -- who is in their en suite bathroom getting ready to seduce her wife -- as she re-enters the bedroom after checking in on Brandon and Callie.   
“That’s good.” Lena says, opening the bathroom door and sashaying into the bedroom in only a black lace teddy. Lena had been pleasantly surprised that the lingerie still fit her post-baby -- even if her breasts were practically falling out of it. Somehow, she didn’t think that Stef would mind.   
“Do you think. . .” Whatever Stef was going to ask is quickly forgotten as she takes in her wife’s appearance. Lena can’t hold back her giggle as Stef’s jaw practically falls to the floor.   
“You gonna be okay?” Lena asks sultrily as she crosses the room to begin unbuttoning Stef’s shirt.   
“Are you sure this is safe?” Stef asks, intently watching her wife’s deft fingers undo the buttons of her shirt.   
“Dr. Hilcroft cleared me for sexual activity last week at my appointment.” Lena informs her wife, pushing the shirt off her shoulders and letting the fabric fall to the floor. Stef’s knees practically buckle at the words sexual activity.   
“I didn’t know that.” Stef replies, her mouth dry, eyes now trained on her wife’s breasts practically spilling out of the lingerie. Her fingers twitch, desperate to touch the flesh.  
“I wanted to surprise you.” Lena breathes into Stef’s ear, her hands undoing the button of her dark blue jeans.   
“I am definitely surprised.” Stef says as her pants fall around her ankles. With a sly smile, Lena takes Stef’s face in her hands and kisses her fiercely on the mouth. With her heart pounding in her chest, Stef tangles her hands into Lena’s thick, curly hair as the two women make their way to the bed.   
Minutes later, the two women are a tangle of arms and legs beneath the covers. Heat continues to gather between Stef’s legs as Lena’s lips travel down her neck and chest. Her hazel green eyes practically roll into the back of her skull as Lena uses her skilled mouth to tease her breasts and nipples.   
“Careful, careful.” Lena hisses as Stef pinches her tender nipples a little too hard. “Sorry, they’re still pretty sensitive.” The curly haired woman adds, not wanting to discourage her wife.   
“I’m sorry, baby. I didn’t mean to hurt you.” Stef replies, trying to sit up with Lena still straddling her.   
“It’s okay.” Lena assures, gently pushing her wife back down onto the mattress. Despite the changes her body had undergone, Lena was determined to have her way with Stef tonight.   
“Maybe we shouldn’t do this tonight. I don’t want to hurt you.” Stef says nervously. The last thing she ever wanted to do was cause her wife any pain.  
“Stef, if you don’t make me cum tonight, I’ll just do it myself.” Lena warns, taking her hand and running her fingers over her own wet pussy. Lena had been looking forward to this all night and she wasn’t about to let Stef ruin it.   
Stef watches, mesmerized, as Lena pleasures herself. In their four years together, Stef has never seen her wife masturbate. The sheer sight of the activity is drenching her panties. Stef takes hold of Lena’s hips as she writhes in pleasure still straddling the blonde woman, holding tightly onto the headboard with her free hand.   
“You’re so fucking hot.” Stef breathes as Lena’s moans fill their bedroom.   
“Are you gonna help me out here or just watch?” Lena murmurs, grinding into Stef as she continues to pleasure herself. Not needing any further encouragement, Stef snakes her hand between her wife’s legs and quickly thrusts two fingers into her drenched pussy. Lena throws her head back in pleasure, moving herself up and down on Stef’s fingers as her own fingers rub her clit. Stef moves her hand in time with Lena’s movements, curling her fingers to caress the caramel skinned woman’s g-spot.   
“Shit!” Lena swears. “Don’t stop.” Her own fingers are moving at warp speed as her body hurtles towards an earth shattering orgasm. “Fuck!” She moans loudly, momentarily forgetting about the babies sleeping in the next room, as her orgasm racks through her violently.   
“I love you.” Stef says, Lena still trembling on top of her, as she slips her fingers out of her wife’s pussy and holds her close.   
“I love you, too.” Lena murmurs, her head resting on Stef’s chest, hoping there would be more date nights like this in the future.


	51. So Much to be Thankful For

“When does the stuffing need to go in?” Stef asks for the thousandth time while Lena is peeling and chopping potatoes for the mashed potatoes.   
“It only needs to cook for like an hour.” Lena tells her wife, also for the thousandth time. Lena didn’t usually mind being the typical cooker in their household, but she wished that today of all days -- Thanksgiving -- that Stef was a little bit more confident in the kitchen.   
Lena had been up since six a.m. in order to prepare the turkey and get it in the oven so that it would be ready for the scheduled one p.m. eating time. Once the turkey was roasting, Lena’s attention had been turned to preparing the rest of the feast: stuffing, mashed potatoes, green bean casserole, homemade cranberry sauce, pumpkin pie, and apple pie. A quick glance at the clock on the stove tells Lena that it is almost eleven-thirty. In less than an hour, their guests would be arriving -- and Lena was covered in sweat from her busy morning.   
“Can you please put these on the stove and let it boil while I go take a shower?” Lena requests of her wife, slipping off her apron.   
“Yes, ma’am.” Stef mock salutes, kissing Lena on the cheek before the curly haired woman disappears upstairs. 

When Lena returns to the kitchen half an hour later, Stef is mashing the potatoes in the kitchen while Mike and Dani are gushing over the twins.   
“Hey, guys. Happy thanksgiving.” Lena says. She gives each of the babies -- who are wearing matching onesies that say “I’m a turkey” and have a picture of turkeys on the front -- kisses before heading into the kitchen to finish the preparations.  
“Mike and Dani are here early.” Lena tells Stef as she checks on the turkey.   
“Yeah, they wanted to see if they could help with anything. I figured keeping the twins occupied would be the most helpful. They brought some wine. I put it in the fridge.” Stef replies, tasting a spoonful of the mashed potatoes. A ring of the doorbell sends the blonde cop off the foyer, leaving Lena behind to finish up the meal prep.   
“Oh, it smells so good in here!” Lena hears Sharon exclaim.   
“Maybe if you could cook like this we would have stayed married.” Frank quips with a grin.   
“I taught my baby girl everything she knows.” Stewart gloats, making a beeline for the kitchen to greet his daughter.  
“I just want to see those adorable grandbabies of mine.” Lena hears her mother say, followed by the familiar sound of high heeled shoes on hardwood.   
“Hi, daddy.” Lena hugs her father. Finally, she thinks, some actual help in this kitchen.   
“How can I be of assistance?” Stewart offers, taking a look at the messy kitchen.   
“Oh, I’ve got a list.” Lena chuckles before putting her father to work. 

Less than an hour later, and everyone is gathered around the large dining room table that Stef and Lena had just purchased a month earlier. Up until now, they hadn’t needed anything bigger than the table in the kitchen. Lena had to admit that it was nice to be using the dining room for the first time since moving into their craftsman.   
“Before we eat, I’d just like to say a few words.” Lena begins, standing up at the head of the large table. “For Stef and I, it’s been quite a tough but also rewarding year.” She and Stef had suffered not one, but two miscarriages this year. And yet, sleeping in the living room, were their ten week old twins. “And you have all been there with us through it all. It amazes me how much I have to be thankful for -- not just today, but every day. Well, let’s dig in!” Lena stops herself before she starts crying, sniffing back the tears that had threatened to spill over. Lena watches proudly as her family members fill their plates to celebrate the holiday. 

Lena’s eyes flutter open as Stef grips her tighter in her sleep. According to the clock on the bedside table, it’s seven a.m. on Christmas morning -- their babies’ first Christmas morning. Carefully, Lena shifts herself so she is facing her still sleeping wife. The curly haired woman strokes her wife’s short blonde hair lovingly, trying to gently wake her up. While she cherished every ounce of sleep she could get, Lena was practically giddy with excitement about their babies’ first Christmas.  
“Good morning.” Stef mumbles sleepily, leaning into Lena’s touch.   
“Merry Christmas.” Lena smiles, thinking back to their first Christmas together at her parents’ house a few years ago. They had woken up in a similar position that morning, and Lena hoped this would continue each year in the future.   
“Merry Christmas.” Stef replies, rubbing sleep from her eyes.   
“Can you believe it’s our babies’ first Christmas?” Lena asks excitedly. 

Later in the day, after Stef and Lena and their babies had a relaxing Christmas morning by themselves, the craftsman house is filled with grandparents that each want to hold a baby any chance they get.   
“I guess we should have had quadruplets.” Stef jokes, watching the grandparents pass the babies around like platters of food.   
“That is so not funny.” Lena says. “I barely got my body back the way it was with just the two of them.”  
“Oh, you look fantastic.” Sharon interjects. “I wish I had sprung back as quickly as you did when I had Stephanie.”  
“Can we talk about something else?” Stef chuckles embarrassedly. Despite the craziness of the family, Stef was happy that they were all together. Even her father was here, having shown up after Christmas mass. Their relationship may never be the way it was before their falling out over Stef’s sexuality, but the blonde cop was glad that her father was coming around for holiday and spending time with his grandchildren.   
“Should we open presents?” Dana asks, gesturing to the huge pile of presents that the four grandparents had brought for the two grandbabies. Lena had a sneaking suspicion that, as the first grandchildren for all four grandparents, that Brandon and Callie would be rather spoiled. At least until she and Stef decided to expand their family. For the moment, they were content with their little family -- but Lena wanted to carry and birth children with her DNA someday, and she knew that Stef felt similarly. Studying her wife as she sits beside the Christmas tree, holding their babies in her arms, Lena can’t help the love that swells into her heart.


	52. Difficult Days

“Okay. So I wrote down their daily schedule for you here.” Lena tells the nanny that she had finally hired after looking through hundreds of profiles and conducting over a dozen interviews. Today was Lena’s first day back to work for the spring semester at Anchor Beach Community Charter. And the new mother was definitely terrified of leaving her newly four month old twins for the entire day. “They just started sleeping in separate cribs; so if they give you a hard time going down for their naps, feel free to put them together in one crib. There’s breast milk in the fridge that I pumped this morning. Ummm,” Lena trails off, trying to think of anything else that their new nanny might need to know.   
“You can call us if you have any questions.” Stef adds. “But, Lena, honey, we should go or you’ll be late to work.” Stef was dropping Lena off at work this morning since she knew her wife was going to be a complete wreck upon leaving their babies. Stef takes Lena’s hand and gently leads her out of their house and to the SUV.   
“They’re going to be fine, honey.” Stef reassures, pulling into the parking lot of the charter school.   
“I just miss them already so much.” Lena sniffles. “How am I supposed to handle this until four this afternoon?”  
“You can do it.” Stef encourages. The cop leans over the center console of the SUV and presses a kiss to her wife’s lips. “And you can call me if you need to.”  
Two hours later, Lena is rifling through a huge pile of paperwork like she never left. Apparently her temporary replacement hadn’t been a big fan of paperwork either. In an attempt to stop checking her phone every two minutes, Lena throws herself into her work. There are budget reports and grant proposals to write. Honestly, Lena begins to admit to herself, it feels nice to be back at work. While she loves her babies to death -- and would prefer to be able to stay home with them until they started school -- Lena had been feeling like less of her own person over the last couple of months.   
“How are you holding up?” Stef asks, deciding to call her wife on her lunch break to check in.   
“Surprisingly well.” Lena says. “I miss them like crazy, but it’s nice to be back to work.”  
“And the day is already halfway over. We will be home with them again before you know it.” Stef says optimistically. “But I’ve got to go, babe. We just got another call. I’ll see you in a few hours.”   
“I love you. Be safe.” Lena requests. Every day that Stef strapped on her gun and went to work, Lena was terrified she’d never come home.   
“I always am.” Stef promises. “I love you, too.” The blonde cop hangs up her cellphone as Mike flips on the siren and takes off down the road. Dispatch was sending them to respond to some kind of domestic assaultt situation. Stef feels the familiar tingle of a mixture of anxiety and excitement at the back of her neck.   
Mike pulls the patrol car up in front of the house and the two cops jump out, both on high alert.   
“Police! Open up!” Mike shouts, banging on the front door. According to the dispatcher, the 9-1-1 call had been placed by a wife in the house with a drunk and raging husband. When they don’t get an answer, Mike repeats the action. A female scream coming from inside the house spurs the cops into immediate action. After a quick call for backup, Mike kicks down the door in one motion and Stef bursts into the house with her gun raised -- her partner right behind her.   
“Get down on the ground now!” Stef shouts, pointing her gun at a tall, burly man with a bloody chef’s knife in hand. In a corner of the room, a woman is sobbing, clutching something tight to her chest. “Get down on the ground -- now!” Stef repeats, louder this time, when the man hesitates. This time, the man listens, dropping the knife as well. With Stef’s gun still trained on the assailant, Mike cuffs him just as their backup arrives. Stef watches the other two officers haul the man away.  
“Hey, Stef, I think you should come over here.” Mike calls from the corner of the room, where he was trying to console the sobbing woman.   
“What’s wrong?” Stef asks, crossing the room. Mike silently points to the woman’s chest, which is covered in already drying blood -- but it isn’t her blood. In the woman’s arms there is a baby -- a baby that couldn’t possibly be any older than Brandon and Callie -- that is covered in blood and unmoving. Judging by the amount of blood, Stef knows in her heart that the worst has happened.   
“What happened?” Stef asks, crouching down beside the woman and doing her best to keep herself from shaking.   
“He w-w-wouldn’t st-stop c-crying.” The woman sobs, clutching the dead baby dressed in a blue onesie tighter to her chest. Stef feels a lump forming in her throat. “I b-begged him to st-stop crying. But h-he w-wouldn’t st-stop.” Carefully, Stef takes the baby from the woman’s arms. His skin is cold to the touch already. There is a giant gash in the middle of his stomach, where the chef’s knife must have cut through the fabric of his onesie before biting into his soft, baby flesh. Stef’s heart feels like it’s being squeezed by a fist. 

When Stef finally pulls into the parking lot of Anchor Beach Community Charter, all the paperwork from today’s earlier case taken care of, the blonde cop still feels like her heart has been pulverized. But as Lena slides into the passenger seat, she pushes her feelings and the horrors of the day as deep down as they will go.  
“Hey, babe. How was your day?” Stef greets her wife with what she hopes is a convincing fake cheery voice.   
“It was pretty good, even though I missed Brandon and Callie so much.” Lena replies, kissing her wife quickly on the cheek as they head home. “How was your day?”  
“It was fine.” Stef lies. “I just want to go home and snuggle our babies.” That, at least, was the truth. There was nothing Stef wanted more in this world right now then to hold her babies close; to feel their warmth and the steady rise and fall of their tiny chests and to hear their cries.   
Later that night -- after Stef insisted on taking control of bathtime and the twins’ bedtime routine -- the two women are reclining in their bed when Lena decides to finally ask.   
“So you’ve been really quiet all night.” The curly haired woman begins cautiously. She knows that Stef doesn’t like to talk about the hard parts of her job, choosing to keep the negativity of the world out of their home. And, while Lena appreciates the sentiment, she also knows that keeping everything inside will only cause her wife more pain in the long run. “Is there anything you want to talk about?” Lena watches as various emotions flash over Stef’s face. She knows her wife is keeping something from her. “You know you can tell me.” Lena urges, gently stroking her wife’s face.   
“I don’t want to upset you.” Stef says with a shake of her head. Lena can see that there is pain in her hazel green eyes. Whatever happened today must have been bad.   
“You aren’t going to upset me.” Lena assures her. “I’m here for you to talk about anything and everything. It’s not fair that you have to listen to me complain about work, but you never tell me anything about your job.”  
“I tell you stuff.” Stef argues.   
“Nothing specific.” Lena rebuttals. “I can handle it, I promise.”   
“We were called to respond to a domestic assault situation.” Stef begins. She takes a deep breath, trying to find the words to describe the horrible situation. “There was a baby, about the same age as the twins, and I guess he was fussy or maybe he was colicky, I don’t know. And his father couldn’t take it, I guess.” Stef lets out a shaky breath, the lump from earlier reforming in her throat. “Once we were in the house and had the man cuffed, Mike noticed that the baby, that he was -- Lena, the baby was dead. He had been stabbed -- by his own goddamn father!” Tears are streaming down Stef’s face now as Lena pulls her wife in for a tight hug. “I don’t understand how anyone could do that to a tiny, innocent baby.” Stef sobs into Lena’s chest as her wife rubbed soothing circles on her back. “And I just kept thinking about our babies. I keep seeing their little faces on that dead baby’s body.”  
“Shh, shh, our babies are okay. They're safe, asleep in their cribs. Everything is okay.” Lena whispers soothingly to her wife. “I’m so sorry you had to go through that.”  
“Things like that never bothered me this much before -- before we had our babies. Yes, I would get upset, but it was never something I imagined would happen to me.” Stef says, wiping tears from her cheeks and eyes. “But now, anything could happen. Our babies could get sick or hurt or . . .”  
“Everything is going to be okay.” Lena interrupts, not wanting her wife’s anxiety to get the better of her. “I know these things happen and that they’re scary, but there’s no sense in worrying about what might happen. We can only focus on what’s right in front of us.”  
“How did I get lucky enough to have you?” Stef asks, snuggling into her wife’s embrace as they lay down to go to sleep.   
“It was just fate, baby.” Lena smiles, holding her wife as close to her as humanly possible.


	53. I'll Always Be Yours

“Do you think we should call again and make sure everything is okay?” Lena asks as Stef unloads their suitcase from the back of the SUV. For Valentine’s Day, Stef had booked a cabin along the Salton Sea for the weekend. It was the perfect combination of romantic and secluded -- Stef didn’t plan on letting Lena do a lot of sightseeing in the next two days. She had packed their small arsenal of toys to maximize their weekend getaway as much as possible.   
“Honey, you just called from the car less than half an hour ago.” Stef sighs. “Your parents raised you and you turned out fine. I’m sure they can handle our five month old twins for a weekend.”  
“What if they get sick or something?” Lena continues to worry. “Are you sure it wasn’t too soon to leave them for a weekend?”  
“Lena, honey.” Stef begins, placing her hands lovingly on her wife’s shoulders. “There is plenty of breast milk in the fridge. They have every phone number they could possibly need to call for any emergency possible. And, if the worst happens, we are less than three hours away. Now, I would really love to have a relaxing and romantic weekend with my wife. Is that okay?”  
“Okay, okay, I’m sorry. You know how worried I get about them.” Lena apologizes.   
“I know. And I am going to do my best to help you relax.” Stef says suggestively, her hands trailing down Lena’s back and finally gripping her ass tightly.   
“Is that so?” Lena asks, intrigued by Stef’s unusual forwardness. “How are you planning on doing that?”  
“I think I would rather show you, Mrs. Adams Foster.” Stef replies, pulling Lena against her body and capturing her lips into a searing kiss. Stef’s hands move from her wife’s ass to the front of her blue jeans, where she presses the fabric against her wife’s pussy. Lena groans as the seam of her pants hits her clit.   
“Stef.” Lena pants between kisses. “Cabin. Now.” Stef obeys her wife’s demand by scooping the willowy woman up into her arms and carrying her to the king sized bed in the cabin.   
Once her wife has deposited her onto the bed, Lena pulls her in for another breathtaking kiss while her fingers make quick work of the buttons on her green flannel shirt. When Lena’s fingers trail over the pale skin of her wife’s stomach, it’s Stef’s turn to moan. Lena’s touch sends scorching heat across her body.   
“You’re so beautiful.” Lena murmurs against Stef’s lips, palming the blonde’s breasts over the fabric of her lace bra.   
“You’re gorgeous.” Stef replies, unfastening her wife’s pants and dipping two fingers into her panties to explore. “And so fucking wet.” She adds as Lena’s arousal coats her fingers. Lena responds by unhooking Stef’s bra and bringing her mouth down to pleasure the generous breasts. Stef circles her wife’s swollen clit with her slick fingers, causing the curly haired woman to hum in pleasure with her lips around the blonde woman’s nipple.   
“Pants. Off. Now.” Lena demands, not wanting to waste precious time with verbs or articles. Both women pull off their pants and other remaining clothes.   
“I want to taste you.” Stef pants as the two women recline onto the bed, their arms and legs tangled together. Lena responds wordlessly by turning around on her hands and knees so that her drenched pussy is in Stef’s face. The blonde woman inclines her neck and licks all the way up her wife’s slit. Lena shudders as Stef repeats the motion once and then twice before she digs into the feast that is her wife’s glistening pussy before her. The feeling of Stef’s tongue giving her pleasure and the delicious taste of her wife only spurs Lena the lick and suck more fervently. As Stef’s juices gather on her chin, Lena suckles and nibbles on her wife’s sensitive clit.   
Her hips bucking in response to Lena’s lips and teeth on her clit, Stef grips her wife’s hips tightly and pulls her further onto her face. Stef loves that the only thing she can taste and smell is her wife’s arousal. With her tongue licking Lena’s outer lips and probing her entrance, Stef circles her arm around one thigh and begins rubbing circles around her wife’s very swollen clit.   
“Fuck!” Lena curses into Stef’s pussy at the sudden sensation. As Stef continues her onslaught of pleasure on Lena’s clit, the caramel skinned woman focuses on flicking her tongue over her wife’s clit continuously.   
Stef can tell that Lena is close to her orgasm as she begins to rock her hips against the blonde woman’s face. Lena grips the sheets in her fists as she trembles, still licking and sucking Stef’s clit as she moans out her orgasm against the sensitive nub. The vibrations of Lena’s mouth send Stef toppling over the edge, her fingernails digging into the soft flesh of her wife’s thighs as her muscles quake.   
“Holy shit that was hot.” Stef gasps as Lena snuggles into her side. Their bodies are slick with both sweat and their own arousal.   
“That was amazing.” Lena agrees, kissing her wife passionately. Stef moans into the kiss as the taste of Lena’s arousal mixes with her own in her mouth.   
“That was only the first round, my dear.” Stef smirks, nibbling at Lena’s earlobe.  
“And how many courses will there be this evening?” Lena inquires playfully.  
“As many as you can handle.” Stef tells her huskily. The tone in Stef’s voice makes Lena’s pussy clench in anticipation.   
“So what exactly is next on the menu?” Lena asks, tracing light circles around Stef’s nipple with her fingertip.   
“Well, I am already craving a second helping of you.” Stef whispers suggestively into her wife’s ear, running her fingers over Lena’s still wet pussy lips. Lena groans at the sensation, her nerves still on fire from their sixty-nining.   
“Mmmmm, what if I wanted to fuck you?” Lena asks, tugging lightly on Stef’s nipples. “With our favorite toy.” Lena can feel her wife’s fingers twitch in anticipation alongside a sharp intake of breath. “I will take that as a yes.” Lena smirks, detangling herself from Stef’s arms to go find and slip on the strap-on.   
When Lena returns to Stef a few minutes later, the blonde has already positioned herself in the center of the king sized bed. The sight of Lena with the bright purple phallus jutting out from her body makes Stef forget how to breathe. Never in a million years did she think she would love being fucked by a silicon penis after she spent years trying to convince herself she enjoyed the real thing. There was a big difference between Lena and the men of Stef’s past -- Lena knew how to use her big dick.   
“Hey, baby.” Lena greets, crawling on top of Stef in the bed.   
“Hey.” Stef replies, grasping the dildo between her wife’s legs.   
“Do you want it?” Lena asks sultrily. “Do you want me to fuck you with my big cock?” Stef almost cums right on the spot. Lena very rarely talked so dirtily -- even in the bedroom.   
“Fuck yes.” Stef moans, spreading her legs to give Lena full access. Lena runs the head of the dildo along Stef’s wet slit -- sufficiently lubricating it -- before slowly pushing its full length inside her wife. “Son of a bitch!” Stef exclaims as Lena fills her up, the silicon dick stretching her pussy.   
“Do you like that, baby?” Lena asks as she begins thrusting hard into her wife.   
“Yes. Oh god, yes.” Stef pants. The feeling of Lena’s nipples brushing over her own sends Stef’s hazel green eyes rolling into the back of her skull. The blonde woman loses the ability to think, her mind unable to focus on anything other than the pleasure that Lena is giving her.   
“Lena, baby, you feel so good fucking me.” Stef gasps as Lena pushes her legs up towards her body so she can reach deeper inside her wife.   
“I want you to come for me, baby.” Lena says, her breath hot against Stef’s ear.  
“I’m so fucking close.” Stef replies, holding her bottom lip tightly between her teeth.   
“Rub your clit, baby.” Lena instructs. She knows that Stef rarely reaches orgasm from penetration alone, but she doesn’t think she can continue her current pace if she tried to also play with her clit. Thankfully, Stef is in no mindset to argue so she complies -- fiercely rubbing her own clit as Lena continues to trust in and out of her.   
“Fuck, I’m right there, baby.” Stef pants, rubbing her clit faster and faster as Lena hurtles her towards another orgasm. “Oh, fuck, Lena!” Stef’s pleasure-filled exclamations bounce off the walls of the room as her body quakes beneath her wife. Carefully, Lena slips the toy out of Stef, knowing her wife is still incredibly sensitive.   
“How did I get so lucky to have you?” Stef asks tiredly as she cuddles into Lena, her head resting on the caramel skinned woman’s breast.   
“I’ll always be yours, baby.” Lena promises as her wife drifts off to sleep in her arms.


	54. Mother's Day

On the sunny Sunday morning in San Diego, Lena awakes to the scent of frying bacon wafting up the stairs from the kitchen. The caramel skinned woman rolls onto her back in the center of the bed. Obviously, Stef wasn’t beside her -- the twins were still a little young to be frying bacon on their own at eight months old. Still in her pajamas, Lena pads into the kitchen where her wife is cooking breakfast and the eight month old twins are sitting in their high chairs.   
“Good morning, babies.” Lena says, kissing each of her babies’ heads, before wrapping her arms around her wife. “Good morning, babe.”  
“Good morning, love.” Stef smiles. “I was going to let you get some more sleep this morning.”  
“I’m a little mad that you’re down here working on your first Mother’s day.” Lena tells her wife with a playful smack to her butt.   
“Well, since there’s no man to make us breakfast and the twins are a little on the young side to use the stove, I figured someone should make us a yummy breakfast.” Stef shrugs. She didn’t mind making their Mother’s Day breakfast. No matter who did what today, it was going to be special.   
“Then I insist on doing the dishes after.” Lena demands.  
“Whatever makes you happy, dear.” Stef agrees.   
After a filling breakfast of bacon and scrambled eggs -- the twins immensely enjoying feeding themselves the latter -- the little family heads out to the backyard to enjoy the nice weather. After slathering the twins in sensitive skin sunscreen, Stef pulls out a set of non-toxic finger paints and lets Brandon and Callie go nuts. Finger paints was something that their nanny, Angela, had introduced to the twins. The fridge in the kitchen was adorned with half a dozen of their children’s masterpieces from the last week alone. Lena was saving each and every one in a special box beneath their bed. Reclining against the big tree in their backyard, Stef and Lena watch their children crawl around in the soft grass with bright colored paint all over their hands and feet.   
After a few hours outside, the family heads back in to get the twins cleaned up and fed some lunch. They were down to taking about four ounces of breastmilk four times a day, along with usually having some of whatever Stef and Lena were eating for the three typical meals of the day. Cradling Callie in her arms, Stef gives her daughter a bottle while Lena breastfeeds Brandon. Stef truly cherished these simple moments with her children. Their Callie was such a sweet baby, although she did tend to be the bigger trouble maker of the two. When the babies had first started to crawl, Callie had somehow managed to pull a lamp off an end table in the living room by its cord. The poor thing had terrified herself, and Stef found her sobbing in the living room surrounded by the lamp and the shattered light bulb.   
After the babies have eaten and taken their nap, Lena pulls out some of their noisier toys. The twins both enjoyed the crazy and different sounds the toys made. Stef was just hoping she could survive the afternoon without a brain splitting headache. Brandon particularly enjoys playing with the multicolored keyboard that Lena’s mother had gifted the twins for their first Christmas. Stef secretly thought that maybe their son would be a famous pianist someday.   
For dinner, Lena makes a sheet pan dinner consisting of chicken and asparagus, leaving some unseasoned for the twins to have. Lena was very serious about their children growing up eating as healthy as possible. Stef sometimes forgets that she used to live off of take out and frozen dinners before meeting her wife. The blonde didn’t matter though -- eating vegetables was an easy price to pay to have Lena in her life.   
“So, I know we said no presents. . .” Stef says cautiously. A few weeks ago, Stef and Lena had agreed not to get each other anything for Mother’s day. But Stef had seen the perfect gift for her wife’s first celebration of being a mother and couldn’t resist.  
“Stef.” Lena complains. Of course Stef would have gone and gotten her a present without giving her the chance to do the same.   
“Don’t be mad, please. It was spur of the moment. I saw it and I couldn’t not buy it for you.” Stef tries to explain herself, pulling a small box from her special present hiding place in the kitchen. Lena takes the box leerily. Clearly, from the black velvet box, it's a piece of jewelry. Lena just hopes that Stef didn’t spend too much money.   
“Oh my.” Lena covers her mouth in surprise as she opens the box. Inside, there is a necklace with a sapphire heart pendant.   
“Sapphire is the twins’ birthstone.” Stef explains. The blonde takes the necklace out of the box and, as Lena holds her hair out of the way, fastens it around her wife’s neck. “Do you like it?” Stef asks nervously.   
“Stef, I love it.” Lena says, wiping tears from her eyes and pulling Stef in for a tight hug.   
“I’m glad.” Stef replies, holding her wife tight. “Happy first Mother’s day, baby.”  
“Happy first Mother’s day.” Lena repeats, running her fingers over the sapphire pendant around her neck. 

“Hey, babe!” Stef calls from the nursery. She was in the process of putting the twins down for the night. Surprisingly, Callie had gone down without a hitch after some rocking. But something wasn’t right with Brandon. . .  
“What’s up?” Lena asks as she comes into the nursery.  
“Does he feel warm to you?” Stef asks, concern lacing her voice. Lena presses her hand to the eight month old’s skin -- to his forehead, his cheek, and his neck. Stef watches as her brows furrow with worry.   
“He does.” Lena says, turning to rummage through the changing table for their baby thermometer. “100.1” Lena sighs nervously a few minutes later.   
“What do we do?” Stef asks, panic creeping into her voice. Crazy men with guns, she could handle. Going over a hundred miles per hour in a car chase, she could handle. A baby with a fever -- not something she could handle.   
“I’m going to call the pediatric nurse hotline.” Lena says, referring to a service that their pediatrician’s office offered. “I think that we should separate them so that Callie doesn’t catch whatever he has.”  
“Okay.” Stef agrees worriedly, scooping Brandon into her arms and taking him to their bedroom. Stef lays Brandon on their bed, using two pillows to keep him from rolling off the bed to his death. Stef gently strokes his cheek, worried by the extra heat she can feel radiating off his body. Thinking back to dinner, Stef remembers Brandon being a little fussier than usual and wonders if he’s had a fever this whole time. How could one of her babies be sick without her even noticing?  
“Okay. The nurse said that we can give him one teaspoon of liquid acetaminophen to see if that reduces his fever.” Lena says, entering the bedroom with the medicine bottle in hand.   
“What if it doesn’t go down?” Stef asks.   
“If he still has a fever in the morning, the nurse said that we can bring him in to get checked out.” Lena answers, sitting beside her wife on the bed. Stef takes their son in her arms while Lena measures the medicine.   
“I know, baby.” Stef murmurs against Brandon’s soft hair as he grimaces at the taste of the medicine. “It doesn’t taste anything like cherries. I know, baby.” Lena smiles at how tender Stef is being with their son. Not a lot of people knew that, below the tough cop exterior, there was a sensitive and caring woman.   
It’s not an easy night for any of the three of them. After taking his medicine, Brandon is fussy for a few hours and refuses to be calmed by any of his mothers’ traditional methods. Stef, having already decided to take Monday off from work, ends up taking the sick boy down to the living room so that Lena can get some rest for work the next day. On the couch in the living room, Stef hums as she rubs Brandon’s back soothingly in the dark.   
The next morning, Lena comes down the stairs to see her wife on the couch with Brandon on her chest. Both of them are fast asleep as early morning light pours in through the windows.   
“Huh?” Stef mumbles sleepily as Lena takes Brandon off of her chest.   
“Good morning.” The curly haired woman smiles, feeling Brandon’s skin to detect a fever. “He doesn’t feel hot like last night.” She states as Stef sits up on the couch, rubbing the sleep from her eyes.   
“We should take his temperature again.” Stef says. The three of them head upstairs and into the nursery. Callie is surprisingly still asleep so Stef and Lena work quietly.   
“98.6.” Lena announces in a whisper, a smile spreading across his face.   
“Oh, thank god.” Stef sighs, the tension visibly melting from her shoulders. “I’m still going to stay home with them today.”  
“You are such a good mother.” Lena tells her wife, planting a kiss to her lips.


	55. Making Love and Sandcastles

Nimble fingers trace down the caramel-colored skin of the still sleeping woman, gently caressing her soft skin. As the fingers begin running delicate circles around dark nipples, rose colored lips attach themselves to the sensitive skin of the woman’s neck.   
“Hmmmm.” Lena hums in appreciation as Stef’s deft fingers roll and tug her nipples, hot arousal gathering between her legs. “This is certainly a nice way to wake up.” Lena’s nipples were still incredibly sensitive since having the twins, but these days that translated into more pleasure rather than the pain it had shortly after giving birth.   
“I thought you might enjoy it.” Stef smirks, kissing and biting at the skin of her wife’s sexy back. Lena closes her eyes and enjoys the sensation of Stef’s fingers and mouth on her. Stef takes Lena’s leg and hooks it across her own, giving herself full access to her wife’s already glistening and pantieless pussy.   
“It looks like somebody was hoping this was going to happen.” Stef smirks, running her fingers up and down through Lena’s warm wetness. Her wife’s only response is the moan quietly, relishing in the feeling of Stef’s fingers on her most sensitive spots. Once her fingers are coated in Lena’s arousal, Stef slides them easily inside of her.  
“Oh, shit!” Lena curses, her hips bucking in pleasure against Stef’s fingers as they thrust in and out of her rhythmically. With Lena’s arms wrapped around her for leverage, Stef lowers her head to her wife’s breasts, sucking a nipple into her hot mouth. Pulling hard on Stef’s short blonde hair in pleasure as her wife rolls her nipple between her teeth and sucks on it gently, Lena grunts her appreciation of her wife’s movements.   
Aware of the time -- and the fact that their nine month old twins would soon be up for the day -- Stef presses her thumb to Lena’s clit and begins to massage the swollen nub as she continues to finger fuck her wife. Lena lets out a loud, pleasure-filled moan that Stef quickly swallows up in a fierce kiss. If their kids weren’t already awake, she didn’t want them waking up right now. Lena’s body begins to tremble beneath Stef as her orgasm rocks through her.   
“Happy Anniversary, baby.” Stef whispers into her wife’s ear as Lena snuggles into her chest as she recovers from her orgasm.   
“Hmmmm, happy anniversary.” Lena smiles, tracing shapes over Stef’s stomach with her fingertips. Lena sometimes forgot that they had only been married for two years. It felt like they had been together forever -- since the beginning of time. They had been through so much together -- especially in the last year. Their babies were on the verge of walking and talking now, their personalities coming out more and more each day.   
“I love you.” Lena whispers, her lips millimeters from Stef’s. She was fully recovered from her orgasm now and desperately wanted to reciprocate before they were required to start the day. It was a Saturday, but the twins would be up soon and they had planned to take a family trip to the beach later today.   
“I love you, too.” Stef barely has a chance to reply for Lena’s plump lips are pressed to hers in a fever-inducing kiss. Stef can feel Lena’s hands all over her body; pulling her hair, running down her back, massaging her breasts.   
“Fuck!” Stef exclaims as Lena enters her fast and hard with her fingers. Lena’s fingers move smoothly inside her due to her ample wetness. Lena can feel Stef’s pussy clench around her fingers, and it only spurs her on to fuck her wife harder. There were some moments when their lovemaking was all tenderness and love. And then there were moments like right now -- where they couldn’t seem to fuck each other hard enough.   
“I’m so close.” Stef pants, twisting the sheets in her fists.   
“Come for me, baby.” Lena breathes into Stef’s ear, pressing her thumb against her wife’s clit. She feels Stef’s pussy tighten around her fingers before she hears her moans of ecstasy. Lena continues to stroke Stef’s clit as she rides out her orgasm, her body shaking and bucking on the bed beneath her.   
“Oh, fuck, that was good.” Stef pants as Lena pulls her fingers from her pussy and pulls her slightly shorter body onto hers. 

Several hours later, Stef and Lena and the twins are basking in the sun on their large, blue beach blanket.   
“Do you think we put enough sunscreen on them?” Stef asks, observing her children who are already playing in the sand.   
“If we put any more sunscreen on them, they’re going to look completely Caucasian.” Lena replies. Lena didn’t care that her children were three-fourths Caucasian. She and Stef had wanted their children to resemble a mixture of them as closely as possible. What did bother Lena was being asked if she was their nanny or a babysitter when she was out with them -- or, even worse, that she was just a friend of Stef’s when they were out together with the twins.   
Stef ignores Lena’s slightly pointed comment and goes to attach sun hats to both Brandon and Callie. She was about to risk their babies getting a sunburn on their first family trip to the beach. Stef loved the beach and hoped that her children would too. Stef and Lena had gotten engaged and then married on the beach. And the kids would eventually be going to school right on the beach.   
After letting Brandom and Callie explore the new texture of the dry sand for a while, Stef and Lena take them down closer to the water. With Stef holding Brandon by his hands, and Lena holding Callie by hers, a wave rolls up onto the shore and the cold, Pacific Ocean water grazes the babies’ feet for the first time. Stef’s heart practically bursts out of her chest at the resounding giggles that come from both Brandon and Callie at the sensation. If there was one sound in the world that Stef would always cherish, it was the sound of her children’s laughter.   
After playing in the salty water for a bit, Stef, Lena, and the twins sit in the damp sand and begin building a sandcastle. Brandon and Callie seem more interested in trying to eat the sand than actually help their moms build.   
“Are you helping mama?” Stef asks as Callie flings some damp sand towards her. “Can you say mama? Maaaa-maaaa.” Stef urges their daughter to mimic the syllables she’s saying. Callie simply squeals in excitement and flings more sand at her mother.   
“They’ll get it eventually.” Lena reassures her wife, Brandon in her lap trying to feed her sand as well. “They aren’t even a year old yet.”  
“I just want them to be the smartest little babies that they can be.” Stef replies, snatching baby Callie into her arms and blowing raspberries on her tummy.   
“They’re already perfect.” Lena says, kissing Brandon’s chubby cheek.   
“Are you perfect?” Stef asks Callie in her baby talk voice. “Are you mommies’ perfect little princess?” Callie babbles in response. “And are you mommies’ perfect little prince?” Stef asks Brandon in the same manner, bringing out a giggle from the sometimes serious baby. Lena, watching the interaction between her wife and children, can’t help but thank her lucky stars that her life turned out this way. She couldn’t imagine her life without Stef or the twins now. And Stef had taken to motherhood with barely even a hitch. Sure, right after the twins had been born, she had had a hard time connecting with them and understanding what they wanted -- but that had only lasted a few weeks at the most. Stef was a natural mother, and a damn good one at that. Together, Lena knew that the two of them could face any obstacle that tried to stand in their way.


	56. Stress

Lena was beyond stressed. With the new school year starting in less than a week, she had a million and one things to get done -- and not nearly enough hours in the day to get them all done. She had four meetings today with prospective families that wanted to be on the waitlist for admission. She had two kids coming in to take the entrance exam to make sure they scored a sixty-eight or higher before they started attending the school next week. There was a slew of parents that wanted the school’s lunch program to offer a bigger variety of selections to cater to vegetarian and vegan kids. Thinking about everything she needed to deal with just today was making Lena’s temples throb with pain. All she wanted to do was go home, snuggle her babies, and take a freaking nap.   
“Lena, the parent board is here for the meeting about the new senior project criteria.” Lena almost starts crying when the principal of Anchor Beach Community Charter School, Karina Sanchez pops her head into Lena’s office.   
“I’ll be right there.” The vice principal replies with what she hopes is a cheery and sincere smile. The last thing she needs right now is Sanchez getting all over her ass about her attitude. With a heavy sigh, Lena gathers her things and heads for the meeting, her head pounding. 

Stef was eating her lunch at her desk at the station when Mike waltzes over and sits himself on the edge of her desk.   
“Captain wants to know if we want to take an overnight shift tonight.” Mike says, taking a huge bite of a slice of pizza. For some reason, Captain Roberts liked to order the officers pizza on Tuesdays.   
“That’s a little short notice.” Stef grimaces. Lena hated it when Stef took extra shifts at work -- and it was even worse if it was an overnight shift.   
“Well, with Ross getting shot in the shoulder last week and Art’s wife in the hospital, I guess they’re a little shorthanded for patrollers tonight.” Mike explains, wiping pepperoni grease from his chin.   
“Oh, shit, that’s right. I forgot.” Stef says. She was so wrapped up in her own business these days that she sometimes forgot what was happening with her fellow officers. Ross’ injury wasn’t too bad, but he was off for a minimum of six weeks since he’d had to have surgery. And Art’s wife had had a heart attack two nights ago -- she was finally out of the critical care unit, but she wasn’t out of the woods yet. Everyone at the precinct had signed a card and chipped in for a bouquet of flowers for her.   
“So, what do you say?” Mike urges. “It’ll be just like the old days -- you and me and a box of jelly filled donuts at three in the morning.” Her partner chuckles. These days, having two babies and more seniority on the force, Stef was rarely ever required to do overnight shifts. Back in the day, when they had first been paired together, Mike and Stef used to love their overnight shifts -- chasing down bad guys on busy nights and pigging out on donuts on the slow nights.   
“You know what?” Stef replies. “That sounds like it would be a blast. Sign me up!”   
“You don’t need to talk to Lena first?” Mike asks wearily.   
“She’ll understand that I’m just doing my part to help out.” Stef says. “I’ll stop by at Anchor Beach before shift change and let her know.” 

A knock on her office door makes Lena practically jump out of her skin.   
“Come in!” She calls, setting aside the entrance exams she was currently grading.   
“Hey, babe.” Stef greets, waltzing into the office in her police officer uniform. Seeing Stef in uniform does a little bit to help ease Lena’s headache that she’s had all damn day.   
“What are you doing here? Your shift isn’t over yet.” Lena says, checking her watch.   
“Well, I wanted to stop by and let you know that I’m going to be working a double today. So, I won't be home tonight.” Stef informs her wife, taking a seat on the couch in Lena’s office.   
“I’m sorry, what?” Lena asks, not sure if she heard her wife correctly. Since when did Stef agree to extra shifts without asking her first?  
“I’m working tonight. We’ve got a few officers out with injuries and family emergencies, so I’m just doing my part to help out.” Stef shrugs.  
“What about ‘doing your part to help out’ at home?” Lena asks angrily.   
“What are you so upset about?” Stef shoots back, her own temper flaring. She was just trying to help out her fellow officers. What was the big deal?  
“I’m upset that you didn’t even ask me before signing yourself up for an overnight shift when we have two babies at home to take care of!” Lena replies, her voice raising in volume.   
“What -- you can’t handle two nine month old babies on your own for one night?” Stef rolls her eyes at her wife’s over reaction.   
“I have work to do.” Lena replies coolly, reopening the exams in front of her and resuming grading.   
“Lena.” Stef says, softening her tone. Clearly she had crossed a line here. She didn’t want to go into her shift tonight with Lena angry with her.   
But Lena doesn’t respond to her wife. Instead, she continues to angrily mark the tests on her desk with the red pen in her hand. If Stef was going to talk to her this way, she wasn’t going to give her the satisfaction of any kind of response. She knew that Lena hated it when she worked overnight -- but clearly her feelings didn’t matter today. This was just the cherry on top of a perfect fucking day.   
Realizing that Lena wouldn’t be giving up the silent treatment anytime soon, Stef sighs and stands up from the couch. Hesitantly, Stef crosses the room and tries to plant a kiss on her wife’s cheek. Lena flinches away from her touch, clearly still fuming. Reluctantly, Stef leaves the office and her furious wife behind.


	57. Consequences

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: This chapter contains elusions to rape, but not explicit content.

Lena is still fuming when she gets home hours later. How could Stef be so damn inconsiderate?   
“Hey, Lena.” Angela, the twins’ nanny, greets the vice principal as she comes into the house. “We had a pretty uneventful day.” The twins are in the living room, playing on the floor with some of their toys.   
“Thank you.” Lena says. “I’ll see you tomorrow morning.” Lena still has a raging headache. All she wants to do is take a nap. But she doesn’t have that option. Because instead of coming home in an hour like usual on a Tuesday evening, Stef would still be at work for another eight hours. Feeling extremely bitter, Lena sits on the couch and pulls her babies into her lap. Their warm little bodies make Lena feel a little bit better.   
After a few minutes of baby snuggles, Lena lets Brandon and Callie continue playing on the floor. The curly haired woman is watching them contently when the buzzing of her phone pulls her attention away. The picture of Jenna’s face on her phone’s screen piques Lena’s interest.   
“Hello?” Lena answers, curious about what Jenna wants.   
“Hey! Are you and Stef free for a girls night at the Laurel tonight? It’s buy one get one free margaritas!” Jenna asks excitedly.  
“Stef is working tonight.” Lena responds dryly.   
“Since when does she work nights?” Jenna asks.   
“It’s a long story.” Lena is sure Jenna can hear her roll her eyes through the phone.   
“Then why don’t you come out? It’s gonna be a blast.” Jenna pushes.   
“I’ll have to find a babysitter. . .” Lena sighs.  
“Come on! It won’t be that hard to find a babysitter on a Tuesday night.” Jenna continues.   
“Fine. I’ll meet you at eight.” Lena agrees. Why the hell not? Stef didn’t bother to ask her about taking an extra shift -- so why should she ask her if she can go out tonight?

“Thank you so much for babysitting on such short notice, Frank.” Lena thanks her father-in-law as she lets him into the house.   
“Oh, it’s no problem at all. I didn’t have anything planned other than a TV dinner and a baseball game.” Frank shrugs. So much like his daughter, Lena thinks to herself.  
“Well, there’s some salad in the fridge and you can watch the game here.” Lena tells him. “I shouldn’t be home too late. Thank you again.” Lena repeats before kissing each of her babies goodbye and heading out the door. 

“I am so glad that you made it!” Jenna exclaims as Lena comes up to the bar at the Laurel.   
“And with no wife tonight.” Gretchen smirks. “Trouble in paradise?”  
“Everything is fine.” Lena replies, a little on the curt side.   
“Well, let's get a few drinks in you and make everything better than fine!” Jenna cackles, handing Lena a strawberry margarita.   
Lena sips at her drink, listening to her friends chat. Jenna’s son with Kelly, Garrett, is almost two years old. Lena can still remember how tiny he looked in her arms the day he was born. On the flip side, Gretchen has many stories of her latest travels through Europe. From the sounds of it, the promises Gretchen had made to her about settling down when they were still together weren’t too terribly accurate.   
Before she knows it, Lena is two margaritas deep and starting to feel a buzz. A quick glance at her phone shows three missed calls from Stef and the time -- its past eleven p.m. Feeling guilty that she hasn’t relieved Frank of his babysitting duties yet, she begins gathering her things.   
“Where are you going?” Jenna asks, her words slurring together.   
“It’s late. I should be getting home.” Lena replies, giving each of her friends a quick hug before heading out the club.   
Lena walks the several blocks to her car, her heels clicking against the stone sidewalk as she goes. Reaching her dark gray Subaru Legacy, Lena reaches into her purse for her keys. All of a sudden, she feels a shooting pain in her skull. Glass shatters onto the dark pavement below her. Lena’s vision swims with darkness, pain blazing through her entire skull. Someone grabs her by her waist, turning her around and pinning her against the Subaru, clamping a hand tightly around her mouth.   
Lena struggles against the dark figure in front of her as she feels her dark blue jeans being pulled down. A quick fist to her face sends more pain rocketing through her skull. She can taste the coppery tang of blood in her mouth. Already, her left eye is swelling shut. She tries to scream as she feels herself being entered unwillingly. Her struggling only earns her a punch to the gut. Lena swears she hears a sickening crack as pain scorches through her chest like fire. 

Stef shoves the remaining quarter of a jelly donut into her mouth as her phone begins to ring. Seeing the number of their house phone, she hopes it's Lena. Her wife had ignored all her phone calls tonight. Stef didn’t want Lena to be mad at her.   
“Hello?” Stef answers the phone.  
“Hey, kiddo.” Stef is surprised to hear her father’s voice.   
“What are you doing at my house, dad?” Stef inquires.   
“Lena called me to babysit. I think she went out with some friends.” Frank answers. Why wouldn’t Lena tell her she was going out? It was after midnight.   
“Is everything okay? Are the kids alright?” Stef asks.   
“The kids are fine. I was just wondering if you knew when Lena planned on being home?” Frank replies. “She said she wouldn’t be too late but she left at eight and it’s after midnight now.”  
“She didn’t even tell me she was going out.” Stef answers in response. “My shift is just about over. I’ll be home as soon as I can.” Stef says before disconnecting with her father.   
“Everything okay?” Mike asks, wiping jelly from his chin.   
“Umm, I don’t know.” Stef shakes her head. “Can you drop me off at my place? I can get my car tomorrow.”  
“Sure, no problem.” Mike agrees, turning the patrol car’s ignition and heading for Stef and Lena’s house.   
Less than ten minutes later, Stef is rushing through her front door.   
“Hey, dad. I’m home.” She calls.  
“Hey, the kiddos are sound asleep upstairs. They haven’t made a peep at all.” Frank tells his daughter.   
“Thanks for watching them, dad.” Stef says.   
“It’s no problem.” Frank shrugs.   
“Hey, Stef!” Mike calls from the entryway. He hadn’t planned on staying, but the phone call he just got from Captain Roberts had changed whatever plans he had.  
“Mike, what are you doing here?” Frank asks, excited to see his ex-son-in-law.   
“Hey, Frank.” Mike greets. “Stef, I need to talk to you.” Stef notices that Mike is uncharacteristically nervous.   
“What’s going on?” The blonde cop asks, worried about her ex-husband’s expression.  
“Something’s happened.” Mike tells her. “Something’s happened to Lena.”


	58. The Aftermath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: This chapter contains themes of sexual assault

Stef rushes through the automatic doors of the hospital’s emergency room, Mike hot on her heels. Something’s happened to Lena. Mike’s words continuously echo in her mind, thousands of possibilities flashing behind her eyes -- each one worse than the last. After taking a few confusing turns through the emergency department, Stef finally spots a friendly face.   
“Captain Roberts.” Stef says, her breath shaky. Where was Lena? Was she awake? Was she even alive?   
“Stef.” Captain Roberts replies. Her voice is low. Her face is grave. Stef knows that something terrible has happened to her wife.   
“Is she alive?” Stef chokes out, clenching her jaw tightly to keep the tears at bay.   
“She’s alive.” Captain Robert confirms gently.   
“Where is she? Can I see her? What happened?” Stef’s questions come out like water through a broken dam.   
“Stef, why don’t we go sit down?” Captain Roberts tries to offer.  
“I don’t want to sit down. I want to see my wife.” Stef argues, her voice raising.   
“Stef,” Mike tries to interject, gently placing a hand on his partner’s shoulder.  
“I need to see my wife.” Stef repeats, more forcefully this time.   
“Okay. Okay.” Captain Roberts relents before leading Stef and Mike down a few more hallways.   
“A nurse is in with her. You need to prepare yourself.” Captain Roberts informs Stef as they stand outside a hospital room door. “Her injuries are severe.”  
“What happened?” Stef asks. She needs to know what has happened to her wife before she can go through that door.   
“According to her statement, Lena was on her way to her car from the Laurel when she was attacked. She has a few broken ribs, a broken cheekbone, a large bruise and swelling around her left eye, a few deep lacerations that will need stitches, and. . .” Captain Roberts hesitates. Stef watches as several different emotions flash over her face.  
“And what?” Stef pushes. Her own voice sounds small to her ears. All of her police officer bravado has vanished.   
“Stef, Lena was raped.” Captain Roberts finally admits.   
“What?” Stef gasps, her stomach twisting in knots.   
“Lena was raped.” Captain Roberts repeats.   
“Oh, god.” Stef feels bile rise in her throat. Her wife -- her precious, good, gentle, perfect wife -- had been hurt in the worst possible way. And she had been stuffing her face with jelly donuts as it happened. With shaky hands, Stef slowly opens the door to the hospital room. Inside, Lena is sitting up on a hospital gurney, her knees pulled up to her chest and her arms hugging them as close to her as possible. Her eyes are wide in fear. There is a large deep purple, almost black, bruise around her left eye, which is practically swollen shut. There are several gashes on her head and face that are loosely covered at the moment. Lena looks paler than Stef has ever seen her.   
“Stef?” Lena’s voice is barely audible. A few tears escape her eyes and roll down her cheeks as she turns to face Stef.   
“Oh, baby, I’m so sorry.” Stef says, her own voice breaking, as she rushes to pull her wife into her arms. “I’m so, so sorry.” Stef breathes into Lena’s hair as she clutches her wife as tightly as humanly possible. Lena doesn’t respond. Instead, she sobs into Stef’s chest, her whole body shaking.

Over the next few hours, Stef stays with Lena as she goes through an exam from a doctor and a rape kit performed by specially trained Sexual Assault Forensic Examiners. Lena is subjected through removing her clothes for evidence, photographs are taken of all her injuries, and DNA samples are collected from her body. She repeats the events of tonight over and over again; to the nurses, to the doctor, to the forensic examiners, to the police. Each time she hears the story, Stef’s heart shatters further and further.   
Stef has heard these kinds of statements from victims more times than she can count. But this was a horrible nightmare. Lena, her wife, had been attacked and assaulted. Stef was supposed to protect her and tonight she had failed. Her wife would never be the same -- and it was all her fault.   
“Stef.” The blonde cop hears Lena’s small voice say, pulling her out of her thoughts.   
“What is it, my love?” Stef asks. Lena had been in and out of consciousness for the last hour or so thanks to the pain medication she had been given. Her broken cheekbone and ribs would need to heal on their own, there was no way to set them. The gashes on her face and head had been stitched up and were now covered with sterile, white bandages. Lena had been given a hospital gown to change into after her clothes were sent for evidence. She was still sitting with her knees held to her chest, covered by the hospital gown and thin, white sheet.   
“I’m sorry.” Lena says tearfully. “I’m sorry.”  
“Baby, you have nothing to be sorry for.” Stef tells her, wrapping Lena into her arms once more. “You have absolutely nothing to be sorry for.”  
“I shouldn’t have gone out.” Lena cries into Stef’s chest. “I shouldn’t have gone without telling you. I was just so. . . so mad at you. I wanted to do something that would make you mad, too. I shouldn’t have gone. I’m so sorry.” Stef’s heart breaks. If she hadn’t taken the extra shift tonight, if she hadn’t caused a fight with Lena earlier today, none of this would have happened. They would be at home, in bed -- safe.   
Lena continues to cry into Stef’s chest. She felt so dirty, so violated, so utterly gross. She could barely force herself to look into Stef’s eyes. This was all her fault. She shouldn’t have gone out. She shouldn’t have gotten drunk. She shouldn’t have left alone at night. Every part of her body throbbed with pain -- but what was worse was what was replaying through her mind. Whenever she closed her eyes, she could see his face as he held her mouth shut and entered her without her permission. She could feel the auto glass shattering beneath her skull as it was shoved violently into the window of her Subaru Legacy.   
But worst of all -- Lena couldn’t look at Stef without feeling like she had broken their marriage vows. On their wedding day, Lena had promised that no one else would ever have access to her body. But someone had taken access to her body. Someone had taken her body with barely any force. She had so easily given up and let him have his way with her. She could have fought harder against him. She should have fought harder against him.   
As Lena cries, Stef holds her tight. She knows that Lena will never be the same. She’d conducted hundreds of interviews with victims of sexual assault. They were never the same after. Surely, the bruises and cuts and broken bones would heal. Even the scars would fade in time, leaving only a faint memory on Lena’s once perfect skin. But the scars to her psyche would never fade. From this day on, the Lena that Stef had fallen in love with would be no more.


	59. Broken Ankles and Other Surprises

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: This chapter contains themes of rape.

Pain. All Lena could feel was pain. Every time she inhaled or exhaled, pain shot through her chest and sides from her broken ribs. Every small movement of her left eye left her dizzy with pain throbbing through her skull and face. And every time she shifted in bed or walked or went to the bathroom, her vagina felt like it was being turned inside out.   
Thankfully, in Lena’s opinion, she had no reason at all to leave her bed. It had been only a few days since her attack. Lena felt tired all the time. The doctor had told her that her pain medication would make her drowsy. The psychiatrist she had been forced to meet with before her discharge from the hospital had told her that fatigue was often something victims of sexual assault suffered from.   
Lena absolutely despised thinking about herself as a victim of sexual assault. The words left a sour taste in her mouth. They made her think about what had been done to her. She hated thinking about what had been done to her. But try as she might, she couldn’t rid the images from that night from her mind. She could still see her attacker's face. She could still feel his skin against hers. It didn’t matter if she was awake or asleep. Even her subconscious was terrified. 

With a hand clamped tightly over her mouth, she tries to struggle away. She can feel a hand running over her bare skin. Her clothes had been ripped from her body. She was exposed out here on the streets. Pain shoots through her body as she feels herself being entered roughly. She wants to scream. She wants to cry. She wants to die.   
“Lena, Lena, honey wake up.” Stef gently shakes her wife, who is trashing and whimpering. Clearly, she’s having some kind of nightmare. Stef knew that this would most likely happen. It had taken Stef hours to get Lena calm enough to fall asleep last night. She was afraid of the dark, so all the lights were on in the bedroom.   
“What? Where am I?” Lena gasps as she comes to, her body shaking like a leaf in the wind.   
“You’re at home, baby. You’re safe. I’m right here. You just had a bad dream.” Stef desperately tries to soothe her wife, rubbing gentle circles on her back.   
“It felt so real.” Lena begins to cry, crumpling into Stef’s arms.   
“I know, baby. I know.” Stef says, holding Lena tight. “But you’re safe. I’m here. I’ve got you.” The words leave a disgusting taste of guilt behind in Stef’s mouth. She should have been there the night it happened. She should have been there to protect her wife.   
A few hours later, after calming Lena down enough from her nightmare and giving her another round of pain meds, Stef is downstairs sipping on some tea while her wife sleeps upstairs. The blonde cop hasn’t slept in four days -- not since the night before Lena was attacked. How could she when her wife could need her at any moment?   
The ringing of her cellphone jolts Stef out of her hazy thoughts. A quick glance at the screen tells her it’s Mike. Mike had spent the night at the hospital with Stef and Lena, sitting in an uncomfortable waiting room chair.   
“Hey, Mike.” Stef answers the phone.   
“Hey, Stef, how’s it going? How’s Lena?” Stef’s partner inquires. Stef can hear the worry in his voice.   
“She’s as good as can be expected.” Stef sighs. “She hasn’t been getting a lot of sleep. She has nightmares. She’s afraid of the dark. She’ll barely eat anything.”  
“She’s tough. She’ll be okay in time.” Mike tries to sound upbeat for his partner’s sake.  
“I don’t know, Mike.” Stef shakes her head even though he can’t see it.   
“How are the kids?” Mike asks.  
“They’re doing good. Lena’s parents took them for the week to keep things quiet around here.” Stef replies. She missed her babies terribly, but was thankful that she didn’t have two other humans to care for right now.   
“How are you doing?” Mike asks her. “You sound exhausted.”  
“I’m fine.” Stef lies.  
“Stef.” Mike says in his warning tone.   
“Really, I’m fine. I just haven’t been getting much sleep.” Stef admits. “I don’t want to be asleep if Lena needs something.”  
“Stef, you’re going to kill yourself trying to take care of her. You need to take care of yourself, too.” Mike says.  
“No, what I need is to go back in time seventy-two hours and keep that asshole from raping my wife.” Stef seethes into the phone. A loud crash from upstairs startles Stef, causing her to jump up from her seat. “I’ve got to go, Mike.” The blonde cop hangs up and rushes up the stairs.   
“Lena, are you okay?” Stef gasps as she rushes into the bedroom, studying the broken lamp on the floor and her sobbing wife in the bed.  
“I woke up and you weren’t here.” Lena sobs. Stef’s heart wrenches in her chest. “I got scared.”  
“Shh, shh, baby, you’re okay.” Stef says, rushing over to wrap Lena in her arms. “I’m so sorry I left you alone.”  
“Where were you?” Lena sniffs, her tears slowing.   
“I was just downstairs, baby.” Stef tells her. “I’m sorry.”  
“It’s okay.” Lena sniffs again. “You shouldn’t have to constantly worry about me. I’m such a burden.”  
“Lena, honey, you are not a burden.” Stef says, looking deep into Lena’s chocolate brown eyes that are filled with so much fear. Stef wonders if she’ll ever see that sparkle of happiness in Lena’s eyes again.   
“I just feel so helpless and guilty” Lena whimpers, her lower lip quivering.   
“Lena, baby, why do you feel guilty?” Stef asks, still holding Lena in her arms.   
“It’s my fault. I shouldn’t have gotten drunk and left by myself. I’m nearly thirty years old, you’d think I’d know that.” Lena’s voice changes from sadness to anger. Clearly, the curly haired woman is angry with herself for what happened.   
“Even though you were drunk and alone, that doesn’t give someone the right to assault you.” Stef tries to convince her wife.   
“I should have fought harder against him. I did at first, but once I felt him inside me,” Lena shudders at the words. “It was like I was frozen. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t say anything. I just went limp.”  
“That’s a completely normal reaction. You were in shock. And if you had tried to fight, he probably would have hurt you more.” Stef says. “He could have killed you.” Lena is surprised to hear Stef’s voice crack at those words. For the first time since her attack, Lena looks deep into her wife’s eyes -- where she finds a mix of anger, fear, and guilt. All of a sudden, Lena realizes that her attack didn’t just happen to her. It happened to them. Stef too had been affected by this. Their relationship with each other would never be the same.


	60. Not Over Yet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: This chapter contains themes of sexual assault

“Lena, why don’t you tell me about the attack?” Dr. Grayson, Lena’s new therapist, asks. Lena just stares blankly at the middle aged woman sitting across from her -- studying her shoulder length, graying hair and her red-framed glasses. How could this woman that she’s just met understand what Lena has been through?  
“I know it can be hard.” Dr. Grayson continues. “And I’m sure that you’ve already had to recount what has happened to the doctors and the police. But I’d like to help you process what you’ve been through so that you can start to heal.”   
“I was walking back to my car from the Laurel. It’s a popular lesbian bar in San Diego.” Lena explains, unsure if Dr. Grayson knows anything about the LGBTQ+ culture in San Diego. “I left on my own, which I shouldn’t have done. And I was drunk.”  
“Does that make you feel like you ‘deserved’ what happened to you?” Dr. Grayson asks, scribbling notes into her notebook. Lena shrugs in response, avoiding the doctor’s gaze. Lena knew that Dr. Grayson was right. Lena did feel responsible for what had happened to her. This therapist was seeing right through Lena.   
“Lena, it’s very important for you to try and understand that this attack was in no way your fault. You did not provoke this man to attack you.” Dr. Grayson says firmly but caringly.   
“I just feel like. . . If I hadn’t gone out or if I had waited for my friends to leave too. . . maybe it wouldn’t have happened. . . maybe I wouldn’t be here. . . maybe I wouldn’t be terrified of everything.” Lena wipes at her eyes, not wanting to cry at her first therapy appointment.   
“What exactly scares you, Lena?” Dr. Grayson asks gently.   
“Everything.” Lena shakes her head, unable to pinpoint what exactly causes her constant feeling of fear.  
“Is there anything that doesn’t scare you? Or anything that makes you feel safe?” Dr. Grayson continues.   
“Stef.” Lena responds quietly.   
“Stef, your wife.” Dr. Grayson repeats. “What exactly about Stef makes you feel safe?”  
“She’s so strong.” Lena says. “She always knows what to do or say. She’s just. . . she’s my rock.”  
“Where was Stef the night you were attacked?” Dr. Grayson probes. Lena doesn’t like this question. She can already tell that Stef feels responsible for what happened to her. She doesn’t need this doctor -- who doesn’t even know Stef -- to pass that judgement on her too.  
“She was working. She’s a police officer.” Lena replies.   
“Why don’t you tell me about the actual attack?” Dr. Grayson changes the subject. Lena is glad that Dr. Grayson isn’t blaming Stef for her attack, but she doesn’t really want to recount everything that happened to her.   
“All I really remember is my head being shoved into my car’s window so hard that the glass shattered. And then he was pulling my clothes off and. . .” Lena hesitates on the word.   
“You can say it.” Dr. Grayson urges. She knows that admitting what happened to her will make her stronger in the long run.   
“He pulled my clothes off and raped me.” Lena says shakily. “I tried to stop him but he. . . he hit me in the face and the stomach. He was too strong. I couldn’t. . . I couldn’t do. . .”  
“It’s okay.” Dr. Grayson says gently. “He can’t hurt you anymore.” But Lena wasn’t so sure about that. Her attacker hasn’t yet been caught. The only information she and Stef knew about him was Lena’s physical description -- a Latino man, late twenties or early thirties, about 5’10”, lean build, no facial hair, visible tattoos, or other distinguishing markings -- and that his DNA had been obtained in three other rape cases in the the San Diego area over the last year.   
“That’s all we have time for today but, Lena, I want you to remember that you are stronger than you could ever imagine. You will get through this.” Dr. Grayson says before Lena leaves the office.   
“How was it?” Stef asks, standing up from her waiting room chair as Lena enters the room.   
“It was fine.” Lena shrugs, heading for the car.   
“We have your doctor’s appointment next.” Stef reminds her troubled wife as they climb into Stef’s black SUV.   
“Oh, yeah.” Lena sighs. It had now been a month since Lena’s attack, and she needed to be tested once again for STDs and HIV. Lena hated thinking about the fact that her attacker could have given her some kind of life threatening or life altering disease. The doctor would also most likely give Lena an exam -- to ensure that the bruising and tearing to her vagina that she had sustained was still healing well. Thankfully, Lena was able to go see Dr. Hilcroft for her exam today. She couldn’t bear the thought of meeting a new doctor today or possibly having to deal with a male doctor. 

After an uncomfortable exam and giving her samples, Lena returns to the exam and sits with Stef. The doctor would send her samples down to the lab right away so that they would get her results before going home today. Stef was desperate to know that her wife wouldn’t have to suffer through anything else. She couldn’t bear it if Lena became sick.   
Nearly an hour later, the doctor returns. Stef is practically vibrating with anxiety. Lena, however, is sitting emotionless beside her. Stef knows that dissociation is one way that victims cope, but she can’t help but worry about her wife.   
“Alright, Lena, we have your test results back.” Dr. Hilcroft says. “All your STD tests came back normal, as did your HIV test.”   
“Oh, thank god.” Stef can finally breathe again. Lena studies the doctor that she’s come to know well. Afterall, the woman had been through two miscarriages and their pregnancy and birth of their twins with them. Lena can tell that there’s something else that Dr. Hilcroft has to say.  
“What is it?” Lena asks. She doesn’t want people tiptoeing around her. If Dr. Hilcroft has something to say, she should just say it.   
“Well, we took a urine sample and, per protocol, we ran a pregnancy test today.” Dr. Hilcroft begins. The blood in Lena’s veins runs cold. It can’t be. It’s not possible. “And it came back positive.” Lena wants to throw up. She wants to throw up and then curl into a ball and die.   
“Oh, my god.” Stef breathes out. Pregnant? No. “There has to be a mistake.”  
“I had the lab run the test two more times. They all came back positive. I then had the lab take one of your blood samples and check Lena’s beta-HCG level. According to your beta-HCG level, Lena, you’re just around four weeks along.” Dr. Hilcroft explains. The room is swimming. Lena can’t see right. Why was this happening? Why was this happening to her? Was this God’s idea of a cruel joke? Had she been so evil in a past life to warrant this kind of punishment?  
“What do we do?” Stef asks dumbly. What were they going to do?  
“Well, there are a few options. Obviously, I understand that this pregnancy was not planned -- and that it may not be wanted.” Dr. Hilcroft chooses her words carefully. She doesn’t want to offend Lena, but she also wants her to be aware of all her options. “We have a few more weeks before you need to make a decision. And I don’t want you to make any rash decisions. I think you should take the next two weeks to decide before we do anything. But, if you’d like to terminate the pregnancy--” Lena flinches at the words. “--that is something that we can take care of here at the clinic for you.”  
Lena feels numb during the car ride home. Stef knows not to push her -- although she’s dying to talk to Lena about what they were going to do. Did Lena want to keep this baby? Or would she rather get an abortion and be done with it? As Stef tucks her wife back into bed once they get home, she desperately yearns to have her old wife back so that they could talk and figure out a plan of action together.


	61. Trying to Celebrate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: This chapter contains mention of sexual assault.

“Stef, are you sure we should be doing this?’ Mike asks as Stef pulls the cop over to the curb in front of a little, white house.   
“I’m just going to ask her a few questions.” Stef says, unbuckling her seatbelt and getting out of the car.   
“The detective in the special victims unit already questioned her. All the information is in the file.” Mike replies. He knows that Stef wants Lena’s attacker caught and in custody -- he does, too. But is this the right thing for them to be doing? It was way above their pay grade.   
“Nobody is trying to catch this guy. He’s raped at least three women -- probably more. I’m not going to let him keep hurting the women of San Diego.” Stef argues before knocking on the front door of the house. 

While Stef is working her one Saturday shift for the month, Lena is preparing the house for Brandon and Callie’s first birthday party which would be taking place this evening. Stef and Lena had agreed to keep the party small, considering the events of the last six weeks. Stef’s parents and Lena’s parents would be in attendance, along with Mike and Jenna, Kelly, and Garrett. They also happened to be the only people aware of what Lena had been through six weeks ago.   
Their friends and family had been incredibly supportive of Stef and Lena since Lena’s attack. Dana and Stewart had taken Brandon and Callie to stay with them for the two weeks directly following Lena’s attack. It had been much easier for Stef to focus on Lena without the twins around to care for as well. Mike had ended up stationing himself on Stef and Lena’s street for the first few weeks following the attack. Stef and Lena were the closest thing to family that he had around -- he would protect them both with his life. Jenna, who had been devastated and angry with herself when she heard about Lena’s attack, would often come stay with Lena while Stef was at work and help her with Brandon and Callie.   
Despite the outpouring of support, Lena had been adamant to keep her pregnancy a secret from everyone while they made their decision on what to do. Stef insisted that she would support Lena no matter what she chose to do. And Lena loved her wife’s support, but she wanted Stef to give her opinion on the situation as well. Lena already felt like she was recovering from her attack alone -- now that Stef had been forced to go back to work for financial reasons -- she didn’t have the heart to make this decision alone, too.   
“Lena, where would you like Frank and Stewart to hang the banner?” Sharon asks, pulling Lena out of her moment of introspection.   
“On the back of the garage is good.” Lena replies, quickly flipping back to mom-mode. Despite everything going on, Lena was determined that her babies would have a good first birthday. They each had a giant cupcake that they would be allowed to smash and eat as much of as they could. Lena was sure that their amount of toys would triple just from today alone -- what else were grandparents for?  
“I’m sorry I’m late.” Stef says as she rushes through the front door.   
“How was your day?” Lena asks nervously. She didn’t really want to hear about Stef’s day of fighting crime, but she didn’t want her wife to think she didn’t care. ;  
“It was fine. Nothing exciting.” Stef shrugs, heading upstairs to change out of her uniform. She was lying, of course. She had spent a good portion of her day questioning the other three women who had been raped by Lena’s attacker. All three were women who frequented the different gay bars in San Diego -- whether they were actually gay or not. They all gave the same physical description that Lena gave. None of them knew the attacker personally or recognized him. Stef desperately was searching for new information -- something, anything, that would help her catch this bastard and put him away.   
Stef comes back down a few minutes later, automatically heading directly for her babies. The cop could barely believe that her babies were already a whole year old. It still felt like she and Lena had brought them home just yesterday.   
“Hello, my babies.” Stef singsongs as she takes both babies into her arms. She wouldn’t be able to manage this much longer; they were getting so big so fast.   
“Mama.” Brandon babbles in response, reaching out and grabbing a light hold of Stef’s nose.   
“Nama.” Callie replicates. She hadn’t yet gotten a hang of mama but Stef knew she would in the coming weeks.   
Stef briefly wonders what the coming weeks would bring for her family -- before pushing the thought to the back of her mind. She wasn’t going to let anything ruin today. Today was all about Brandon and Callie. And it was time for the party to begin.   
“I think we should start with presents.” Sharon says matter-of-factly as the family moves out to the backyard. Stef and Lena both roll their eyes, but concede. Stef knew there was no point in arguing with her mother.   
Lena watches as Stef helps Brandon and Callie open most of their presents. Of course the two babies are more interested in the shiny, colorful wrapping paper than the actual presents. Lena, however, is impressed with the family’s generosity. Between all the grandparents and the family friends, Brandon and Callie are now the proud owners of: a play kitchen set, a play drum set (Lena already had a migraine just thinking about them using that one), an activity table where they could store all their coloring supplies, and much more. Frank was generous enough to buy the twins an outdoor playset with swings and slides -- it would be delivered during the week and Frank promised to come by and set it up for them.   
Next up, is the giant cupcake smash. Stef, knowing how messy her children were about to be, quickly strips them both down to their diapers. Minutes later, both babies are covered in frosting and cake, their eyes dilated from the amount of sugar they’re ingesting.   
As Lena watches Stef with their children, her heart aches inside her chest. What were they going to do about the baby that was growing inside her? Lena knows what the easiest option is. Aborting the baby would make it as if it never happened -- to an extent. Lena thinks back to each of Stef’s miscarriages and the toll it took on her wife’s psyche. Would she feel similarly if she terminated this pregnancy? Or would she be glad?   
Subconsciously, Lena’s hand flutters onto her stomach -- similar to the way she used to hold her stomach in the early days of her pregnancy with Brandon and Callie. Lena studies her now one year old twins. They were happily still consuming their birthday cake, although they were wearing more than they had eaten. Brandon and Callie were perfect and innocent. Lena couldn’t imagine ever hurting them. Wasn’t this baby inside her now just as perfect and innocent? It hadn’t done anything wrong. It wasn’t responsible for the sins of its father. How could Lena punish this baby for simply coming into existence? No, she decides, she won’t do that. She doesn’t think she’ll be strong enough to raise this baby, but she won’t terminate it.


	62. Decisions Decisions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: This chapter contains mention of sexual assault

“Are you sure?” Stef asks. Lena’s head was resting on her chest as they reclined in bed together. Neither of them were ready to start what was bound to be a long and taxing day. Lena had just told Stef that she didn’t want to terminate the pregnancy, but that she thought it would be best to give the baby up for adoption.   
“I’m sure.” Lena confirms. This wasn’t a decision she had made lightly.  
“Okay.” Stef replies. “We’ll talk to Dr. Hilcroft during our appointment today. Maybe she knows an organization that can help us find adoptive parents.”  
“You’re not mad, are you?” Lena asks nervously. Lena knows her wife. Stef would rather Lena got an abortion than put herself through another pregnancy right now.   
“No, I’m not mad.” Stef says, pressing a kiss to the top of Lena’s head. I’m just worried about you, Stef thinks to herself. Stef wasn’t sure if Lena would be able to handle the emotional toll of being pregnant with and giving birth to her attacker’s child.   
Lena was finally just starting to act like her old self again -- she was less afraid of the dark, she was eating more normally, and she wasn’t afraid to leave the house anymore. Lena still had nightmares -- bad enough that Stef would wake up from her screaming and crying -- a few times a week. Stef hoped that her wife was being as open as possible with her therapist. Lena was a tough woman that liked to solve her problems on her own, but this was one thing she might not be able to get through with Stef’s help alone.   
Stef wondered what going through with this pregnancy would do to Lena. It would be a constant reminder of what she had been through. Stef wasn’t sure she could handle it herself -- Lena carrying that asshole’s baby. Stef was still trying to find him, but had had no luck so far. Questioning the other victims had yielded no new information. All Stef had to go off of was his DNA samples and a sketch. It was killing Stef inside to know that the monster that had hurt her wife -- and so many other women -- was still running free.   
Holding Lena close, Stef turns her head and brushes her lips against her wife’s. These days, Lena felt so far away. Stef desperately wanted to be closer to her. Lena responds to Stef’s kiss, her plump lips hungrily attaching themselves harder to Stef’s. Stef rolls onto her side and wraps Lena’s into her arms as they make out like lust-filled teenagers. It feels so good to have Lena pressed up against her body. Stef was trying so hard to give Lena all the space and time that she needed -- but she’d be lying to herself if she said she didn’t miss being physically intimate with her wife.   
Stef gently runs her tongue against Lena’s bottom lip, requesting entrance into her mouth. Lena eagerly allows Stef to slip her tongue into her mouth, relishing in the feeling of their tongues dueling for dominance like they have so many times before. Lena notes in her mind how familiar it feels to have Stef pressed up against her like this. Stef brings her hands from Lena’s hair and down to cup one of Lena’s tender breasts.   
Lena violently pushes Stef away with a force that nearly sends the blonde woman nearly careening to their bedroom floor. Stef watches as Lena begins crying and shaking violently, folding her knees to her chest.   
“I’m so sorry, baby.” Stef apologizes quickly. She wants to hug her wife or rub her back soothingly, but Lena is crying and shaking so much that Stef thinks that’s a bad idea. Stef is angry at herself for pushing Lena too far. Of course it was too soon. It had only been weeks since her attack.   
“I’m sorry.” Lena croaks out between sobs. “I’m just. . . I’m not ready yet. I’m sorry.” Stef’s heart breaks in her chest.   
“Lena, you have nothing to be sorry for. I’m sorry I pushed you too soon. I won’t do it again. Can I hug you?” Stef asks gingerly. Lena nods and Stef quickly wraps the love of her life into her arms. 

“How are you feeling, Lena?” Dr. Hilcroft asks in the small exam room.   
“Okay.” Lena answers. “I’ve been having a little morning sickness, but not much. And I’ve been really tired but I don’t know if it’s the pregnancy or. . . everything.”  
“Have you two made a decision about this pregnancy?” Dr. Hilcroft asks gently. She hates to see two of her favorite patients dealing with so much trauma in their lives.   
“I’m not going to terminate.” Lena answers. Stef is tightly clutching her hand, offering all her love and support. “But I don’t think I want to keep the baby.” Lena’s voice is small. She feels ashamed about her decision. Shouldn’t she be able to look past her attack and love this baby? Lena wasn’t sure she could. She feared that all she’d be able to see in the baby’s eyes is the evilness of her attacker.   
“Okay. I can get you in touch with an adoption agency that can help you find prospective parents.” Dr. Hilcroft informs Stef and Lena before starting Lena’s exam.   
Lena’s heart pounds loudly in her chest as Dr. Hilcroft sets up the ultrasound machine and squirts the familiar, cool gel onto her stomach. Dr. Hilcroft positions the wand and studies the screen quietly.   
“Do you want to see the baby?” Dr. Hilcroft asks as the familiar sound of two heartbeats fills the exam room. Tears spring to Lena’s eyes at the sound. It reminds her so much of her babies at home -- and the love she feels for them. What was wrong with her that she couldn’t feel that same love for the baby currently growing inside her?   
“Lena.” Stef says gently, resting a hand on her wife’s shoulder. She didn’t want to push her wife, but Lena needed to answer the doctor. “Do you want to see the baby?” Lena shakes her head violently, fast tears flowing down her cheeks, as she buries her face into Stef’s chest. Lena felt so conflicted and weak. Was she making the right decision? Would this baby come searching for her in twenty years -- desperate to know why she didn’t love them like her own children?  
“I’ll give you two a few minutes.” Dr. Hilcroft says quietly, turning the ultrasound machine off and wiping the gel off of Lena’s still flat stomach.   
Stef holds her wife while she sobs, gently stroking her hair. She would never tell Lena this, but she wishes that they could just be done with all of this. She wishes that Lena would have gotten the abortion -- to save herself from all this extra pain and heartache. Stef couldn’t bear to watch her wife suffer any more than she already had.


	63. Digging Deeper

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: This chapter contains mention of sexual assault.

Stef’s head is pounding. She has been pouring over files at her desk for most of her shift. Spread all across Stef’s small desk is covered in victim statements and evidence photos from the four connected rape cases. Stef knows she shouldn’t be looking into this so hard, but she needs to put this scumbag away -- for her and her wife’s peace of mind.   
“Still looking through those?” Mike asks, perching himself on the corner of Stef’s desk, cup of coffee in hand.   
“Still drinking coffee?” Stef quips back, eyes not leaving the files in front of her. “You’ll be up all night peeing.”  
“And you’ll be up all night with nightmares.” Mike sighs. “Why don’t you let the detectives do their job?”  
“I need to find this guy, Mike. No one else is looking for him.” Stef replies.   
“Have you even found any new information?” Mike asks, peering at the files strewn across his partner’s desk. The pictures of the rape victim’s injuries makes him cringe internally. He hated to think that there was somebody out there attacking the women of his city. But he wasn’t a detective. What was he supposed to do?  
“There has to be something else that we’re missing.” Stef shakes her head, studying the files even harder. Suddenly, a light bulb goes off in her head. “Do you think they checked security footage at any of the bars the women said they were at before being attacked?”  
“I don’t know.” Mike shrugs. “It doesn’t say anything in any of the files.”  
“You wanna take a ride with me? Stef asks her partner. 

Lena wipes her mouth as she stands back up in the small bathroom stall. Even though she was now fourteen weeks pregnant -- and officially in her second trimester -- Lena was still suffering from morning sickness. Well, it was more like “all the time” sickness, really. To make matters worse, Lena had recently returned to work after taking time off to recover from her attack. She had hoped she would be through with the worst pregnancy symptoms by now, but it looked like her nausea, back pain, and fatigue were here to stay for a while.   
“How are you feeling?” Timothy, Lena’s closest friend at Anchor Beach Community Charter school asks as the vice principal exits the ladies’ bathroom across the hall from her office.   
“I’ve definitely been better.” Lena sighs. Timothy was one of few staff members at the charter school that knew Lena had been attacked and that she was now pregnant. Lena had confided in Timothy that she wasn’t planning on keeping the baby after it was born.   
“I brought some extra falafel from home.” Timothy says with a smile. “Interested in some lunch -- if you think you can keep it down?”  
“That sounds great. Thank you.” Lena smiles, following the English teacher to his office. 

“Can I get a copy of all these tapes?” Stef asks. She is in the small back office of the Laurel, watching the outdoor security footage from the night that Lena was attacked.   
“Of course.” The middle aged owner of the lesbian club agrees.   
Stef and Mike had already been to the other three clubs that the other attacker’s victims had been at the same night of their assaults. They had similar outdoor security footage of the clubs and Stef planned on combing through it all thoroughly to find anything that might lead her to taking Lena’s attacker in.   
“I’m going to take these home and start looking through them tonight.” Stef says as she and Mike climb back into the patrol car. “I have to meet Lena for her appointment right now.”  
“Are you sure you want to bring those home with her? What if Lena finds them?” Mike asks worriedly.   
“She won’t find them.” Stef replies. “I just don’t want to waste our time during shifts watching these when I can get it done on my own. I need your help catching this guy -- not watching surveillance footage.”  
Mike drives them back to the precinct, where Stef hops into her SUV and heads to the clinic to meet up with Lena.   
“Hey, babe.” Stef greets the curly haired woman in the parking lot of the clinic, quickly pecking Lena’s caramel colored cheek. “How are you feeling today?”  
“Like shit.” Lena grimaces. “Timothy brought me some falafel for lunch but I couldn’t keep it down.” Lena felt incredibly guilty, especially since she had thrown the delicious falafel up all over Timothy’s suede dress shoes.   
“Maybe Dr. Hilcroft can prescribe you the anti-nausea medicine she gave me.” Stef says hopefully as she and Lena head into the clinic.   
“So other than the nausea, how have you been feeling?” Dr. Hilcroft asks aftering listening to Lena’s heart and lungs.   
“I’ve been really tired.” Lena answers.   
“Well, that could be partially because of your pregnancy, but I do think that most of your fatigue may be stemming from some depression and anxiety since your. . . attack.” Dr. Hilcroft responds with a kind smile. “Have you been sticking with therapy?”  
“I have.” Lena nods. “I don’t really know if it’s helping. I still feel. . . not like myself.”  
“Hopefully that will return with time.” Dr. Hilcroft says hopefully. “Alright, it’s time to check on the fetus.” Dr. Hilcroft had been using much different terminology with this baby than when Lena was pregnant with Callie and Brandon. Lena wasn’t sure if it made her feel better or worse.   
Lena lies back and raises her shirt to expose her stomach. Lena was just starting to show -- the tiniest baby bump protruding from her stomach. Lena often found herself studying the bump in the mirror, desperately trying to feel any kind of emotion for the baby that was growing inside her. But still, even fourteen weeks into her pregnancy, Lena felt nothing If it weren’t for the morning sickness, Lena would probably forget that she was even pregnant. She felt no excitement or joy for the baby inside of her.   
“Is something wrong?” Stef asks from the stool beside Lena. Dr. Hilcroft was furrowing her brow and moving the ultrasound wand over Lena’s stomach more than usual.  
“Everything is, um, fine.” Dr. Hilcroft says, switching off the ultrasound machine. She knew by now that Lena had no interest in seeing the baby -- or rather, now, babies. “As it turns out, Lena is pregnant with twins.”  
“Twins?” Stef asks, her jaw practically falling to the floor. “Are you sure?”  
“I am quite positive.” Dr. Hilcroft confirms.

“I guess we’ll have to let the lady know at the agency.” Stef says once she and Lena are home. Brandon and Callie were spending the night at their Grandpa Frank’s house, probably watching baseball and eating junk food.   
“How are we going to find someone to take them?” Lena asks, her voice shaky, as she sits on the couch. “It was going to be hard enough to find a home for one Afro-Latino baby -- and now we have to find a home for two.”  
“They might go to different homes.” Stef replies gently. She didn’t want to say anything that would make her wife feel even worse about the situation.  
“I’m such a terrible person.” Lena cries, burying her face in her hands.   
“Oh, honey.” Stef rushes to her wife’s side, wrapping her tight in her arms. “No, you aren’t. You made a really tough decision. You’re doing what’s right for everyone involved. You are so, so strong, baby. You’re stronger than I could ever be.”  
“I don’t feel strong.” Lena sobs, tears flowing down her cheeks like twin rivers. Stef holds her tighter -- her resolve to find the man who had done this to them growing even stronger.


	64. Playing Detective

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: This chapter contains themes of sexual assault.

“Good morning, babe.” Stef says seconds before she wraps her arms around her wife from behind. Lena was still jumpy now even several months after her attack, so Stef had taken to announcing her presence in a room before touching her wife.   
“Good morning.” Lena smiles -- until she feels Stef’s hands on her pregnant belly. Lena shrugs her shoulders, signalling to Stef that she was uncomfortable with the contact.   
“Everything okay?” Stef asks, releasing Lena from her hold. Lena nods silently, going back to the cinnamon rolls she was preparing. Lena couldn’t bear to tell Stef that she hated her stomach being touched -- whether it was by the doctor or Stef or even herself. Try as she might, Lena felt no connection to the two babies that were growing inside her. Most days, Lena felt nothing -- unless it was fear from her nightmares or anxiety from everyday life.   
“Do you want to do anything special tonight?” Stef asks. It was Valentine’s Day, but Stef had a feeling that Lena wasn’t going to be interested in doing their traditional Valentine’s activities -- dinner out at a fancy restaurant, dancing at the Laurel, and a night filled with sweaty sex.   
“I’m not really feeling up to anything tonight. I’m sorry.” Lena tells Stef, her words laced with guilt. Lena felt terrible that it had been almost six months since she and Stef had had sex last. She knew that Stef -- while eternally patient -- was surely becoming sexually frustrated with the situation. Lena hated to disappoint her wife in any aspect.   
“It’s okay.” Stef smiles, hoping Lena won’t notice how forced it is. “We can just watch a movie or something tonight.” 

Hours later, after the San Diego sun has set over the city, Stef has just hung up the phone with Lena. She’d been forced to cancel their plans of thai takeout and a cheesy rom-com movie. While there was nothing else she wanted to do tonight, something had come up that demanded her attention.   
Barely an hour ago, just after the sun had set and darkness had begun to creep over the city streets, Lena’s attacker had struck again. This was his fifth victim -- a blonde woman who was a few years younger than Lena. She had been leaving a gay bar -- the same one the first victim had been attacked after leaving -- when she was hit over the head, drug into an alley, and raped. Stef was in the emergency room, taking the woman’s statement. Mike was waiting outside the exam room.   
“Was this the man that attacked you?” Stef gently asks the woman, holding up the police sketch of the man who had attacked Lena and the other three women. Her face was beaten and bloody. Her left arm had been broken during the attack. The woman studies the sketch for a few minutes before nodding her head wordlessly. Stef bites hard on the inside of her cheek. This guy had struck again right under her nose!   
“That’s all we need from you tonight. If we have any other questions, we’ll give you a call.” Stef says, gently laying a supportive hand on the woman’s shoulder, before leaving the room.   
“Well, was it the same guy?” Mike asks. He’s practically bouncing off the walls with nervous energy.   
“She gave a positive ID. It was the same guy.” Stef informs him somberly.  
“Son of a bitch.” Mike swears.   
“This is why I’ve been trying to get him, Mike. Obviously, whatever detective is working these cases, they aren’t working hard enough to find this guy.” Stef growls.   
“So what are we gonna do?” Mike asks. Stef knew it would only be a matter of time before she was able to get her partner on board with her crazy mission.   
“I’ve got a plan.” Stef smirks. 

Lena had been disappointed when Stef had cancelled their plans for tonight -- but she was also relieved, in a sense. Lena didn’t know if she could handle Stef’s disappointment over their lackluster Valentine’s day plans. Stef and Lena were both hopeless romantics. Lena truly loved going out for a romantic dinner or a seaside picnic. But she also knew that she’d be too anxious to truly enjoy anything like that right now. She didn’t know when she would feel like her normal self again.   
One thing was slowly starting to return to normal. As Lena’s pregnancy progressed into her second trimester -- and once her constant nausea had subsided with the help of some anti-nausea medication from Dr. Hilcroft -- the curly haired woman had begun to notice the return of her sex drive. Lena would often find herself admiring her wife’s ass or breasts when Stef wasn’t paying attention. When Stef had come in from mowing the lawn over the weekend, Lena had almost completely lost her mind.   
Despite the return of her sex drive, Lena was still anxious and even afraid of having sex with Stef. She had spoken about this with Dr. Grayson, her therapist. Apparently, this was a semi-normal progression that sexual assault victims go through. Dr. Grayson explained that it had more to do with feeling in control than Lena’s love or attraction for Stef. Lena just wished that she could get over everything and just make sure that Stef knows how much she loves her. And that’s why Lena finds herself in the bed she shares with Stef every night with the vibrator that they share between her legs. Stef was working late. The twins were fast asleep. And Lena was horny. This was the perfect time to do a little self-exploration.   
The buzzing of the vibrator feels glorious against Lena’s already swollen clit. She had been thinking about this feeling for days. It was nothing compared to Stef’s fingers or tongue on her, but it would get the job done tonight. Lena had first started with running the vibrator over her sensitive nipples on the lowest setting. Already, her nipples were extra sensitive and her breasts growing larger from her pregnancy.   
Lena can feel that her pussy is ready -- so, so ready for the release she hasn’t felt in practically six months. Gingerly, Lena dips the vibrator into her entrance, gathering her juices, before bringing it back up to her clit. She wasn’t ready for penetration yet. Tonight, she would focus on giving herself external pleasure.   
Lena’s eyes practically roll into the back of her skull as the vibrator buzzes over her swollen clit. Her breathing becomes shallow in pleasure. She had been so afraid that trying this would launch her into a panic attack -- leaving her shaking and crying until Stef came home to comfort her and ask what had happened. That would have been quite embarrassing. But that wasn’t a problem tonight. Lena was currently lost in pleasure, her eyes closed tightly as she runs the vibrator over her sensitive nub in small circles.   
Lena can feel her orgasm approaching, like a rubber band being stretched thinner and thinner inside her, getting ready to snap. Her toes curl. Her free hand grips the sheets. Her hair is splayed across the pillows. As her orgasm hits, Lena lets out a loud cry of pleasure, the sound bouncing off the walls of the bedroom. Coming down from her high, her muscles still trembling in pleasure, Lena smiles -- truly smiles -- for the first time in six months.


	65. Sting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: This chapter contains mention of sexual assault.

“You want to do what?” Captain Roberts asks incredulously, looking between Stef and Mike.  
“I want to go undercover, and try to catch Lena’s attacker.” Stef answers nonchalantly. “I’ve studied outdoor surveillance footage from all the bars where the victims were before being attacked. I’ve talked to all the victims. I know how this guy works. And I can almost guarantee you which bar he’s going to be at tonight.” Stef had been tirelessly studying the way this bastard works. She knew his patterns. She knew his modus operandi. She was ready to take him down.   
“Who gave you two permission to look into this case?” Captain Roberts asks sternly.   
“Well, no one really gave us permission.” Mike replies nervously. Captain Roberts was a tough, by the book woman. Stef and Mike knew that she wouldn’t be happy to hear about their extracurricular detective-ing. But Stef didn’t care. She needed to catch this guy -- to make her wife feel safe, once and for all.   
“Do you realize how much trouble you two could be in for this? I’m talking about termination here.” Captain Roberts seethes.  
“Don’t blame Mike.” Stef says. “This was all my idea. I just roped him into it.”  
“You’ve both stepped on a lot of toes here.” Captain Roberts sighs.   
“Please, just give me this chance to catch this guy.” Stef practically begs. “I know I can put him away.”   
“If you do this, we’re gonna be there with a shit ton of backup.” Captain Roberts says firmly.   
“Yes, ma’am.” Stef agrees, ready to put this son of a bitch away once and for all. 

Lena stretches her back as she stands up from the desk in her office. She was four weeks away from her due date and her back was killing her. All day she’d had this abnormal back pain that she couldn’t shake. And it was making it hard for her to concentrate on the budget reports that Sanchez wanted finished by tomorrow morning.   
With her due date approaching, Lena was becoming more anxious. The agency they were working with still hadn’t found any prospective parents for either of the twins. They had found out a few weeks ago that Lena was pregnant once again with a boy and a girl. She had hoped that that information would increase the interest of prospective parents, but they had had no such luck as of yet.   
On her way to the bathroom -- Lena had to pee for the thousandth time today -- the curly haired woman is practically doubled over when pain shoots through her lower back. Placing her hand over her stomach, Lena’s eyes widen as she feels the familiar sensation of tightening muscles in her abdomen. Lena was definitely in labor.   
Lena waddles back to her office, where she collapses onto the couch and pulls out her cellphone. She listens to the rings and swears not so silently as she hears Stef’s familiar voicemail message. Of course Stef wouldn’t answer when Lena was going into active labor!  
“Hey, Lena, just wanted to see if you needed anything before I left for the night.” Timothy says, poking his head into the vice principal’s office. Timothy had been checking in on Lena at Anchor Beach often during her pregnancy.   
“Um, actually, I think I might need a ride to the hospital.” Lena admits through clenched teeth as another, stronger contraction hits her. As of right now, her contractions were about twenty minutes apart. But they were also coming four weeks early, and that had Lean worried.  
“Are you okay?” Timothy asks, his usually calm voice taking on a tone of panic as he kneels beside Lena.  
“I’m having some contractions.” Lena tells him.   
“Do you want me to call Stef?” Timothy asks.   
“I tried already.” Lena says with a shake of her head. “She didn’t answer. She must be busy. I don’t know.”   
“Okay. Okay.” Timothy says, trying to figure out what to do. “I’ll take you to the hospital. We can try calling Stef again from there.” With that, Timothy puts his arm around Lena and helps her to her feet. 

Meanwhile, across town, Stef was preparing for the biggest mission of her life. She had been fitted with a wire that would stay hidden beneath her skimpy top and tight jeans. The wire, along with GPS tracking on her work cellphone, would allow the rest of the SDPD to keep an eye on Stef as she tries to bait and catch the man attacking gay women in San Diego.   
“You still sure about this?” Mike asks his partner as she curls her blonde hair in a mirror at the precinct. The cop has no idea that her personal cell phone has been ringing almost incessantly in the top drawer of her work desk.   
“I’m going to be fine, Mike.” Stef reassures her anxious partner, switching the curling iron in her hand for a mascara wand.   
“I hate the idea of you going in there, of this guy trying to put his hands on you.” Mike grinds his teeth together. Watching Stef get ready to go after this rapist makes Mike’s stomach turn.   
“I’m doing this so that he can’t hurt anybody else.” Stef rebuttals, turning to face Mike now that her hair and makeup are finished.   
“I know. Let’s go get this son of a bitch.” Mike nods. 

“Why isn’t she answering her phone?” Lena asks, practically in tears as another strong contraction hits her. She’d been at the hospital, with Timothy, for over an hour now. Timothy had been religiously trying to reach Stef every five minutes since their arrival.   
“I don’t know.” Timothy shakes his head, trying not to grimace as Lena squeezes his hand with all her strength.   
“I swear, it didn’t hurt like this last time.” Lena sighs, falling back against the hospital bed. Already, she was exhausted and covered in sweat. Already, the sun had gone down. Dr. Hilcroft wouldn’t be called in until it was time for Lena to push. Until then, Lena would be looked after by nurses and a hospital resident. None of that mattered to Lena though. All she wanted was her wife -- to hold her hand, to rub her back, to assure her that everything was going to be okay.  
Because, right now, Lena didn’t have any hope that anything would be okay. All she felt was pain. All she could think about was the babies and the fact that they hadn’t yet found adoptive parents for them. And all she wanted was her wife by her side.   
“I can’t do this without her.” Lena pants, salty tears rolling down her cheeks and mixing with the sweat coating the rest of her skin.   
“I’m not going to stop calling her until she answers. She’ll be here as soon as she can.” Timothy promises, completely unaware of what Stef was about to do.


	66. In Deep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: This chapter contains mention of sexual assault.

Stef is leaning against the bar of The Indigo Club, a local lesbian bar about as popular as the Laurel but with a bigger nightclub feel. She sips a glass of sparkling water, hoping she can pull this crazy plan of hers off. She had studied the surveillance tapes. She had studied the files. If she was right, her wife’s attacker would be outside this club right now -- laying in wait for a vulnerable, seemingly homosexual woman to attack.   
Stef can hear Captain Roberts and Mike talking in her ear. They were parked in an unmarked van next to Stef’s car -- which was where the blonde cop was aiming to lead the rapist. There were about a dozen other undercover cops at and around The Indigo Club, watching Stef’s back.   
Stef glances at her watch -- it’s just after nine p.m. She’s been here for over an hour. She knows she should have talked to Lena, but she hadn’t really had a free moment while preparing this operation. Hopefully Lena wouldn’t be too mad at her about this. All of the attacks had occurred between 8:30 pm and 10:30 p.m. Stef sets down her drink and heads for the exit of the bar. Stef desperately hopes the attacker is here tonight -- and that he takes her carefully laid out bait. 

“You’re only four centimeters dilated.” The OB resident at the hospital tonight tells Lena after checking her progress. Lena groans. She had been laboring for almost five hours now and wasn’t even halfway there.   
“Have you gotten a hold of your wife yet?” Lena’s nurse, Brittany, asks as she changes Lena’s empty IV fluid bag for a full one.   
“No, not yet.” Lena sighs.   
“She’ll be here.” The nurse smiles hopefully before leaving the room.   
“What if something happened to her?” Lena wonders worriedly, turning to Timothy who is sitting next to her hospital bed in an uncomfortable looking chair.   
“I’m sure nothing has happened to her.” Timothy tries to reassure the exhausted and sweaty woman, although he isn’t sure he believes himself.   
“Maybe you should try calling Mike, Stef’s partner?” Lena suggests. “His number is in my phone, too.”  
“I’ll give it a shot.” Timothy nods, taking Lena’s phone from her purse and finding the number. 

Stef tries to act as if she’s slightly drunk as she walks the five blocks to her car from The Indigo Club. She knows that the scumbag she’s trying to take down only goes after vulnerable women. If he knew that she could take down men twice her size, he wouldn’t dare mess with Officer Stef Adams Foster.   
As Stef’s car comes into view just another block away, Stef begins to feel like tonight has been a bust. She was either wrong about the attacker’s pattern or hadn’t played her part well enough. And then, out of nowhere, a hand is clamped over her mouth as the blonde cop is dragged towards a dark alley. Adrenaline shoots through Stef’s body. She forces her mouth open and bites down hard on the fingers attached to the hand over her mouth.   
“Shit!” A deep, masculine voice laced with a Mexican or Spanish accent swears, pulling his hand from Stef’s mouth. He still has an arm around her waist, so he shoves her hard against the rough brick wall of the alley. Stef can feel the sting as the brick bites into her exposed arms. “Don’t try anything else, dyke bitch, or I’ll fucking kill you.” The man seethes at Stef, pinning her against the brick wall. He’s so close that Stef can see the white of his eyes and can smell the alcohol on his breath. Stef brings her left knee up swiftly between the attacker’s legs. He swears as he stumbles to one side. This gives Stef enough time to gain the upper hand.   
“San Diego Police Department!” She shouts, pulling a 0.22 from the small of her back and pointing it at the man who had destroyed her wife. “Don’t fucking move or I’ll shoot your fucking dick off.”  
Alerted by the commotion, six undercover officers flood into the narrow alley. Stef’s aim on the attacker doesn’t waiver until he’s cuffed and being dragged to a squad car. Instead of feeling relieved, Stef is filled with even more rage. This was the man that had destroyed her wife and altered her life forever. She wanted him to pay the price -- the ultimate price.   
“I should have shot him.” Stef practically growls as Mike and Captain Roberts come up behind her.   
“Stef, you know that the best way for him to get what he deserves is to do everything by the book.” Captain Roberts says.   
“Yeah, between Lena and the other four victims, there’s more than enough to put this son of a bitch away for life.” Mike adds. “And there’s no way he’ll be getting bail. He’ll be stuck in jail until his trial.”  
“He deserves to die.” Stef grinds her teeth, thinking about the other four women whose lives have all been ruined as well.   
“Let’s just head back to the precinct.” Mike says gently, leading Stef to her car. “We’ve got a shit ton of paperwork to do.”

“It hurts so much.” Lena sobs as another contraction overtakes her. Her contractions were now only five minutes apart and getting stronger with everyone that passed. The resident OB had broken her water manually, hoping it would help to speed Lena’s labor along. It hadn’t done much. Since her water had been broken two hours ago, Lena had only dilated another two centimeters.   
“I don’t think I can do this.” Lena shakes her head as Timothy rubs her back.   
“Yes, you can.” He encourages.   
“I need Stef. Where is she?” Lena cries.   
“I don’t know. Mike didn’t answer. No one at the precinct knows where they are.” Timothy answers. He too desperately wanted Stef to show up. It was becoming increasingly difficult to keep Lena strong. The coworker he had known for over five years was in so much pain -- Timothy didn’t think that he could stand it any longer.   
“Oh god.” Lena cringes, squeezing Timothy’s already bruised hand, as another contraction hits. 

Stef stays with the attacker as he’s booked and put behind bars. She finds out that he is Luis Martinez -- a twenty-nine year old factory worker at a meat packaging plant a few miles outside of San Diego. But Stef didn’t care about his story. All she cared about was that he had attacked and violated her wife. And now, now he would pay for what he had done to Lena and those four other women. She couldn’t wait to watch this son of a bitch fry for what he had done.   
“Officer Foster!” Sam Morgan chirps as Stef sits down at her desk. Her legs and back ached from the night’s events. She wasn’t sure she could handle dealing with the president of the “Stef Foster” Fan club tonight.   
“What is it, Morgan?” Stef asks, a little on the grumpy side.   
“You’ve had a dozen phone calls tonight.” Sam informs the more senior cop. “Someone named Timothy. He definitely had a British accent. Anyway, he said that he took Lena to the hospital.”  
“Lena’s in the hospital?” Stef jumps to her feet as she hears the news.   
“Yeah, it sounded like she was in labor, maybe.” Sam adds. Stef yanks open her top desk drawer and grabs her cell phone. She had dozens of missed calls, voicemails, and text messages. They all boiled down to the same thing: Lena was in labor. By the looks of it, she had been in labor for most of the afternoon and night.   
“Son of a bitch!” Stef swears as she takes off for her car, not caring that she’s still wearing the skimpy top and tight jeans from the night’s mission.


	67. Mission Complete

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: This chapter contains mention of sexual assault.

Stef runs barefoot through the hospital, having slipped her high heels off in the car to increase her speed. It was very early in the morning, almost two a.m. Lena had been in labor for almost ten hours now -- on her own.   
“I’m looking for Lena Adams Foster.” Stef pants at the front desk of the Labor and Delivery floor. The blonde cop had just sprinted up three flights of stairs instead of waiting for the elevators. “I’m her wife. She’s in labor.”  
“Room 354.” The woman behind the desk tells Stef. Stef takes off down the hall, once again at full speed.   
“I’m here! I’m here!” Stef gasps as she barrels through the door of Lena’s hospital room. Lena studies her wife -- who is propping herself up on her knees to catch her breath -- eyes wide with surprise. Why is her wife dressed like she was going clubbing? Where had she been all day?  
“Stef.” Lena says quietly, before a contraction hits her. The curly haired woman clenches her jaw pain. Not caring that she can still barely breathe, Stef rushes to her wife’s side.  
“I’m here now, baby.” Stef whispers into her wife’s ear as she let’s Lena take her hand and squeeze. Stef’s heart breaks thinking about Lena being in this much pain for so long without her.   
“Where were you?” Lena asks once her contraction has subsided.   
“I’m sorry, baby. There was a big case. I haven’t been at the precinct since three in the afternoon. I didn’t have my cell phone on me. I’m so sorry.” Stef tries to explain, hoping that Lena isn’t too mad at her. The last thing Lena needed to know right now was that Stef had just used herself as human bait to catch the man that still haunted her nightmares.   
“I’m just glad you’re here now.” Lena sighs, leaning her head against Stef’s chest. “It hurts so much.”  
“I know, baby.” Stef says, rubbing Lena’s back. “Where are the kids?”  
“At home, with your dad.” Lena replies. “I called him right after I got here. He took over for Angela so she could go home.”  
“Good.” Stef nods. “That’s good.”  
“Now that Stef is here, I think I’ll step out.” Timothy pipes in as he stands up from his chair in the hospital room.   
“Thank you so much for being here for Lena, Timothy.” Stef says, shaking the British Indian man’s hand.   
“Of course.” Timothy nods.   
“You don’t have to go yet, if you don’t want to.” Lena smiles tiredly.   
“Yeah, Mike is out in the waiting room, if you want to join him.” Stef offers. How could she not? This man had spent nearly ten hours with his laboring wife. He’d probably lost all feeling in his hand by now.   
“Okay.” Timothy nods. “I’ll stick around. I guess I’m kind of invested now.”  
“Hopefully, it’s not too long now.” Stef says, pressing a kiss to her wife’s sweaty cheek. 

Stef couldn’t have been more wrong. Another ten hours later, Lena is still laboring. Stef had sent both Mike and Timothy home as the sun began to rise this morning. Now, it’s early afternoon. Lena is clearly exhausted, and Stef isn’t far behind her. Thankfully, a nurse had taken mercy on the blonde cop’s attire and Stef was now wearing a comfortable set of light blue scrubs.   
“Alright, Lena, let’s see how you’re progressing.” Dr. Hilcroft says as she pulls on a pair of nonlatex gloves. Lena is thankful to have her own doctor here now. She knew Dr. Hilcroft and trusted her. Lena clutches Stef’s hand tightly as Dr. Hilcroft examines her cervix.   
“It looks like we are at that magic number ten.” Dr. Hilcroft announces. Lena is so happy she could cry. Never did she imagine that she’d be in labor for nearly twenty-four hours.   
“You’re almost there, baby.” Stef encourages her wife.   
“I’m exhausted.” Lena says, leaning into Stef. “I don’t think I can do it.”  
“You can do it. I know you can. You’re the strongest woman I’ve ever met.” Stef tells her -- and she means every word. Everything Lena had been through in the last year has only made her stronger.   
“Just a little bit longer, baby.” Stef whispers into Lena’s ear as the nurses get her prepped for pushing.   
“Okay, Lena, when you feel your next contraction, I want you to push.” Dr. Hilcroft instructs her patient. Lena nods, as the familiar pain and pressure descends upon her.   
“One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.” Dr. Hilcroft counts as Lena bears down. “Okay, take a breath. You’re doing great.”  
“You’re almost there, Lena.” Dr. Hilcroft encourages. Lena had been pushing for almost an hour. Her exhaustion was growing. “The baby is crowing. We’re almost there.” As another contraction comes, Lena pushes, a deep grunt coming from her chest, her hand practically crushing the bones of Stef’s fingers.   
“Alright, a beautiful baby girl!” Dr. Hilcroft announces as the first twin enters the world. The doctor cuts the cord and hands the newborn baby girl to the pediatric resident standing by. Lena had made it clear that she didn’t want to see either of the babies right after the delivery.   
Lena collapses onto the hospital bed, getting her few minutes of reprieve before having to deliver the placenta and start pushing again. Stef holds her close, wondering if Lena is feeling the same things that she was. The blonde woman could hear the tiny cries from the newborn baby girl on the other side of the room. They were pulling at her heartstrings. Lena’s attacker had been caught. They were safe. And these babies had her wife’s DNA. Maybe they could . . .   
“Okay, Lena, do you have enough left in to get this second baby out?” Dr. Hilcroft asks a few minutes after Lena delivers the first baby’s placenta.   
“I hope so.” Lena answers, taking Stef’s hand in hers.   
“I love you so much.” Stef tells her wife, her forehead pressed against Lena’s temple. “You’ve got this baby.”  
“Alright, Lena, you know the drill by now.” Dr. Hilcroft says. “I want you to push with each contraction and take a break in between. I know you’re tired, but we’re almost there.” Dr. Hilcroft would never tell Stef or Lena this, but she was anxious about how exhausted Lena looked and how long she had already been laboring. It has been over twenty-four hours now.   
Two hours later, and the second baby hasn’t yet made his appearance into the world. He was clearly being stubborn. Dr. Hilcroft didn’t think they were in too much trouble yet, but Lena was becoming increasingly exhausted with each passing minute. She wasn’t sure if Lena had the strength left to deliver this baby without some assistance.   
“Okay. Lena, lay back and take a break.” Dr. Hilcroft instructs. “Here’s the deal -- it doesn’t seem like this little guy wants to come into the world without a little help. He’s in the birth canal -- he’s very close to being out. You’re exhausted. I know you are. The baby isn’t in distress yet, but I think he will be soon if we don’t do something. I think we should use the forceps and help guide this little guy out.”  
“Is that safe for the baby?” Lena asks, her breathing heavy with exhaustion.   
“It is. There’s only a few, small risks.” Dr. Hilcroft answers.   
“What are the risks?” Stef inquires, rubbing Lena’s back soothingly.   
“There could be some bruising or, worst case scenario, some fracturing to the facial and skull bones.” Dr. Hilcroft replies. “But I really think that this is our best shot at getting this baby out and avoiding a c-section.”  
“Okay. Okay, let’s do it.” Lena agrees. She’d be lying if she said she wasn’t scared, but she needed to trust her doctor. She wanted to do whatever was best for the baby inside her.   
Dr. Hilcroft and the nurses spend a few minutes getting ready and letting Lena rest a little.   
“Here we go.” Dr. Hilcroft says. Lena winces as Dr. Hilcroft inserts the forceps. “Okay. When you feel your next contraction, go ahead and push like normal. I’m just going to guide the baby out.”  
With her next contraction, Lena pushes. She can feel the forceps inside of her, helping to guide the baby out into the world. Stef let’s Lena squeeze her hand as hard as she needs to. The blonde woman can’t even bear to watch, opting instead to close her eyes and whisper encouragement to her wife. Just a few minutes later, a piercing cry fills the hospital room as the second  
baby enters the world. Lena collapses back onto the bed from pure exhaustion as the pediatrician takes the baby to the other side of the room.   
“You did it, baby. It’s over.” Stef whispers into Lena’s ear. 

A few hours later, Lena wakes up from a much needed nap to a dark hospital room. Stef had left briefly to check on Brandon and Callie at their home. Lena desperately was missing her babies and their warm snuggles. Lena’s mind goes back to the two babies she brought into this world just a few hours earlier. So far, she had refused to see or hold them.  
“Excuse me, would you bring me the twins?” Lena asks the nurse that appears in the doorway of her hospital room after she presses the call-button.   
Several minutes later, the nurse returns with a hospital bassinet and two babies. Lena waits for the nurse to leave the room before she studies the tiny babies in the bassinet beside her. They’re both fast asleep, their tiny chests rising and falling in synchrony. Lena strokes each of their faces with a gentle finger, a lump forming in her throat.   
Over eight months ago, Lena had entered a terrifying nightmare -- one that she never imagined she would be able to escape. But here she was. She had survived her sexual assault. She had survived the sickening exam and photographs. She had survived countless nightmares and panic attacks. She had even survived being pregnant with her attacker’s children.   
But they weren’t just her attacker’s children. These two babies were fifty percent her. Lena could see it in the dark, curly hair atop their little heads. Their skin was darker, like hers. In many ways, they looked more like her children than Brandon and Callie did. Already, Lena felt a connection to these two tiny humans in front of her.   
Carefully, Lena scoops the newborn twins out of their bassinet and into her arms. She cradles them against her chest, feeling their warmth against her body. Tears begin to form behind her eyes. Out of something terrible, she had been given these beautiful gifts.   
“Hey, babe. Sorry I was gone so long. My dad. . .” Stef’s sentence trails off as Lena catches her eye. “Is everything okay?” Stef asks tentatively, seeing the babies cradled in her wife’s arms.   
“Everything is fine.” Lena replies, tears rolling down her cheeks.   
“Baby, what’s wrong?” Stef asks again, rushing to her wife’s side.   
“Look at them.” Lena says in response. “They’re. . . they’re perfect.”  
“They’re beautiful.” Stef agrees. Was Lena thinking the same thing that Stef had been feeling since these babies were born?   
“I feel so much love for them. But. . . but I don’t know if I can keep them knowing that that monster is still out there.” Lena shakes her head tearfully. Stef’s heart soars.   
“You don’t have to worry about him anymore, baby. I got him. He’s gone. He can’t hurt you anymore.” Stef informs her wife.  
“What?” Lena asks.   
“That’s where I was yesterday. I was heading a task force to catch your attacker.” Stef says. “We got him. He’s behind bars. He’ll be stuck in jail until his trial and then he’ll rot in prison for the rest of his life.”  
“Oh, my god.” Lena breathes.   
“Lena, if you want to keep these babies, I support you one hundred percent.” Stef tells her wife. “I didn’t want to upset you, but I feel it, too. I feel so much love for these two in my heart already.”  
“I thought that when I looked at them or held them, that I would be scared or angry or disgusted.” Lena tries to explain. “But that’s not how I feel at all. I feel love -- the same love that I feel for Brandon and Callie and you. They were meant to be part of our family.”  
“Well, it looks like this family of four just became a family of six.” Stef smiles, wrapping Lena and their two newborn babies into her arms.


	68. Nice to Meet You

“Are you two ready to go home?” Stef asks the twins as she buckles them into their brand new car seats. There had been a few things that Stef needed to run out and buy or grab from home before they could take their new babies home -- car seats, newborn diapers, newborn clothes. Now, the babies were all ready to go home -- and meet their older siblings.   
“All set?” Lena asks, wrapping her arms around Stef from behind. It wasn’t lost on Stef that Lena had been increasingly more affectionate over the course of the last day.   
“All set!” Stef beams, swinging the diaper bag over her shoulder before grabbing one car seat. Lena grabs the other, and the two moms head off to introduce their toddlers to their new siblings. 

“Dad, we cannot thank you enough for staying with Brandon and Callie for all this time.” Stef thanks her father once she and Lena have the babies in the house.   
“It was no big deal.” Frank replies. “So, you and Lena, uh, decided to keep the babies?”  
“We did.” Stef nods. She wasn’t really in the mood to argue with her father about the decisions she and her wife were making about their family.   
“That’s good. It can’t have been an easy decision. I’m proud of you.” Frank says with his typical stoic face.   
“Thanks, dad.” Stef smiles. After her father heads out the door, Stef goes into the living room where the rest of the family is waiting. Callie and Brandon, now toddlers at eighteen months old, are peering at their tiny new siblings still in their carseats.   
“Are you guys excited to meet your new baby sister and brother?” Stef asks, unbuckling both babies from the carseats.   
“Yes!” They both exclaim. Lena winces at the loud sound, hoping the newborns don’t wake up.   
“Okay. You have to be really quiet though because they’re very sleepy.” Lena says, sitting on the couch and pulling Brandon and Callie up to sit beside her. Stef hands Lena one baby and then sits down on the couch, the other baby in her arms.   
“Brandon, Callie, this is your new baby sister -- Mariana.” Lena tells the older twins. Two sets of eyes peer at the tiny baby girl, studying her sleeping figure.   
“And this is your new baby brother -- Jesus.” Stef adds, shifting the baby in her arms so the older kids can see him better.   
Stef and Lena had agonized over choosing names for their new son and daughter. Lena was the first to suggest something of Hispanic descent. Lena’s own heritage was very important to her as a biracial woman. Stef was happy to oblige with her wife's wishes -- to give the newborn twins that celebrated their Afro-Latino heritage.   
“So small.” Callie chirps, her eyes wide with wonder.   
“They’ll be as big as you soon.” Lena says, thinking about how quickly Callie and Brandon had grown up right before her eyes.   
“Will they like mangos?” Brandon asks, referring to his newest favorite food.   
“We’ll have to wait and see.” Stef chuckles. She was so happy that Callie and Brandon were being so sweet with their new baby siblings.   
“Things are going to be a little different now that the new babies are here.” Lena tries to explain to the older twins. “Mommies will need your help taking care of them.”  
“We can help!” Callie says excitedly. Lena smiles -- both Callie and Brandon were turning into great little helpers around the house already. She was excited to see how they liked helping out with the new babies. 

“Alright, Brandon and Callie are fast asleep in their toddler beds in their own rooms.” Stef says as she comes into the master bedroom. “And Jesus and Mariana went down without too much fuss after you fed them.”  
“And to think you didn’t think you’d be any good at motherhood.” Lena smiles, thinking about how unsure Stef had been when they first brought Brandon and Callie home.   
“Things are going to be pretty different this time around. They officially outnumber us.” Stef chuckles, heading into the bathroom to brush her teeth. Lena can’t help but stare at her wife’s behind in her plaid pajama pants.   
“You’re beautiful.” Lena says, wrapping her arms around her wife as Stef slips beneath the covers beside her.   
“Thanks. You’re beautiful, too.” Stef smiles, pulling Lena closer to her. “To what do I owe this pleasure to?” During the last eight months, Lena had been working towards recovery and, while she was lightyears away from where she had been at the beginning, there were still certain things she tended to be uncomfortable with. Closer physical contact like this was typically on the “no-go” list.   
“I’m just really. . . happy.” Lena smiles, snuggling into Stef’s embrace. “Happier than I’ve been in a long, long time.”  
“I’m really glad.” Stef says, kissing the top of Lena’s head. She had missed this -- simply cuddling with her wife in bed. In just the two days since Jesus and Mariana were born, Stef had noticed a dramatic change in Lena. Maybe it was because her attacker was officially behind bars. Maybe it was a mother’s love for her children. Whatever it was -- Stef was eternally grateful for it.   
“I love you.” Lena says, tipping her head up to brush her plump lips against Stef’s. Stef smiles into the kiss, her heart soaring in her chest. She cradles Lena’s face in her hands, deepening their kiss.   
“I love you, too.” Stef breathes, finally breaking their kiss. “So, so, so much.”  
“I know I haven’t been the easiest wife to live with lately.” Lena whispers, biting her bottom lip. “Thank you for sticking by me this whole time.”  
“I would do anything for you, baby.” Stef tells her wife, Lena’s face still in her hands.   
“I really miss being intimate with you.” Lena admits. “But I don’t think I’m quite ready yet.”  
“I understand. I’m not going to push you. But you better believe that I’ll be ready whenever you are.” Stef smirks.   
“How did I get so lucky?” Lena asks the universe, pressing her lips to Stef’s once again. 

Very early the next morning, before the sun is even up, Lena is awoken by the cries that can only come from a hungry newborn baby. Lena quietly groans. She had only been asleep for a few hours. Clearly, she was spoiled now that Brandon and Callie slept through the night with no problems. Since she hasn’t had a chance to pump yet, Lena gets out of bed and heads for the nursery, letting Stef get some extra sleep. The curly haired woman knows that her wife will be happy to help with overnight feedings as soon as there is a steady supply of breastmilk in their fridge. But until then, feeding duty was all on her.   
“Hi, baby boy.” Lena coos as she picks up a crying Jesus from the crib, leaving behind his still content sleeping sister. Lena settles herself into the rocking chair in the corner of the room, carefully shrugging off half her robe to expose a breast. Lena brings her son to her breast, watching him attach and begin to feed. Lena loved breastfeeding and the bonding it created with the babies. After Brandon and Callie had been weaned, Lena swears she missed breastfeeding more than they did.   
“I love you, baby boy.” Lena tells her youngest son, thinking about the difficulty she had bringing him into the world. She could have lost him, but she didn’t. Everything was okay. 

“They are so beautiful.” Sharon says, taking Jesus from Stef’s arms. “Look at all this curly hair. Lena, you make such beautiful babies.”  
“Gee, thanks, mom.” Stef rolls her eyes at her mother.   
“They are so precious.” Dana agrees, taking Mariana from Lena’s arms. “And you, my darling, are so strong.”  
“Once I met them, I couldn’t give them up.” Lena replies.   
“We brought presents, of course. Something for each of our grandbabies.” Stewart says, holding up two bags worth of presents.   
“You really shouldn’t have.” Stef says.   
“What kind of grandparent shows up empty handed.” Sharon says. “Frank, go get the stuff I bought on the way over here from the car.” Somehow, after being divorced for over ten years, Sharon still had Frank at her beck and call.   
Stef and Lena sit together on the couch, watching Stewart help Brandon and Callie open their presents. Lena leans into Stef, resting her head on her wife’s shoulder. Finally, after such a long time of feeling anxious and unsure, things were finally falling back into place for the Adams Foster family.


	69. On Trial

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: This chapter contains themes of sexual assault.

When Lena wakes up on August 24th, three months and a day after the birth of Mariana and Jesus, she feels an epic sense of dread inside her. Today, she would be testifying -- along with four other women -- against Luis Martinez, the man who attacked and raped her almost exactly a year ago.  
“How are you feeling, love?” Stef asks Lena, setting a plate full of pancakes in front of her. Having breakfast made for her on a weekday morning was a special treat, since Stef had gone back to work a month and a half ago. But Lena wasn’t sure she could eat the banana pancakes smothered in syrup that were in front of her.   
“I’m anxious.” Lena admits, poking at her breakfast with her fork.   
“You’ve got this, babe. Just read the statement we prepared together.” Stef says. Stef had helped Lena prepare the statement she would give today in front of the judge, the jury, and her attacker.   
Lena continues to pick at her pancakes -- only getting a few bites into her mouth -- while Stef feeds Mariana and Jesus. Brandon and Callie were sitting across from Lena at the kitchen table, kicking their little feet as they enjoy their mom’s delicious pancakes. Of course, they had no idea about the events taking place today. They were excited, however, to see Angela, their nanny, for the first time in three months. With Lena being home on maternity leave, they hadn’t really needed Angela recently. But, once the trial was over, Lena would be going back to work and Brandon, Callie, Mariana, and Jesus would be in the very capable hands of Angela. Lena had very few worries about their nanny handling four kids under two. If Lena could do it, anyone could do it. 

A few hours later, Stef and Lena are walking through the courthouse entrance. As they’re going through security, Stef spots Mike and Captain Roberts. Every cop involved in the undercover operation to catch the defendant, as well as the cops that took each victim’s initial statement, would be in the courtroom today and giving their testimony. Stef wasn’t worried about giving her testimony. She’d done this kind of thing dozens of times in her career already. She was worried about Lena. Stef knows how traumatic it can be for victims to have to relive their assault in the courtroom, while facing their attacker at the very same time.   
Stef and Lena sit beside each other, fingers intertwined, as the court proceedings begin. First, each of the first three victims give their statements, directly followed by the testimonies of the offices involved in each case. Lena feels a lump forming in her throat as she watches each of these women give their tearful statements. They had all experienced the same thing she had. Her heart was breaking for each of them.   
Before she knows it, it’s Lena’s turn to give her statement. Taking a deep breath, she walks up to the witness stand and is sworn in. Lena takes a seat and studies the courtroom. Stef is nodding at her, a small smile of encouragement on her face. The other victims are watching her, no doubt feeling the same way about Lena that she felt about them. And then, her eyes fall on him. With his light brown skin and dark hair, he’s sitting in front of her with an emotionless face. Lena tastes bile at the back of her throat. This was the man who had ruined her life -- or, rather, he tried to ruin her life. Lena wasn’t going to let that happen so easily. Gathering strength as she looks at the other victims and thinks about her babies at home, Lena sets her jaw and waits for the line of questioning to begin.   
“Mrs. Adams Foster, will you please describe the events that happened on the night of August 22nd of last year?” The suited up, prosecution lawyer asks her.   
“I was walking back to my car from the Laurel in downtown San Diego. I had just arrived at my car when my skull was slammed against my driver’s side door. My clothes were ripped from my body and I was held against my car, with a hand clamped over my mouth, while I was sexually assaulted.” Lena says, keeping her voice as even as possible. The last thing she wanted to do was cry in front of the man of her nightmares.   
“Did the defendant penetrate you with any part of his body?” The lawyer asks.  
“Yes.” Lena answers.   
“What part of his body did he penetrate you with?” The lawyer asks. His questions were coming rapidfire. Lena’s breath catches in her throat. Stef warned her they would ask this. Lena knew she had to answer.   
“He penetrated me with his penis, sir.” Lena answers, her voice wavering only a little.   
“You suffered other injuries, correct?” The lawyer inquires.   
“Yes. I had broken ribs and a facial bone, as well as several cuts and bruises.” Lena responds.   
“Just one more questions, Mrs. Adams Foster.” The lawyer says. “Well, less of a question and more of a request. Can you tell the court how this man’s actions affected your life?” Lena swallows, turns her head to face Luis Martinez, and opens her mouth to speak.   
“I thought you ruined my life.” Lena begins. “For months, I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t leave my house without being terrified. I saw your face in my nightmares. I saw your face when my wife touched me. Not a single day went by that you didn’t haunt me. But I won’t let you do that to me anymore. I won’t let you control my life anymore.”  
“Thank you, Mrs. Adams Foster.” The lawyer says as Lena heads back to her seat beside Stef.   
Next, the officers in Lena’s case give their testimony. Then, the final victim gives her statement. The final testimony in the case is a team of forensic scientists discussing the similar injuries each victim suffered and traces of DNA found in each of the victims’ vaginas and under their fingernails. Then, the jury is sent to deliberate.   
“You were so strong.” Stef whispers into Lena’s ear as everyone waits for the jury to return with their verdict -- which doesn’t take long.  
“Has the jury reached a decision?” The judge asks the head juror.   
“We have.” The middle aged woman answers. “On the charges of five accounts of sexual assault in the first degree, the jury finds the defendant -- guilty.”

“Brandon did not want to go to bed tonight.” Stef says, walking into the master bedroom. “He kept asking for water and another sto--” Stef’s sentence trails off as she focuses on her wife. Lena is lying in the center of their queen sized bed with nothing on but a black silk robe, which happens to be open in the front.   
“What’s going on?” Stef asks, eyes practically bugging out of her skull.   
“I thought I would surprise you.” Lena smiles shyly.   
“Is this. . . is this what I think it is?” Stef stammers. Her mouth is suddenly dry. She feels like a teenager about to get laid for the first time.   
“What do you think it is?” Lena asks coyly.   
“Um, uh, ah.” Stef’s forget how to speak English.   
“Come over here.” Lena tells her wife. Stef’s legs move of their own accord, carrying her to the bed to meet her wife. Once Stef is standing beside the bed, Lena leans up and pulls her into a searing kiss that makes Stef’s legs buckle.   
“Are you sure?” Stef asks, breaking the kiss. She didn’t want Lena to feel any pressure.   
“I am.” Lena answers. “I love you. And today, for the first time in a year, we’re safe. There’s no one lurking around every corner. I feel alive again -- and I want to make love to you.” Stef’s heart thunders inside her chest as she brings her lips to Lena’s once more. The two women fall back onto the bed in a tangle of arms and legs.   
Stef’s lips move from Lena’s and travel down her slender neck. Tonight, she would worship her wife. She would remind her what it feels like to be loved intimately again. As her lips suckle on Lena’s pulse point beneath her chin, Stef’s hands push the black silk robe from Lena’s shoulders.   
“You are so beautiful.” Stef whispers in awe as she takes in Lena’s body. It had been over a year since Lena had been naked in front of her. Stef’s fingertips run over Lena’s smooth, caramel colored skin. Lena shivers at the sensation, her breath catching in her throat as Stef’s deft fingers trace circle around each of her nipples. Unable to resist any longer, Stef dips her head down to Lena’s chest and experimentally flicks her tongue over a hardening nipple.   
“Is this okay?” Stef asks, feeling Lena’s fingernails digging into her back.   
“Yes.” Lena groans in pleasure. Stef smiles as her tongue runs circles over Lena’s nipples. She can feel the heat gathering between her own legs as Lena’s moans of pleasure fill the room.   
Stef’s lips leave Lena’s breasts, moving down to her stomach. Already, Lena had lost nearly all her pregnancy weight. Stef kisses across her taut stomach before honing in on what is below. Lena’s fingers tangle into blonde hair as Stef gently licks up her wet slit. Lena’s eyes practically roll into the back of her skull. It had been so long since Stef had given her pleasure, and Lena felt she would fall into an orgasm in no time at all.   
Stef licks and sucks and nibbles at Lena’s pussy and clitoris for a while, letting the pleasure and wetness build. She wanted Lena to be completely ready for her. She wanted tonight to be the most pleasurable night of Lena’s life.   
“Oh, Stef.” Lena moans, begging for more. Stef kisses back up Lena’s body, stopping again to pleasure her nipples.   
“Is this okay?” Stef asks again, running two fingers up and down Lena’s wetness.  
“I trust you.” Lena says, telling Stef that anything she wanted to do was okay.   
“I love you. I love you. I love you.” Stef chants like a prayer as she inserts two fingers into Lena’s drenched pussy.   
“Oh, yes!” Lena moans, her pussy tightening around Stef’s fingers. Stef moves her fingers in and out of Lena’s pussy while she places tender kisses along her wife’s neck. Stef anchors her thumb against Lena’s clit, sending fireworks of pleasure through her.  
“I’m close.” Lena pants, pressing her forehead against Stef’s, her eyes fluttering open. Lena wanted to look at Stef while she came.   
“I love you.” Stef says again as Lena’s body begins to tremble. Their lips meet in a searing kiss as Lena’s body quakes in pleasure against Stef’s.   
“I love you, too.” Lena says, trying to catch her breath as Stef removes her fingers from her pussy. The two women lay there together, lost in blissful love.


	70. Terrible Twos

Lena is laser focused on the cake in front of her. She wanted her frosting job to be perfect.   
“What do you think, baby girl?” Lena asks the six month old baby. Mariana babbles her nonsensical approval from her highchair. Lena can’t help but smile. The last six months had flown by in a blur of excitement and hecticness. Going from two kids to four hadn’t been an easy transition at all. But Lena wouldn’t change any of it for the world. The amount of love she felt for her children surprised her every day.   
“We have to finish this cake before mommy and your brother get home.” Lena says. Stef had gone to the party store -- a fussy Jesus in tow -- to pick up the balloons and other decorations for Brandon and Callie’s second birthday party. The birthday boy and girl were currently in the living room, playing on the floor with some toys. Lena was thankful they were currently distracted, otherwise they’d be whining and begging to have some frosting. Lena supposes, as she licks some frosting off her fingertip, that her homemade buttercream frosting is delicious.   
“Oh, did you go poop, baby girl?” Lena asks after hearing a loud toot from Mariana’s high chair. “Let’s go get you changed.” Lena says, scooping the curly haired baby up in her arms and heading upstairs. Lena was glad that both Brandon and Callie were quickly taking to potty training. Changing diapers was definitely not on Lena’s list of favorite things about having babies.   
On her way back down the stairs, Lena hears a loud crash come from the kitchen. With Mariana on her hip, she rushes as quickly as she can into the room. In the kitchen, Lena’s mouth falls open in shock as she takes in the image of the cake she had spent all morning baking and decorating smashed onto the kitchen floor. Brandon and Callie are standing beside it, sheepishly looking up at their mother.   
“What did you two do?” Lena asks, carefully putting Mariana back into her highchair and grabbing a broom and dustpan. Neither toddler responds. “Come over here.” Lena tells them, trying to get them out of the danger zone from the shattered pieces of plate on the floor. Lena sets each toddler on a kitchen chair and cleans up the mess, trying to keep her anger in check.   
This wasn’t the first time Brandon and Callie had gotten themselves in trouble recently.   
Last week, Brandon had tried flushing some of Lena’s jewelry down the toilet, which then proceeded to completely overflow all over the bathroom. Apparently, the terrible twos were a real thing after all.   
“What did you two do?” Lena asks sternly, squatting down to look Brandon and Callie in the eye. Again, Lena gets no answer. The two year olds simply shift in their seats, avoiding their mother’s eye contact.   
“We’re home!” Lena hears Stef call as she walks through the front door, Jesus and balloons in her arms. “Everything okay?” Stef asks, looking between Lena and the older twins.   
“I went upstairs to change Mariana’s diaper, and these two managed to destroy the cake I spent all morning working on.” Lena says, starting to lose her cool. In less than two hours, party guests would be arriving. What was she supposed to serve for dessert at the birthday party now?   
“I’m sure they didn’t mean it.” Stef shrugs. “I can text Mike and have him pick up some cupcakes on his way over.”

Lena stares disappointedly at the store bought cupcakes inside their plastic container. There was no way that the frosting on these could compare to her homemade buttercream.   
“The party is still going to be great.” Stef tells her wife, wrapping the curly haired woman up in her arms from behind. For once, they had time during the day where neither of them was holding a baby or a toddler. That was mostly thanks to the myriad of grandparents that were currently fawning over all their grandchildren.   
“I just know that my cake would have been so much better.” Lena sighs, leaning back into Stef’s embrace.   
“I know, babe.” Stef says, kissing the back of Lena’s neck. “But look, they’re both having so much fun.” Stef gestures towards Brandon and Callie, who are playing with their Grandpa Stewart and Grandma Sharon, and gushing excitedly over the Paw Patrol decorations.   
Despite not being allowed to watch much TV, Brandon and Callie had grown to love any show with dogs in it. Brandon had been asking for a dog over the last few months. But there was no way Lena was adding anymore chaos to the Adams Foster household.   
“They do look pretty happy.” Lena admits, smiling as she watches her oldest children playing with their grandparents.   
“And you know they didn’t mean it.” Stef adds.   
“Are you always going to be this soft?” Lena asks her wife. She was surprised that her cop-wife wasn’t a bigger disciplinarian. 

Hours later, after the excitement of the party and the sugar from the cupcakes has worn off, Stef takes Brandon and Callie upstairs for their bath. Lena was in the nursery, feeding Mariana and Jesus before putting them down for the night. Both Brandon and Callie were a little on the fussy side tonight, possibly from their sugar crash or having had too much excitement during the day.   
In the bathroom, Stef is pretty sure that there’s more water all over the floor than in the bathtub. Brandon is splashing the water at her, refusing to let Stef rinse the shampoo out of his hair.   
“Brandon Michael.” Stef tells her son sternly. “Sit still.”  
“No!” Brandon howls, splashing water and throwing bath toys.   
“Do you need some help in here?” Lena asks, popping her head into the bathroom. Undoubtedly, she had heard the commotion.   
“Can you take Callie and dry her off? She’s all clean. But this young man hasn’t been very cooperative.” Stef replies.   
“Of course.” Lena agrees. “Come here, baby girl.” Lena says, scooping Callie into her hooded towel shaped and colored like a duck.   
“Brandon, I need to rinse your hair.” Stef says calmly, turning her attention back to her stubborn son.   
“No!” Brandon shakes his head, spraying Stef with suds.   
“If you don’t let me rinse your hair, you’re going to have to stay in this tub.” Stef warns.   
“Fine.” Brandon crosses his little arms over his chest defiantly.   
“You’ll end up all wrinkly, like grandma.” Stef adds.   
“I don’t care.” Brandon digs in. Stef sighs. Of course she would end up with a child as stubborn as herself.   
“Hey, do you want me to try?” Lena asks, popping her head back into the bathroom. “You can read Callie her bedtime story.”  
“Okay. But good luck. He’s not budging.” Stef says, heading into Callie’s bedroom.   
In the bedroom, with its light pink walls, Stef snuggles next to Callie as she reads her a few storybooks. Before Stef even finishes the second storybook, the little brown haired girl is fast asleep, snoring away. Stef smiles and presses a kiss to her daughter’s head before going to check on Lena and Brandon.   
“You got him to cooperate?” Stef asks in surprise, watching Lena dry off their son.   
“Yep. He wasn’t a problem for me.” Lena shrugs.   
“Oh, that’s good.” Stef says, biting the inside of her cheek. She heads into the master bedroom while Lena puts Brandon to bed in his own room.   
Stef lays on her back on the bed and sighs, feeling utterly defeated. How could she not get Brandon to let her rinse his hair? But it only took Lena minutes to do it. Stef was starting to think she had the hang of this parenting thing. Were her parenting skills that bad?  
Hearing Lena come into the bedroom, Stef shifts so that her back is facing her wife. Tears were stinging the back of her eyes, and she didn’t want Lena to see. She feels the bed shift under Lena’s weight and then her wife’s arms are snaking around her waist.   
“Hey, is everything okay?” Lena asks, seeing a single tear roll down Stef’s cheek.   
“I’m fine.” Stef lies with a shake of her head.   
“Babe, c’mon, talk to me.” Lena urges, putting a hand on Stef’s shoulder and coaxing her to turn around.   
“I’m fine, really.” Stef sniffs, wiping her cheeks.   
“Is it about Brandon?” Lena asks. Of course she can tell, Stef thinks to herself.   
“I just don’t know why he was being so stubborn for me but he was perfectly fine for you.” Stef sniffs.   
“He’s a toddler. Who knows?” Lena says. “He didn’t mean it personally. You know that. It’s just like with the cake this morning. They’re being defiant and misbehaving just because they can.”  
“So it’s not because he doesn’t love me?” Stef asks in a small voice. She still felt that, despite them being hers biologically, that they would always be closer to Lena because she carried them for nine months.   
“Stef, you know he loves you. They both love you. You’re their mommy.” Lena assures. “They’re going to go through phases where they like one of us better than the other or they listen to one of us better than the other. I know it’ll be hard, but we have to try and not take it personally.”  
“Thank you. I’m sorry I was being insane.” Stef says.   
“You’re not insane.” Lena replies. “You’re a mother.”  
“Is there a difference?” Stef asks with a chuckle.


	71. Time Flies

“Are you mama’s little dancer?” Lena coos at Mariana as the one year old wobbles and dances on her chubby baby legs. Today was Mariana and Jesus’s first birthday -- and Lena couldn’t believe how quickly the time had gone. Today also happened to be Mother’s Day, so Stewart had insisted he come down early and help them throw the younger twins’ birthday party. Lena didn’t mind; she loved having her father around and he was a great help with their four kids. Having four kids seemed to be becoming increasingly difficult.   
Brandon and Callie had been mobile for a year and a half now and would occasionally find themselves getting into trouble. Brandon was showing a real interest in music -- his favorite toys were his little toddler keyboard, a child sized guitar, and a small drum set that Sharon had bought him to drive his mothers crazy. Callie was interested in another side of the arts. She loved to paint and color. Their nanny, Angela, would often do small arts and crafts projects with them during the week. Both toddlers, now two and half years old, were officially potty trained and had minimal accidents. Stef and Lena were hoping to get them involved in a team sport of some kind to help them make more friends since they didn’t go to a traditional daycare.   
Mariana and Jesus were only semi-mobile at this point. They could walk, but not very far. Jesus’s main form of transportation was scooting on his butt across the hardwood floors throughout the house. But he didn’t let that stop him from getting in trouble. Jesus loved to use a table or the couch to pull himself to a stand, and then push things to the ground to watch them smash. After losing three glass vases, Lena had decided to just put them all away in the attic for the time being. Jesus would definitely be needing an outlet for all his excess energy. Mariana was less of a trouble maker, but she loved to have all the attention on her. She would dance and twirl around, and then begin to wail if you weren’t giving her enough attention. She was also definitely the drama queen of the family. Any small thing would be blown out of proportion by their little Miss Thing. Lena dreamed of putting her in dance classes when she was old enough -- as a way to keep her active and help her get the attention she always craved.   
“Stef and Dana are putting up the decorations outside. How are the cupcakes coming?” Stewart asks as he comes into the kitchen from the backdoor.   
“They’re baking now.” Lena answers. She didn’t plan on leaving these cupcakes alone for anyone to smash until the big moment.   
“Mama! Mama!” Brandon hollers as he runs into the kitchen.  
“Yes, B?” Lena asks, crouching down to scoop up her oldest child.   
“Can I have a snack?” He asks, giving Lena his best puppy dog eyes.   
“It’s almost lunchtime.” Lena tells him. “Once Grandma Sharon and Grandpa Frank get here, we’ll eat. Okay?”  
“When can we have cupcakes?” He asks. Brandon had developed quite the sweet tooth.   
“After lunch.” Lena says, eliciting a pout from the small boy. “Go play with your sister, huh?” Lena tells him, gesturing back towards the living room.   
A few hours later, Mariana and Jesus’s first birthday party is in full swing. Mariana is putting on a dance party for her grandmothers, completely ecstatic at her captive audience. Brandon and Jesus are playing with the T-ball set that Frank bought Jesus for this birthday. Callie is on her Grandpa Stewart’s lap, watching the boys try to hit the small plastic ball.   
“I can’t believe they’re already a year old.” Lena says, sitting beside Stef at their picnic table outside.   
“Yeah, this last year really flew by.” Stef agrees, putting an arm around Lena and pulling her close.   
“I don’t regret any of it.” Lena states, surprising her wife.   
“Any of it?” Stef asks cautiously.   
“Everything happens for a reason. And we have such a beautiful family.” Lena answers, watching her children and their grandparents in their backyard. 

“You and Lena have big plans tonight for your anniversary?” Mike asks as he and Lena both clock out from a long day on the beat.   
“My dad is watching the kids. We’re going out for dinner. Nothing too crazy.” Stef replies. She wished that they were doing more this year, since their anniversary last year had been overshadowed by the trial.   
“Well, have a good time. I’ve got another shift tonight. Covering for Tony. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.” Mike chuckles as the two officers part ways.   
Two hours later, Stef and Lena are seated across from each other at their favorite Italian restaurant in San Diego. Stef can’t keep her eyes off Lena, who is wearing her best little black dress.   
“You’re staring.” Lena says pointedly, putting a forkful of pasta into her mouth.  
“How can I not when you look like that?” Stef smirks.   
“Stef.” Lena says.   
“You look beautiful.” Stef interrupts. “I can’t wait to take you home.”  
Stef jumps as Lena drops her silverware to the white-clothed table with a loud clang. Before she understands what’s happening, Lena is already up and rushing towards the restaurant’s bathroom. Unsure of what is going on, Stef gets up and follows her wife.   
“Lena, honey.” Stef says tentatively as she comes into the bathroom. Quiet sobs from the handicap stall alerts Stef to her wife’s whereabouts. Stef let’s herself into the unlocked stall. “Was it something I said?” Stef asks, kneeling down in front of her wife on the bathroom floor.   
“I love you. You know I love you.” Lena says through her tears.  
“Of course I know you love me.” Stef replies. “Lena, what’s this about?”  
“I guess I’m still. . . a little uncomfortable with the way you look at me sometimes.” Lena tries to explain. “I know you love me. I know you would never hurt me. But I still get scared sometimes.”  
“Hey, I would never push you to do anything you don’t want to do.” Stef says, gently taking Lena’s face in her hands. “And I am so, so, so sorry if I made you feel otherwise.” The blonde was kicking herself. How could she have been so inconsiderate with her words tonight? She and Lena’s sex life was satisfying, if not quite where it was before her attack almost two years ago. But they had four kids and full-time jobs and no cleaning lady. Stef knew that Lena loved her and wanted her physically, and she tried to never make her wife feel guilty for not wanting to have sex as often as she did.   
“I’m sorry I ruined dinner.” Lena wipes tears from her cheeks.   
“Don’t worry about it, baby. Why don’t we take the rest of our dinner to go and head home, huh?” Stef suggests and Lena nods in agreement.   
On the drive home, Lena begins to feel bad for the way she reacted to Stef’s compliments tonight. She was still healing from her trauma, and Stef was continuously supportive. But Lena knows it isn’t always easy for her wife. In the past year, it had become more and more evident that Stef was harboring a higher sex drive than Lena was. And Lena wanted to keep her wife satisfied.   
“Hey, can we take the long way home?” Lena asks, placing her hand on Stef’s right knee. Sometimes, on their date nights, Stef would take “the long way home” past the beach so they could either make out in the backseat of the SUV or watch the waves with their feet in the sand.   
“Sure.” Stef nods, turning down a different street and heading for the beach. As Stef puts the black SUV in park, Lena leans over the shifter and pulls her wife into a searing kiss.   
“Lena.” Stef says, pulling away in surprise. “I don’t want you to think that you have to-”  
“I know I don’t have to.” Lena tells the blonde woman. “I want to.” With that, Lena crawls into the backseat of the SUV, beckoning Stef to follow her. Heat already gathering between her legs, Stef practically launches herself to the backseat to join her wife. Lena quickly wraps Stef into her arms and pulls her close. She can feel Stef’s heartbeat against her chest and their tongues dance around each other. Lena’s fingers go to the buttons of her wife’s red button down, undoing them before slipping her hand inside the shirt to massage her wife’s breasts. Lena can feel Stef’s nipples hardening beneath her touch.   
“Fuck, Lena.” Stef swears as Lena’s deft fingers pinch and tug on her nipples.   
“Are you ready, baby?” Lena asks, unbuttoning her wife’s pants and slipping her fingers into her lace panties. Stef groans and shudders in pleasure as Lena’s fingers explore her wet folds. “So wet.” Lena whispers huskily into Stef’s ear.   
“Fuck me, baby.” Stef begs, dying to feel Lena’s fingers filling her up.   
“Yes, ma’am.” Lena smirks, thrusting two fingers in Stef’s pussy. Stef’s walls clench around Lena’s fingers, pleasure building inside her as Lena licks and nibbles at her breasts. Lena’s fingers slip in and out of Stef’s pussy with ease, hitting her g-spot with each stroke.   
“Lena.” Stef pants, leaning her head against the fogged up window behind her.   
“Yes, baby?” Lena asks, detaching her lips from Stef’s breasts for just a moment.   
“I’m so close.” She gasps, legs trembling.   
“Let go, baby.” Lena urges, pressing her thumb to Stef’s swollen clitoris. The extra sensation sends shockwaves through Stef’s body. Her pussy constricts around Lena’s fingers, forcing them deeper inside her.   
“Lena!” Stef moans loudly, her body shaking uncontrollably as her orgasm overcomes her. “Oh my god.” Stef exhales as she comes down from her high. “That was amazing.”  
“I love you.” Lena smiles, pulling Stef into her to snuggle.   
Stef is just about to respond in like when there’s a loud banging of a fist against the window. The two women look at each other for a moment, eyes wide in surprise. Stef quickly re-buttons her shirt before tentatively rolling down her window just a hair. Who she sees both shocks and embarasses her.   
“Mike?” Stef asks in surprise, rolling her window down the rest of the way.   
“Stef?” He asks in a similar tone.   
“What are you doing here?” Stef inquires.   
“We got a tip that there might be some, um, teenagers, well, I think you get the gist.” Mike explains, turning red from his cheeks to his ears. “I was not expecting to see you two. Hey, Lena.”  
“Hey, Mike.” Lena says, her own face turning red.   
“I take it you two are, um, all finished up here?” Mike asks, his embarrassment growing.   
“Yeah, we’re heading home now.” Stef says.  
“Okay. Good. Because I didn’t want to have to arrest you two for public indecency charges.” Mike chuckles, turning to head back to his squad car. “I’d say ‘have a good night’ but I think you two already have that covered.”  
After Mike has driven off, the two women turn to each other and burst out into laughter. Their fourth anniversary would definitely be one for the books.


	72. A Not So Ordinary Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: This chapter contains school related violence

Friday started out as any other day. Stef groans as the alarm goes off before hitting the snooze button and reaching for her wife. However, Lena was already awake and in the nursery, feeding Mariana and Jesus.   
“Good morning, beautiful.” Stef smiles, poking her head into the nursery. Lena always looked gorgeous whenever she was taking care of their children.   
“Good morning.” Lena replies as Stef crosses the room and leans in for a kiss. She doesn’t think that Stef could possibly be more wrong. Her curly hair is wild and disheveled. She could already feel the bags under her eyes. And she could taste that her breath was terrible.   
“I’ll go get Brandon and Callie up and dressed if you’ve got these two handled?” Stef offers, running her hands through the still sleepy babies’ curly hair.   
“Sounds like a plan, baby.” Lena agrees, leaning up for another kiss.   
After waking up and dressing the older set of twins, Stef sets them both onto kitchen chairs while she makes breakfast -- scrambled eggs, sausage, and fruit. Thankfully, Brandon and Callie required minimal supervision if you put any kind of food in front of them. Once Stef has the table set for breakfast, Lena comes down the stairs with Mariana and Jesus in her arms.   
“Angela is going to take them to the park today, so I brought down the baby sunscreen and left the stroller in the foyer.” Lena informs her wife. They were truly blessed to have such an amazing nanny to look after their children.   
With the kids already ready for the day, Stef and Lena take turns quickly getting ready for work. The family enjoys breakfast together -- Stef and Lena enjoying listening to their children’s mindless babbles. These mornings together were something Lena cherished. She knew that, in only a few years’ time, their mornings would be rushed as their children started school. Once Angela arrives, the two adults gather what they need for the day and head off to work.  
“I love you. Be safe.” Lena tells her wife, pressing three quick kisses to her pink lips.   
“I will be.” Stef promises. “I love you, too.”

In her office, Lena sighs heavily as she goes through her email. Parent teacher conferences were coming up next week and there were a lot of overly concerned helicopter parents trying to get a “sneak peak” on their children’s performance. Lena wasn’t really sure why they always emailed her. She was in charge of student discipline and curriculum. She didn’t have control over the students' grades.   
When she finally finishes sifting through and replying to parents’ emails, Lena moves her attention to the budget report for the next year. Apparently, according to Principal Sanchez, it needed more revising before it could be shown to the parent board. Lena didn’t think anything was wrong with it at all. She thought the problem was Sanchez. It was no secret that Lena didn’t like her boss and was biding her time until she could become principal of Anchor Beach Community Charter School.   
With the morning having flown by, Lena stands up from her desk and heads out into the halls. Students were busting around -- standing at their lockers, talking to friends, and heading to lunch. Lena smiles and waves a few of them as she walks through the halls. As the vice principal turns to head back to her office, a series of loud pop pop pops stops her in her tracks. Lena’s mouth goes dry as she processes the sound in less than a second. She’s been to the gun range with Stef a handful of times. There’s no mistaking the sound she just heard coming from the high school portion of the campus. Someone has a gun on campus.   
Lena’s body reacts faster than her mind does. Before she knows it, she’s rushing towards the sound in her three inch heels. As she passes waves of students rushing in the opposite direction, she finally reaches the high school side of campus. In the middle of the hall is a male student wearing all black -- including a mask over his face. Lena has no idea who it is. The student looks at her for a moment -- piercing Lena with his crystal blue eyes -- before turning around and rushing away, gun still in hand.   
Her heart thundering in her chest, Lena grabs the first teacher she sees.  
“Tell Principal Sanchez we have a code blue and call 911.” The vice principal orders. Unfortunately, she was trained for this kind of scenario. A code blue would put the school on lockdown and hopefully keep the students in classrooms to prevent any injuries. The police would be here within minutes after being called. Unfortunately, school shootings were nothing new in this country.   
Lena continues through the halls, helping get students into classrooms as she goes.   
“Lena!” The vice principal hears Timothy hiss at her. “Get in here.” He says, grabbing her and pulling her into his English classroom. “Are you mad?” He asks her as he shuts the door and locks it.  
“I need to make sure everyone is safe.” Lena tells him, trying to go back out to the hallway.   
“You need to keep yourself safe.” Timothy argues, putting himself between Lena and the door. “Think about your kids at home.” Lena’s shoulders sink, knowing the English teacher is right.   
“Okay. I’ll get the blinds and you start barricading the door.” Lena instructs, remembering the active school shooter plan all the teachers had been forced to memorize. Lena can’t help her hands from shaking as she pulls the blinds shut and darkness encompasses the room. The vice principal takes a moment to look around the classroom. There were about a dozen students in the room -- all juniors and seniors. Despite almost being adults, they looked terrified. Lena couldn’t blame them. She was thirty-two and completely terrified.   
“Okay. Everyone, I need you all to sit down on the floor against the back of the classroom.” Lena tells the wide-eyed teenagers. Hopefully, this way, if the shooter were to look into the classroom, be wouldn’t be able to see anyone inside.   
“What do we do now?” Timothy asks as he and Lena settle themselves on the floor too.   
“Now, we wait.” Lena sighs, trying desperately to keep the tremble from her voice.


	73. On the Outside

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: This chapter contains mention of suicidal ideation.

Mike and Stef are parked next to a taco truck, having just finished their lunch break. It’s a sunny and warm day in San Diego so the windows of the squad car are rolled all the way down. Stef can feel her left arm starting to tan as it rests in the sun.   
“So, how’s Dani?” Stef asks, sipping from her soda.   
“Oh, we broke up a couple weeks ago.” Mike shrugs.  
“Oh, I’m sorry. What happened?” Stef inquires. She felt bad that Mike hadn’t yet found someone to complete his life the way that Lena completed hers. Thinking about her curly haired wife and their four beautiful children instantly brings a smile to the blonde’s face.   
“Eh, we just didn’t seem to get along after a while.” Mike shrugs. Before Stef can pry further, the radio in the squad car crackles to life.   
“Active shooter at 10 Beach Court. All available officers respond.” Stef’s blood runs cold in her veins.   
“Oh god.” She whispers, flipping on the sirens and pulling out of the parking lot. “That’s Lena’s school.”  
Less than five minutes later, Stef whips into the parking lot of Anchor Beach Community Charter School. Already, there are half a dozen cop cars and officers are setting up a command tent to deal with the sensitive situation.   
“What’s the situation?” Stef asks the officer in charge -- Anthony Marcus, a middle aged African American officer with salt and pepper hair.   
“According to the teacher that called 911, there’s one confirmed student with a gun inside.” Officer Marcus informs the newest officers on the scene.   
“Any shots fired?” Mike asks. His concern for Lena was almost as big as Stef’s.   
“A couple.” Officer Marcus says. “We don’t know if there are any injuries yet.”  
“Then why are we just standing here?” Stef asks, her anger flaring. Her wife was in there. “We should be in there!”  
“We have to follow protocol. We wait for SWAT.” Officer Marcus answers definitively. 

Inside the school, Timothy and Lena are still huddled on the floor with a dozen terrified teenagers. After taking roll and sending it in electronically on the classroom laptop to whoever was in the administrative offices, they were waiting silently and anxiously for whatever was going to happen next.   
No other shots had been fired since the initial ones. At least, not that Lena had heard. Lena was terrified that there were still students in the halls with the gunman. She desperately wanted to protect them, but Timothy’s words rang true in her ears. Thinking about her wife and children, Lena’s hands go to her chest, fidgeting with the sapphire heart necklace Stef had gotten her for their first Mother’s Day.   
Lena was kicking herself for having left her cellphone in her office. In this moment, she would give anything to be able to just text her wife -- to let her know what was happening and that she was okay. Surely, Stef had at least heard about what was happening. The vice principal had a sneaking suspicion that her wife was out in the charter school parking lot with all the other cops. All Lena wanted was to have Stef’s strong arms wrapped around her. 

Stef was practically vibrating with nervous energy. It would take the SWAT team another ten to twenty minutes to arrive and mobilize. The blonde cop wasn’t sure she could survive that long not knowing if her wife was safe. She desperately wanted to call or text her wife, but knew that could give her away and endanger her life.   
“Everything is going to be okay.” Mike says, walking up to stand beside Stef and handing her a bottle of water.   
“This waiting is killing me.” Stef tells him, accepting the water. She was thankful to have something to do with her hands other than shoving them in her pockets. Mike puts his hand on Stef’s shoulder, trying to lend his partner some of his strength. 

Lena feels like she’s been sitting here, on the floor, in the dark, for hours. Her legs and back ache. Timothy shifts next to her and she can tell that he’s feeling the same way. Lena reaches out and places her hand over the Indian man’s.   
“We’re going to be okay.” She tells him, her voice low and quiet. Timothy smiles and nods, squeezing Lena’s hand in gratitude.   
The quietness in the classroom is shattered as someone begins banging on the door. The teenagers flinch in fear. All eyes are on the doorknob as it rattles and buckles as the gunman puts his full body weight into the door. The stack of desks and chairs shifts from the momentum. Lena’s heart is beating out of her chest. Timothy looks around the room, desperate to find some kind of weapon to use against the gunman. If anyone was going to defend these students and Lena, it was going to be him.   
Suddenly, the door frame cracks and the desks and chairs lurch forward. Several of the students let out shouts of fear. Lena clutches Timothy’s hand tighter as the gunman pushes past the desks and chairs and further into the room. Lena’s eyes hone in on the gun in the student’s hand, praying to every god in the universe that he won’t point it at any of them.   
Lena feels Timothy release her hand and get to his feet. What was he doing? He was going to get himself killed!  
“Put the gun down.” Timothy calmly tells the student. Lena was surprised to hear that his voice was steady. Surely, her own voice would have been nothing more than a terrified stammer.   
“Shut up!” The student yells, pointing the gun at Timothy. The English teacher flinches and holds his hands up to signal that he isn’t a threat.   
“Hey, let’s talk about this.” Lena surprises herself as she stands up beside Timothy.   
“Oh, sure, now someone wants to talk.” The gunman rolls his eyes, pulling the mask from his face. Lena is shocked to recognize Alex Richards, a high school sophomore at Anchor Beach who was always a quiet and polite student. What had happened to bring him to this?  
“Alex.” Lena says carefully. “Put down the gun and we can talk about what’s going on.”  
“Don’t talk to me like you care. I know it’s just an act. No one at this school cares about anyone but themselves!” Alex seethes, waving the gun around.   
“I care.” Lena tells him. If only she could distract him enough so that no one got hurt.   
“No, you don’t. You don’t care. You don’t understand.” Alex chokes.   
“Try me.” Lena says. “Tell me what’s going on.”  
“I just. . .” Alex shakes his head. Lena can see tears in his eyes. Her heart breaks for this young man who was clearly in a lot of pain. “I just want to die.” Tears roll down the boy’s cheeks.   
“We can get you some help.” Lena offers. “We can talk to your parents.”  
“They don’t care. Nobody cares. Nobody cares if I live or die.” Alex grimaces, his face contorted in pain as he presses the barrel of the gun to his temple. 

Stef’s head jerks up at the sound of a gunshot. Her heart hammering in her chest, she grabs her gun from her hip and charges into the school -- Mike calling after her to stop.


	74. Anything for You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: This chapter contains mentions of suicide

“Stef! Stef!” Mike calls after his partner as she charges into the school, no knowing what she’ll face on the inside. But Stef doesn’t care. She ignores calls from Mike and other officers as she barrels through the doors of Anchor Beach Community Charter School. She needed to make sure her wife was safe.   
Inside the school, the halls are eerily quiet. It was right around the time that school would be letting out for the day. These halls should be bustling with noisy teenagers excited to be free for the weekend. But instead, they were filled with tension so thick it could be cut with a knife.   
Stef holds her gun at the ready -- ready to aim and fire if necessary -- as she turns corner after corner. Stef hopes to God that she won’t have to shoot a student today. She has no way of knowing where the shots had come from, so she carefully creeps down each hall.   
Finally, Stef stumbles upon a classroom whose door has been seemingly kicked open. Every other door she’d encountered thus far had been shut and locked. With a deep breath, Stef approaches the classroom.   
As she enters the room, a dozen sets of terrified eyes turn to her. Students, maybe juniors or seniors, are huddled together in one corner of the room. Clearly, desks and chairs had been piled in front of the classroom door, but they were now strewn across the room. Timothy, an English teacher and a close friend of Stef and Lena’s, is trying to calm the frazzled teens. Stef’s eyes fall to the center of the room -- where her wife is kneeling over a limp body, her hands and blouse covered in blood.   
“Lena.” Stef says, approaching the clearly upset woman. As she looks at the student lying on the floor, Stef’s heart sinks. There is a bullet wound on one temple and an exit wound on the other. The floor is covered in dark red blood and globules of gelatinous brain matter. Clearly, the young boy is already dead.   
“Lena.” Stef says again, kneeling beside her wife and putting a gentle hand on her shoulder. “Lena, he’s gone.” Lena doesn’t speak. Instead, she launches herself into Stef’s arms as sobs rack through her body. Stef doesn’t care that Lena’s hands and blouse are soaked through with blood. The blonde cop pulls her wife tighter against her chest and strokes her hair soothingly.   
“I can’t believe you came.” Lena finally chokes out through her tears.  
“I would do anything for you.” Stef promises, peppering the tops of Lena’s heads with kisses. 

Over an hour later, Stef and Lena are on their way home. There had been a lot of statements to give and take, and a lot of very worried parents to calm down. Thankfully, Principal Sanchez had sympathy on Lena and dealt with most of the parents. Stef had opted to drive Lena home instead of going back to the precinct for her SUV. She would get it eventually. She was more worried about getting Lena, who had been mostly shut down since Stef found her, home and to bed. Stef had managed to find her a black, SDPD t-shirt to change into and to get the blood washed off of her hands and forearms.   
“Thanks, Angela.” Stef says as the nanny leaves for the night. Lena had gone straight into the living room, craving her babies’ love. Stef trails into the living room, finding her wife on the couch -- somehow holding all four children in her arms on the couch. Stef goes to the couch, sitting on the far end opposite Lena, and wraps her family into her arms.   
Stef can only guess at what is going through Lena’s mind. She’d been through a terrifying situation with an active shooter running through the school. And then she, along with Timothy and a dozen students, had been forced to watch the troubled student take his own life. Stef definitely thought that they all needed to talk to a counselor of some kind after this ordeal.   
Since neither of them feel much up for cooking, Stef orders a couple of pizzas while Lena continues to cuddle the kids in the living room. Brandon and Callie both seemed a little unsure of what was going on, but they didn’t mind the extra cuddles from their mama. Jesus, of course, had too much energy to just sit still on the couch. He managed to wiggle out of the group cuddle several times, choosing instead to run around the house.   
When the pizza arrives, Stef cuts the plain cheese pie into bite-sized pieces for the kids to munch on while Lena puts plates on the table. The family eats in a subdued silence, the kids picking up on their moms’ emotions a little bit. Despite the emotions of the room, Brandon and Callie happily munch on their pizza -- enjoying the rare treat. Already they knew that their mama had a pension for healthy foods.   
A couple of hours later, Stef puts the two sets of twins to bed before returning to the master bedroom to get herself ready for bed. Lena was in the shower, trying to wash away the remaining bits of a terrible day. Stef knows they’ll need to talk about it before either of them can get some sleep.   
“Hey, baby, come here.” Stef says as Lena comes out of the bathroom in her robe. Lena lays right into Stef’s open arms, burying her face into her wife’s neck. “We should talk about it.” Stef urges.   
“I should have known he was struggling so much.” Lena shakes her head, her curly hair tickling Stef’s cheek.   
“How could you have known?” Stef rebuttals, rubbing her wife’s back in soothing circles.   
“I just should have known.” Lena insists. “He was in so much pain for so long. I could have at least done something.”  
“You did the best that you could.” Stef says. She had heard Lena’s statement to the cops -- she had tried to reason with the distraught boy, to get him to put the gun down, to know there was still hope. Stef hated that Lena had to go through that -- that she had to watch one of her students take his own life.   
Lena shifts in Stef’s arms, bringing her lips up to meet her wife’s. Stef melts into the kiss, her finger tips trailing down Lena’s robe-covered back. Lena’s tongue traces over Stef’s lips, requesting entrance to her mouth. Stef concedes, their tongues slipping across one another. While their tongues duel, Stef slips her hands beneath Lena’s robe, enjoying the feel of her smooth and soft skin.   
“Lena, are you sure you want to do this tonight?” Stef asks, breaking their kiss. Not that she didn’t want to make love to her wife. She was always up for that activity. She just didn’t want Lena to do anything she didn’t want to, especially if her mind was still a mess of emotion from the day.   
“Yes.” Lena insists. “I want to feel alive with you.” Lena desperately wanted to feel Stef’s skin against hers, reminding her that they were alive and healthy. Not one to argue with her wife, Stef flips Lena over onto her back and attacks her lips. They make out ferociously, like a pair of teenagers, for a while, enjoying the feeling of each other’s lips.   
Once their lips are swollen from kissing, Stef moves hers down to Lena’s chest. Pulling open her robe, Stef ravishes her wife’s dark brown nipples -- running her tongue over them in circles, nibbling on them gently with her teeth, suckling them into her mouth. Lena’s eyes are closed in pleasure, her fingers tangling into Stef’s short blonde hair.   
“Stef.” Lena moans as her wife’s lips trail down her stomach, heading for her most sensitive area.   
“What do you want, baby?” Stef asks with a smirk, her lips hovering over Lena’s pussy. Lena could feel Stef’s breath lightly brushing her clit. Unable to form words, Lena grips Stef’s hair tight and brings her mouth to her pussy. She can feel Stef smiling against her wet pussy before she starts to lick and suck.   
Stef runs her tongue up and down Lena’s slit, spreading around her wetness. She can’t help but revel in the sweet saltiness that is her wife’s arousal. Lena maintains her tight grip on Stef’s head, keeping her wife close to her pussy.   
Stef moves her focus to Lena’s clit. She can feel Lena’s legs beginning to tremble. She knows her wife is close to her orgasm. The blonde woman flicks her tongue across Lena’s clit at warp speed, building her wife’s pleasure up and up. Hitting the crescendo of pleasure, Lena’s legs clamp around Stef’s head, her body shaking in pleasure as her moans echo off the walls of their bedroom.   
Stef kisses back up Lena’s body once her wife releases her from between her legs. Her face is slick with Lena’s wetness. Lena’s body is limp, still coming down from her orgasm, so Stef pulls her onto her chest, covering them with the comforter.   
“That was so good.” Lena smiles as she nuzzles into Stef’s neck. “Thank you.”  
“Hmmm, you’re welcome.” Stef hums, kissing the top of Lena’s head. She feels Lena’s fingers trace down her chest over her pajama top -- lightly circling her still covered nipples. Stef sighs in pleasure, sinking into the mattress. Lena plays with the waistband of Stef’s, building up the suspense.   
“Lena.” Stef moans quietly as the curly haired woman slips her hand into Stef’s panties. Stef’s eyelids flutter in pleasure as Lena’s fingers ghost through her wet, golden curls. Lena dips two fingertips into Stef’s entrance -- gathering her wetness -- before traveling back up to circle her clit. Lena kisses and nibbles at Stef’s neck while her fingers deftly work her clit.   
“Oh, god, Lena.” Stef gasps, her breaths becoming shallow. Lena knows she’s close, so she increases the speed of her fingers. Stef’s eyes roll back into her skull as her body trembles uncontrollably in pleasure. She cums hard -- Lena’s name falling from her lips like a prayer.   
“Thank you.” Stef smiles weakly as she feels Lena’s arms wrap around her.   
“Anything for you, baby.” Lena tells her, echoing Stef’s words from earlier today.


	75. Opportunity

Stef struts through the precinct on this Thursday morning, a large travel mug of coffee in hand. This morning, she and Lena had gotten up and out of the house earlier than usual in order to attend a counseling session. After the shooting at Anchor Beach Community Charter School, Lena was still dealing with feelings of responsibility and upsetness. Both Stef and Lena knew the value in therapy -- having both attended therapy during their adult lifetimes for different issues -- so it wasn’t a big deal for them to make the appointments and go to them. Stef was happy to attend the sessions with Lena -- to help her through and for herself as well. The only problem Stef had with therapy was that it forced her to get out of bed an extra hour early.   
“Hey, Officer Foster, I mean, Stef.” Sam Morgan, who was not so much a rookie on the force these days anymore, greets Stef as they pass in the precinct. “Captain Roberts wants to see you when you have a chance.”  
“Okay. Thanks.” Stef replies, suppressing both a groan and an eye roll. What did I do now? Stef thinks to herself as she drops her bag and her coffee off at her desk before heading towards Captain Roberts’ office.   
“Oh, Stef, good, I was looking for you.” Captain Roberts says, glancing up at the blonde officer as she shuffles some papers around on her desk.   
“Good morning, ma’am.” Stef nods.   
“Take a seat, Officer.” Captain Roberts directs.   
“Did I do something wrong, ma’am?” Stef asks as she slips into one of the chairs in front of the large, wooden desk.   
“On the contrary, Officer.” Captain Roberts says. “I wanted to talk to you about a promotion.”  
“A promotion?” Stef inquires, intrigued by the idea.  
“I, along with others here at the station, were very impressed with your detective work and leadership in catching Luis Martinez.” Stef stiffens at the mention of her wife’s attacker -- despite the fact that he was serving five twenty year sentences in prison for the rape of at least five women in San Diego County.   
“Oh?” Stef responds, not quite sure where the Captain is going with this.  
“How would you feel about becoming a detective?” Captain Roberts says. “You’ll have to take the licensing exam, of course, but I have no doubt that you’ll pass.”  
“Detective? Wow.” Stef breathes. She hadn’t really entertained the idea before. Catching Martinez had been born out of necessity, not interest. “I don’t know what to say, ma’am.”  
“Tell me you’ll at least think about it?” Captain Roberts replies. “Go home tonight and talk to Lena about it. It comes with quite the pay raise.”  
“Yes, ma’am.” Stef nods before heading out of the office and onto the streets. 

“Detective? Wow.” Lena says when Stef tells her that night as they’re getting ready for bed. “Is it something you’re interested in?”  
“It comes with a big pay raise.” Stef informs her wife.  
“Money isn’t the only thing that matters.” Lena rebuttals.   
“I know that. But you can’t ignore the fact that the extra pay would be a big help.” Stef replies. Between their nanny, buying food for four kids, and every day expenses -- sometimes things were tighter than Stef was comfortable with financially.   
“It would be, but I care more about your happiness than the money.” Lena says over her shoulder as she heads into their bathroom to brush her teeth.   
“I know. I know.” Stef sighs as she thinks. “I’ve been on the beat for over ten years. Maybe it’s time I thought about moving up. My back wouldn’t hurt as much. And I wouldn’t have to wear that damn uniform everyday.”  
“Hey! What’s wrong with the uniform?” Lena calls from the bathroom.   
“It’s an honor to wear it, but it's a polyblend and hot and incredibly unattractive.” Stef lists. “Frankly, I’d be happy if I never saw it again.”  
“Never?” Lena asks, sauntering into the bedroom -- clad in only Stef’s San Diego PD uniform top, the buttons left unbuttoned to show off her firm and perky breasts. Stef’s jaw drops as Lena climbs on top of her, straddling her waist.   
“You have the right to remain silent.” Lena purrs into her wife’s ear. “Anything you do or say can and will be held against you.”  
“Is that all that’ll be held against me?” Stef smirks, running her hands up and down Lena’s long, smooth legs.   
“Are you going to be quiet? Or do I have to punish you?” Lena’s breath is hot against Stef’s ear, sending goosebumps across her skin.   
“Oh, I think you’re going to have to punish me.” Stef urges, wetness gathering between her creamy thighs. Lena leans towards her side of the bed, rustling through the drawer of her nightstand for a minute before returning to her spot in Stef’s lap. Stef raises her arms, letting Lena cuff her wrists with the non-regulation, pink fuzzy handcuffs. They had been a gag gift from Jenna one year, but the joke was on her because they had quickly become a favorite part of Stef and Lena’s sexual arsenal.   
With her wife cuffed, Lena presses her plump lips to Stef’s thin pink ones. She can feel Stef’s heart thundering in her chest. Lena kisses her way down Stef’s neck -- stopping to kiss and suck on the pulse point beneath her chin -- before coming to her heavy breasts. Stef groans as Lena takes a rose colored nipple into her mouth -- licking, sucking, and nibbling until Stef is writhing in pleasure beneath her. With a smug look on her face, Lena ignores the other nipple and kisses down Stef’s flat stomach, making sure to bite and lick her solid abs. Lena was only a little jealous of her wife’s immaculate figure.   
“Damn, woman.” Stef swears, tugging on the cuffs as Lena nips at the insides of her creamy thighs.   
“Patience, love.” Lena smirks, placing a teasing kiss just above Stef’s swelling clit. Lena could already smell Stef’s arousal. Her wife was more than ready for her. But Lena wasn’t done torturing her yet. It was often that she had Stef at her complete mercy.   
So the caramel skinned woman kisses back up Stef’s body -- all the way to her mouth. For several minutes the two women are captured in a searing, passionate kiss; their tongues dancing their familiar dance together. Stef moans deeply into Lena’s mouth as Lena’s hands go to her breasts -- pinching and rolling her nipples with her deft fingers. Stef’s hips buck, dying to create some blessed friction between them.   
With her fingers still pleasuring her wife’s breasts, Lena kisses back down Stef’s body. This time, she stops and hovers over Stef’s aching pussy. Stef shivers as Lena drags her nails down her body. Lena licks her lips before her tongue darts out and flicks at Stef’s clit -- once, twice, a third time.   
“Fuck, baby.” Stef swears at the sensation. Smiling smugly, Lena feasts on her wife’s delicious pussy -- licking and sucking her outer lips, sucking on her clit, penetrating her entrance with her skillful tongue. Lena continues like this -- never focusing on one spot for too long -- until Stef begins to beg.   
“Baby, please. I need to come so bad.” Stef pants. Her face and body were covered in sweat. Her legs were beginning to tremble. Her wetness was soaking through the sheets of the bed.   
Deciding that Stef had had enough torture, she goes in for the kill. Her arms wrapping around Stef’s thighs and pulling her closer to her mouth, Lena lays flat on her stomach and attaches her lips to Stef’s swollen clit. The curly haired woman uses the tip of her tongue to run alternating circles over the swollen bundle of nerves. Stef’s hands are twisted in the sheets, her body begging for more. Taking the whole nub into her mouth, Lena suckles.   
“Son of a bitch!” Stef exclaims, her legs clamping around Lena’s head. Lena smiles to herself and suckles harder, pulling Stef over the edge. “Oh, Lena, fuck.” Stef’s body spasms, her hazel green eyes rolling into the back of her skull as she rides out her orgasm.   
“So, what exactly was wrong with the uniform again?” Lena asks huskily as she unlocks the handcuffs and pulls Stef onto her chest.   
“Only the fact that it’s the only piece of clothing between us.” Stef replies suggestively as she pushes the blue fabric from her wife’s shoulders.


	76. Adjustments

Lena sighs heavily as she looks at the three, kid sized suitcases in front of her on the dining room table. What were they thinking -- trying to travel by airplane with two three year olds and two one-and-a-half year olds? Surely, they were both insane. Visiting Sharon in Florida for Christmas had been Stef’s idea in the first place. Of course, the blonde detective didn’t have to worry about packing for four kids and two adults.  
Of course, there wasn’t much Stef was doing at home these days. Lena loved that her wife was off the beat and doing something she was passionate about -- but the increase in her hours was taking its toll on Lena. Most nights, Stef didn’t get home until well after dinner. That left Lena to entertain their four kids, make dinner, clean up, and get four toddlers ready for bed each night on her own -- all after working a full day herself.  
Lena understood that Stef was trying to show her dedication and prove herself to the other detectives. She really did. But that didn’t make it any easier for her. She missed cooking dinner while Stef sat at the kitchen table and they chatted about their days at work. She missed stealing kisses as they did the dishes. She missed watching Stef give Brandon, Callie, Jesus, and Mariana their bathes.  
With another sigh, Lena goes back to her packing. Their flight was leaving tomorrow at ten a.m. Lena needed to get the packing done, get the kids bathed and into bed, and hopefully get some sleep herself. She wasn’t holding out much hope that Stef would be home before she went to bed tonight. 

Lena, having tossed and turned for the last few hours, feels the queen bed shift under her wife’s weight. The curly haired woman rolls onto her side, facing away from Stef. Lena feels Stef cuddle up against her, running her finger tips up and down Lena’s thigh.  
“Not tonight, Stef.” Lena tells her wife sternly.  
“Is everything okay, love?” Stef asks, nuzzling into the crook of Lena’s neck.  
“I’m just exhausted. It was a really long day.” Lena replies. The shortness in her words isn’t lost on Stef.  
“Is there anything I can do for you?” Stef asks, hoping that a little love making would help ease her wife’s sour mood.  
“Not anymore.” Lena shrugs.  
“What does that mean?” Stef asks, sitting up in bed and crossing her arms in front of her chest.  
“It means that I could have used your help this evening -- getting everything and everyone ready for tomorrow.” Lena snaps, also sitting up in the bed.  
“Lena, I had to work.” Stef tries to justify.  
“Until after ten p.m.?” Lena asks. “You have been at work later and later every day this month. I’m starting to feel like a single parent.”  
“I am doing this for us, Lena.” Stef rebuttals. “So that we can have a more secure future. I thought you liked that I wasn’t on the beat anymore.”  
“I do. But I also like seeing my wife sometimes.” Lena practically growls.  
“Lena, love,” Stef begins, reaching out to touch her wife’s caramel skin.  
“No.” Lena jerks away. “We need to get some sleep.” Lena says, laying back down on her side in the bed. “And don’t you dare touch me tonight.”

The next morning goes by in a crazy flurry. Getting two three year olds and two one-and-a-half year olds through security at the airport proved to be one of the hardest things Stef has ever had to do. Someone was always either crying or throwing a tantrum or falling behind. Callie had wandered off at some point, leaving Stef in a complete frenzy until she found her daughter trying to pet a drug sniffing dog. Lena had barely said two words to Stef all morning as they got the kids up and ready for the busy day.  
The plane ride itself hadn’t been too bad. Stef and Lena had decided to spit up, each of them taking two kids. Even though it was more expensive, they had decided to book each of the kids their own seat to make everyone more comfortable. Stef loved watching Callie look out the window of the plane, her eyes filling with wonder as they flew above the clouds.  
Jesus and Mariana had been Stef’s biggest concern. They weren’t as easily distracted as Brandon and Callie were. Thankfully, Mariana quickly fell asleep in Lena’s arms, her legs hanging into the middle seat beside her. Jesus was happily playing with his toys in the aisle seat beside Stef. The blonde mother was thankful that her son, who was usually bouncing off the walls, seemed to be having a lower energy day than normal.  
Now, Stef was gracefully navigating Orlando traffic -- in the minivan that Lena insisted they rent. The family of six would be staying with Stef’s mother in her three bedroom condo for the next couple of days. Lena had mentioned taking the kids to Disney World, but Stef was hoping it didn’t happen. Seeing her mom and flying with all their kids was already enough stress for her.  
“Oh, my beautiful grandbabies!” Sharon exclaims as Stef and Lena unload the kids from the minivan. Stef smiles as her mother embraces each of her children. All the kids loved seeing their grandmother. While Sharon entertains the kids, Stef and Lena finish unloading the car and set up the kids room. Because Sharon rarely used her second spare room, it was pretty empty except for the child sized air mattresses that she had set up for their impending arrival.  
“Lena, will you talk to me?” Stef finally asks as they’re unpacking in their room for the next few days.  
“There’s nothing to talk about.” Lena shrugs coldly.  
“Love, please, I know you’re upset.” Stef says, taking hold of Lena’s slim wrists so the curly haired woman would look at her.  
“I don’t want to ruin our vacation.” Lena replies, shaking her head.  
“You won’t ruin our vacation. My mom is with the kids. Let’s just take a moment, love.” Stef practically begs. She hated when Lena was mad at her. And this ice cold, shutdown wrath was killing her.  
“It’s just. . . it’s hard at home without you. I feel like we’ve been so far apart since you started this new job.” Lena sighs, sitting on the bed. Stef follows suit, intertwining her fingers with Lena’s. “I know how much you love this new job. And I really do feel better with you off the beat. The kids miss you, and I-I miss you so much.” Lena sniffles and buries her face into Stef’s neck.  
“I’m sorry, baby.” Stef cringes, realizing that Lena is completely right. Stef has been putting all her attention and energy into her work since starting her detective job. She wanted to prove to all the other detectives that she’s got what it takes to be in this line of work. She’d been too selfish to realize how that would negatively affect her family. “I am going to try and be better. I will be home more. I promise, baby.”

The next few days, including Christmas, fly by without a hitch. The whole family took a trip to a local beach, letting the kids play in the Atlantic Ocean for the first time in their lives. Stef is grateful for her mother this week. She and Lena have had more personal time together in the last week than they have in at least three months.  
“You and Lena seem to be a bit stressed out.” Sharon says one night to her daughter. Lena is on the floor with the kids as they excitedly play with all their new toys that Grandma Sharon had bought them for Christmas.  
“We have four kids and full time jobs.” Stef shrugs. “It’s not easy.”  
“You know, I could come and help you guys out.” Sharon offers. “It wouldn’t be hard to rent out my condo.”  
“Mom, do you really want to give up your independence and freedom just to chase after a bunch of kids all the time?” Stef snorts.  
“I would love to spend more time with my grandkids.” Sharon replies.  
“Are you serious, mom?” Stef asks incredulously.  
“Just think about it, Stephanie.” Sharon adds before joining the kids on the floor. 

Tonight, on their last night in Orlando, Stef and Lena are seated on a boardwalk patio just steps away from the beach. Between the happiness she feels and the wine she’s consumed, Stef feels like she’s floating as Lena’s fingers intertwine with hers.  
“We need to have more date nights when we get back home.” Stef states, lost in Lena’s chocolate brown eyes.  
“That would be really nice.” Lena chirps, blushing from the way Stef is looking at her. Even after five years and four kids together, they were still hot for each other. “It would be really easy with your mom around.” Lena adds pointedly.  
“Do you really think that’s a great idea?” Stef inquires. “Having my mother around all the time?”  
“I think it would take a lot of pressure off of us.” Lena replies. “She could watch the kids during the day. We wouldn’t need a nanny anymore, which would free up quite a bit of our finances. They’d be with family. You know how important family is.”  
“Would she stay in the house? You wouldn’t have your office anymore.” The idea is beginning to sound better and better in Stef’s mind.  
“Or we could convert the garage into a studio apartment. We don’t use it and that would increase the value of our house.” Lena says.  
“Can we afford that?” Stef cocks her head. Clearly, this was not the first time Lena had considered an idea like this.  
“We have a line of credit on the house. There should be enough to cover that kind of construction project.” Lena responds.  
“Are we really seriously considering having my mother come and live with us?” Stef snorts. Never in her life did she imagine this would occur.  
“Well, I can show you the upside of having live-in childcare.” Lena replies suggestively, one eyebrow raised. Stef quickly waves down the waiter for their check and downs the rest of her wine. Minutes later, the minivan is parked by the beach while Lena demonstrates why taking Sharon’s offer is a great idea.


	77. Something New

“Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea.” Stef grumbles as she unloads the moving pod. How her mother was going to get all her stuff into the garage-turned-studio-apartment was beyond Stef. But her mother was already coming in handy, keeping the kids occupied while Stef and Mike and Lena unload her stuff into the new studio apartment.   
Stef had to admit, the renovation had turned out pretty good. It wasn’t a huge amount of space, but with the light colored walls and the new windows, it felt bigger. It had a tiny kitchenette and a small bathroom. Plus, her mother would also have full use of their house as well. Really, she was the one doing them a favor in the end.   
“It looks like they’ve already tired you out.” Stef chuckles, walking up to her mother who is catching her breath in one of the cushioned backyard chairs.  
“I’ll have to build my stamina back up. I wish I had their energy.” Sharon laughs, watching as the four kids run around the backyard at full speed.   
“You and me both.” Stef agrees, taking a seat beside her mother. “I’m glad that you’re here, mom.” Stef’s hand reaches out towards her mother.   
“I’m glad I’m here, too.” Sharon replies, clasping her daughter’s hand in her own. 

“I can’t handle her anymore.” Stef groans as she comes into the master bedroom to change after a long day at work.   
“It’s barely been a week.” Lena laughs, pulling her red blouse over her head.   
“She’s officially driven me crazy.” Stef sighs, unbuttoning her uniform.   
“What did she do now?” Lena asks, secretly rolling her eyes at her wife.   
“Apparently, I work too many hours a week.” Stef scoffs. “Apparently catching rapists and child molesters should be a nine to five job.” Lena shudders at the thought of her wife’s job in the special victims unit.   
“She just wants you to be present.” Lena defends her mother-in-law. “We all do.” Lena kneels on the bed, clad in only her bra and panties.   
“I know, love. And I am trying. It’s just going to take us time to find a good routine.” Stef says, stepping out of her uniform pants and tossing them into the hamper.   
“Come over here.” Lena tells her wife, who is also now only in her bra and panties.   
“Babe, I am so gross and sweaty.” Stef warns as Lena wraps her into her caramel arms.   
“I don’t care.” Lena says, peppering her wife’s neck with gentle kisses.   
“Hmmm, my mother is downstairs in the kitchen.” Stef adds, her eyes fluttering at the feeling of Lena’s lips on her neck.   
“She’s cooking dinner and entertaining our kids.” Lena informs. “That means no one will be looking for us.”   
“Oh really?” Stef’s eyebrows show her piqued interest. “I do like the sound of that.”  
“I like you.” Lena purrs, her fingertips grazing along Stef’s bare abs.   
“I love you.” Stef replies, gripping Lena’s hips with her hands.   
“I love you, too.” Lena’s smile turns into a look of passion as Stef pulls their bodies together.   
There’s no more need for words as lips crash together. Stef can feel Lena’s fingers ghost over her abs and then up her back, effortlessly unclasping the beige bra covering her full breasts. The article of clothing falls to the floor, completely forgotten. Stef shudders as the pad of Lena’s thumb grazes a rose colored nipple.   
Stef trails her hands up from Lena’s hips, bringing them to the clasp of her black lace bra. Lena moans into Stef’s mouth as their bare breasts meet, pressing against each other. Stef rakes her finger nails down Lena’s back, their tongues dueling for dominance. Stef breaks their kiss and pushes Lena back into the bed, causing her to let out a squeak of surprise. The blonde woman crawls onto the bed until she’s hovering over her wife. Lena’s is biting her lower lip in desire, her cheeks flushed.   
Stef dips her head down, bringing her lips around a dark brown nipple. Lena groans as Stef flicks her nipple with her tongue, her other hand rolling the other nipple between her thumb and forefinger. Stef smiles around Lena’s nipple as the curly haired woman tugs on her short, blonde hair. There was nothing that drove Stef crazier than Lena pulling on her hair.   
“Stef.” Lena lets out a breathy moan, her hips bucking up as Stef grinds her knee into Lena’s center.  
“Yes, baby?” Stef asks, moving her lips to her wife’s slender neck. Lena is momentarily distracted by Stef sucking and nipping at her neck.   
“I want you to fuck me.” Lena tells her wife, making her intentions perfectly clear. With a devilish smirk, Stef quickly hops off the bed and fishes through Lena’s bedside table drawer. Less than two minutes later -- she had certainly gotten faster at putting this thing on -- Stef climbs back into bed with Lena. Lena grips the purple dildo and grinds it against Stef’s clit.   
“Shit, baby.” Stef moans. “Careful or you’ll make me cum.”  
“You foiled my evil plot.” Lena’s giggles turn into gasps of pleasure as Stef runs her fingers up and down her wet slit. Once she’s sure Lena is ready for her, Stef lines the purple dildo up with her entrance and slowly thrusts herself into her wife’s soaked pussy.   
“Uh, Stef.” Lena moans once Stef has completely filled her up. Stef continues to thrust into her wife, their bodies moving together, passion heating up the room.   
“Do you like that, baby?” Stef pants.   
“Oh, yes.” Lena replies, lost in the throes of pleasure.   
“Do you want to ride me?” Stef offers, knowing how much Lena liked to be on top when they used this particular toy.  
“Yes.” Lena moans. With an evil grin, Stef flips the two of them over, never pulling the didlo out of her wife’s pussy. The blonde watches in amazement as Lena rides her -- watching her perky breasts bounce, watching as the dildo disappears and reappears between them, watching her face contort in pleasure.   
“Fuck, baby, you’re so hot.” Stef groans. Every time Lena moves, the base of the dildo grinds into Stef’s clit, creating more and more wetness between her legs.   
“I’m close.” Lena pants, spurring Stef to reach for her clit -- rubbing the swollen bundle of nerves with her fingertips until Lena is trembling in pleasure about her. Lena collapses beside her wife, aftershocks of pleasure racking through her. As she comes down from her high, Lena circles Stef’s rose colored nipples with the tip of her index finger.   
“You have no idea what you do to me.” Stef breathes, her eyes fluttering in pleasure.   
“I want to find out.” Lena says, shimmying down the bed. The curly haired woman takes the strap on dildo that Stef is still wearing in her hand, giving her wife a lust-filled look. Stef nearly cums as Lena takes the dildo into her mouth, sucking her own arousal off of it. Lena’s fingers find their way past the dildo, playing with her wet folds and swollen clit. The site of Lena sucking her dick and the feeling of her fingers circling her clit brings Stef to a screaming orgasm within minutes. In an effort to silence her unusually loud wife, Lena captures her lips into a searing kiss.   
“That was so fucking hot.” Stef gasps as Lena releases her lips. “I had no idea. . .” That watching you suck my dick would drive me insane.   
“I still have a few surprises up my sleeve.” Lena smirks, pecking Stef on the lips one more time before leaving the bed to put clothes on and head downstairs for dinner.


	78. First Day Anxieties

Stef winces and wakes up from her slumber as her son’s foot makes contact with her cheek. This was the third night this week that Brandon had crawled into bed with them. Stef was pretty sure it was because the start of kindergarten was creeping up on them quickly. Tomorrow would be Brandon and Callie’s first day of school. It was clear to Stef that Brandon was her biological son, because she too was feeling anxious about tomorrow.   
Obviously she had been spending weekdays away from Brandon and Callie since they were six weeks old, but this felt different somehow. Her babies would be embarking on their educational adventures -- where they would learn new things, develop new interests, and make new friends. Stef was pretty sure she’d be blubbering like a baby when she drops them off in the morning. She found solace in the fact that Lena would be there at Anchor Beach all day and would, undoubtedly, check in on them at least once.   
“You okay?” Stef asks her quietly, stifling a laugh as she hears Lena wince when Brandon throws an elbow into her ribs. The five year old boy was, of course, sleeping sideways between them in their queen sized bed. Stef and Lena were barely clinging to the edges of the bed, lying on their sides and facing each other.   
“Ask my ribs in the morning.” Lena whispers in response. Stef can just make out a hint of a smile on her face through the darkness of the bedroom. In the blink of an eye, their babies were starting school. Before they knew it, they would be graduating high school and going off to college. Even on nights like this, Stef knows that neither of them would change any of it for the world. 

“Eat up, B.” Stef urges Brandon, who is pushing his scrambled eggs around his plate.   
“I finished all mine, mommy!” Callie declares proudly, kicking her little feet happily.   
“Good girl, baby.” Stef smiles at her oldest daughter. “Why don’t you go upstairs and mama will help you get ready, hmm?” Callie happily hops down from her chair and bounces up the stairs. Sharon was in the living room with Mariana and Jesus, planning to take them to the park after everyone was out of the house.   
“What’s wrong, B?” Stef asks, sitting next to her quiet son.   
“How long do we hafta be at school?” He asks, looking up at her with his big brown eyes and cocking his head to the side.   
“Grandma will pick you up at three.” Stef tells him.   
“I’m scared.” Brandon admits to his mom.   
“It’s okay to be scared. But you’re going to do great. And mama will be very close by in case you need anything.” Stef tries to calm her son’s nerves.  
“What about you, mommy?” He asks.   
“I’ll be at work, bud. I’ll see you when I get home.” Stef assures him.   
“When will that be?” Brandon inquires. Apparently, Stef’s oldest son wanted a time card for the day.   
“Before dinner. Come on, eat up. We gotta get you and your sister to school.” Stef tells him. 

“Don’t cry. Don’t cry. Don’t cry.” Stef chants to herself quietly as she watches Brandon and Callie walk into Anchor Beach, their ends barely visible over their cartoon-decorated backpacks.  
“They’ll be fine.” Lena assures, wrapping an arm around her wife.   
“It’s not them I’m worried about.” Stef chortles, leaning into Lena’s embrace.   
“I’ll check on them before lunch and then call you, okay?” Lena grins, pressing a kiss to Stef’s cheek. “You better get going or you’ll be late to work.”

The sound of Lena’s heels against the floor echoes down the hallway as she heads towards the elementary school campus of Anchor Beach Community Charter School. Despite her calm demeanor this morning, she had been dying to check in Brandon and Callie all day -- but she didn’t want to be that parent.   
Silently, she peers through the window of the door to the kindergarten classroom. She can see both her children sitting at a low table with a few other students, coloring. Callie is chatting animatedly but Brandon, on the other hand, is quietly keeping to himself. Lena watches them for a few minutes, her heart swelling with love. Her beautiful babies weren’t really babies anymore.   
None of her children could really be described as babies anymore. Jesus and Mariana were three and a half -- and were becoming more and more independent every day. They were both potty trained. Mariana now insisted on dressing herself every morning for the day. She often came down with two different shoes on -- insisting it was a fashion statement. Lena was sure her younger daughter would be a fashion diva some day.   
Jesus, with all his energy, was a tough boy to keep an eye on. How Sharon managed to keep tabs on that boy, Lena did not know. It didn’t seem to matter what they did during the day, Jesus was always full of energy when it was time for bed. He could never focus on the story his moms would read him in bed at night.   
Back in her office, Lena pulls out her cell phone to call Stef. Lena missed having a baby in the house. Sure, she didn’t miss the sleepless nights or the dirty diapers. But she did miss the baby snuggles, the bonding, all the firsts. The wheels turning in her head, a smile breaks out on her face as Stef answers. 

“Hey, babe.” Stef greets her wife as she walks into the kitchen. She loved that she didn’t automatically have to go upstairs and change out of her uniform. At least what she wore as a detective resembled regular people's clothes.   
“Hey, honey. How was work?” Lena asks, sliding a sheet pan dinner of chicken and asparagus into the oven.   
“It was fine.” Stef shrugged. She didn’t really like to talk about her work at home, considering her wife’s history of sexual assault. “How was Brandon and Callie’s first day?” Stef was anxious to hear how Brandon had done today after the anxiety he was having this morning.   
“They did great.” Lena smiles brightly. “I talked to Ms. Sparks after school let out and she said they really did great. They were polite and interactive.”  
“And how was Brandon when you got home? He was pretty anxious about today.” Stef continues.   
“I wonder where he got that from.” Lena jokes, sauntering over to her wife for a kiss.   
“Careful, woman.” Stef growls quietly.   
“You make beautiful babies.” Lena says, playing with the hair at the nape of her wife’s neck.   
“Hmm, it’s all thanks to you.” Stef replies, stroking Lena’s cheek. “They never would have been brought into this world if it weren’t for you.”  
“Stef, I’m going to say something crazy. I don’t want you to shut me down right away. I want you to hear me out.” Lena says carefully.   
“Okay?” Stef’s mouth quirks in worry. What was going on in Lena’s head?  
“I want to have another baby.” Lena breathes out, her chocolate brown eyes locked on Stef’s hazel green ones -- searching for her reaction.  
“Another. . . baby?” Stef stammers in surprise. “What brought this on?”  
“All our babies are growing up so fast. I miss having a baby in the house.” Lena tells her.   
“Another baby.” Stef simply repeats, rolling the idea around in her mind.   
“I thought we could use your frozen embryos.” Lena adds. “I would feel honored to carry your baby again.”  
“Another baby.” Stef says again.  
“Are you going to say anything else?” Lena asks nervously. She wanted to know if Stef was onboard or not. The suspense was killing her. Stef’s face breaks out into a wide smile as she wraps Lena tightly into her arms. “Is that a yes?”  
“I would love to have another baby with you.” Stef tells her wife, pressing kisses to her lips. The two women are still embracing when their four kids come running into the house, squealing in joy as they rush by.


End file.
